First night out in a social gathering and very nervous.

[ZHguy]

So I didn't have a social life in high school. I'm due to meet my new flatmate, she is a year above me and also a student, very sociable (you can tell) and good looking. I think she's been given a couple indicators that I'm new to having friends, etc., like when I asked her 'what is the concept of a pre-drinks', and like another time when I was about to do something that wouldn't have followed social protocol if I would have done it, but she stopped me before I was gonna.

 

I met this guy at college, he looks very cool, is a hot guy and he goes out and dances and does whatever. Because he doesn't know anyone else, he said we was interested in joining me and my flatmate. I told him about a plan with me and my flatmate. So the three of us are gonna meet tonight at someone's house, have drinks, then head out to a couple popular bars for young people.

 

So now I'm going to be in a crowd of very popular people who you can tell were like born to socialize and dance at clubs. I'm getting nervous. I'm used to the whole come-back-home-at-a-comfortable&warm-7pm life. But apparently we'll all be done partying at 4am. Dancing? I've done that once when I was tipsy. I'm afraid I'm gonna make a joke of myself, lose my cool and collapse after like one drink. The latter won't really happen, but you get the picture.

 

I'm confused and nervous. What do I do?

 

TL;DR: How do I succeed socially.

[truthtripper]

ZHguy, no one is better than anyone else. We are all going to die, we are all equal. The president or the dalai lama are of no higher standing than that of the homeless vagrant.

 

At the end of the day, it's your personality that's going to attract people, not how "cool" you are.

[ZHguy]

At the end of the day, it's your personality that's going to attract people, not how "cool" you are.

 

'Cool' as in, good at social stuff. And I want to be good at these social gatherings, because I'm afraid I may fail here. Which is why I'm nervous.

 

Think of my question this way: replace every 'cool' with the words 'socially successful'.

[truthtripper]

'Cool' as in, good at social stuff. And I want to be good at these social gatherings, because I'm afraid I may fail here. Which is why I'm nervous.

 

Think of my question this way: replace every 'cool' with the words 'socially successful'.

You will be socially successful if you are comfortable with yourself ie-not trying to be someone else, but just being yourself.

 

Putting on an act to impress people will render you socially unsuccessful because you are not being genuine.

 

Work on being kind, generous, empathic, compassionate. These are traits which attract people. Girls will love you.

[ZHguy]

You will be socially successful if you are comfortable with yourself ie-not trying to be someone else, but just being yourself.

 

Putting on an act to impress people will render you socially unsuccessful because you are not being genuine.

 

Work on being kind, generous, empathic, compassionate. These are traits which attract people. Girls will love you.

 

I get where you've gotten the idea that I'm trying to be someone else other than me, because of my focus on 'cool' and other material things such as looks. But that's just a classic example of me being a bad writer in expressing myself.

 

What I mean is, I have a lack of confidence, and I'm also nervous.

[truthtripper]

I get where you've gotten the idea that I'm trying to be someone else other than me, because of my focus on 'cool' and other material things such as looks. But that's just a classic example of me being a bad writer in expressing myself.

 

What I mean is, I have a lack of confidence, and I'm also nervous.

No, I think you've expressed yourself clearly. Basically, you're saying you feel uneasy about going out with people who seem more socially experienced than you.

 

Really, there's nothing much to going out. Just chitchat, drinks and possibly dancing if you're into that. You don't have to move around that much on the dance floor. People often just stand around with drinks in their hands anyway, it's no big deal.

 

Be careful not to drink too much. If you want to drink, stick to one drink, hold onto it for a long time. It's not safe to be drunk especially around people you don't know too well.

 

I would see it more as an adventure, a new experience. Enjoy yourself.