I think I may be BPD?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I stumbled across this post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/496637-i-m-mess-bit-scumbag#post5937881

 

Which then lead me to the other threads he linked in his post.

 

I'd like to know:

Is it possible to self diagnose BPD. I mean, if I'm being extremely honest with myself, and I understand that its a spectrum disorder, but I think I exhibit some of these traits very strongly when I get into a relationship with a woman I really like.

 

It would offer an explanation, albeit a undesired one, for my unsuccessful endeavor and a fulfilling relationship.

 

 

I also checked out Wikipedia (bad source, I know, but the DSM checklist is correct) with these traits:

 

F60.30 Impulsive type

At least three of the following must be present, one of which must be (2):

 

• marked tendency to act unexpectedly and without consideration of the consequences;
  
• marked tendency to engage in quarrelsome behavior and to have conflicts with others, especially when impulsive acts are thwarted or criticized;
  
• liability to outbursts of anger or violence, with inability to control the resulting behavioral explosions;
  
• difficulty in maintaining any course of action that offers no immediate reward;
  
• unstable and capricious (impulsive, whimsical) mood.
  

F60.31 Borderline type

At least three of the symptoms mentioned in F60.30 Impulsive type must be present [see above], with at least two of the following in addition:

 

• disturbances in and uncertainty about self-image, aims, and internal preferences;
  
• liability to become involved in intense and unstable relationships, often leading to emotional crisis;
  
• excessive efforts to avoid abandonment;
  
• recurrent threats or acts of self-harm;
  
• chronic feelings of emptiness.
  
• demonstrates impulsive behavior, e.g., speeding, substance abuse[78]
  

 

Now, combining this information with my own journey of really trying to seperate my emotions and logic, I'm scared I need to go see a therapist or something. I don't have the means to do so currently, nor do I want to believe I'm THAT emotionally damaged, but if I can be absolutely honest and see that I strongly display some of those traits, I may need to find the means to incorporate therapy into my life.

 

What are your thoughts?

Edited December 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Downtown]

I am a self-defined narcissist, and I'm confident a therapist would most likely agree....

Is it possible to self diagnose BPD? I think I exhibit some of these traits very strongly.

DrReply, yesterday you claimed to be a narcissist and today you claim to have strong BPD traits. Which is it? As to your question, no, you don't have sufficient training to diagnose yourself. That is, you cannot determine whether you have the traits at such a persistent and strong level that they satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having full-blown BPD. Only professionals can do that.

 

This is not to say, however, that a lay person cannot spot the warning signs for having strong BPD traits. Once a person knows what to look for, it is not difficult to spot strong red flags such as lack of impulse control and fragile self identity because those signs are not subtle. That said, BPD traits are such a natural way of thinking for the BPDers themselves that the traits are largely invisible to nearly all BPDers. I would guess that only 5% of BPDers are sufficiently self aware to be able to spot their own BPD traits and acknowledge having them.

 

Yet, in the very unlikely event you are in that small group of 5%, you may want to take a look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs and tell us which strongly apply to your behavior and which do not.

[Danda]

It's also possible to identify with certain traits or have certain tendencies, without having a full-blown personality disorder. There is a strong chance that if you did get a therapist and they did diagnose you with something, they would still want to tackle one issue at a time.

 

So if you can't afford therapy for now and are going through a sort of obsessive, self-diagnosing frenzy, bear in mind that the DSM and the labels within it serve as tools/guidelines but that's about it.

 

At the end of the day, as they say, you still have to work on each specific issue. So for now rather than fretting and obsessing over a label for yourself, perhaps it could be helpful to journal / ponder on individual issues, how they relate to you, examples, etc and see if you can do some introspection.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

DrReply, yesterday you claimed to be a narcissist and today you claim to have strong BPD traits. Which is it? As to your question, no, you don't have sufficient training to diagnose yourself. That is, you cannot determine whether you have the traits at such a persistent and strong level that they satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having full-blown BPD. Only professionals can do that.

 

This is not to say, however, that a lay person cannot spot the warning signs for having strong BPD traits. Once a person knows what to look for, it is not difficult to spot strong red flags such as lack of impulse control and fragile self identity because those signs are not subtle. That said, BPD traits are such a natural way of thinking for the BPDers themselves that the traits are largely invisible to nearly all BPDers. I would guess that only 5% of BPDers are sufficiently self aware to be able to spot their own BPD traits and acknowledge having them.

 

Yet, in the very unlikely event you are in that small group of 5%, you may want to take a look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs and tell us which strongly apply to your behavior and which do not.

 

I have self-defined myself as a narcissist as that was the best....definition I've come across for my personality thus far. As I've read more and more about BPD behavior, it's starting to scare me that I am exhibiting a lot of those traits.

 

Keep in mind I have heard of BPD and whatnot, but I've never really identified with it until your specific thread that you linked. After really trying to dissect myself and my perceived problems, I've thought long and hard on each of your points and I'm afraid I fit the bill.

 

I've gone through your thread and this is what I've found:

 

1. Black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor comment or infraction;

I've blown up on friends / family / people I love with angry outbursts when things don't go my way. I have burned bridges with friends over minor arguments, extremely minor arguments, in the midst of some of these tantrums.

 

2. Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"

I used to always say always and never. So much so that I've changed and expanded my vocabulary because of it.

 

3. Irrational jealousy and controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;

 

If I'm extremely honest, I've not tried to isolate my significant others from their families, but I've been extremely jealous and distrusting of women with guy friends. I've had very few platonic friendships, and I'm pretty sure either I was right and it was inappropriate relationships....or I was wrong and projecting it. In either sense, I've displayed controlling and jealous behaviors in every one of my relationships, but never with friends with benefits as I never allowed feelings to go further than that.

 

4. A strong sense of entitlement that prevents her from appreciating your sacrifices, resulting in a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude (e.g., not appreciating all the 3-hour trips you made to see her for two years) and a double standard ;

 

This is one of the reasons I thought I was self-defined as a narcissist before. My attitude was always a selfish one, and only recently have I really tried to re-evaluate what I actually bring to others lives.

 

5. Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells;

 

Ties in with #1 where I have tried to re-establish friendships after burning those bridges due to retarded reasons, or perceived transgressions.

 

6. Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about two days later;

 

Yet again, ties with #1 and #5.

 

7. Low self esteem;

 

I have spurts where I feel like a million dollars (billion I guess..) but in all reality, I know I have low self esteem. So does my close family and friends, but I hide this extremely well with an outgoing personality that can focus on other people and not myself.

