Contemplating something big, but too "scared"

[Inflikted]

After having graduated a couple months ago, I've had absolutely no luck finding an entry level position in my field of interest. A contact from my school regularly sends us job leads, and got one today that sounds perfect... But it would require me to relocate.

 

Thing is, I've lived such a sheltered life, that that notion scares the hell out of me. I've lived with my parents my whole life, and while I'm too old to still be doing that, I don't know the first thing about living on my own, let alone moving so far away.

 

Even the little details scare me. Say I sent this company my resume and they wanted to talk to me; I don't know that I could just hop on a plane to go have an interview. And if they actually wanted to hire me, how would I find a place to live over there in such short notice?

 

Of course, the bigger stress factor is my mother, as we have a very unhealthy relationship, in which she's very controlling and I'm very submissive to her; it would be absolutely hell trying to get her to accept me not only moving out, but relocating entirely. @_@

[SpiralOut]

 

Of course, the bigger stress factor is my mother, as we have a very unhealthy relationship, in which she's very controlling and I'm very submissive to her; it would be absolutely hell trying to get her to accept me not only moving out, but relocating entirely. @_@

 

She doesn't need to accept it. Don't ask her permission. Once you've accepted the job, tell her what you're doing and let her deal with it.

 

Maybe you could find a furnished room to rent for a few months - either a family renting out a room in their house, or someone who is subletting their apartment. Then you wouldn't have to worry about things like furniture, internet set-up.

 

How soon would they want you to move out there?

[Inflikted]

She doesn't need to accept it. Don't ask her permission. Once you've accepted the job, tell her what you're doing and let her deal with it.

 

What concerns me more is that she's good at getting in my head. Even if I did this, she'd spend every waking moment before I leave convincing me that I can't do it, that it would be a bad idea, that something bad would happen, etc., and as someone who's nervous and lacks confidence as it is, it just gets in my head, yanno?

 

Maybe you could find a furnished room to rent for a few months - either a family renting out a room in their house, or someone who is subletting their apartment. Then you wouldn't have to worry about things like furniture, internet set-up.

 

Yeah, I... don't understand any of those words. :/ Thing is, I'm a bit antisocial, and I don't want to deal with roommates or anything like that. Just don't know how you go about relocating like that.

 

How soon would they want you to move out there?

 

I don't know, I assume ASAP; they're not really specific in the job posting, and I don't know how much they're anticipating applicants from out of state.

[Standard-Fare]

Don't live your life in fear of the unknown. The only chance you'll have to grow as a person is by embracing change and new experiences.

 

Your mindset right now could lead to you living at home with your controlling mother for many years to come, learning nothing new about life.

 

At least apply to this job (and others like it). You don't have to stress out about the details until you actually get an offer.

 

Another thought is, nothing is permanent. If you do follow through an opportunity that doesn't end up being the right fit, you can always change course later and find a new path. You don't have to lock yourself into anything permanently.

 

I speak from experience. I was a coward in my immediate post-college years, clinging to the comforts of home and worrying about the judgment of my family/friends. I see now that it could have been the most liberating, experimental time of my life. So I'm encouraging you not to make the same mistake.

[skydiveaddict]

Thing is, I've lived such a sheltered life, that that notion scares the hell out of me. I've lived with my parents my whole life, and while I'm too old to still be doing that, I don't know the first thing about living on my own, let alone moving so far away.

 

Most people live their whole lives and never push themselves to their limits; not anywhere even close to their limits.

You must realize that the limits you place on yourself are nowhere near where your true capabilities are.

Edited August 13, 2014 by skydiveaddict

[almond]

Getting this job, and getting out of that toxic environment sounds like it could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

Apply. Interivew if they ask you to. See a counselor - they will be able to help reduce your anxiety, and make you feel more at ease with living on your own as an adult.

 

Your mother is hurting you. Every healthy adult needs their self-esteem and independence. Work towards making this happen for yourself, or you will suffer in immesurable ways. See a professional to help guide you through it.

 

Good luck.

[Els]

After having graduated a couple months ago, I've had absolutely no luck finding an entry level position in my field of interest. A contact from my school regularly sends us job leads, and got one today that sounds perfect... But it would require me to relocate.

 

Thing is, I've lived such a sheltered life, that that notion scares the hell out of me. I've lived with my parents my whole life, and while I'm too old to still be doing that, I don't know the first thing about living on my own, let alone moving so far away.

 

Hey, we've all gotta start somewhere. The first step is the hardest - but you'll survive, trust me.

 

Don't relocate til you get a job offer in writing though.

