I'm a 30 year old Rock Star NERD! Need Advice on how to be cool.

[30 Year Old Dork]

Okay, Maybe I'm not a HUGE dork, I just feel like one.

 

I'm 30. I play bass in a professional band, have been playing for years. I'm really good, but humble.

 

Anyway. I'm 30 now. I've never been the typical "Rock Star-Sleep with tons of chicks-

 

Do tons of drugs" kinda player... i'm a musician, i'm in it for the music. Always have been.

 

I do well, i have fun and I have a great Gal in my life.

 

anway my problem is, I've always had a bit of a hard time with compliments and i'll admit,

 

i'm a bit of a social-phobe, a little too self-concious, hard time speaking up.

 

 

anyway, i'm finally SICK OF IT ALL. I don't mind being teased about not being a "Drinker" or

 

not "Smoking" not being suave with "The Ladies". But being around this Rock Scene, I feel

 

like a nerd. The guys in my group drink it up after the shows and talk to girls(even though they have girls already)

 

That's just not my scene. I just need some advice on how to handle these feelings of inadequecy. I don't mind

 

being Un-Cool. I just need to know how to stand up for what I believe in and work in this scene, because

 

sometimes I feel it hinders my chances of moving foward in my career. There are lots of things I want to do and I know

 

I have the talent, But I just can't "mingle" or "Network" or make/get "Connections" because I don't do a lot of the

 

things and look all the ways that are considered COOL.

[Moose]

To be honest with you, I don't know you or your band, but you sound like the coolest one of the bunch. There isn't anything wrong with being in control of your body. And that's exactly what I'd tell the next person poking at me because I wouldn't drink with them.

 

You have a goal in your life and you're not letting these thing hinder you. Keep it up, people respect you more for keeping a clear head, they may not show it, but they do!

[tiki]

You can be your own version of cool. Cool doesn't have to be pot smoking, drinking, and girl chasing. I'd prefer a guy like you over the other "cool" guys.

[bluechocolate]

You can still mingle & network & not drink & not have to live the life style.

 

There's always one or two around in any group of people.

 

Personally I'm suspicious of people who never ever drink but know a few who manage to make one last the whole evening & never seem out of place.

 

You could always grow a beard & tell them you converted to Islam.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by 30 Year Old Dork

Okay, Maybe I'm not a HUGE dork, I just feel like one.

 

I'm 30. I play bass in a professional band, have been playing for years. I'm really good, but humble.

 

Anyway. I'm 30 now. I've never been the typical "Rock Star-Sleep with tons of chicks-

 

Do tons of drugs" kinda player... i'm a musician, i'm in it for the music. Always have been.

 

I do well, i have fun and I have a great Gal in my life.

 

anway my problem is, I've always had a bit of a hard time with compliments and i'll admit,

 

i'm a bit of a social-phobe, a little too self-concious, hard time speaking up.

 

 

anyway, i'm finally SICK OF IT ALL. I don't mind being teased about not being a "Drinker" or

 

not "Smoking" not being suave with "The Ladies". But being around this Rock Scene, I feel

 

like a nerd. The guys in my group drink it up after the shows and talk to girls(even though they have girls already)

 

That's just not my scene. I just need some advice on how to handle these feelings of inadequecy. I don't mind

 

being Un-Cool. I just need to know how to stand up for what I believe in and work in this scene, because

 

sometimes I feel it hinders my chances of moving foward in my career. There are lots of things I want to do and I know

 

I have the talent, But I just can't "mingle" or "Network" or make/get "Connections" because I don't do a lot of the

 

things and look all the ways that are considered COOL.

 

If you're not socially handicapped, you shouldn't have a problem networking regardless of drugs, chicks or booze.........so what's your problem then?

[dyermaker]

You're John Paul Jones man, live it up.

[Charlotte]

I think coolness in a person ( and sexiness) is CONFIDENCE.

Its not about flirting with all the girls(or boys) or taking drugs or drinking.

In fact, some people like me find that a huge turnoff!

 

It sounds like all you need is to learn to be more assertive and confident.

This is not an easy task for someone who is shy or suffers social phobia.

But it can be overcome.

I suffered social phobia for a long time but eventually overcome it and now, I am quite a different person - positive,outgoing and confident.

 

What I did was 12 weeks of therapy with a counsellor who specialized in treating people with social phobias. At each session, she would put us in situations which would previously make us feel panicky/inadequate/nervous etc. This would be repeated every week and with the counsellors , eventually, with practice you get better and better.

It worked and I've never looked back. So that would be my suggestion. The alternative is you can try and build the confidence and social skills on your own (there are plenty of books for that)- but its alot harder.

 

Also, if people ask you to drink or take drugs, do what I do. I just say "I'd love to but I suffer an allergic reaction (or intolerance) to it and it just ends up making me sick. But here let me buy you a drink."

 

If you say it like this, people know you would like to join in with them, but understand you can't for health reasons and they generally won't push you into it.

[tattoomytoe]

First you have confidence- or you would not be able to play for an audience.

Since you have this, build on this confidence, start hamming it up some on stage, you said you were good, but himble....well You really cannot be humble and expect people to come see you cause you are average....If you are a Good player, you need to blow your own horn...be Your promoter.

 

all that other immoral band stuff you mentioned, drugs, women...well if it's not you do not do it. be proud of the fact that you are not the cliche band dude.

 

buy a funky shirt, play some awesome bass and have a good time.

[30 Year Old Dork]

Thanks for the advice guys. John Paul Jones, I like it. he's a heroe.

