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How do you find living alone ?


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Old 16th June 2017, 7:04 AM   #1
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How do you find living alone ?

Do you live alone , l have been 4yrs now since my divorce.
My daughter was staying quite a bit but of late not very much, bf and friends , teen , you know.
My gf was 2/3 LDR so she was only here part of the time and since we've split l'm mostly on my own.
lt's so strange to me , l've only lived alone here and there in early 20s,then l lived with a gf and later l got married and we were together 19yrs.
l've only just bought my first house after financially and mentally recovering after divorce and it's pretty bizarre being here alone.

lt has a spare room and l've thought of sharing but l'd rather have the place free for when my daughter comes and goes and not crazy about sharing a house again now with basically a stranger.
It was only ever a gf or w in the past .

How do you do it , what do you think of it . Seems such a bizarre existence to me now days now.
wake up alone , come home alone , do work on the house and no one to show it to , making a meal , you name it , it's all very weird.
l've always needed my space and even that caused problems when l was married because l probably needed more alone time than a married person should , but holy hell , not this much.

Strange , l've known people that have always lived along , 40s , 50s , the odd unsuccessful relationship here and there bit basically mostly alone.
New town ,don't really know anyone , well two mates here but both happily married but , l'm not really the friend type anyway, not in a hanging out sense or too much of them
my brothers half hour over and we both drop in on each other but it's only a few hours here and there.
But in al honesty , l've always been a couples person , l've nearly always been in a couple since about 16 mostly actually come to think of it , with just the odd gap here or there and then later l got married.

l don;t really know wth to do with myself tbh , everything just seems a hollow victory with no one to do anything or share anything with.

Just how is it people live alone , l dunno ,suppose it's what they get use too.
l hope it's not for too much longer though myself but at the same time l also fear maybe my lucks finally ran out and the karma bus has come for me.

Last edited by Chilli; 16th June 2017 at 7:12 AM..
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Old 16th June 2017, 8:39 AM   #2
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I went from college, to home with parents, then to marriage, so living alone after divorce was the only time I'd done it either. And I love it. I mean, the kids are here half the time, really more than half the time, but I also love my alone time so I really do love it. I love not having to walk on eggshells, do what I want without fear of criticism. The only thing I do not love is not having someone to share the bills with.

I work from home and "being caught up" is not a thing in my work, so I am never, ever bored. And I also like TV, Netflix, etc. and have three pets. I just don't get lonely.

Do you have a dog?
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Old 16th June 2017, 8:43 AM   #3
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A few suggestions...

I'm currently living alone and understand your feelings. Perhaps these suggestions might help (I practice them):

1. Get a dog or some other pet that will not only keep you company but also be a means to meet fellow owners.

2. Join a gym, which will allow you to be around people and even meet new friends, besides the obvious health benefits.

3. Keep the spare room free for your daughter and any other short term visitors you may have.

4. Find a girlfriend - I leave to you the way to accomplish it but it requires work; rarely does luck bring such opportunities. If you succeed, you don't have to live with her, at least for some time.

5. Volunteer for some worthy cause.

Good luck, friend.
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Old 16th June 2017, 8:48 AM   #4
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1. Get a dog or some other pet that will not only keep you company but also be a means to meet fellow owners.
One of the reasons I got a dog when I did was to meet people while walking the dog in my neighborhood. It worked. I've seen bought a home in another neighborhood and I have a large back yard for him, so I rarely walk him and I don't know nearly as many people here as I did in the old 'hood! (But I also don't feel like I need to at this point).
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:27 AM   #5
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Ahh , my daughters hot her own room here of course but then l've got a spare out the back end of the house as well.
The extra money would sure help but l dunno if l could handle sharing though.

Dogs are fantastic l know. But l've sort of given up tbh l've just never had any luck keeping them something always happens. Think l better try a different pet next time.
Last one got hit , one before disappeared.
But yeah when l was living over at the beach at the time and l was amazed at how many people l'd wind up talking too just taking the mut out.

