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At the end of my 'short' rope.


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It's hard enough to hang on when at the end but what about when people are trying to push you off.

 

I am a small guy or lease so I am told, 5'9" 155lbs. I am very athletic and strong for my size and in great physical shape. I never thought about my size as a 'problem' to be overcome until I met women.

 

All my life I have been a good, warm, caring, generous person. I always respected others and view them as...well...people. Roger to me is Roger not a bald man with a Chrysler K car.

 

There is one scene in American Sniper were Chris Kyle meets his wife for the first time in a bar. Another, perfectly handsome guy around 5'9" walks up and respectfully introduces himself and asks if he could buy her a drink. She responds by adopting a monsterous b***** attitude and says in real snobish fashion, "First you would have to grow another 6 inches" followed by more insults about a person she does not know. He walks away. Then Chris who is 6'3" says, "Am I tall enough to talk to you?" and later they marry and you see a perfectly loving, caring wife and mother. She later also says in the movie, "The doctor says our son will be 6'4". Isn't that amazing!" What if the doctor said 5'9", would they tie him in a gunny sack and throw in off a bridge?

 

No one ever notices that she coldly trashed a guy that might have been a wonderful person because he was only 92% as tall as another. I don't mind a woman having preferences, but it is the way she rejected him with disrespect and malice, emphasizing that he is not really a person. This is a perfect example of what happens in real life every day. Short guys are not considered real people. It's even ok for nice people to treat them light **** for no reason. At 5'9" I am still taller than all of the girls that rejected me as 'too small'. It wasn't even a practical physical issue. And please don't suggest I tried too hard, wasn't confident enough or have 'issues". I do now, but so would most people. And I have seen plenty of 6' guys with truly obvious issues that were overlooked.

 

This has been the story of my life. I once was a good, caring person with great empathy and stood up for others when they were mistreated. Believe it or not I was actually pretty funny once. I enjoyed making other laugh and them me. I had ambition to do good things. But I can tell you stories of human ignorance and unjust malice that would make even Hitler cry. It's not some women, it's every woman, even if they don't say so out loud.

 

I understand this is just Darwinism in action. It is just the way of things. So, does that mean a person like me should just fold their hand and kill themselves? Some people have said it and it is probably the ugly truth. What bothers me more is the loss of a truly good person, the acceptance of some who are truly not and the nurtured ignorance.

Edited by bob the brave
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I'm 5'8" and get rejected by women all the time online, almost definitely because of my height. I haven't killed myself yet. My advice is to forget dating entirely. Or ONLY go for women about 5'2".

 

It's tough out there, I know. Just forget about them, man. Stop getting so depressed about it. Just find yourself a rather short girl.

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It's NOT every woman. I have so many friends with husbands who are on the shorter side. I don't even consider 5'9" short.

 

You are catastrophizing the situation, making things much worse than they actually are.

 

You say you used to be funny, kind, and ambitious.

 

Nobody else can make you LOSE those parts of yourself.

 

You are choosing to ALLOW your perceptions of what other people are thinking to COMPLETELY change who you are.

 

So let's go down your road for a moment. Let's assume you are right - all women are disgusted by you because you are 5'9".

 

Now what? You are going to allow their disgust to dictate YOUR life? You are going to let those who treat you badly control you? Because others may treat you poorly, you are going to refuse to be successful and happy and funny?

 

It makes no sense. If women truly are evil, they aren't worth you throwing your life away for.

 

Now - back to reality... there are women out there who would have no problem at all with you being 5'9". Don't let a number dictate your identity and what you have to offer to someone, or the world.

 

 

 

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The guy in American Sniper got rejected because he was married and she saw him take off his ring before he walked over to talk to her. It had nothing to do with height. And the fact he was what you consider short and married means you're just giving us an example of how short guys can get women. You're arguing against yourself.

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It's NOT every woman. I have so many friends with husbands who are on the shorter side. I don't even consider 5'9" short.

 

You are catastrophizing the situation, making things much worse than they actually are.

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Believe me I have gone through all the philosophical, sociological and psychological exercises. I am truly not a raving lunatic or moron and not basing this on a few bad experiences. I am basing this on every day occurrences for 53 years. For many years you first blow it off, develop a sense of humor and convince yourself the world isn't really that bad. But it is. Period.

 

And I agree with you about people can't MAKE you someone else. I can still be financially successful and do good things for society and take pride in that. But being alone when you don't wish to be and could be a great friend is hard.

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If you are this depressed... move to China or Japan.

 

5'9" is DEFINITELY not considered short there. Plus, American men get insane poon there, so I hear.

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The guy in American Sniper got rejected because he was married and she saw him take off his ring before he walked over to talk to her. It had nothing to do with height. And the fact he was what you consider short and married means you're just giving us an example of how short guys can get women. You're arguing against yourself.

 

 

Good points. But why would she say grow another 6 and Chris Kyle ask if he was tall enough to talk to her? Why even bring that into the conversation?

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I am basing this on every day occurrences for 53 years. .

 

You are 53? You could absolutely find someone. The women your age aren't so hung up about things they deem inconsequential.

 

I'm not saying you haven't had bad experiences. I'm sure you have. But you are blowing those experiences up in your mind to the point where they are the most important thing, and that isn't true.

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If you are this depressed... move to China or Japan.

 

5'9" is DEFINITELY not considered short there. Plus, American men get insane poon there, so I hear.