 

8. Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums or cold sulking that typically start in seconds and last several hours;

 

Again, ties in with #1,#5, and #6.

 

9. Fear of abandonment or being alone -- evident in her expecting you to “be there” for her on demand, making unrealistic demands for the amount of time spent together, or responding with intense anger to even brief separations or slight changes in plans;

 

I HATE changes of plans. My friends even comment this about me. Once you are a few minutes late to a planned event or activity, if you are late and don't let me know, I have often gone ahead and left whoever behind. After retrospect, I rarely held myself accountable to this very "rule" I held of peers / dates. I also despise being alone until recently...I'm becoming ok with it. I have also been told by a few ex girlfriends that I had "unrealistic demands" to spend time with them. Quoted for exact phrasing. (i.e. spending 4+ days in a week with a girl I met only a few months ago. I thought it was normal to want to spend time with them. Apparently not.

 

10. Always being "The Victim," a false self image she validates by blaming you for every misfortune;

 

I don't quite do this anymore, but in every single relationship I've had until recently and with deep thought, I always played the victim.

 

11. Lack of impulse control, wherein she does reckless things without considering the consequences (e.g., binge eating or spending);

 

I've lived this way my entire life. It explains why I make good money, but am "technically broke" as I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I've only recently tried to get a handle on my impulsiveness....or what I used to think was my spontaneity.

 

12. Complaining that all her previous BFs were abusive and claiming (during your courtship) that you are the only one who has treated her well;

 

Ties in with #10. Always claimed how ****ty my previous exes were. Even up to a few days ago.

 

13. Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly during the courtship period (e.g., enjoying everything and everyone you like) that you were convinced you had met your "soul mate;"

I have changed habits and whatnot in order to impress or appear more likable to the woman I was wanting to be with at the time. I don't think I mirrored anything, but I've certainly come close.

 

14. Relying on you to center and ground her, giving her a sense of direction because her goals otherwise keep changing every few months;

 

Ties in with a comment I received from another poster getting over my ex. He mentioned I was "running from myself" and looking for a woman to "complete me". He was very right.

 

15. Relying on you to sooth her and calm her down, when she is stressed, because she has so little ability to do self soothing;

I generally look for friends or girlfriends at the time in order to relax and calm down from events or situations that get me worked up. And when I saw worked up, I mean to the point of not being able to function in daily activities.

 

16. Having many casual friends but not any close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away);

I used to blame moving from state to state as my reasons for no long-term friends. As I have been around this state now for about a decade, I can say that the friendships I had when I first moved her have all fizzled and died, either by my doing or by the doing of others. I frequently make new acquaintances, but rarely does that translate to friendship.

 

17. Taking on the personality of whatever person she is talking to, thereby acting quite differently around different types of people; and

 

Ties in with #13, and the fact that I do have a few "groups" of people I used to hang with that were completely different...but I found that by being interested in what we had in common, I could be "invited" into their clique. This also ties in with my hatred of being alone.

 

18. Always convinced that her intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that she regards her own feelings as self-evident facts, despite her inability to support them with any hard evidence.

 

As stated before, I have perceived threats and situations in which were completely different than what others remember those events and how they occurred. I've lost more than a few friendships due to this, and only recently have I apologized and "manned up" to accept responsibility for actions that were performed under the guise of being hurt.

 

As you can see, I have an alarming amount of issues with your list. And quite frankly, after going through this list and identifying with it, I'm seriously considering going to therapy. I've been approached by a few friends and even 1 family member about possibly seeing a therapist for different reasons, but have always refused as I never thought anything was wrong with me. I have always blamed failed relationships on the other person, and as of late, my 2 latest exes and those failed relationships have really had me open my eyes and examine myself for a change. So far, I'm not liking it.

Edited December 11, 2014 by DrReplyInRhymes

[Downtown]

DrReply, thanks for going through the list and telling us which warning signs seem most relevant. That was very helpful. It also would be helpful if you would tell us the following:

 

• whether you were abused or abandoned in early childhood (before age 5),
  
• whether you have a parent with similar issues or who was emotionally unavailable and nonvalidating during your childhood,
  
• at what age those warning signs started to appear, and
  
• how old you are now (mid-twenties?).
  

Ties in with a comment I received from another poster getting over my ex. He mentioned I was "running from myself" and looking for a woman to "complete me". He was very right.

That was IdolTree's post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/503824-i-messed-up-2.html#post6042657. A wonderfully insightful post.

 

I have an alarming amount of issues with your list. And quite frankly, after going through this list and identifying with it, I'm seriously considering going to therapy.

DrReply, if you do have most BPD traits at a strong and persistent level, you have a level of self awareness that is simply astounding. As I said, it seems to occur in only 5% of BPDers and, although I've communicated with over a hundred "self awares" online, they are so rare that I've never knowingly met one in my personal life. I mention this because it is this lack of self awareness that is the major impediment to treatment for nearly all BPDers. Hence, if you do have strong BPD traits, your self awareness means that your chances of substantially improving in therapy are greatly increased.

 

I therefore agree with you that it would be wise to see a clinical psychologist to obtain a professional opinion on what you're dealing with. As with all other professionals, psychologists vary greatly in their skill sets and experience. Hence, if you are living in a large city where there are many psychologists to choose from, it would be prudent to make some phone calls to obtain a reference to a psych experienced in treating BPDers (e.g., by calling your doctor, calling the psych dept. at a local university, or speaking on the phone with the head nurse in the psych unit at a local hospital).

 

Alternatively, online research for references may be helpful. (I note that seeing a psychiatrist likely would be as good for diagnosis but, because he would have an M.D. as well as a PhD, his fee likely would be at least double that of a psychologist.)

 

I also suggest that, while you're searching for a good psych, you read Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified. You may also find it helpful to read my posts in Rebel's Thread (but I suspect you had already done that before starting this thread).

 

Finally, I note that having strong BPD traits -- even having full-blown BPD -- does not rule out having strong NPD traits. Almost half of male BPDers also have co-occurring strong NPD traits. One primary difference between the two disorders is that, whereas full-blown narcissists are incapable of loving, BPDers are able to love (albeit in an immature manner). Another major difference is that, whereas narcissists are emotionally stable, BPDers are unstable.

