How do I stop putting pressure on myself for never having a girlfriend or sex?

[NJ123]

So it's going to sound odd but I'm a 31 year old virgin that's never been in a relationship either. I even had to lie to my doctor in my last appointment when he asked if I'm sexually active & I had to flat out lie & say I haven't been lately because it's incredibly embarrassing for me to be this age & never have sex.

 

I've had my chances in the past a few times but most of those situations were kind of odd or just never worked out where nothing ever happened. But another whole issue is having health issues that never seem to resolve for me no matter what I do. There's people on here that have suggested to me awhile back to try a few different type of things out but none of them ever worked for me of course.

 

I just feel that I put so much pressure on myself feeling like I'm running out of time to be with someone before it becomes WAY too odd. It's bad enough at my age now but I can only imagine how much worse it'll be for me when I'm 40 & still a virgin & never been in a relationship. The vast majority of women that I would probably find attractive won't want anything to do with a guy that old that's never been with anyone.

 

I just don't know what to do in my position about it. And I know some will suggest paying for sex or something but I have no interest in that since that would make me feel even worse probably due to knowing I had to pay for it to get it.

Edited April 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[coolheadal]

You shouldn't concern yourself about being a virgin. That's your choice and only yours. You would be very surprised how many women who are in their 50s that never had sex, no kids and never married. Don't let other fool you there are some virgins in their 20s, 30s, 40s too. A lot of people where raised not to have sex until you were married. Stop thinking about this just stress yourself out. Really is that so much of a concern. Listen if the woman you date is really into you she would like to be the very first to pop your cherry. If they didn't care about that fact then they weren't for you.

 

There are plenty of Virgins out there too some people don't want any sex just date and kiss and that's about it. Holding hands means more to them than just have sex.

Edited April 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[NJ123]

You shouldn't concern yourself about being a virgin. That's your choice and only yours. You would be very surprised how many women who are in their 50s that never had sex, no kids and never married. Don't let other fool you there are some virgins in their 20s, 30s, 40s too. A lot of people where raised not to have sex until you were married. Stop thinking about this just stress yourself out. Really is that so much of a concern. Listen if the woman you date is really into you she would like to be the very first to pop your cherry. If they didn't care about that fact then they weren't for you.

 

There are plenty of Virgins out there too some people don't want any sex just date and kiss and that's about it. Holding hands means more to them than just have sex.

 

It just seems the vast majority of women that are virgins are so by choice & not because they can't get with someone. The vast majority of women that are average looking or attractive have likely been with at least a few guys unless they're religious & waiting until marriage or something. I just don't want to be too old where it'll be too late to ever be given a chance with a woman I find attractive & like.

[preraph]

Just so you know, you can tell your doctor you are sexually active if you masturbate, and I know you do. That's being sexually active. He didn't ask if you had sex with people. By that question, he isn't trying to find out anything personal. He is just putting the door open for any questions you might have about erectile dysfunction or some urinary pain or whatever. So just say yes when they ask. Or do as I do and tell your doctor you practice a lot.

[crossingbridges]

The way you have been approaching this for the last decade or so clearly isn't working. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to change. You must change your approach, start small.

 

I think you are stuck in a rut, you must break the barrier in order to start flowing. A part of your problem is that you are so scared to lose your virginity that you feel the situation must be PERFECT, it doesn't have to be that way. If you would just get that over with, doors would open for you.

 

I don't know how your chances with women are but anybody can get laid. You need to get laid. My approach would be to go clubbing. Go get some nice clothes, haircut, shave your face and go bar-hopping or clubbing. Practice talking to the ladies, be direct, don't be afraid of rejection. Either you can have a one-night stand or get their number and call them later. Just do it!

 

I recommend looking at coach corey wayne and RSD nation on youtube, just to get a blueprint of the best approach.

 

Trust me, you need to get that **** over with. Everything will change, you wont have that huge barrier avoiding you to have sex with other ladies. Your self-esteem will rise, you will feel more worthy. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. I wish you luck.

[coolheadal]

It just seems the vast majority of women that are virgins are so by choice & not because they can't get with someone. The vast majority of women that are average looking or attractive have likely been with at least a few guys unless they're religious & waiting until marriage or something. I just don't want to be too old where it'll be too late to ever be given a chance with a woman I find attractive & like.

 

You can have any women you want. Some plain Jane's are still pure is that want you seek. You don't have to go after experience woman. Don't have to go after Pro either. If a women smiles at you go up and get her name then ask for her number. A lot of us men are scared to do even that and look the other way. Being a virgin isn't a bad thing it's a good thing. Because whoever you have sex with the first time is in for an experience of a life-time. Choose wisely?

