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How Do I Fully Accept Being Alone


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circlesinfinity

I want to be able to fully accept being alone. Right now, I have a feeling of "longing", I have had this sense I was 12 years old and had my first so called boyfriend. I am still a virgin, I never had one after that and dated in gaps.

 

I wanted love for a long time and when something doesn't workout with a date, this emotion resurfaces. I had to apologize to my mom/brother for trying to find what they've always given me, unconditional love. I just want to take the correct steps to appreciate myself and my family.

 

Please any advice?

 

Nothing about me finding the one one day please, I'm 28 now,I have heard that for 16 years I just want to move on with myself and family only to think about.

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I want to be able to fully accept being alone. Right now, I have a feeling of "longing", I have had this sense I was 12 years old and had my first so called boyfriend. I am still a virgin, I never had one after that and dated in gaps.

 

I wanted love for a long time and when something doesn't workout with a date, this emotion resurfaces. I had to apologize to my mom/brother for trying to find what they've always given me, unconditional love. I just want to take the correct steps to appreciate myself and my family.

 

Please any advice?

 

Nothing about me finding the one one day please, I'm 28 now,I have heard that for 16 years I just want to move on with myself and family only to think about.

 

I think that is an incredibly tough place to be, I know that because I am in the same space quite often, never had a gf at all.

 

Probably the best thing to do is to appreciate things around you, keep yourself busy that does help in my experience.

 

That longing, I wish I knew how to get rid of it.

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I've had relationships, but have always felt the same longing.

 

I want to be with someone who truly sees me, and loves me anyway, imperfections and all. someone who can open up and appreciate that same love being given to them.

 

All we can do is work to better ourselves, be happy with what we have, and keep an open mind. I'm 33 and I haven't given up.

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lookin ahead

I can understand, i really also wish to find someone but there is nothing we can really do to make that happen forcefully. Just stay optimistic, change your daily routine, love yourself, and be happy with what you have. I just see it as if it comes great if it doesn't that's fine, life moves on. But don't give up yet, life is so unexpected, today your here, and tomorrow you don't know where you will be or who you will meet.

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You need to totally and unconditionally love yourself, I'm feeling in the same place at the minute and have felt something missing from my life for a while now. The fact you are questioning this is the first step to true happiness so don't feel down. A few things I have been doing:

 

1. Affirmations - not your usual Pinterest ones make your own and make them personal, instead of I am happy expand on this. Write down 5-10 and say them several times a day. Your subconscious mind doesn't know what is real so saying these things to yourself means eventually you believe it.

 

2. Write a gratitude journal it sounds like you are already noticing and being grateful for those things around you but look for more it could be basic things like having clothes freedom etc do this once a day it doesn't have to be much three gratitude is enough.

 

3. values - try to discover what your true values are this is something I'm

Working on still however these are very personal do you value a career or a family life etc.

 

4. A day/evening for you - have some time once a week where you disconnect and do something alone it could be a long bath and pamper or a bike ride but really disconnect meaning turn off your phone and learn your way around loneliness.

 

I'm no where near there but feel like the steps I'm taking are helping eventually once you get to a place were you truly value your self worth you won't accept anything less and would be happier alone. Water attracts its own level meaning you will draw people in who love and value themselves and only then do you have a balanced happy love life. You are longing because something is missing in you, you won't find your happiness in someone else.

 

Xxx

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Helz made some great suggestions!! Those are all things I've thought of doing as well, but it's so hard to keep motivating yourself to believe they'll work when you're not seeing results yet. Anyway, I'm on a similar quest, so I wish you the best of luck. We can do it!

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Helz made some great suggestions!! Those are all things I've thought of doing as well, but it's so hard to keep motivating yourself to believe they'll work when you're not seeing results yet. Anyway, I'm on a similar quest, so I wish you the best of luck. We can do it!

 

It is hard when you haven't valued yourself for so long or are brought up with the belief that it isn't right to care and love yourself but start slow and just trust the process you don't have to believe it from day one just keep doing it and it will stick good luck on your journey :)

 

Xx

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sportygirl89

Good thread. It took me a while. But just get out there and go do things is the best way to be content with your singleness. People say you will enjoy your time of your singleness. At first I didn't believe it. But in my program girls are working, engaged to guys/dating and complaining how hard everything is. I am thankful I am single now. While I miss the companionship that will come at a later time and when its meant to happen!

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holding onto your virginity so dearly means you will only accept the one who will be there forever. the guy whos gonna marry you, home you and seed u with children are you not?

 

so youve conditioned yourself to isolate yourself until this mr wonderful comes along

 

its not gonna happen.