[skydiveaddict]

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Why don't you go see a doc and find out.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

DrReply, thanks for going through the list and telling us which warning signs seem most relevant. That was very helpful. It also would be helpful if you would tell us the following:

 

• whether you were abused or abandoned in early childhood (before age 5),
  
• whether you have a parent with similar issues or who was emotionally unavailable and nonvalidating during your childhood,
  
• at what age those warning signs started to appear, and
  
• how old you are now (mid-twenties?).
  

That was IdolTree's post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/503824-i-messed-up-2.html#post6042657. A wonderfully insightful post.

 

DrReply, if you do have most BPD traits at a strong and persistent level, you have a level of self awareness that is simply astounding. As I said, it seems to occur in only 5% of BPDers and, although I've communicated with over a hundred "self awares" online, they are so rare that I've never knowingly met one in my personal life. I mention this because it is this lack of self awareness that is the major impediment to treatment for nearly all BPDers. Hence, if you do have strong BPD traits, your self awareness means that your chances of substantially improving in therapy are greatly increased.

 

I therefore agree with you that it would be wise to see a clinical psychologist to obtain a professional opinion on what you're dealing with. As with all other professionals, psychologists vary greatly in their skill sets and experience. Hence, if you are living in a large city where there are many psychologists to choose from, it would be prudent to make some phone calls to obtain a reference to a psych experienced in treating BPDers (e.g., by calling your doctor, calling the psych dept. at a local university, or speaking on the phone with the head nurse in the psych unit at a local hospital).

 

Alternatively, online research for references may be helpful. (I note that seeing a psychiatrist likely would be as good for diagnosis but, because he would have an M.D. as well as a PhD, his fee likely would be at least double that of a psychologist.)

 

I also suggest that, while you're searching for a good psych, you read Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified. You may also find it helpful to read my posts in Rebel's Thread (but I suspect you had already done that before starting this thread).

 

Finally, I note that having strong BPD traits -- even having full-blown BPD -- does not rule out having strong NPD traits. Almost half of male BPDers also have co-occurring strong NPD traits. One primary difference between the two disorders is that, whereas full-blown narcissists are incapable of loving, BPDers are able to love (albeit in an immature manner). Another major difference is that, whereas narcissists are emotionally stable, BPDers are unstable.

 

Thank you for your quick reply.

 

First, @skydiveaddict, this thread was to determine if I was simply in my head too much, or if I have a real cause for concern. As mentioned before, I do not have $50-$150 per session to shell out for a therapist (I've looked up pricing before, as I said, this is not the first time I've had someone ask me if I should talk to a therapist for differing reasons) so I wanted to test the waters with some of the more insightful members, specifically those who are able to identify BPD'ers. I wanted to present myself in a crippling honest evaluation, and then see if there is really a reason to shell out the money for a therapist. If I DO have a problem, this is obviously something I'm going to have to budget for in the future.

----

 

@Downtown

 

My level of self awareness is infinitesimal, but I do hope to improve it. I don't think I can credit my level of self awareness in discovering I may be more f'ed up than I originally thought. To be fair, you and other posters in this forum are the ones who have made this something I'd like to take a serious evaluation of, especially as of late, and I'd like to thank writergal and idoltree among the other posters in my thread that really helped me to push and re-evaluate why I seem to have a problem with relationships / close friendships / trust.

 

• whether you were abused or abandoned in early childhood (before age 5),
  
• whether you have a parent with similar issues or who was emotionally unavailable and nonvalidating during your childhood,
  
• at what age those warning signs started to appear, and
  
• how old you are now (mid-twenties?).
  

 

I wasn't abused, but my parents split before I was 5 and I eventually ended up with my father in a different state. I have very vivid memories of some ... events that lead up to my parents splitting up and although I do not believe I was abused, I can certainly say that my father tried his best but wasn't around that much, and I did not reconnect with my mother until much later in life.

 

My father was a hard-working, intelligent, and great man but plagued with substance abuse issues. Although I have walked down that road, I exited that road upon waking up at a friends apartment and realizing that everyone around me was just there for the cocaine / oxy. I have dabbed since then, but have given up those habits and have been sober for some time now....on my own accord.

 

These traits have appeared ....at the end of high school? As I said, I never really had much romance in high school, but once I reached college, romance and hooking up was easy. However, relationships were not, and my longest lasting relationship had to have been the year long relationship I somehow managed in college. It wasn't until after college that I really tried for relationships and not hooking up, and these traits seem to blossom during those relationships.

 

Actually now that I'm thinking about her, toward the end of our relationship, she told me the absolute truth about sleeping with a guy she knew during our last few months. I remember this very well, because she had to call me because of reasons that required me to take antibiotics. I remember trying to do anything and everything I could to keep her, but not wanting to be with her.

 

I am 29 years of age.

 

Hope this helps out in some way. I will seek out a therapist within the next week or two and see if I can somehow get into a session. I completely agree that self diagnosing is a terrible idea, but I am certainly not a hypochondriac and the possibility that this may actually be a problem I have is NOT something I'm looking forward to dealing with. Although, it would explain my cyclical life, my impulsiveness and inability to trust anyone in my life, and my inability to keep women around more than just sex friends, I realize that in order to improve myself, I have to be aware that this is a possibility. And yes, that possibility scares the crap out of me because that means instead of finding a great girl in the next ....5-10 years, instead I'm going to have to re-wire myself and deal with problems I didn't think existed. I thought I was just a selfish *******...

[dreamingoftigers]

You know what?

I was diagnosed with it when younger.

 

It was pure Hell. You don't realize it until you can permanently shift away from that. Life is supposed to be much happier than what it offers to someone with BPD.

 

It's much more awesome after treatment. It really is.

 

Don't let it sit untreated or unexplored. I am not trying to "tell you what to do" or act like "I know so much better because I'm just so awesome."

 

I just remember completely being devastated and not even realizing how badly sometimes. I just wish I could hand every BPD person a week's break from having it so they could get a glimpse of life after treatment.

 

If you have it OP, don't let the myths or people's attitudes or the myths about BPD get you down. It IS treatable and what you do with it DOES matter and it isn't hopeless at all. And its not a constant struggle after treatment. Your brain gets used to not feeling so up and down. And no, it isn't a lie and YOU DO get to keep your instincts and feelings. The y don't incapacitate. you anymore. And you are able to CARE for people and they for you. You don't turn cold and unfeeling about things. So you don't have to be afraid of that. You won't feel as scared and lonely. The confidence you feel won't be shaken suddenly by the next fight with a bf; if you get treatment.