[healing light]

I'm about to make you (hopefully) feel much better. I'm also a virgin. I'm 31, highly educated, funny, and attractive by most people's standards. Almost no one knows, as I'm not socially awkward nor do I fit the stereotype of a virgin. The reason I'm one is because I'm chronically ill so I haven't been dating for the last decade (and while I certainly do not lack options, the men who pursue me are not the ones that I've been attracted to, either). Of the boyfriends I had in high school, one was a born again Christian who became a pastor so sex was off the table.

 

I always wanted a man who had minimal or no partners; while I am NOT waiting for marriage, I only want to have sex with someone I'm in love with and would like a guy who has similar values in that capacity. I know now that I'm older that's very unrealistic, but if I stumbled across another man who had the qualities I was looking for and virtually no sexual experience, I would actually be delighted. I'd be curious how he ended up in that position, but no you're not the only one who has been "left behind."

Edited April 19, 2017 by healing light

[Ami1uwant]

Take a step back...

 

How are you socially with women??? Coworkers, spouses of friends?

 

Have you trying meeting women for dating ?? Are you having dates? Are you trying for women out of your leagu

[Chilli]

lf you do hook up with someone and you trust her, tell her when the time comes ,,,, in private that is , your a virgin and l guarantee you she'll love it.

Don't worry about a thing but l really would get on that horse, it'll end all this bs for you, and go find yourself a women.

[d0nnivain]

Be straight with your doctor always. In addition to ED or UTI your doctor is concerned about STDs. The doctor may also be able to help with the anxiety you are causing yourself so next appointment confess the virginity if you haven't changed your status.

 

 

There is no pressure. Stop thinking there is. Remind yourself it will happen in good time.

 

 

However, if you would like to date, you are going to have to be brave & ask a woman on a date. Can you do that? Are there woman in your circle you would like to date? Have you tried OLD or other methods to meet people?

 

 

Take that step, then we'll worry about the 1st kiss & later first sex. Step one: Get a date first.

[elaine567]

It just seems the vast majority of women that are virgins are so by choice & not because they can't get with someone. The vast majority of women that are average looking or attractive have likely been with at least a few guys unless they're religious & waiting until marriage or something. I just don't want to be too old where it'll be too late to ever be given a chance with a woman I find attractive & like.

 

 

That is some assumption. How do you know that?

There are plenty inexperienced, shy, socially awkward, socially isolated, etc. women out there who never dated as they have never been asked out on a date by any man.

At least as a man you can be more proactive.

Many women sit on the shelf waiting and wanting. They do not want to be seen as "desperate" or easy, so they continue to wait for some man to choose them.

Dating is not easy for either sex if a person is going to sit on the sidelines and wait for something to happen.

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

[clia]

<snip> There's people on here that have suggested to me awhile back to try a few different type of things out but none of them ever worked for me of course. <snip>

 

If I recall correctly, you received a lot of great advice in the past on this forum. Can you elaborate on what advice you've taken to try to improve your situation and what happened?

Edited April 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit full quote

[NJ123]

You can have any women you want. Some plain Jane's are still pure is that want you seek. You don't have to go after experience woman. Don't have to go after Pro either. If a women smiles at you go up and get her name then ask for her number. A lot of us men are scared to do even that and look the other way. Being a virgin isn't a bad thing it's a good thing. Because whoever you have sex with the first time is in for an experience of a life-time. Choose wisely?

 

It's just a lot of women I hear want the guy to at least have some experience after a certain age though. I mean what woman that's pretty decent looking that likely has a lot of options would want a guy that has no to pretty much very little experience with women? I don't think a woman would be turned on by a 30 something year old guy that basically needs to be teached on how to have sex unless she has some sort of fetish for it. It would probably be embarrassing to tell her I never had sex & I don't want to lie either since that would do no good to start a relationship out based on a lie.

[NJ123]

I'm about to make you (hopefully) feel much better. I'm also a virgin. I'm 31, highly educated, funny, and attractive by most people's standards. Almost no one knows, as I'm not socially awkward nor do I fit the stereotype of a virgin. The reason I'm one is because I'm chronically ill so I haven't been dating for the last decade (and while I certainly do not lack options, the men who pursue me are not the ones that I've been attracted to, either). Of the boyfriends I had in high school, one was a born again Christian who became a pastor so sex was off the table.

 

I always wanted a man who had minimal or no partners; while I am NOT waiting for marriage, I only want to have sex with someone I'm in love with and would like a guy who has similar values in that capacity. I know now that I'm older that's very unrealistic, but if I stumbled across another man who had the qualities I was looking for and virtually no sexual experience, I would actually be delighted. I'd be curious how he ended up in that position, but no you're not the only one who has been "left behind."

