I'm always comparing myself

[Sar880]

I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm sure it's no surprise I'm not happy in my own skin, I'm miserable. I don't think I'm an unattractive person, I just always think there's girls so much prettier. Recently my ex moved on with someone I know and she is gorgeous, which really hit me hard. I'm worried if or when I find a relationship they'll just leave me for someone more attractive. I have a good personality, but I tend to cling. And I can't stop that either, as soon as I find someone, the minute something goes wrong I'm scared they'll leave so I hold on too tightly and ruin the relationship, or at least that's what I feel like I do. I don't know how to change but I'm so unhappy I need to

Edited September 12, 2016 by Sar880

[NVO]

I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm sure it's no surprise I'm not happy in my own skin, I'm miserable. I don't think I'm an unattractive person, I just always think there's girls so much prettier. Recently my ex moved on with someone I know and she is gorgeous, which really hit me hard. I'm worried if or when I find a relationship they'll just leave me for someone more attractive. I have a good personality, but I tend to cling. And I can't stop that either, as soon as I find someone, the minute something goes wrong I'm scared they'll leave so I hold on too tightly and ruin the relationship, or at least that's what I feel like I do. I don't know how to change but I'm so unhappy I need to

 

Comparing yourself to someone else is never going to stop. It's useless and self-destructing. Also it's a never ending cycle. Think about it for a minute: There's this dude that has $10.000. When he looks around him, he only sees people who own $100.000. He feels poor and disgusted with himself so he steps up his game and is going to make more money.

 

Eventually the guy owns $100.000. But do you think that he is happy now? No, because around him he will only see people who own $1.000.000. He'll compare himself to the ones with more money, and therefore is unhappy with his own accomplishment. Once again, he steps up his game until he finally owns $1.000.000 as wel.

 

Do you think he is happy now? Nope. Because at this point he will only compare himself with billionaires.

[heydad75]

Hi Sar880,

 

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way about yourself. I am also sorry to hear about your recent break up as well. These things can certainly hurt us and damage our perception of ourselves. The opposite happened to me in high school. My girlfriend who was very pretty actually left me for a much less attractive guy. I am not saying that I am good looking but everyone else was saying it. I felt awful however I realized that the problems were with her since she wanted to elope with someone and I was not ready for that. Anyways just thought I would share.

 

I am not sure where you are in your Faith but I believe that God has created everyone in His image and that everyone has value. There are things that can happen to us but that does not change how He sees us.

 

Are you in any activities or sports where you contribute? This can sometimes help with the feelings of ruining relationships and perhaps direct your attention to others where you may help. Just a thought and thank you for sharing.

 

Sincerely,

[pteromom]

I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm sure it's no surprise I'm not happy in my own skin, I'm miserable. I don't think I'm an unattractive person, I just always think there's girls so much prettier.

 

There are. There always will be. Even supermodels realize there are girls who are prettier. Or a girl who is fair and blonde will compare herself to a tan exotic looking girl. Nobody is perfect.

 

The thing is there is more to you than just what you look like. And a guy who only runs around looking for the prettiest girl he can find isn't worth your time! You want a guy who will like all of you - your looks, the way you laugh at silly things, the bond you have with family or friends, the movies you watch over and over, the things you like to talk about...

 

You want a guy who wants to KNOW you. Not just use you as arm candy.

 

And I'll tell you... finding a guy like that in high school isn't an easy thing to do. Because boys mature more slowly than girls do. So most guys aren't even going to be capable of the kind of relationship you imagine.

 

I'm worried if or when I find a relationship they'll just leave me for someone more attractive. I have a good personality, but I tend to cling. And I can't stop that either, as soon as I find someone, the minute something goes wrong I'm scared they'll leave so I hold on too tightly and ruin the relationship, or at least that's what I feel like I do. I don't know how to change but I'm so unhappy I need to

 

Aw. This is just part of growing up. You are COMPLETELY normal. I don't know any grown woman who didn't go through the exact same thing in her teens and early 20s.

 

I promise though... you will get to a point where you realize that if someone doesn't want to be with you, it's not a failure on your part. THEY are the one missing out. And you don't want to waste your time with someone who doesn't want you wholly and completely.

 

You are beautiful as you are. Not just your face and body, though I am sure you are beautiful in a physical way too. (I look back at my high school pics when I thought I was fat and ugly and just laugh at the wasted time!) But your heart, and your soul, and your mind, and your thoughts and feelings. You are beautiful. Do not settle for a man who can't see that. Ever.