 

[Downtown]

This thread was to determine if I was simply in my head too much, or if I have a real cause for concern.

DrRely, I applaud your courage and determination to collect sufficient information so as to decide whether your issues are sufficiently strong to warrant seeking professional help. Please don't be dissuaded by well-meaning friends who claim you are trying to be an "armchair psychologist" or are trying to "self diagnose." That is NOT what you are doing.

 

Instead, you are doing exactly what hundreds of psychiatric centers and mental health centers want to you do. They have created websites explaining -- in great detail -- exactly how laymen can identify the warning signs for each of the ten personality disorders (and for each of the dozens of clinical disorders as well). They know that, when laymen are able to spot the warning signs for a potential disorder, these folks are far more likely to seek professional help -- and will do so far more quickly, before the issues have gotten worse.

 

You therefore are doing exactly what millions of other laymen are doing when going to numerous online health forums, where they discuss their physical ailments with other laymen. They are trying not trying to self diagnose. Instead, they are trying to determine whether they have a problem sufficiently severe to warrant spending money and time on a doctor's appointment and, if so, which type of professional to begin with.

 

My level of self awareness is infinitesimal.

That is not true if you have strong BPD traits. In that case, your level of awareness would be simply amazing. The reason is that a BPDer is filled with so much self loathing that the last thing he wants to find is one more item to add to the long list of things he hates about himself. The result is that his subconscious will protect his fragile ego from seeing too much of reality. It accomplishes this by projecting his painful thoughts and feelings onto his partner. His conscious mind therefore is absolutely convinced that the source of all the pain and misery is his partner.

 

This is why the vast majority of high functioning BPDers would not be interested -- as you are -- in reading my list of 18 BPD warning signs. And, in the unlikely event they did read it, they would not recognize most traits as applying to their own behavior. Although BPDers are sufficiently unhappy to have a vague recognition that something is wrong and empty inside, they typically find it too painful to think about.

 

As Dreaming explained, BPD is a very treatable disorder. Most major cities offer excellent treatment programs such as DBT and CBT. The usual "talk therapy" you see on TV does not accomplish much with a BPDer. What is needed is instruction for acquiring the emotional skills the person had no opportunity to learn in childhood. A BPDer needs to learn, e.g., how to do self soothing, how to better control emotions, how to avoid black-white thinking by tolerating ambiguities, how to be comfortable while experiencing strong mixed feelings, and how to intellectually challenge intense feelings instead of accepting them as "facts."

 

Like learning to play the piano, acquiring such skills takes time and practice. If you really do have strong BPD traits, you can make some progress on your own by reading books and articles -- but you won't get very far. It is very important to obtain guidance from a professional who is very experienced in teaching these skills.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I will take this to heart and work on finding an appropriate therapist to see if I have some unresolved issues that I need to work on.

 

I will admit, I would not have extensively read your post had my most recent events not taken place. As stated before, I've been examining myself a lot as of late. A journey of self actualization some may say, although my journey is still in it's infancy. I only began this journey as I had gotten advice not from just a close family member, but also from some posters that I hold in high regard. Although I have always kind of did my own thing, I'm also a firm believer that if multiple people are telling you the same thing (in this case, I need to get a handle on my emotions and become more self aware / self-actualized), then something is warranting that concern.

 

After stumbling across that post, and reading it multiple times with self-reflection and evaluation in mind, with complete honesty mind you, this is where I have arrived.

 

I've actually tried to meditate as well recently, in a sauna, but that proved to be quite hard with the commotion and ruckus about. Turns out, finding a place in a city that is devoid of motion or sound is quite harder than I originally thought. I'll find somewhere though!

 

I will update this thread once I get more information from a therapist. For my sake, I hope that this is just me being too honest and judgemental with myself. However, if it is indeed a problem that I need to fix, then I need to fix it ASAP because I miss being in love....even if I can't handle it.

[BlueIris]

If you think you have a personality disorder you really have to go to a professional who can diagnose you, a psychiatrist (MD) or licensed psychologist (PhD) by US criteria. Do NOT go by internet stuff. This is really serious, medical stuff. You wouldn’t rely upon anyone on the internet to tell you if you had cancer, right?

 

The criteria by the American Psychiatric Association, DSM-IV and DSM-V, side by side, are set forth here:

http://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf

 

Even interpreting and applying these criteria should be done by an experienced professional.

 

Borderline (and Bipolar) are very popular to attribute casually these days.

 

Funny story: My 2nd husband (thankfully, and understandably, a VERY short marriage!) insisted I was Borderline, and hired 3 PhD psychologists to prove it, each of which he fired when they said I was fine and to get divorced ASAP! He was later diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic elements, which means delusions, detachment from reality- maybe like diagnosing me Borderline? Anyway, even though it's funny in retrospect, it's really very serious stuff. I was really scared! (But was fine.)

 

These are popular to throw around casually, and sometimes even recklessly, these days. Don't do that to yourself. You can find lots of sites on the net that have criteria that LOTS of people could meet, especially in certain circumstances, like a lousy relationship or extreme stress. But as the actual criteria (cited above) state, to be diagnosed, applicable: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.”

 

One thing that my hat trick of psychologists impressed upon me is that these are serious conditions, medical conditions, so please get to a highly qualified professional, just as you would if worried that you had cancer.

Edited December 15, 2014 by BlueIris

[writergal]

DRIR:

 

Here's what I think. I think you're a man suffering from a terrible break up. I think being jealous of women's male friends is completely normal. I think you need to stop and give yourself a break. Take time to heal from this breakup.

 

I can't support you seeing a therapist or taking medication because I don't believe in psychiatry in general and think the DSM-5 is a total sham, concocted to line psuedo-doctors' pockets with money from willing victims who are not mentally ill.

 

I think you need to step away from the very thought that you have BPD or are a narcissist. Anyone and everyone can exhibit symptoms / traits of literally every mental illness listed in the DSM-5. I'm of the minority here on LoveShack with my belief that psychiatry is a sham, and in real life too. It's why I don't share my real opinions with people because I don't believe in "systems" as a whole. I believe every "system" ever created by humans (gov't, religion, science, psychiatry, academia, music, arts) is flawed and makes me think we're better off not adhering ourselves to shams like religion and psychiatry to find meaning and support in our lives. I trust art, music, literature, film, physical activity and nutrition as a way to recover from breakups, job firings, and other events that create a negative emotional fallout than I would with taking something over the counter or slap a label on myself just because some psych doc in a white coat tells me to.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with you. I think you had a traumatic breakup. I think that is the root of your suffering. I think you need to find constructive ways (that don't involve a diagnosis or a pill) to help you cope and provides you with you a creative outlet and emotional and social support.