 

I guess it makes me feel like I'm not alone after reading this post. And I've been dealing with health issues myself for a long time which has held me back completely. I don't know what it is your dealing with but it sucks to hear that it's holding you back as well. Also, if you don't mind me asking what type of guys are hitting on you that makes you not attracted to them?

[NJ123]

Take a step back...

 

How are you socially with women??? Coworkers, spouses of friends?

 

Have you trying meeting women for dating ?? Are you having dates? Are you trying for women out of your leagu

 

I've tried online dating for awhile & it just wasn't good at all. A lot of the women on there have really high standards where most guys just don't meet the requirements. I honestly don't know what my league is. If I really had to say I'd probably rate myself a 7 on a looks scale. I've been called cute & handsome plenty of times by women but that doesn't help me out at all in terms of getting experience. And I talk with some of my female co-workers sometimes. A lot of them I think seem to be intimidated by me or something since I'm a laid back quiet type of person. It just seems they don't want to say much to me or think I don't want to talk to them maybe. I also don't have any friends that are married so I can't answer that one.

[NJ123]

lf you do hook up with someone and you trust her, tell her when the time comes ,,,, in private that is , your a virgin and l guarantee you she'll love it.

Don't worry about a thing but l really would get on that horse, it'll end all this bs for you, and go find yourself a women.

 

What makes you think she'll love it? It seems to be more often than not that women are just turned off by it. It's also not so simple as in to say I'm going to get a girlfriend than I just find one. It doesn't work like that anymore it seems since a lot of guys these days tend to have a lot of problems trying to get into a relationship. I'm not saying it's women's fault at all it's just women today have more options than ever before due to social media apps & online dating favoring women so a lot of guys that would have done decent with women in the past are eliminated as options today.

[NJ123]

Be straight with your doctor always. In addition to ED or UTI your doctor is concerned about STDs. The doctor may also be able to help with the anxiety you are causing yourself so next appointment confess the virginity if you haven't changed your status.

 

 

There is no pressure. Stop thinking there is. Remind yourself it will happen in good time.

 

 

However, if you would like to date, you are going to have to be brave & ask a woman on a date. Can you do that? Are there woman in your circle you would like to date? Have you tried OLD or other methods to meet people?

 

 

Take that step, then we'll worry about the 1st kiss & later first sex. Step one: Get a date first.

 

It's just embarrassing to say I'm a virgin at my age than if I was like 21 or something. I think I feel pressure because time seems to be going by so fast as I get older & I don't want to wind up being a 40 year old man with zero experience at all. And I don't really have any women in my circle that I'd want to date. I'd never ask out a co-worker since if for whatever reason something went wrong I'd still have to see her afterwards. And I've tried OLD & it wasn't good at all for me. I made a free profile on one of the paid dating sites & I was already automatically eliminated as an option by like 90% of women due to a few different shallow type of things.

[NJ123]

That is some assumption. How do you know that?

There are plenty inexperienced, shy, socially awkward, socially isolated, etc. women out there who never dated as they have never been asked out on a date by any man.

At least as a man you can be more proactive.

Many women sit on the shelf waiting and wanting. They do not want to be seen as "desperate" or easy, so they continue to wait for some man to choose them.

Dating is not easy for either sex if a person is going to sit on the sidelines and wait for something to happen.

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

 

I just haven't heard of any attractive or decent looking woman that has never dated or been asked out before though.

[NJ123]

If I recall correctly, you received a lot of great advice in the past on this forum. Can you elaborate on what advice you've taken to try to improve your situation and what happened?

 

I've tried those supplements that people suggested I take. I tried them for a long time & they did nothing to help my symptoms. I've also been going to the gym again & while it maybe sometimes helps temporarily it never fixes any of my issues. I just feel I have some sort of permanent damage done somewhere in my body since I don't know if you remember but it's about the burning in my head & ears that never goes away. I just mentioned it again to my doctor in my last visit a few days ago & he pretty much flat out said he doesn't know what the issue is.

[Blanco]

What social activities have you put yourself in since we hear from you last summer? If I recall correctly, you were working retail, not going to school, and didn't venture more than a few miles from your home. Has that changed?

[Chilli]

It's just a lot of women I hear want the guy to at least have some experience after a certain age though. I mean what woman that's pretty decent looking that likely has a lot of options would want a guy that has no to pretty much very little experience with women? I don't think a woman would be turned on by a 30 something year old guy that basically needs to be teached on how to have sex unless she has some sort of fetish for it. It would probably be embarrassing to tell her I never had sex & I don't want to lie either since that would do no good to start a relationship out based on a lie.

