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Hopelessly and deeply insecure about myself


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isabellemarss

I'm 19 years old and I've never been happy with myself and my life.

 

I get more compliments than the average person about my "beauty" and "intelligence", but to me it's nonsense. It's not that I think I'm ugly and dumb. I think I'm okay, but definitely not good enough. It extremely frustrates me that a lot of people compliment me because for a while I believe them, but then I look at myself and other people and the reality starts to sink in. I think some people just have low standards; well, I certainly don't.

 

I don't even have a cool life. My family can't afford to go on vacations, enroll me and my siblings in activities like music, sports, etc. and buy us high-quality cellphones and new clothes. Yes, I'm grateful that I have my basic needs covered and I go to a good university, but I'm frustrated that we have a goddamned terribly cooped up life.

 

My mother tries to console me by telling me that I should just be patient because when I become successful in my future career, I'll be able to live the life I want. What? Enjoying life when I'm already older? A lot of kids have had a head start in life. I'm still the loser here.

 

I can't help feeling envious of others who have everything I don't. I feel like I have to be the best and measure up to them. No matter how much advice I hear on this, I never change. I still feel as insecure and depressed as ever. It bothers me deeply all the time and it affects my behavior sometimes. I don't know what else to do about this!

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Everybody hates their lives at 19. Even the ones who look like everything is fabulous are putting on an act.

 

You probably have more then most because your basic needs are met, you have parents who love you, you are smart & good looking. Take those things & use them to build the life you want instead of lamenting what you don't have.

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Nikki Sahagin

A few tips:

 

- pick 3 things this year that you want to do i.e. do yoga, learn Brazilian or volunteer

 

- write 10 things daily that you like about yourself

 

- write affirmations and put them in places you'll find them

 

- meditate

 

- physical exercise; especially dance

 

- never compare to anyone else

 

- cut out things that add to your self-esteem issues; facebook? TV? Whatever it is. Limit it or cut it out

 

- a really good one I use is thinking about myself as a kid. I was confident, happy and thought anything was possible. Whenever I feel bad about myself, I remember how I felt then...how the world was limitless, and I remember that is STILL me. I then feel guilty for how I treat the 'kid' me and go easier on myself

 

PS i'm 25 and still struggle with insecurity but it's less :)

 

PSS in my opinion, mental idleness leads to insecurity. If you keep busy, especially physically, these thoughts/feelings tend to fade out. Try to keep your mind proactively engaged as often as possible. The devil makes work for idle hands and he also puts doubt in idle brains.

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You are 19. :) along way to go in this earth. Sometimes security comes with age and wisdom. Don't let it get you down to much. Just be you. :)

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I'm 19 years old

 

Yes, I'm grateful that I have my basic needs covered and I go to a good university, but I'm frustrated..

 

 

 

I discovered I had cancer while in college. Puking in the dorm toilet was supposed to be a part of college keg parties - not radiation therapy.

 

It could always be worse OP.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you to hit your stride, and have many peaks.

Edited by dichotomy
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If you think your life is uncool, do something to make it more cool. Where there's a will, there's a way. If you feel cooped up, look into studying or working abroad.

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Fleur de cactus

Be happy you have parents who love you and take time to talk to you. I am sure they could buy you smart phone and other cool stuff you want but they try to give you want you need and what they can afford. I am a mother of 3 grown children. when hey were your age or younger, they told me that same thing, that they wanted what other kids had. I talked to them , and showed how I could not spend more than I earned. They wished we had more, but they understood. They tried to stay away from those who are always in competition. I asked them to focus more on school, do volunteer works, and keep busy. They are grown and they see how it is not easy to spend money and buy whatever they want. They went to college and understood the value of everything. Many of those who had everything did not even pursuit college education. When we look back, my kids are proud now. Please dont give up, dont feel down, you are young and you have your family, that is what is important. You know better than everyone else that your parents do not refuse you what they have. Love yourself, your family, be happy you have them, it is the best gift you have. One day you will look back and understand.

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I discovered I had cancer while in college. Puking in the dorm toilet was supposed to be a part of college keg parties - not radiation therapy.

 

It could always be worse OP.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you to hit your stride, and have many peaks.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, and while it may sound heartless, I think comparing your problems with others is never the way to go.

 

@OP, relax. You're just 19. I'm 22, not so far away from you, and my life is going a lot better now than it was when I was 19. It's all about how you make it.

 

Also, I've heard many, many, people say that life is always better when you're about 30. You'll feel a lot more comfortable with yourself. It's normal to feel that way at your age. Just be patient, things will get better.

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PinkElephants

What would make you happy? Beauty, intelligence, and education don't make you happy but cell phones and clothes would? It sounds like your priorities are about right for a 19 year old but quite skewed for real life.

 

I also wonder if you'll ever feel like you're good enough or do you think this is a feeling that will follow you forever? If you're 29 with a great job, fantastic condo, perfect boyfriend, full passport, and the newest stuff, will you still feel like crap because high school wasn't good or will you finally feel fulfilled?

 

I'm seriously curious because I had a friend who went nuts at 28. She'd grown up in poor with a single mother and dad who wanted nothing to do with her. She always behaved in a classy way while the rest of us ran wild and did well in college which is where we met. She lost it and started raging at us because she felt inadequate due to her humble beginnings and lack of partying. She never felt like she had enough despite her personal accomplishments in college and after and she was beyond reason when anyone tried to talk to her. Just wondering if you're going to grow up to be her.

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I'm sorry that happened to you, and while it may sound heartless, I think comparing your problems with others is never the way to go.

 

.

 

OP will not only see better days... she will also see much much worse ones. While this my also seem heartless, you have to get beyond the moment to see the bigger picture.

 

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth

 

 

"It's like my mother always said: 'Two tears in a bucket, motherf**k it'"

 

from Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil

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Your mind is the lens through which you live your life. Somebody can be a billionaire and still feel poor. Yet someone can be homeless but feel rich.

 

The reason why you're feeling frustrated is because you keep telling yourself that what you have is worthless, when it's not. What I suggest to rectify this is to go to places and meet people who don't have what you have-volunteer at a food bank, homeless shelter, low income school-when you're able to see your world through their eyes, you'll no longer feel worthless but feel wealthy. Trust me-all you need is some perspective.

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  • 1 month later...
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isabellemarss

Oh wow, I haven't checked this post in ages. Thank you for the inspiring and encouraging words, everyone. This gives me hope and puts everything into perspective. :)

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Eighty_nine

 

PSS in my opinion, mental idleness leads to insecurity. If you keep busy, especially physically, these thoughts/feelings tend to fade out. Try to keep your mind proactively engaged as often as possible. .

 

this. this is so true! it really doesn't matter what you're engaging in, as long as it's healthyish. keeping your brain busy will do wonders for you.

 

i've always liked to read but i've recently seriously upped the frequency of time i spend reading, and it has definitely helped.

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