 

Do not give up on yourself. Give yourself time to heal from your breakup. Time is what you need. Not a pill. Not a psych analysis. Just...time.

[Downtown]

Do NOT go by internet stuff. This is really serious, medical stuff. You wouldn’t rely upon anyone on the internet to tell you if you had cancer, right?

Iris, nobody on this thread is encouraging DrReply to rely on "Internet stuff," as you say. Rather, we are recommending he see a psychologist for a professional opinion. And, because he's been reluctant to do that, I've suggested that he take advantage of the information about BPD warning signs posted online by hundreds of mental health centers, universities, and hospitals. That information is provided not to encourage the lay public to diagnose their own issues but, rather, to give them sufficient knowledge about symptoms that they will be able to recognize when they have a problem sufficiently serious to warrant immediate professional attention.

 

Even interpreting and applying these criteria should be done by an experienced professional.

Although laymen cannot use the DSM's list of BPD traits to make a diagnosis, most adults should be capable of using it to spot warning signs. Indeed, a person would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to be able to spot behaviors such as strong verbal abuse, frequent temper tantrums, and irrational jealousy. This is why mental health centers are posting this information online -- in the same way that the medical centers are posting the diagnostic symptoms for breast cancer. The intent is not for laymen to use that information to diagnose their own breast cancer or BPD but, rather, to educate the public so they will be able to spot the symptoms and quickly seek professional help.

 

The criteria by the American Psychiatric Association, DSM-IV and DSM-V, side by side, are set forth here: http://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf

No, the DSM-V criteria are not set forth there. You are referring to a June 2011 draft set of criteria for personality disorders that was proposed but never adopted. About 18 months later, the APA's membership rejected that proposed change in its Dec 2012 vote. Hence, the DSM-V criteria for PDs is essentially unchanged from the DSM-IV version.

[BlueIris]

I agree with you, writergal. I am no fan of the psych-hysteria rampant today.

 

OP read a thread in which the other OP was upset about his long distance GF and relationship, and based upon an upset OP's description of the GF he's upset with, a responding poster suggested that she might be borderline, takes general (upset) statements and says they are indicators, and … now this OP worries he might be borderline because of speculation about a long distance GF …. :(

 

This happens so much on the internet, plus, it’s becoming ever more common for people to think or fear that they’re abnormal, not okay, crazy… and increasingly common for significant others to hurl the “you’re crazy,” “you have a mental health problem,” or “I think my BF or GF is bipolar, borderline, etc., etc.” Just for a tip of the iceberg, search for BPD, borderline, bipolar, or even just “crazy” just here on LoveShack.

 

Note that BPD is also most often applied to women and the history of calling women crazy. Just google “calling women crazy.” I told my story because I was told I was borderline by my 2nd husband. PhD psychologists shot down his “diagnosis.”

 

My point is NOT to trot off to doctors willy nilly. However, IF and only IF you truly fear it, someone says they suspect you have something bad (or that you SO did or does), or you read something on the internet and are now truly worried, AT LEAST use medical criteria, which are much less likely to conclude that you have a serious mental health problem.

 

Worrying that you have a mental illness or being accused of being mentally ill DOES NOT mean you have a mental illness.

[BlueIris]

No, the DSM-V criteria are not set forth there. You are referring to a June 2011 draft set of criteria for personality disorders that was proposed but never adopted. About 18 months later, the APA's membership rejected that proposed change in its Dec 2012 vote. Hence, the DSM-V criteria for PDs is essentially unchanged from the DSM-IV version.

 

Great! Maybe you could post the actual DSM-V criteria? I don't know where they are.

 

Is there a requirement that the condition be sustained and long term, and not based upon a situation? Also, is there anything about risks of self-diagnosing, or diagnosing friends or family members? Or might those be in the ethical requirements?

 

I feel sad that OP is worried.

[Downtown]

I agree with you, writergal. I am no fan of the psych-hysteria rampant today.... Just for a tip of the iceberg, search for BPD, borderline, bipolar, or even just “crazy” just here on LoveShack.

Iris, there is nothing new about this. Angry people have always been quick to call other people "crazy" or "looney." And, because the American public has become better educated about mental illness, many angry people are now misusing the terms they have learned. Yet, the primary reason you find so much discussion of BPD here on LoveShack is that it accounts for a large share of unhappy relationships.

 

I say this because a 2008 study of nearly 35,000 American adults found that 6% of them have full-blown BPD. Importantly, BPDers lack a strong sense of who they are and thus seek out relationships with people who are stable and can give them a sense of self identity. This means that, with rare exception, BPDers stay in LTRs only with nonBPDers. This pairing of BPDers with nonBPDers means that 12% of the LTRs have a BPDer as one of the partners. Moreover, when you look only at the VERY UNHAPPY long-term relationships -- so painful that one partner is motivated to explain his/her pain to strangers here at LoveShack -- you should expect to find the percentage involving a BPDer to substantially exceed 12%.

 

Maybe you could post the actual DSM-V criteria? I don't know where they are.

As I said earlier, DSM-5 is unchanged from DSM-IV with respect to the personality disorders. The source you cited provides the latter. Just ignore what it says about DSM-5.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Personally, and all your comments are appreciated, I feel that I do not have sufficient knowledge of to diagnose myself, but there are key phrases and words that have been used to describe my personality throughout my life. Those phrases and words closely resemble those who would be diagnosed with BPD, which was my initial concern, along with identifying with a list of symptoms that is interestingly and frighteningly accurate the more I read about it.

 

Let me be clear:

 

I was perusing a thread in order to give my own opinion and/or advice when I came across a post that gave, in detail, the warning signs of BPD. Now, I've had my fair share of dating other women. I used to be quite the social butterfly and dating never seemed to be a problem. I haven't ever resorted to online dating because...well frankly, I never needed to.

 

However, my last relationship was one that left me quite ...flabbergasted.

 

It was after this relationship that along with the advice of some family and friends, I've decided to analyze and examine my life / choices / actions and figure out why I can't seem to hold a relationship longer than year. In order to do this, I needed to be excruciatingly honest with myself and my interactions with failed flames.

