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Anger problems and alcoholism.


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Old 6th September 2017, 10:31 AM   #16
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Yeah l looked for it in your stuff but didn't see it, have you tried dope.?
A joint or two a day could help , it chills most people right down.

l was also drinking way way too much for a few yrs but l was damned if l was gonna give up booze/
So what l did was switched to read wine in a cask and got glasses and said right, l can have 3 of these a day , that's it. only 3.
No more bottle beer or scotch or anything else, only as a treat now and then.
So that was 4 or 5 yrs ago and ever since, l stick to a cask wine and red so it's sorta good for me too , have my 3 glasses and that's it.

l could easily end up drinking all night before and l very often did.l was on the verge of becoming and alcoholic every day. but since my 3 glass thing l learnt to sip and make them last and that's all l ever have now.
Unless l go to a party or something.
Switching from one tool of masking and dealing with emotional issues to another is still an addiction and not addressing the root of the problem.
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Old 6th September 2017, 11:57 AM   #17
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Sometimes I think it's the nice, passive, kind, quiet people who are the angriest deep down. Something about not letting out their true feelings, or not even knowing what those true feelings are. Like, you are saying you are genuinely calm and obey authorities and feel upset when others don't. And yet...when you get some alcohol in your system, you are kicking down mailboxes.

Alcohol tends to turn off social inhibitions. All those feelings and behaviors you normally curtail are set free when you're drunk. It seems like there are some layers to this onion. Ever been in therapy?
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Old 6th September 2017, 12:27 PM   #18
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how many days since you last drank?
'

4 days without alchol now. Last i drank alcohol was saturday evening.
I want to go to the nearby shop so badly and get WASTED. But that won't help my situation at all now will it... I am devastated. I am unable to eat, i can barely smile. I am very depressed about the thing i did last saturday.

I just lost control completely and became a passenger for a moment. Luckily, that "other me", does not want to hit people. I do understand hitting people is wrong, so i kicked the lamp post and mailbox to feel pain so i get back from my rage. It's strange but it works.

This was not the first time i punch something.
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Old 6th September 2017, 12:38 PM   #19
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Sometimes I think it's the nice, passive, kind, quiet people who are the angriest deep down. Something about not letting out their true feelings, or not even knowing what those true feelings are. Like, you are saying you are genuinely calm and obey authorities and feel upset when others don't. And yet...when you get some alcohol in your system, you are kicking down mailboxes.

Alcohol tends to turn off social inhibitions. All those feelings and behaviors you normally curtail are set free when you're drunk. It seems like there are some layers to this onion. Ever been in therapy?
It's not like every time i drink i become raging lunatic. And last saturday, i drank a lot, also i was very tired and felt irritated even before the evening started, because i was tired and nervous that i meet her friends etc.

My wild guess is i got overstressed, too tired etc. too much alcohol, noise and new people around me and few words i misinterpreted...that did the trick.

Usually when i've been having alcohol i become more happy, talkative and i hug people because i love them.

This is what scares me. Two completely opposite sides.

I was drinking with that woman earlier last month. We drank a LOT, and i was having fun. I never said anything bad, no anger, nothing. So it is not just about the alcohol.

I've been in therapy for months now. Only once a week, so that is 45 mins per week so no miracles there.

Thereapy has helped, i have gained more self-esteem and finally started feeling like a human being, that is why i was brave enough to ask her out in the first place.

But anger is still there. It's somewhere so deep, i think i should try hypnotism. Someone needs to dig out the rage.

I have also been diagnosed with cyclothymia, but i don't think that is the correct diagnosis, since i've been having these anger problems since childhood.

And yes, i was a good kid. Teachers and everyone always said i am such a nice boy and behave so well. I always did my homework, always obeyd teachers and parents and everyone else. I never wanted to harm anyone.
I was even smart. I had good numbers in school but the anger...
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:51 PM   #20
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Switching from one tool of masking and dealing with emotional issues to another is still an addiction and not addressing the root of the problem.
Why not , worked for me.
Drinking was nothing to do with emotional issues for me, drinking was just me loving a drink, pure and simple.
Still love the stuff , but l can enjoy it in moderation now.
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Old 6th September 2017, 5:53 PM   #21
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I'm just curious. What are the kinds of things that happen that really set you off -- like what happened with your gf that made you so angry? What caused you to kick a lamppost? Just trying to get an idea as to the scale of things that get under your skin.
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Old 6th September 2017, 6:06 PM   #22
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There's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink or two at the end of the day, few billion Europeans have been enjoying it for centuries.

That's a totally different thing than drinking being a problem foe some people.
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Old 7th September 2017, 1:24 AM   #23
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I'm just curious. What are the kinds of things that happen that really set you off -- like what happened with your gf that made you so angry? What caused you to kick a lamppost? Just trying to get an idea as to the scale of things that get under your skin.
I think i have some kind of an idea. It was combination of words that i misinterpreted and visual stimuli, also, i was tired that day. The only way, if i lose or am losing control, is to "hurt" myself. And usually i do that by punching something. First i kicked the lammpost, it did nothing, then i punched a mailbox = arm hurt. And i instantly i snapped out of it.

