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Regaining Confidence Part:??


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Yeah, I've lost track of the number of these threads I've started. This must be number five or six?

 

A huge source of my insecurity has always been my lack of a career. I've been too afraid to pursue my interest in writing for a living. I was also stuck in a toxic job for years (which I left about 6 months ago).

 

Well, this week I got my very first freelance writing contract. The opportunity suits me perfectly and I am so excited to get started. I created a profile last month on a freelancing site and a client contacted me. I got the position because the client liked my samples, which I had worked so hard on during the past few years. I feel as if all my hard work was worth it.

 

In addition to my freelance position, I am also starting a full-time government contract job next month. It will be a good experience and it will look good on my resume. I've also been totally broke for the past few months, so it will be nice to start making some decent money. I can do the writing job whenever I want and easily work it around the full-time job.

 

I've started working on another of my projects, which is creating my own RPG game. I don't intend to sell it, but it feels good to be doing it. For the longest time I told myself that it might be too hard for me to do, but I'm proving myself wrong.

 

I am a little bit scared but also excited.

 

Oh, I'm also taking better care of myself. I got a haircut last week, then sold off my old game systems so I could buy skin care products for myself and a couple of gifts for people. Then I used a gift card to get myself new boots. I am planning to get some hair dye tomorrow and dye my hair red. I've been dressing like a slob and feeling gross. Time for that to stop!

Edited by SpiralOut
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Sounds great! I've been turning a new leaf too. Pursuing a career that I wouldn't have had the confidence for even a couple of years ago (a fair amount of Maths involved). I've completely rebooted my social life, I go out to meet strangers 2-3 times a week, talk to anyone on public transport even :laugh:

 

Working hard at removing the old constraints that kept me restricted.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I have found a community garden with available plots. I had to abandon my plot last summer when I suddenly moved. Gardening is very important to me, so I'm happy that I'm about to get it back. All I have to do is wake up early on registration day and get there in good time so I can get a plot before they are all taken.

 

Spring is here. I always feel better in the spring.

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  • 3 months later...
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I just finished up a 3 month government contract. It was a really good experience. I had no issues whatsoever with any of my colleagues nor with any of the supervisors. I received excellent feedback on both of my performance reviews. One of the managers gave me a direct compliment on my final day. It made me feel sooo much better to work somewhere normal. My last job was so completely messed up that it made me wonder if I was the one with an issue. Well no I wasn't. It was a dysfunctional workplace, and I was unlucky enough to be the company punching bag. I don't feel nearly so nervous about applying for other jobs now.

 

I am doing freelance editing at home. I did it part-time during my contract, and I am now picking up more assignments. I'm about to apply for a position at another company, so I won't have all my eggs in one basket.

 

My energy has improved to the point that I actually want to go out and be social with people. I went out the past three nights in a row with a small group (us and another couple) and I don't feel particularly drained from it. Though I'll admit, I would like a few nights to myself before meeting up with other people again.

 

I'll be meeting with my doctor in September to discuss the possibility of weaning off my medication. I would like to start lowering the dosage.

 

It is summer, so I'm okay for now. I'm keeping busy with biking and gardening and updating my website. I'm also trying to be nicer to myself by buying more clothes (I don't have many), and getting small items for myself. I actually find it difficult to buy myself things, unless it is for a hobby or an item for the house or anything that I consider "practical," as opposed to frivolous items (clothing, makeup, weekend trips).

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Well, you write very articulately and clearly, so i'm not surprised you got a freelance job. You've taken the first steps by actually doing something.

 

Good luck and keep moving forward!

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