 

It was during this self-examination and honesty that I found myself relating quite closely to the list of symptoms for BPD. I'm not seeking attention, I don't WANT to have BPD, but I can't deny the similarities when reading through anything I can find on it.

 

Now, I can take most of those symptoms and use them individually throughout my life in different situations and not be any more concerned than I have been of the possibility of having BPD. However, when most, if not all, of those symptoms are present during the "best" relationships I've had my in life....along with the "worst" I've had, there's one decidedly common denominator in each situation: me.

 

I've read many of posts on BPD, specifically recently. This isn't the first time I've come across it, although this is the first time I've conscientiously compared myself to the list of warning signs instead of someone I knew.

 

What I found is that most of those symptoms...multiple symptoms... are present during my relationship with someone I found to be amazing. I've found that in relationships that were less than undesirable; they were short lived and intense romances, regrettably nothing ever sustainable and in these types of relationships I simply didn't care enough about "losing" the other person to feel anything but indifferent about it.

 

Someone near and dear to my heart also believes that psychiatry is money-making system in place and medicated living is just a way to control masses of people, and in some regards I completely agree.

 

However, that sentiment doesn't change the fact that most of these symptoms I've shown my entire adult life almost in a cyclical fashion. I meet someone great, I fall in love too fast, I put all my cards on the table, and then finally, about a year later things come to crashing halt. A small hiatus immediately following and then after some time, I stop caring long enough to move on from whatever relationship.

 

This, however, ties into how I act in these relationships. The first few months are often bliss. Then I sense the attraction dying in some way, I become controlling / jealous / obsessive over the fact that I can't keep her attraction. She meets someone else, someone who is probably white knighting the **** out of her filling her ears with how he'd never do such a thing, he'd respect and treat her right....etc. We've all come across those guys. The poachers....I call em.

 

Anyway, when all said and is done, the other guy ends up with the girl (although it's evident to see it won't last long), I end up feeling like crater that's left after the bomb is dropped signaling the end of the relationship, and examining myself on what I did wrong / what's wrong with me.

 

Maybe I'm the world's unluckiest person in that I meet women that end up in the same type of relationship / same type of breakup everytime....or maybe there are some other underlying reasons that I have yet to understand.

 

I know things will get better with time. That much I am certain about. There's been very few things time hasn't healed. However, as much as I'm looking for the healing process to occur already, I'm looking for the education behind my choices and the inability to control my emotions , lead an emotionally stable life with or without the inclusion of female relationships, and overall have fulfilling relationships instead of those wrought with drama and lies.

 

And as stated before, I will certainly be looking into talking with a therapist in order to see what they have to say, regardless if I agree or not with their diagnosis. It will at least offer me an insight to myself that I may have overlooked and/or just didn't know it existed within me. If I DO have BPD, it's not something I'm looking to use as a crutch. I'm looking to learn how to get rid of it so I too, along with many other people in this world, can fall in love the right away.

Edited December 15, 2014 by DrReplyInRhymes

[Danda]

I think PDs can get a bit obvious over time (as in years of one's life) because the certain thoughts/emotions/behaviors don't just get triggered by certain individuals. They wind up applying either to most relationships of all kinds, or to all more intimate relationships (such as romance).

 

For example someone with full-blown BPD will generally have a difficult time maintaining stable relationships in general. They will suffer from severe black/white thinking regarding their entire family, their friends, their coworkers/superiors, and of course every lover they ever have.

 

It's not like you just have BPD for one bad relationship suddenly out of nowhere and that's it.

 

So when doing introspection I think it's important to look at you entire life's history starting at around puberty and see if you can spot issues that are pervasive throughout all bonding or more emotionally intimate bonding.

 

Years ago I was tagged as a "codependent" when I started therapy because I grew up with a psychotic alcoholic father and spent my childhood / early teens taking care of my mother, and then as a young adult I just kept 'adopting' men with severe issues and trying to 'save' them and care for them like deranged pets. But in my mind that's what I understood love to be. So I actually did have to work that **** out in therapy for a coupe years.

 

But it wasn't like I had one bad relationship with another human in which I took on a caretaker role and then bam I had CPD.

[Downtown]

What I found is that most of those [bPD] symptoms...multiple symptoms... are present during my relationship with someone I found to be amazing.

DrReply, with personality disorders, the symptoms and the disorder are the very same thing. This is not true in the medical field, where a "disorder" typically is a specific disease and a given set of symptoms may be caused by any one of a dozen diseases. The result, in the medical field, is that even after a doctor has identified a set of symptoms, many lab tests may have to be done to figure out which one of many disorders is causing it.

 

In the field of psychology, however, this complication (of hunting for the cause) is not encountered for personality disorders because nobody has shown, to a certainty, what it is that causes them. Specifically, there is no convincing evidence that any PD is caused by a disease. Hence, a personality "disorder" like BPD is simply a "syndrome," i.e., a set of behaviors that typically are observed occurring together and are dysfunctional at strong levels.

 

This means that, with BPD, what you see is what you get because BPD, by definition, is simply a set of behaviors. Laymen often don't understand this because they mistakenly assume that psychologists always use the term "disorder" in the same way that physicians use it.

 

I mention all this to help explain why it is not difficult to identify BPD warning signs when you know which behaviors are on the BPD list. Indeed, that is the easy part. Moreover, because everyone exhibits BPD traits to some degree, you don't have to look very far to see these behaviors. What is hard is determining whether those behaviors are so strong and persistent as to satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having full-blown BPD. Only professionals can do that.

[writergal]

DRIR,

 

There are alternatives to seeing a therapist and taking a prescription medication to help you. You can achieve self-knowledge without paying a complete stranger to judge / diagnose you.

 

In fact, you are a better therapist to yourself when you use the correct tools, versus relying on someone who already has a bias and problems of their own which they can project on to you when they are not stable / healthy themselves.

 

For one, you're a writer based on your clever rhyming responses here. Even your member name speaks volumes about your creative energy / spirit. Why squelch that with a non-creative outlet like psychiatry / counseling? Now is not the time to repress your creative energies because you can heal yourself with creative activities.

 

My autistic nephew loves to draw. It calms him down and helps him express feelings that he has trouble expressing verbally. Monks create sand mandalas (which is a painstaking process that takes infinite concentration, a steady hand and a lot of patience), to symbolize the impermanence of life. As soon as the mandala is finished it is destroyed.