 

 

Noooo, your worrying about nothing.

lf it's a relationship you seek then she'll likely be similar in personality and lifestyle to you anyway .She'll also hopefully be a good person, she'll be fine, you'll be fine.

There's no one thing out there, everyone's different .

Andddd, if she's got any brains she'll realize that virgins just can't get enough so she's in for lots of fun.

 

Remember , sex is a natural thing between two people , it comes naturally if you just have fun with it.You'll be fineeee , she'll be fine.

 

ps , go see some other doctors too if you haven't already, until you find one that can figure it out.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Chilli

[NJ123]

Noooo, your worrying about nothing.

lf it's a relationship you seek then she'll likely be similar in personality and lifestyle to you anyway .She'll also hopefully be a good person, she'll be fine, you'll be fine.

There's no one thing out there, everyone's different .

Andddd, if she's got any brains she'll realize that virgins just can't get enough so she's in for lots of fun.

 

Remember , sex is a natural thing between two people , it comes naturally if you just have fun with it.You'll be fineeee , she'll be fine.

 

ps , go see some other doctors too if you haven't already, until you find one that can figure it out.

 

Possibly. This may sound weird but I seem to be more attracted to women with more outgoing type of personalities than someone like myself. Not that I wouldn't want to go out with a woman that was more on the quiet side & found her attractive. It's just I for whatever reason always seem to be drawn more so to outgoing type of women. I just feel two laid back/quiet people in a relationship would also maybe make a very boring relationship. Maybe it would balance things out a lot more with two opposite type of personalities as well. But what do I know lol

 

And I've been to plenty of doctors about my health issue & no one has helped. I'd at least like to say my headaches are pretty much almost gone these days with the occasional one here & there. But I used to get excruciatingly bad headaches where I would have trouble falling asleep as well as to the point where I'd have to vomit sometimes by how bad the headaches were. It's just this burning feeling in my body never seems to go away.

[Chilli]

Possibly. This may sound weird but I seem to be more attracted to women with more outgoing type of personalities than someone like myself. Not that I wouldn't want to go out with a woman that was more on the quiet side & found her attractive. It's just I for whatever reason always seem to be drawn more so to outgoing type of women. I just feel two laid back/quiet people in a relationship would also maybe make a very boring relationship. Maybe it would balance things out a lot more with two opposite type of personalities as well. But what do I know lol

 

And I've been to plenty of doctors about my health issue & no one has helped. I'd at least like to say my headaches are pretty much almost gone these days with the occasional one here & there. But I used to get excruciatingly bad headaches where I would have trouble falling asleep as well as to the point where I'd have to vomit sometimes by how bad the headaches were. It's just this burning feeling in my body never seems to go away.

 

 

Yeah , right , fair enough , we like whoever we like.

 

Sorry about the headaches l could only imagine. My ex got 5 day migraines where her face would distort and all. Many a time l had to take her to hospital and have her knocked out just to escape them to sleep as nothing worked.

 

Not sure what she's on now but my daughter said she's found something that at least numbs them enough to sleep so a massive relief.

You'd think in this day and age they could knock them off easy enough wouldn't you.

She's 46, still searching..

[NJ123]

Yeah , right , fair enough , we like whoever we like.

 

Sorry about the headaches l could only imagine. My ex got 5 day migraines where her face would distort and all. Many a time l had to take her to hospital and have her knocked out just to escape them to sleep as nothing worked.

 

Not sure what she's on now but my daughter said she's found something that at least numbs them enough to sleep so a massive relief.

You'd think in this day and age they could knock them off easy enough wouldn't you.

She's 46, still searching..

 

Do you think that's unrealistic for me to get with a more outgoing type of woman than with someone more like myself?

 

Thanks, yeah they were really bad at one point where I would just have constant nausea at times & would even vomit. I seriously thought I was dying for a long time & didn't know what to do. Luckily after a long time they did ease up & now I don't get them much at all, only just the occasional one.

 

Sorry about your daughter getting them. It's awful not being able to concentrate on anything besides the headache feeling since it's impossible to ignore them since it affects your overall well being. Hopefully she finds something that gets rid of them for good.

[Taticake]

How are you with talking to women? Also do you have high expectations for what kind of women you want to date?

 

If you're going to want beautiful 10/10 women I'm sorry to break it to you but you most likely won't get with them. I mean you can always try to talk to them but the higher your standards, the harder for you to get laid.

 

First step is to created a friendship with a girl. You can't just asked them out just like that...most girls will just deny you. Once you get to know each other a girl is more willing to say yes. During the friendship, do sweet things for her but don't make it so obvious like you want to be more than friends. Just be a nice, sweet guy who also doesn't let girls take advantage of you.

 

Trust me, as a girl, I would like that.