The gf thing well, l've only just split with mine and l need some time. But yeah of course l know how to get one but , l wouldn't just want any one and that, now that's a different story.
See what happens later on l suppose in that department , l usually trip over and new gf somewhere or another but can't even think about that stuff right now.
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:28 AM   #6
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I started living alone in my first own home a few months ago, house buying being stressful, but it coinciding with a break-up really amplified feelings of being alone.

It is strange you want space at times when living with people but I got that in my last house share. Fortunately I’ve had quite a sociable summer and have some house mates moving in soon (I’ll probably want more space then, can never win). But there was definitely points over the past few months whereby, I’d be driving home from work and it’d occur to me not only was it possible I wouldn’t interact with anyone else the rest of that day and evening and in person, but also by text/phone unless I made more of an effort. It forces you to maintain contact better.

I don’t understand people whom prefer living alone but then people become accustom to what they are used to I guess. If they are sociable enough I get it. But to be able to go 3-4 days with not too much contact with the outside world – I personally would find my already average social skills/feeling of being connected – would suffer greatly. To each their own I guess.
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:34 AM   #7
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Social life wise ,tbh as l was saying , l'm not really into just hanging out with friends too much, just doesn't cut it for me.
Although l do love some partying. Not much of that goin on though but if there was l may as well be , nothing else going on.

This damn house is too big for one person.
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:38 AM   #8
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Except when married, have always lived alone. Love it. Also loved being married.

I liken it to being self-employed versus being an employee. Some people operate better and feel fulfilled alone and some operate better and feel fulfilled as part of a large group. Different paths.

OP, you have a whole world of people to share with, if you want. The difference is in expectations. We expect differently of intimates than the world at large. Once the expectations, something we can control completely, ratchet back, one is never truly alone. Give and share what you want freely, without expectation, and accept that as the gift of living. What others do with it is their path.
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:46 AM   #9
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Try practicing gratitude every morning as soon as you open your eyes. Do that for a minute every day and perhaps you'll discover you aren't actually alone at all.

I think maybe what you're describing is being lonely more than being alone anyway. Hopefully showing gratitude can help with that too.
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Old 16th June 2017, 9:52 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
I went from college, to home with parents, then to marriage, so living alone after divorce was the only time I'd done it either. And I love it. I mean, the kids are here half the time, really more than half the time, but I also love my alone time so I really do love it. I love not having to walk on eggshells, do what I want without fear of criticism. The only thing I do not love is not having someone to share the bills with.

I work from home and "being caught up" is not a thing in my work, so I am never, ever bored. And I also like TV, Netflix, etc. and have three pets. I just don't get lonely.

Do you have a dog?

yeah l'm surprised how many people do love it.
does have it's benefits for sure especially as compared to being married , well in ways anyway.
not easy being married in many ways.
lt is damn nice to do what yoy want when you want and not have to explain or justify or feel guilty a damn thing, that is for sure.

l work at home too.
Got no back fence atm yet and pretty sire the neighbors watch me coming and going and in and out all day long right now.
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Old 16th June 2017, 10:08 AM   #11
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I've been living alone for the past year since my gf of 7 years left. Before her I was married and living with my wife for 5 years.

It's good and bad. I like having my house to myself as I do like my alone time. Moreover, it seems no matter what girl I date / marry they are always making a mess. Be it in the kitchen, bathroom, or hair everywhere (aren't guys supposed to be the messy ones??? ). It's nice to see everything where you left it. Any mess I can only blame on myself.

I also find i listen to a lot more music (loudly) when I'm alone. I tend not to do it when I'm living with a girl. I lived alone for so many years in the past I was ready to remove the door off my bathroom and hang those beads like they did in the 70's...lol. There is something to be appreciated when you don't have to worry about another person sharing the same space.