 

So I would urge you to find your creative outlet -- be it writing or whatever -- and tap into that source of creative spiritual energy to help you connect with yourself. You have the answers. Not some stranger with a prescription pad and book of mental illnesses. You know yourself better than anyone.

 

Now, I'm not saying you can't benefit from a mentor. But it doesn't have to come in the shape of an M.D. with a prescription pad, book of personality disorders and white coat. You can find a mentor or guide via the people in your life. It could be a friend, a family member, someone you work with, volunteer with, etc.

 

Why not tap into your creative energy instead? That is the quickest way to self-reflection. Every artist, musician, writer...every creative person has said the same thing throughout time in interviews with the public: their artform is their form of spirituality, how they define themselves, what gives them meaning, provides them with inspiration, introspective moments, and helps them work through the problems in their life.

 

The problem that I have with psychiatry is its methodical elimination of the emotions that make us human. Psychiatry wants to create victims, medication zombies and uses the same tools that religion does to control the masses: fear mongering, lies, guilt and manipulation. Psychiatry is the antithesis of everything that it means to be a human being. Our flaws are part of us, and what makes us whole.

 

The lie psychiatry tells the public is that with medication and therapy, those flaws can be removed and perfection can be achieved. Well, guess what. Perfection is a lie. There is no such thing as perfection.

 

Think of how many creative people have succumbed to psychiatry and lost themselves to the fog and side effects and dangers of the multiple prescriptions they take, the lies their therapists tell them based on lies created by other humans: lies whose only purpose is to bilk the patient and pay the psychiatrist and insurance company.

 

Another example that comes to mind is my African drum circle. When I was in a serious accident that put me in the hospital, I was on double IVs and multiple medications meant to stabilize me. Well one of the side effects from the accident was that my body temperature couldn't regulate (this went on for 2 years after the accident).

 

Another was insomnia. It wasn't until my drum circle started to visit me regularly in the hospital, drumming for me in an empty room on the rehabilitation floor (the staff gave my drum circle permission to use their "art room"), that I was able to sleep, eat, and feel better in general. Granted, not all of my accident-related / medication induced symptoms disappeared, but let me tell you, studies have shown that the rhythms produced from hand percussion actually has positive physiological effects on the human brain and body.

 

I was part of a friend's PhD study on this, and he spent a year interviewing myself and a group of other people who drummed every day (some were healthy people, some were people recovering from strokes and heart attacks, some were people with emotional problems).

 

Well, he got his PhD in music therapy and spends his days visiting hospitals and schools to use hand percussion as a healing tool. So, why not join an African drum circle in your city? Be open to the possibilities that there are other "cures" than psychiatry and medication to the human condition. That is one path but it is the wrong path, towards self-understanding and enlightenment in my humble opinion. I

 

I think it's more natural, and much safer than taking a pill, to plug yourself into some creative activity (which doesn't have to cost money either). I'm not a painter, but after my father died I bought a bunch of white canvases and some water color paint. I spent months painting whatever came into my head. I didn't question it. I didn't judge myself. And the hours I spent painting were very therapeutic for me. Writing has the same effect for me.

 

Many in the healthcare profession are just as broken and as the saying goes, "doctors make the worst patients." For example, against my better judgement, I went to see a therapist after my father died. I was assigned to a guy who clearly had his own son-father issues he hadn't resolved, because he projected them on to me and I'm a woman. He would ask me questions, then suddenly veer off into a diatribe about how his own father was a jerk to him and all I could think was, "Um, you're the therapist here, why are you venting your personal problems to me the patient?"

 

So, why not consider the artistic alternatives that exist to help you overcome whatever you perceive as flaws in yourself? If Buddhist meditation doesn't work for you, that's fine. It's not the only tool available to help you become self-aware. And your flaws do not need to be fixed. Humans are not one dimensional creatures. Our flaws are a part of who we are and what make us whole. A great book to read, that addresses this is called Meeting the Shadow. That's just one of many books that address our shadow side. The co-authors are Jungian therapists and writers.

 

What's that saying? "An unexamined life is not worth living." Just don't fall into the trap of doing too much analyzing or you will miss out on the broad experience that life is and what it brings to you. Mistakes are hidden learning opportunities. Failures are blessings in disguise.

 

Life is about perception. You create the quality of your own life based on the meaning that you give to your life, and the people you allow into it and who you allow to influence you. You are the only one in control of your life. You can change it and change takes time and effort as we all know.

 

If you want to have a relationship with a woman that lasts longer than a year, I don't think you need to have a personality disorder diagnosis from a therapist to achieve that. I think you need to find the woman who you are truly compatible with for that to happen.

 

No amount of medication will magically give you the ability to have a romantic relationship beyond a year.

[M30USA]

Here's a small but true point:

 

The very fact that you are introspective enough to consider the possibility that you might have BPD makes it less likely that you, in fact, do. People with BPD find it too painful and world-shattering to consider that they have any problem at all. If you truly did have BPD, you'd probably be blaming others for your faults.

 

I asked my counselor, point blank, after months of counselling during my divorce whether or not he thinks I have narcissism. I asked him this because my ex had BPD and I heard that BPDers attract narcissists. So I asked him. He told me what I just told you above. People with these issues rarely ever look within.

[skydiveaddict]

Thank you for your quick reply.

 

First, @skydiveaddict, this thread was to determine if I was simply in my head too much, or if I have a real cause for concern

 

How could you possibly tell? If you are suffering from this you're the last

one who would know.

 

Quit with the excuses and go see a doctor. Just your regular M.D. They are getting pretty good at diagnosing this stuff. Ask yourself these two questions:

 

1 Do I feel badly?

 

2. Would I like to feel better?

 

If the answer is yes then get going!

 

Or you can spend the rest of your life trying to figure out what's wrong with you on your own.

 

That ain't gonna happen. It's up to you.

[Danda]

Here's a small but true point:

 

The very fact that you are introspective enough to consider the possibility that you might have BPD makes it less likely that you, in fact, do. People with BPD find it too painful and world-shattering to consider that they have any problem at all. If you truly did have BPD, you'd probably be blaming others for your faults.

 

I asked my counselor, point blank, after months of counselling during my divorce whether or not he thinks I have narcissism. I asked him this because my ex had BPD and I heard that BPDers attract narcissists. So I asked him. He told me what I just told you above. People with these issues rarely ever look within.

 

This concept always seems paradoxical to me when combined with material on treatment stuff.

