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can't seem to be happy..


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Ever since i left that horrible marriage i was in, so many great things have come my way after everything i suffered and lost i gained so much, A great job, i was accepted again to the program i dreamed off in a highly reputable school that i sacrificed leaving in the past because of my now ex husband and was given a second chance and this time with a scholarship full tuition, and secured job placement after completion of the program. Yet i am so unhappy, i feel i will never find love within myself, my self-esteem is on the floor.

 

I feel alone, i have no friends which makes me feel even more alone since i have no one to do stuff with which means am home 24/7. I am extremely insecure, i feel like no-one likes me in a way, my job at the moment is great but i don't feel i fit-in which i partially don't care since i am there to work and not socialize, but when i am there i feel like an outcast specially when the days are slow and there is nothing to do for hours to go, conversations are minimal and the hours are so long and all you can do is stare at the computer.

i have been unhappy for so long i don't know how to get out of this. I feel i will never find love again, i feel i will end up alone no matter what and this makes me want to go back to the physically and mentally abusive marriage i was in which makes me hate myself even more to think thats the best i will do and honestly wish with all my heart that i never ever bump in to my ex or any of his family ever again in my lifetime.

 

I just can't seem to be happy, the more unhappy i feel the more i obssess about how much i hate my ex for treating me so badly and wish he would pay for all the harm he caused on his own time but i feel he will never get what he rightfully deserves.

 

I just don't know how to get out of this dark place in my life, i should be happy i have so many great things in my life yet i can't seem to smile. I want to feel relief and just happiness. How can i heal? How can i overcome the heartbreak i still have? I feel sadness all the time just lonely sadness. I just care so much about what everyone around me thinks of me.

Edited by down hearted
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Have you tried talking to a counselor who deals with abuse?

 

Personally I don't see how you could ever be happy while carrying so much negativity inside yourself. Harboring hatred for your ex like that just isn't healthy, as you are finding out. And neither is looking for external validation from others to define your worth.

 

Please go speak to someone to help you work through the trauma you have endured.

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