What i hate the most is the "GF" now sends me messages like "...i dreamed lot about us too, what would happen in the future. Too bad this happened."

I don't understand.Things can be fixed. It's not like i abused her violently. I understand why she doesn't trust me, but why couldn't we take it slow...see each other once a week and build up from there. Me going to therapy and anger management classes, whatever it takes to get rid of my inner demons?

This makes me feel even worse since she really liked me. She sent me a message that i really scared her that evening.

This makes me so sad...this whole event.

I lost a wonderful woman this time. Kind and sweet. But...honestly i don't think she would have not supported me at all with my struggle. I told her earlier that i go to therapy and i have struggled with depression.
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Old 7th September 2017, 2:43 AM   #24
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It shouldn't be on a person to support a partner through their recovery from violent tendencies. I don't care if it was aimed at an inanimate object, your behaviour showed that you cannot control your temper and can be violent. This is a red flag that she MUST heed. Do things in the right order, get yourself sorted out and then find a partner.

As for those texts she's sending you, tell her that you feel bad enough already and you would appreciate if she stops sending such texts. If she doesn't stop, then block her.
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Old 7th September 2017, 8:45 AM   #25
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But...honestly i don't think she would have not supported me at all with my struggle. -- You two were not married or even engaged. It is not her responsibility nor obligation on any level to support you in your struggle. This struggle is a huge one and it will take years to be able to manage effectively. Why would she date someone who scares her, even once, when there are so many people out there that don't/wouldn't?

It's not like i abused her violently. -- But you instilled fear in her. Fear is a powerful thing. She is being smart and removing herself from even the remote possibility that that anger could be turned on her. And, I would be willing to bet, that as time went on and you were together longer enough, it would be turned on her eventually. Your dating history doesn't include partners you'd spent that much time with. She has to assume you are a ticking bomb for her own safety.

Dating partners are not therapists or counselors. Dating should be fun not scary.
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Old 7th September 2017, 6:32 PM   #26
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Do you do any exercise? I ask because ever since I started my ability to handle my emotions has completely changed - also when you get really into it you dont want to drink so it has that combined effect. But you need to really get obsessive about it and find something you really enjoy.
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Old 8th September 2017, 10:58 AM   #27
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But...honestly i don't think she would have not supported me at all with my struggle. -- You two were not married or even engaged. It is not her responsibility nor obligation on any level to support you in your struggle. This struggle is a huge one and it will take years to be able to manage effectively. Why would she date someone who scares her, even once, when there are so many people out there that don't/wouldn't?

It's not like i abused her violently. -- But you instilled fear in her. Fear is a powerful thing. She is being smart and removing herself from even the remote possibility that that anger could be turned on her. And, I would be willing to bet, that as time went on and you were together longer enough, it would be turned on her eventually. Your dating history doesn't include partners you'd spent that much time with. She has to assume you are a ticking bomb for her own safety.

Dating partners are not therapists or counselors. Dating should be fun not scary.
Couples must support each other during hard times. True, we were not couples yet and i understand her decicion. But i myself have forgiven cheating, violence towards me (nails deep in your neck hurt), i have been mentally abused, cheated, belittled, i always still try to fix things.

I still wonder why she would want to be my friend if i am a ticking timebomb.

"We can still try to be friends when the dust settles", she said.

Why?

Why does she want to be my friend. She has million friends already. She doesn't need me.
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Old 8th September 2017, 11:15 AM   #28
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Couples must support each other during hard times. True, we were not couples yet and i understand her decicion. But i myself have forgiven cheating, violence towards me (nails deep in your neck hurt), i have been mentally abused, cheated, belittled, i always still try to fix things.

I still wonder why she would want to be my friend if i am a ticking timebomb.

"We can still try to be friends when the dust settles", she said.

Why?

Why does she want to be my friend. She has million friends already. She doesn't need me.
But i myself have forgiven cheating, violence towards me (nails deep in your neck hurt), i have been mentally abused, cheated, belittled, i always still try to fix things. -- That is not a healthy approach for you. If you are only dating someone, you don't try to fix anything. If they treat you that way, you end it. It is unacceptable behavior from a dating partner. It's unacceptable behavior for a committed partner. That's abuse. Most people won't tolerate that. And, if you have experienced all those things, it's no wonder you're carrying around so much anger and you are a likely candidate for carrying that forward into relationships.

She says she wants to be your friend because YOU need friends, I'd say.
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Old 8th September 2017, 2:06 PM   #29
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If this woman came to LS and posted about a guy she was just starting casually date having a violent outburst over, well, nothing, no one would advise her to give the guy a chance and work through it.

Couples should help and support each other get through hard times. That does not include turning a blind eye to violent outbursts.
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Old 8th September 2017, 2:25 PM   #30
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Any tip is more than welcome. I have lost too many people because i cannot control myself when i've drunk.
you have to admit that you have a problem and then submit to God. then get yourself into rehab and detox. AA meetings will help out a lot.
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