Dealing with neighbour issue and anxiety/depression

[rayj83]

I moved into a townhouse area where about 8-9 backyards have an open access pathway where residents can go in and out of the back door of their units. I moved in a few months ago and there is this guy at the very end who is very strange. He blasts his music all of the time and his neighbours have called the police on him, who gave him a ticket and almost arrested him because he was belligerent and very rude. He told the police he "wipes his a$$" with that kind of money. Anyways he's a pretty disgusting guy and I get the weirdest vibes when I've spoken to him.

 

A couple months back he installed flooring on top of the access path, and then put furniture on it. No other units have done this. He is essentially claiming this area for his own and blocking the pathway. This townhouse complex is a condo, and the declaration/rules clearly state he cannot do this as it is common elements. I was really frustrated when he did this because although he is in the back and not blocking me from getting in/out of my unit, I wouldn't be able to do the same because my unit is in the middle and is blocking the pathway. It also was blocking me from an area I can play with my dog. I decided to complain to the condo board, not so much to reprimand him, but more to figure out what the rules are regarding placement of furniture on the pathway so it is fair for everybody. The condo initially said he was not allowed to do this, but later said residents can freely put stuff on the pathway because it is just a maintenance pathway and not meant for people to walk in and out of.

 

The condo was supposed to keep my complaint anonymous but he some how must have found out (I think they told him a guy with a dog was having an issue with that area, and I'm one of only two people with a dog so maybe he put two and two together).

 

In any event, I suffer from depression and anxiety and absolutely HATE conflict with people. I saw this guy for the first time in a long time and he just stared me down and asked twice "been making any complaints lately"? He gave me a look as if he was going to kill me. Now I'm riddled with guilt and anxiety, and actually fear he may look to retaliate in some way.

 

In the end I felt my decision to contact the board was fair and just, but regret it now because maybe I started up over nothing? Certainly this guy having found out it was me makes me so full of anxiety, and mainly just beating myself up for not having good judgment, being socially awkward/unlikeable, being unwanted, etc... I've got really bad self-esteem problems and to be in conflict with someone like this makes me very uncomfortable to the point where I had to leave work today and stay in bed.

 

Does anybody have any advice?

[preraph]

Keep calling the police on him. The board should not be supporting him. He sounds like a bully. And you need to tell the board he knows you complained and is intimidating you. I don't blame you for hating this situation. he sounds scary. Have you tried getting a petition going in the condo to kick him out?

[rayj83]

Thanks - I actually wasn't the ones who called the police, it was his neighbours directly (he's a few doors down from my suite). I haven't started a petition or anything but my neighbours who called the police are very nice and cannot stand him. At this point I've decided to just let the issue go regarding his installation of stuff on the pathway because while it technically is offside the condo declaration, the board/property management are aware of the issue and I have to leave it to them to deal with it. Even if he's told to remove his stuff, he never will. The truth is it doesn't interfere that much with my everyday living, it's just a douchebag move to pull.

 

I think I have tremendous issues doubting myself, and feeling insecure, which is why I constantly have to doubt myself and criticize myself for the decisions I make. It sucks (living with this) and this situation. I plan on just ignoring him and not giving in to him if he tries to instigate/bully me again. He seems like the kind of guy who if I talk back to will lose it and I could escalate things.

[preraph]

No one likes being bullied -- especially where they live. You're supposed to feel safe at home. If he escalates and bullies, you make notes about it an dates and times and do call the police or report again to the board. It's unfair for you to be paying what you're paying and living under intimidation.

 

I would let it go about the sidewalk crap too, but what an entitled dork he is to think he should be able to just do that.

 

You might ought to install a camera or two in case he does pull something.

[d0nnivain]

You did the right thing. Although I prefer to avoid conflict too, sometimes you have to stick up for yourself. Doing so should raise your self esteem. Try getting some of your neighbors to band together to fight him.

[rayj83]

Thanks all. As an update I saw him the other night outside and he did an army salute at me and made fun of my shorts. And was just staring at me constantly. He eventually just stopped. I haven't seen him in a couple of days but suffice to say I'm feeling very scared. I told the condo about it and they are mulling what to do. Ordinarily I'd just talk to him face to face but he seems really off so I feel silence might be better at this point. Obviously I'm worried about my safety (so I'm installing a camera) and also just hate the idea that everytime I pop my head outside he may be there intimidating me. I want to say something without instigating him. I also have guilt and uncertainty about whether I should have even said anything, but it is still such a douche move that he pulled and drives me nuts. At this point I've let go he won't move his stuff but more worried about dealing with this insecurity around my decision and also concern for my safety and that of my girlfriend and dog.

[CptInsano]

You did the right thing. Although I prefer to avoid conflict too, sometimes you have to stick up for yourself. Doing so should raise your self esteem. Try getting some of your neighbors to band together to fight him.

 

Sure, they can keep on calling the police for noise complaints, hoping that he loses it in front of the police. But it's a condo complex, so he owns his condo, meaning there is no landlord who can easily evict him.

 

What he has done so far classifies him as an ass, but there seems to be very little that is legally relevant.

 

The only way to handle this is to give him a dose of his own medicine, even though that may be out of character for the OP. Neighbors won't always be around.

[preraph]

Condos have standards, though, or they should. So you can be kicked out for some things.

[CptInsano]

Condos have standards, though, or they should. So you can be kicked out for some things.

 

They do, but it's not easy. And I don't see anything yet that would qualify, especially if the condo board backed him up on the issue that the OP complained about.

 

I've had pesky neighbors before, and a direct talk with them worked most of the time, as uncomfortable as it can be, including property lines and that stuff. A friend of mine is currently griping about his neighbor, but he hasn't had the balls yet to discuss the issue with that neighbor. Of course there won't be any solution.

[preraph]

I think to get him gone, you'd have to have a lot of people complaining about him. It will come down to a popularity contest. So if he's friends with other tenants and popular, he is there to stay. If not, he could be outta there.

 

Condos are the worst of both worlds. You still pay maintenance, have very little control over what goes on there, and there's no one whose lease is about to end, and no privacy.

[InvisiBlonde]

. . . he did an army salute at me and made fun of my shorts. And was just staring at me constantly. . .

 

Few things completely undo me like getting bullied, again -- STILL -- as an adult.

 

Tough as it is, unsatisfying as it is in the moment, the deepest wound you can inflict on them is to make them believe you literally don't even see them.

 

Doesn't prevent that sickening dismay in your guts, but it does ensure you don't give them what they want. They can't see inside your guts.

 

Having said that, clearly this guy is way more than just a bully. I hate the way he's getting all this slack cut because "it's not really in anyone's way." Okay, so where, then, does the line get drawn?

 

Any chance you could move? I'd wanna sell before things get really out of control.