 

Thanks, that may work for some. I'm not sure. But I did actually live in China for 2 years. (Taught English in universities just for fun and adventure). And no I was not looking for poon.

 

One girl told me they only like Americans because they are typically richer and taller. I found it actually worse. They expect American guys to be really tall and if not they are even more disappointed. And again, 5'8" is the limit.

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The issue is that you're filled with self-loathing and self-pity.

 

I would work on those in therapy.

 

F*CK what anyone else thinks about you.

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You are 53? You could absolutely find someone. The women your age aren't so hung up about things they deem inconsequential.

 

I'm not saying you haven't had bad experiences. I'm sure you have. But you are blowing those experiences up in your mind to the point where they are the most important thing, and that isn't true.

 

That is a good point. I think that's true.

 

It's just sometimes I have found someone I really like, we click and really get along than I get trashed for my size. We were friends so they weren't mean like the girl in the movie but very crude and hurtful. Then I watch them hook up with some tall guy they just met, get married. It makes even a 5'9" guy feel 5.9mm.

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I've said it before but moving to Australia could help guys who think like this. I've never known guys to get rejected for their height here.

 

Wherever American women got the tall = God idea from never seed to find its way here luckily.

 

My friend who is most successful with women than all of us is 165 cm tall.

Here money and physical violence mean a lot more than height.

 

Also, I wouldn't base your opinions on some trashy redneck movie.

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bubbaganoosh

True story. At a party and a friend of mine and I are talking and were both the same height 5'8". A woman there couldn't open the twist off top of a bottle of beer and my buddy asked her if she needed help. Her reply was "Sorry shorty but I don't think you can manage". He let it go and I jabbed him for a good hour calling him "Shorty" and it was in good nature.

 

Maybe a a hour later she came up to him and asked if he would unscrew another bottle of beer for her and he very calmly told her," No but come back when you grow another cup size because you have small boobs and I'll be more than happy to open it for you".

 

I wish I had a camera so you could see the look on her face. The woman didn't know if she should pick her nose or scratch her ass. She just stood there with this blank look on her face wondering what the hell just happened.

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well im australian! :) but i dont think it will make any difference where youll go

 

before i start, firstly your not even short, and i dont think thats your issue

 

secondly consider people stuck in wheel chairs who'll never walk again or midgets or man under 5 foot 5 that would look up to you

 

generally id say your looking in the wrong places, if your going out clubbing its a meat market, and yes women would eye off big brutes of men if theyre on heat

 

secondly id say if your failing to maintain attractions its first because you dont believe in yourself you are attractive. thats an instant turn off. you need to say to yourself youre no justin timberlake but im the best i can be and im god damn sexy with the attributes i have

 

it has to be other reasons why, height is not a factor. women are drawn to carisma, adventure, fun and cockyness. or even big muscles. you could be butt-ugly but if your attitude in life brings a positive effect on others you are gonna be wanted. its like a drug

 

you are the king of your castle not a woman, and you need to start showing yourself that your kingdom is brilliant with or without a girl around, and that women can visit from time to time.

 

ive said this heaps, but a girl in your life is just 1 page in your book, that makes you who you are, she is not the whole book. ie: work, car, friends, family, study, sport, health. and your book still exists whether or not the girlfriend page is blank or currently contains someone special right now

 

this indifference is what will keep girls around you

 

forget about your height, its only an issue if your out night clubbing where the local basketball teams also visit

Edited by thunder777
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That is a good point. I think that's true.

 

It's just sometimes I have found someone I really like, we click and really get along than I get trashed for my size. We were friends so they weren't mean like the girl in the movie but very crude and hurtful. Then I watch them hook up with some tall guy they just met, get married. It makes even a 5'9" guy feel 5.9mm.

 

I have been dissed by guys I really liked before in my life too, due to weight. I'm not that overweight, but I get that a lot of guys like thin women. I even had one guy I had a crush on back in the day tell me he liked short and tiny women, and here I was tall and chubby. And like your situation, we were good friends. It hurts to be rejected.

 

But you can't put all your eggs in one basket. You can't just start handing someone your heart on a silver platter before you know she is open to a relationship, and not see any of the other women around you.

 

Dating is a numbers game. Let's say that there are 1000 single women in your demographic in your area. Some will disqualify you for height. Some for age. Some for maybe some other reason you aren't even aware of (there's that one woman who will only date guys who are doctors, and that other one who only likes beefy bald tattoo guys.) So you may end up with... 100 who would be open to dating you. Instead of saying "90% of women won't date me! I suck!" or "There's only ONE woman I am interested in, and if she won't date me, I can't date anyone.", you focus on those who are interested. And trust me, there are MANY out there!

 

I have so many friends in their 30s and 40s who are divorced or widowed and are so lonely, and would LOVE to date a nice guy, 5'9" or not. But you are so focused on wallowing in your bad past experiences, you don't see the possibility all around you.

 

You need to reset the way you think. Rather than being sad about those who would reject you, you need to launch a full-on search for someone who won't. Have confidence in what you have to offer a woman, and don't waste your energy on those who cannot see it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Average male height in USA 5 ft 9 1⁄2 in. Your problem is not about height, its low self-esteem. Women like confidence. If you think yourself short, you will act short and therefore be perceived as short.

 

I have a friend who is 5'5". Total player. Dated numerous beautiful women, many simultaneously, all of different heights and nationalities, in his youth. He finally married an Asian women a tiny bit taller than him who looks like an ex-model. And no, he isn't rich either.

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