 

you need to start from the start. have a coffee with someone, then first date, second date..... 10th date etc etc

 

all the stuff you are looking for is 1 to 2 years into a relationship. there are chapters you need to endure or enjoy before all the potential life long dreams come true

 

dating is the only way. its beautiful u want 1 man 1 love only but you got more chances of winning lotto :)

 

go out and have some fun, date men

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BronzeAgeJaeger217
I want to be able to fully accept being alone. Right now, I have a feeling of "longing", I have had this sense I was 12 years old and had my first so called boyfriend. I am still a virgin, I never had one after that and dated in gaps.

 

I wanted love for a long time and when something doesn't workout with a date, this emotion resurfaces. I had to apologize to my mom/brother for trying to find what they've always given me, unconditional love. I just want to take the correct steps to appreciate myself and my family.

 

Please any advice?

 

Nothing about me finding the one one day please, I'm 28 now,I have heard that for 16 years I just want to move on with myself and family only to think about.

So only boyfriend you had was when you were 12 and have not had one since then?

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circlesinfinity
You need to totally and unconditionally love yourself, I'm feeling in the same place at the minute and have felt something missing from my life for a while now. The fact you are questioning this is the first step to true happiness so don't feel down. A few things I have been doing:

 

1. Affirmations - not your usual Pinterest ones make your own and make them personal, instead of I am happy expand on this. Write down 5-10 and say them several times a day. Your subconscious mind doesn't know what is real so saying these things to yourself means eventually you believe it.

 

2. Write a gratitude journal it sounds like you are already noticing and being grateful for those things around you but look for more it could be basic things like having clothes freedom etc do this once a day it doesn't have to be much three gratitude is enough.

 

3. values - try to discover what your true values are this is something I'm

Working on still however these are very personal do you value a career or a family life etc.

 

4. A day/evening for you - have some time once a week where you disconnect and do something alone it could be a long bath and pamper or a bike ride but really disconnect meaning turn off your phone and learn your way around loneliness.

 

I'm no where near there but feel like the steps I'm taking are helping eventually once you get to a place were you truly value your self worth you won't accept anything less and would be happier alone. Water attracts its own level meaning you will draw people in who love and value themselves and only then do you have a balanced happy love life. You are longing because something is missing in you, you won't find your happiness in someone else.

 

Xxx

Thank you so much for this post. I am a very spiritual person. I used to meditate but somethings were going on where I had severe uclera and stopped. I haven't kept a journal, I will have to try these tips daily. ☺

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circlesinfinity
So only boyfriend you had was when you were 12 and have not had one since then?

Yes! This is why I get frustrated...

I got him through my cousin.

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circlesinfinity
holding onto your virginity so dearly means you will only accept the one who will be there forever. the guy whos gonna marry you, home you and seed u with children are you not?

 

so youve conditioned yourself to isolate yourself until this mr wonderful comes along

 

its not gonna happen.

 

you need to start from the start. have a coffee with someone, then first date, second date..... 10th date etc etc

 

all the stuff you are looking for is 1 to 2 years into a relationship. there are chapters you need to endure or enjoy before all the potential life long dreams come true

 

dating is the only way. its beautiful u want 1 man 1 love only but you got more chances of winning lotto :)

 

go out and have some fun, date men

 

Ok but I can't even get a date. This is why I would like to learn to be alone.

 

Even if I posted photos and things about myself, and someone on this site had all thinga in common with me wouldn't talk.

 

I am not trying to be negative but men are just repelled by me for whatever reason and I just want to appreciate being by myself. No one has stuck around or cared enough to get to know me for years, they are too busy screwing around or just not talking to me!

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idk what you girls are on about... I was here single this whole time and we could've had much fun!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

 

To be ok with being alone... I cannot explain it in a post. It would have to be discussed by talking for hours in the night. And even then we might not be able to get there. I think that path is different for everyone but it always comes from the self's will to move on. For me, it involved a lot of exercise, a bit of meditation, lots of reading self-help and psychology books, and a little bit of video games. Oh, and vitamins... Immersed myself into all that so much, the last time I looked back at the memory of an ex, I said, "eh." And then I was ok being alone. In fact I was more than ok. I was happy.

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circlesinfinity
idk what you girls are on about... I was here single this whole time and we could've had much fun!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

 

To be ok with being alone... I cannot explain it in a post. It would have to be discussed by talking for hours in the night. And even then we might not be able to get there. I think that path is different for everyone but it always comes from the self's will to move on. For me, it involved a lot of exercise, a bit of meditation, lots of reading self-help and psychology books, and a little bit of video games. Oh, and vitamins... Immersed myself into all that so much, the last time I looked back at the memory of an ex, I said, "eh." And then I was ok being alone. In fact I was more than ok. I was happy.

Thank you so much for your response! ☺ I know I wish we could talk about this for hours, I think it's what I need right now. I have to take magnesium and a multi everyday. I have skipped days though.

 

It is harder for me because I've never had an ex to look back on, just temporary dates that didn't work out.