 

Like professionals will insist that PDs such as NPD or BPD can be overcome, but that requires the person being capable of introspection (even if they never or almost never use it). Then these same professionals turn around and say that if you are capable of introspection, then you basically can't have something like NPD or BPD.

 

I think that if a person is capable, then it is totally possible to start recognizing issues in one's self without a therapist holding their hand from start to finish.

 

Where I think stuff gets dicey is that most PDs are on a spectrum, and so many people have traits and tendencies without having a full-blown personality disorder that is crippling their life. But people go online or get their figurative hands on the DSM, and they read about the labels given to full-on life-crippling disorders instead of just traits on a spectrum.

 

So then we get people walking around with some traits and tendencies who now wonder if they have NPD/BPD and so on.

 

I recognize my own cerebral narcissism tendencies. That doesn't prove that I don't have those tendencies, just because I am self-aware of them, nor does it mean I have anything close to full-blown NPD. I'm simply aware that I feel really intimidated by people who seem smarter than me. It makes me feel really insecure, and I have to mindfully step away from debates/arguments to cool my jets internally sometimes, because it's easy for me to get caught up in feeling threatened/humiliated instead of taking opportunities to learn. For whatever reason(s) I can have low self-esteem in pretty much every other department, but I am highly competitive when it comes to the intellectual angle. (Just look at me playing Miss Know It All right now with this wall of text lmao.)

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I've read and re-read this entire thread a few times so I could respond in thought rather than in haste.

 

@Downtown - I completely understand that these behaviors are normal in everyone's life and that the definition of BPD would be those behaviors occurring more prominently than other behaviors....so much so that it is affects daily relationships and friendships. I also understand that we designate someone else to be able to recognize these behaviors and let us know if there seems to be a problem.

 

I have carefully considered my current living situation along with current social relationships before I originally posted thinking that this may be an issue I'm facing.

 

I do admit that those behaviors measured separately in my life, as posted before, do not seem to be anything other than normal behavior.

 

However, I have carefully examined any relationship that meant anything to me throughout the years and have found the following behaviors present during each of those relationships. My friendships and acquaintances have all suffered throughout the years because of these tendencies as well. If it isn't a strong sign of BPD, maybe I just have some unresolved issues?

 

@M30USA - That is a very true point. I've also heard that the #1 question asked in treating narcissists is a question therapists ask the patient asking them to rate themselves as a narcissist. Generally, narcissists will agree and even amplify their own self image answering this question. However, should he have gotten the therapists that said he couldn't possibly self-diagnose, he would be told he couldn't possibly have narcissism due to ...being aware he has narcissism? Maybe only in the extreme cases do people truly not take inventory of their actions and consequences or become aware they have social problems, but I like to think I'm nothing special and if I've arrived to this very scary prospect, I can only assume other people have as well.

 

@skydiveaddict - Thank you for the words of encouragement.

 

@writergal - I'm probably going to PM you soon with a proposition for you regarding writing as that is certainly an avenue I'd like to explore. You share the same view regarding psychiatry that I do, but then again I'm also one of those people who believe a presidency is purchased and laws are generally strong-armed into place in order to control the masses, fill prisons with ridiculous amounts of near-free labor for those private companies that own the prisons, and that pharmaceutical companies and their conglomerates are part of the 1% of the wealth that controls the 99% off the masses. Take that as you will!

 

This past breakup was rough on me. That much I will admit. I truly liked her very much but that sentiment wasn't shared and so life goes on. The part that really pains me is not the absence of her, but the absence of that part of my life. I have always thought I would be married by now, or at least have a significant other in my life. Currently, however, I am simply horrified and disgusted at the way "dating" occurs in present day. It's a hookup culture that breeds irresponsibility, deceitfulness instead of confronting terrible behavior, and an overall lack of commitment from ANYONE on both sides of the ball.

 

I am not interested in dating for a while, nor am I interested in anyone else for a while. I'm interested in working on myself to become a better candidate for someone in the future. To address this, I have to address my issues with trust, jealousy, and security.

 

Having a creative outlet is something I'm searching for currently. Writing really lets me put into words the craziness I call my brain activity, but I think you touched on something I will pursue just for the sake of it. However, WHAT to write about is that people would be interested in reading would be my next question, and for the sake of staying on topic, I will message you in due time regarding that. It seems you have some writing experience, something I would love to tap into, and your own style of writing is something I admire. Maybe you could lead me in the right direction with this?

 

Lastly, @Danda -

This concept always seems paradoxical to me when combined with material on treatment stuff.

 

I agree completely with this statement.

 

I know most of these questions can be solved or answered by simply visiting a therapist......a resolution that I'm going to eventually take advantage of. I have not yet visited a therapist but only for financial reasons.

 

In summary, these issues I'm facing have been issues of mine for quite some time. I have always had a hard time maintaining close friendships and relationships....including bonds with my own family. I often feel as the "black sheep" of my family, or the example of what could happen to your life if you do not complete college / get a high paying job / otherwise useless to society (useless being defined by my family in this case). These issues have not become apparent since my most recent breakup, rather, I've decided to take an honest survey of issues that have lead me to this very moment right now. That honest survey has lead me down the road of "what's wrong with me" and now I can take inventory of my life, and the meaningful relationships I have within my social circle....or lack thereof.

 

In order to shorten this synopsis, I believe I have some issues, whether it's BPD or emotional immaturity remains to be seen. I have been trying to take note of my behaviors and tendencies and their responding consequential actions recently, and what those lead to in my past. I have had advice to see a therapist to determine, if anything at all that may be "wrong" with me. I have had advice to find a creative outlet in order to pour myself into this outlet and hopefully distract me long enough to move on. I have also had advice that if I was that messed up, I wouldn't know I was that messed up, and so therefore my own observations of self are invalid. (Seems derogatory when I type it like that, but I mean no harm.)

 

All in all, I agree with lots of what all of you said. A lot of it has helped and a lot of it is nice to get an additional perspective on things. Please don't end discussion on my accord, this is some good stuff and having intellectual conversations rather than giving advice sometimes is a nice change of pace.

 

Even if it is at my own expense.

Edited December 19, 2014 by DrReplyInRhymes

[Satu]

I'm a mental health professional with lots experience, and I can tell you that BPD is one of the most frequently undiagnosed, and misdiagnosed conditions that there is.

 

You should have a mental health assessment done and take it from there.

 

Self-diagnosis is unreliable and often wholly mistaken.