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Messy home and life


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Old 29th August 2016, 7:41 AM   #1
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Messy home and life

Delighted to find that this forum exists, as I have a problem I wasn't sure where to go with, as Loveshack is about relationships and I am officially not in a relationship anymore, although still struggling to get my head around how one is expected to raise a child with someone without being in some kind of relationship with them.

Anyway, it's been a couple of months since I moved out, and it was all very exhilarating at the time, but I now feel I've hit a slump. We are taking it in turns to have our daughter staying over, and I find myself putting off tidying the house until she's gone, and then once she's gone I just can't get stuck in. Of course it would be best to keep on top of it all the time, not least as it would help my daughter develop good tidy habits too, but it's just not happening. She's a normal three year-old, and I'm definitely messier than her.

This back and forth arrangement with our daughter is not ideal, but it's what we've managed to put in place for now, given that I had to put a restraining order on him just so he would give me some breathing space.

Looking back over my life (I'm in my thirties) I've always had this problem with settling into a routine, which is what stops me from keeping my home tidy. I only feel alive when I'm going through some radical change which involves a change of address, usually city or even country, new friends, new job or course, new everything. Giving birth to my daughter was of course the ultimate new in my life, and I did go though that nesting phase people talk about, and I did feel full of energy, albeit somewhat tetchy. After that, as all primary parents know, the baby takes control of your time. But when the baby stops being a baby, and there's no work to go back to, it all starts to feel wrong, and I've been stuck in this rut for way too long, and now the break-up seem like it was just a brief interlude. Anybody else get these feelings?
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Old 29th August 2016, 1:44 PM   #2
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Hey :)

I get in a rut when I get depressed.

The way out for me is a good diet and exercise.

Enrol at a gym, stop smoking if you smoke, attend the gym regular.

Build up your fitness and your stamina.

Having more energy helps keep on top of the house.

Make a list, domestic chore timetable, and stick to it.

You owe it to your daughter, she didn't ask to be born.

More important, you owe it to yourself. Pick yourself up and be positive.
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Old 30th August 2016, 9:16 PM   #3
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It sounds like you crave new things continuously and get bored easily. You enjoy the "highs" of life and want excitement.

This isn't a problem, until it is! Now that you have a child, she needs stability and to be raised with structure. Having teenagers, I can tell you that you will regret not teaching her to be tidy and structured. (Teens are very messy! LOL)

I don't have much advice for you, as I am a lot like you. I get bored very easily of people, jobs, etc. I have forced myself to stay in my career and to try to better it, mostly because I don't have a choice...I need money to live!

It's hard because you will find you aren't satisfied easily. At least you recognize you are like this now. I only started understanding these traits about myself in the last few years.

Read up on on different personality types, take some personality tests for fun, and see what they say about you and if you agree with it. If you tend to agree with the analysis, research further on how to better yourself and work with the traits you have.
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Old 12th September 2016, 6:06 PM   #4
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Thanks guys for the advice and encouragement. I think I was just a bit lonely. I miss my daughter so much. It takes some getting used to, not having her around. Sorry I took so long to thank you. I thought I was going to get an e-mail when someone replied. Regarding the house, I'm slowly getting there. Now I've got the place into a just about acceptable state, I'm going to make it an aim to start inviting people round more often - play dates when my daughter's here, and jamming sessions when she's not. I'm glad I got such positive replies. I was afraid I might be in for a good telling off.
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