 

Even the little details scare me. Say I sent this company my resume and they wanted to talk to me; I don't know that I could just hop on a plane to go have an interview. And if they actually wanted to hire me, how would I find a place to live over there in such short notice?

 

You can get a temporary hostel accommodation for a few weeks while looking for a permanent place to rent.

 

Of course, the bigger stress factor is my mother, as we have a very unhealthy relationship, in which she's very controlling and I'm very submissive to her; it would be absolutely hell trying to get her to accept me not only moving out, but relocating entirely. @_@

 

Then it will be even more imperative for you to move out so that you get rid of her choke-hold on you.

 

Seriously, all of the problems you cited aren't insurmountable. If you're not familiar with rentals, you have the internet at your disposal. Your mother saying you won't make it doesn't mean you won't. You just have to want to overcome them.

 

How old are you, anyway?

[d0nnivain]

Start small. Get on a plane & go on the interview. Let's see how that goes before you do anything else. Doing this will prove to you that you can survive if you cut the apron strings.

 

If you get the job, perhaps you can negotiate a relocation package. Maybe not but you can at least ask for guidance on getting new digs.

[Inflikted]

If you're not familiar with rentals, you have the internet at your disposal.

 

True, but it's still very confusing and overwhelming to me, and just because I CAN do research doesn't mean I know HOW, or how to understand any of it.

 

Even the little things about actually traveling (as in, just for an interview) are overwhelming to me; I don't know anything about booking flights, getting on a flight (including when, and all the boarding procedures, etc.), getting a return trip set up, getting a rental car once I get to my destination, etc.

 

How old are you, anyway?

 

25, close to 26. :/

[Johnsmith1003]

Sure sounds like your mom fears your possible success. Providing all these negative perceptions isn't what a 'mother' is. I'm sorry you deal with this on a normal basis. She's too intimidated by over achieving her in life, I suspect. Move there, move on. I can't tell you how regretful you will be if you don't. You have a great opportunity in front of you (possibly) so don't let her hold you back. If you're accepted, what I tend to do is get a cheap motel if it's THAT immediate of a job, then look for fast acceptance in a nearby apartment. Not as hard as some think. You can finally have your own life and dictate how and where you put your money. Good luck.

[Johnsmith1003]

 

Even the little things about actually traveling (as in, just for an interview) are overwhelming to me; I don't know anything about booking flights, getting on a flight (including when, and all the boarding procedures, etc.), getting a return trip set up, getting a rental car once I get to my destination, etc.

 

 

 

25, close to 26. :/

 

K, I grew up without a father, and a grandmother who was loving but didn't teach me anything. You have to do your own research but I'll give you some tips. Book round trip flights between your nearest airport to its nearest airport LEAST a month in advance (thataway they don't charge you triple). Then you get there, easy to get a rental car. Just find the nearest one. Go to your interview. Then hop on the plane back. Any questions, you can ask the flight attendants. That's what they're there for.

[learning_slowly]

Yes you need to live your life, not your mothers. But only you can make that call. Get a job in a petrol station, 7-11 or whatever it takes to get your airfare and do it. Your mum won't always be there, start relying on you.

[Els]

True, but it's still very confusing and overwhelming to me, and just because I CAN do research doesn't mean I know HOW, or how to understand any of it.

 

Even the little things about actually traveling (as in, just for an interview) are overwhelming to me; I don't know anything about booking flights, getting on a flight (including when, and all the boarding procedures, etc.), getting a return trip set up, getting a rental car once I get to my destination, etc.

 

All of this is on the internet too. Google. Read everything you see. Look up terms you don't understand. Read some more. You might come across conflicting or missing information. In that case ask, either ask your friends or in the case of flights you can call up the airline company. If you post here, I'm sure people will try and answer your questions too.

 

None of us were born knowing all of this. At some stage all of us had to do that too. In fact, some of us (migrants from one country to another) had to do it multiple times in life because the way things are done in various countries are very different.

 

25, close to 26. :/

Ah, you're only a couple years younger than me. It's really time you start. You REALLY don't want to be 35 and still submissive to mum and not knowing anything about rentals and flights. The deeper the hole you dig for yourself the harder it will be to get out.

[SpiralOut]

What concerns me more is that she's good at getting in my head. Even if I did this, she'd spend every waking moment before I leave convincing me that I can't do it, that it would be a bad idea, that something bad would happen, etc., and as someone who's nervous and lacks confidence as it is, it just gets in my head, yanno?

 

 

I know what you mean, but at some point you'll need to learn to ignore her, otherwise she'll control you forever. Just think of all the mindf*cking she'll be able to do if you don't leave home.

 

You can always come here for support if you feel like she's getting to you.

Edited August 14, 2014 by SpiralOut