The last year after my gf left it was excruciating to come home to an empty house where we had built our life together. As time went on it got more tolerable - and my dog has become the ray of hope in my life and my reason for wanting to come home. I got her 1 year prior to the breakup. Listening to your past experiences with dogs I would not get one ever again if I were you. They are not disposable objects and need to be cared for.

I'm dating a girl now who has moved herself into a Fri-Sat-Sun stay over pattern. It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ). It's a nice pattern as it gives me time alone during the week and company on the weekend. I'm sure at some point I'll live with a woman again (be it her or another) so I enjoy the time I have to myself. I suggest you enjoy it now as once you find a girl you'll miss the alone time you have now.

As stated above a girl is not going to fall in your lap. You have to put work into finding one as the older you get the fewer quality ones are available.
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Old 16th June 2017, 10:10 AM   #12
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It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ).
As a woman with a clogged sink drain waiting to be unclogged by the tools that just arrived from Amazon, it's a mystery to me too!!!
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Old 16th June 2017, 10:18 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
Try practicing gratitude every morning as soon as you open your eyes. Do that for a minute every day and perhaps you'll discover you aren't actually alone at all.

I think maybe what you're describing is being lonely more than being alone anyway. Hopefully showing gratitude can help with that too.

Does it still work if l have a coffee first !
But yeah ,l do feel the loneliness for sure. l should be grateful that l actually have some free wkends now though with my daughter doing a lot of the friends things these days. Never had free wkends for 3 1/2 yrs so it's not all bad haha but l do miss her for sure.

But yeah the relationship intimacy thing and the fun of it and the sharing, people are talking about for sure too.
That's a much bigger thing to me and why friends and just people don't really cut it for me.
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Old 16th June 2017, 10:22 AM   #14
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As a woman with a clogged sink drain waiting to be unclogged by the tools that just arrived from Amazon, it's a mystery to me too!!!
Hell yeah , women and that hair . Have always wondered how they don't go bald
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Old 16th June 2017, 10:37 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
I've been living alone for the past year since my gf of 7 years left. Before her I was married and living with my wife for 5 years.

It's good and bad. I like having my house to myself as I do like my alone time. Moreover, it seems no matter what girl I date / marry they are always making a mess. Be it in the kitchen, bathroom, or hair everywhere (aren't guys supposed to be the messy ones??? ). It's nice to see everything where you left it. Any mess I can only blame on myself.

I also find i listen to a lot more music (loudly) when I'm alone. I tend not to do it when I'm living with a girl. I lived alone for so many years in the past I was ready to remove the door off my bathroom and hang those beads like they did in the 70's...lol. There is something to be appreciated when you don't have to worry about another person sharing the same space.

The last year after my gf left it was excruciating to come home to an empty house where we had built our life together. As time went on it got more tolerable - and my dog has become the ray of hope in my life and my reason for wanting to come home. I got her 1 year prior to the breakup. Listening to your past experiences with dogs I would not get one ever again if I were you. They are not disposable objects and need to be cared for.

I'm dating a girl now who has moved herself into a Fri-Sat-Sun stay over pattern. It's nice having a woman in the house again (sans the hair everywhere - I mean WTH? How do they lose so much and not be bald??? ). It's a nice pattern as it gives me time alone during the week and company on the weekend. I'm sure at some point I'll live with a woman again (be it her or another) so I enjoy the time I have to myself. I suggest you enjoy it now as once you find a girl you'll miss the alone time you have now.

As stated above a girl is not going to fall in your lap. You have to put work into finding one as the older you get the fewer quality ones are available.

Yeah right , you got the perfect setup now then , for awhile anyway.
Not in a hurry as l said though myself right now but if l was to meet someone later on that wkend thing would probably suit me quite nicely , for awhile at least.

But yeah , it is nice to be able to do what you want for sure and it's funny , l can play music as loud as l want now but my ex always had it on softly in the back ground and l really miss that too.
lt doesn't work when l try to do it, dunno what she use to do but she'd just put stuff on and it'd just make the house really nice.
When l try it like that now though it annoys the crap outa me.
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