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Thank you so much for your response! ☺ I know I wish we could talk about this for hours, I think it's what I need right now. I have to take magnesium and a multi everyday. I have skipped days though.

 

It is harder for me because I've never had an ex to look back on, just temporary dates that didn't work out.

 

Hey, no problem. I'd be down for it, but there are probably rules here about that sort of thing... I'm actually a bit curious to know what it'd be like if members had some sort of round-table discussion in real time. It might be quite chaotic!

 

You don't have to have had a partner in order to imagine an ideal partner. When I was very young, I had a vision of my ideal that I would day-dream about. I used to look for those qualities in people. Maybe I should go back to that...

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holding onto your virginity so dearly means you will only accept the one who will be there forever. the guy whos gonna marry you, home you and seed u with children are you not?

 

so youve conditioned yourself to isolate yourself until this mr wonderful comes along

 

its not gonna happen.

 

you need to start from the start. have a coffee with someone, then first date, second date..... 10th date etc etc

 

all the stuff you are looking for is 1 to 2 years into a relationship. there are chapters you need to endure or enjoy before all the potential life long dreams come true

 

dating is the only way. its beautiful u want 1 man 1 love only but you got more chances of winning lotto :)

 

go out and have some fun, date men

 

Back in the day, especially in small towns/communities - people got wed off straight out of their teens...So, they didn't have to put no effort into searching for anyone and quite frankly probably got hitched with some they probably wouldn't date/marry if they had a choice.

 

Now a days, unless you snag your "high school and/or college sweetheart" your chances of meeting someone diminish unless you put yourself out there (volunteering, hobbies, church, friends, OLD, meet-ups).

 

So, now a days, we have people like me and you that cuz we aren't just gonna settle and get hitched out of loneliness and/or their parents/society pushing it. And yea, it gets lonely.

 

I wish I could tell you how to accept being alone - but sorry, its our biology to meet and mate. I really have no need for a man accept for sex. I mean, I have my family and friends to take up time/show love. I have my own house, money, and can do handiguy stuff. I'm up there in age when it comes to really wanting kids either....

 

But still, I, crave companionship. All I can say is that unlike some people, I have gone periods w/o someone and turned down opportunities to marry cuz I'm not gonna have kids, marry, and/or accept someone I really don't wanna be with out of fear of being alone.

 

So, I do not consider myself "alone". I consider myself "without a man".

 

Will I be without a man forever? ***sigh*** I still have hope I guess. I mean, I meet guys all the time, but cuz of what kind of RL I seek, not sure if it is sustainable.

 

I feel your pain. Lots of garbage out there calling themselves men. Sometimes I look at guys/gals who settle and want to put themselves on a pedestal as if they "made it" when reality, they're no happier than I am, IMO. I look at them and thank myself that I did not condone 18 years of my life to someone I am lukewarm about.

 

Don't give up. Hang tough, just life a full life (work, family, friends, interests, volunteering, working out, church, hobbies, etc.). Cuz, with a full life you're never alone - even though you are not sharing that life with a man...and, you're less likely to jump on the first guy who shows you attention in an act of desperation and screw up the rest of your life.

 

The more you put yourself out there, the more you will open your opportunities to meet someone - but don't put yourself out there with the sole goal to meet a guy cuz when that happens you'll feel bad. Put yourself out there to have a life, and if you meet Mr. Right, cool - if not, you have a life.

 

Good luck in what you decide to do :)

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Ok but I can't even get a date. This is why I would like to learn to be alone.

 

Even if I posted photos and things about myself, and someone on this site had all thinga in common with me wouldn't talk.

 

I am not trying to be negative but men are just repelled by me for whatever reason and I just want to appreciate being by myself. No one has stuck around or cared enough to get to know me for years, they are too busy screwing around or just not talking to me!

 

OLD is a joke...

 

Lots of liars, fakes, etc....even the so called "religious" ones. Many of them are looking for hook-ups and/or someone they can take advantage of. OLD can never replace old fashioned friends, family, and/or church knowing a dude and referring him to you.

 

On OLD you only know the "image" that person is "trying" to portray and have no clue if that is them in real life. Also, on OLD, people are quick to dismiss you if your profile doesn't get their attention. It's like a human resources person with a stack of resumes to flip through, it's "next", "next", "next" without giving the person an opportunity.

 

If you want someone to accept you for who you are and w/o risking your virginity - try meeting people/guys through church singles/activities, volunteering, hobbies, meet-ups. When you are with a group of people who share things that interest you (i.e. chess), that's already one step to either meeting a guy who is like minded and/or someone who knows a single guy who is like minded. Like running. I used to go to 10Ks and stuff. I love the people who go there cuz like me, they seem to be like minded when it comes to fitness, supporting a charity, prayer, etc. Get my drift?

 

:)

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