 

 

I mean After a show, The other guys in the band will get all the attention

from the ladies. I don't care about that stuff. I got a girl. I'm not in this to

score on chicks, or smoke all the drugs, or drink all the booze. I drink some

here and there. I just don't party like it's spring break every nite and I get

teased for it. Or, gals or guys will come up to me at after parties and ask

if i;m okay: "You don't talk very much"... "You're so Quiet"...etc.

 

I do what I do and I believe in me. I do get kids coming up to me after shows saying

they admire me and love my playing and think i'm the greatest, but I don't

let it go to my head. I was just trying to put my concerns out

there to get some opinions from y'all as to what you thought. Am I too much

of a prude. Do I need to open up? Am i being dumb? Do I need to be more outgoing

off-stage? more of a Go-Getter? All that kinda stuff. I mean yeah, i'm self-concious

about the fact that I don't have the "Rock Look" like my band mates do, I'm not perfectly

in shape, My hair is thinning now and you can tell. But I know i'm a good player

and I know I have what it takes. I get referred all the time: "Scott's good. He is an

awesome player and a great guy". I just feel like I don't belong.

 

I appreciate all the advice. Thanks

[tiki]

Plug your band!!!

[tattoomytoe]

people can see through a poser....Be yourself!

 

do your thang, have fun, talk if you want, bang your girl, have a good time.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Gene Simmons didnt drink and do drugs....but he sure as hell sleep with alot of woman.....hahaha

 

ok ok that aint helping you....sorry.

 

 

But seriously.....

 

You CAN be yourself and still be involved....SURE get crazy and open up more after the show, just do it.....doenst mean you have to get drunk and f**k either.....just open up and flow.....be your own person be unique.

 

 

your name isnt Eric A is it?

[MelodyJ]

My 14 yr old son plays the guitar, and wants to be in a band. He has the looks and the talent, and it came so easily, he is even writing his own songs already. I would be proud if he had the attitude toward the after party scene that you do. It's all about the music, and not the fanfare. Keep doin what you're doin. And, tell us where you play, you never know who may be watching!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by 30 Year Old Dork

Thanks for the advice guys. John Paul Jones, I like it. he's a heroe.

Damn straight he is! And he got the happiest ending.

 

Look at what happened to the rest of them.

 

Bonham died violently, God rest his soul.

 

Page struggled with Heroin, got fat, and never played *quite* the same again.

 

Plant began to burn out in '73, and rarely had a decent performance thereafter '75--By 1980, he was worse than Judy Garland, and now he's changed his entire style of singing to accomadate for his wasted talent.

 

Now Jones is still touring, still fantastic, getting better, and doing what he LOVES to do--he's played, produced, you name it. He's followed his dream without excess.

 

Live your life. Rock *your* world. Hold No Quarter.

[finalf72]

if u ask me, the greates band of all time is *drum roll* the ramones.

[morrigan]

I don't know what kind of rock music you play, but there are other musicians out there who don't booze or hook up with broads every night. They are in bands because they love to play music. They can be a**h***s on their own time, not the band's. Those kind of guys are the coolest ones out there--they are serious and dedicated about their music so much they don't want to screw it up with destructive behavior. God knows how many good bands have went down in flames due to drinking and drugs.

 

I don't know about other fans, but having met a couple of guys in death metal bands who don't get f----ed up on the road, they are regular people just like everyone else. Unless their band makes loads of money, they go on tour in a beat up van they all sleep in at times, they manage to make enough money for the tour, then they go home and work a job to pay the bills. They like to meet their fans, but like anyone else, their private life is their own. These personally are the guys I respect.

[VivianLee]

Rock Star and Nerd that just can't be written together!! You are teased but the fact that you think you are a nerd is just your feeling down on yourself...

 

You are living a Rock Music Lover's dream! You are so lucky and blessed!

 

I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel this way but I really wish you didn't! You aren't just cool for playing in a rock band, you are even more cool that you have control and morals AND play in a rock band. You are not going to burn out or fade, you could endure for years because you aren't abusing your body.

 

You are faithful to your girl. You aren't hurting someone by cheating with groupies (and getting diseases). That to me is another example of AWESOME control. You are the type of person that people not only think is cool BUT you can be someone that young people can look up to and want to follow. That is going to mean more to you in life than NOT having your band members tease. I know it's not fun being teased but I guarantee you, when they start getting that nasty haggard, druggie look, they start to lose cordination and the memories....you'll be the one that is still going strong and they will envy you of that!!

 

Please don't let them bring you down. You are cool, you just aren't stupid and you feel uncomfortable in an atmosphere where others are being stupid.

 

As far as working a room, you can still do that with your personality BUT if you are quiet by nature, just go with that be yourself. The corporate people will start dealing with you because your band members are going to be too fried to deal with after a while!

 

Now for your looks. You can get a hairpiece or try some of those products that grow hair back. You also may want to consider getting a stylist to make over your wardrobe and looks. That is something that is simple to take care of and will probably give you confidence. Get a personal trainer or start working out, if you get in good shape, that will help your confidence also!!

 

Hang in there, you are still young and living what is a dream for most people!! That is sooo COOL!

[zara]

You are cool just the way you are.

 

If you are worried about your looks, go to the gym - it's great for your health and stress relief - get your head shaved (you could go buy the Black Flag back catalogue and tell them you've gone Straight Edge - type of punk where people don't drink, smoke, do drugs - i would think that was waaaay cool!), let your girl take you shopping for new clothes (men rarely do this and she will be delighted!). But don't feel you have to change in any way to fit in with other people's expectations.

 

You are great. Stay that way.

[finalf72]

i think your cool because you're being yourself.

[vegasguyalone]

JUST BE YOURSELF. You're be great. Who's your favorite band.......