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I don't like where I am in life right now...


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As the title stated, I don't like where I am in life at the moment. I'm 21 and I screwed up my 2 years of college and now I'm back home working at a dead end coffee shop job living with mom and dad.

 

- It kills me to have to live off my parents for the moment

- It sucks that my parents have one child become super successful in school and they career while they have me failing at everything I do.

- I want my parents to know that they did something right raising me

- Sister hounds me for being 21 living at home

 

I want to change. I want to make a difference in my life that will affect those who care about me.

 

At the beginning of college my parents would hound me about my grades. Month after month while grades slipped and after returning home, they eventually stopped. It kills me because in the back of my mind I feel like they've given up on the dream of me doing well in college.

 

I literally cry every night. I feel stuck in a hole while everyone is moving forward.

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What is stopping you from moving forward?

Is it college? Because I'm sure there are plenty more jobs you can do outside working in a cafe without a degree.

 

You are standing in your own way, and you need to work out why before you can move forward.

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You are standing in your own way, and you need to work out why before you can move forward.

 

How do I do that though? All "well paying" jobs these days require college degrees or you have to know and guy who knows a guy. I failed at getting a some associates degree. I'm not a dumb person, my priorities were just not in line for the future and because of that, I am in the position I am currently in.

 

I get anxious when the school year rolls around because I'm scared to fail. I'm scared to disappoint. I disappoint my parents and so then I feel like a failure. It's a huge circle.

 

After doing a little bit of thinking for the past few months, I've wanted to carve my own path of success. Sometimes I think school isn't for me.

 

I don't like someone making the decision of me being able to to be successful FOR me.

 

- I work my tail off in college... just like everyone else.

- I shotgun applications everywhere when I graduate... just like everyone else.

- I end up working a well paying job that I'm not passionate about... just like most people.

 

The battle I'm having with myself is that I DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN A PATH THAT MILLIONS BEFORE ME HAVE GONE.

 

Don't get me wrong, I can see the "value" of a college degree, but that still doesn't sway my from what I feel deep down.

 

So all in all, yes it is the college education. Not because I can't handle the workload, but because my belief and definition of success and the way to get there is preventing me from having a drive to do well with it.

 

Sorry if that all makes no sense.

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How will you know?

 

Tell me.

 

Sorry. I shouldn't have made that assumption. It's just that EVERYONE (friends&family) laughed at me for it.

 

My dream, passion, get up every morning ready to go to work career is music production. Like... to become a well known DJ.

 

 

Yeah I know... It's far fetched. Music has always been a part of my life and I can't think of anything else in this world that brings me more happiness.

 

Family tells me to think realistically. What is realistically though? Isn't every decision in life a shot in the dark?

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That's not funny at all.

I thought maybe you wanted to be a portaloo specialist or something.

 

Ok, so there are ways to get into music production outside of a degree.

Are there any schools around you that do this sort of thing? Any recording studios you could go to and ask for some part time work?

Everyone has to start somewhere. It's your life and you should do what you want with it, regardless of what your family say. It sounds to me like you already feel you're disappointing them, so you may as well follow your passion.

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Sorry. I shouldn't have made that assumption. It's just that EVERYONE (friends&family) laughed at me for it.

 

My dream, passion, get up every morning ready to go to work career is music production. Like... to become a well known DJ.

 

 

Yeah I know... It's far fetched. Music has always been a part of my life and I can't think of anything else in this world that brings me more happiness.

 

Family tells me to think realistically. What is realistically though? Isn't every decision in life a shot in the dark?

 

Nothing wrong with that 'if' you do it on your own. You should work on getting a better job, your own place, etc. being independent. At your age I had already moved states twice. Go to Alaska...join the army....shake things up.

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It sounds to me like you already feel you're disappointing them, so you may as well follow your passion.

 

I could try squeezing my way into a job like that. I live in Atlanta and there is an art school that provides education for music production.

 

That does involve money and I don't have fat pockets. Parent's wouldn't be in support.

 

I understand that it's my life, but I don't want for my parents to life in disappointment with me. Just some background info, my parents moved to the US strictly for my sister to have a good education, when I came along, they obviously valued that vision for me too. The fact that I didn't life up to it... hurts.

 

If I do pursue this dream of mine, I would hope for them to believe in me.

 

I'm literally reading a list of the top entrepreneurs without college degrees. I just want to drink from that glass of success.

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I could try squeezing my way into a job like that. I live in Atlanta and there is an art school that provides education for music production.

 

That does involve money and I don't have fat pockets. Parent's wouldn't be in support.

 

I understand that it's my life, but I don't want for my parents to life in disappointment with me. Just some background info, my parents moved to the US strictly for my sister to have a good education, when I came along, they obviously valued that vision for me too. The fact that I didn't life up to it... hurts.

 

If I do pursue this dream of mine, I would hope for them to believe in me.

 

I'm literally reading a list of the top entrepreneurs without college degrees. I just want to drink from that glass of success.

 

The way I see it is that if you continue the way you are you're disappointing your parents more than if you were to follow your dreams.

It may take time, and you'll have to do it on your own, but after a while they will see things are okay if you're happy.

 

I understand your concerns, I really do. But what is your alternative? Continue to not go to college, or fail when you do because you don't want to be there? Work at the coffee shop forever?

 

You can do what you want to, but you have to be prepared to do it on your own. You'd be surprised how good a little independence can make you feel.

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Nothing wrong with that 'if' you do it on your own. You should work on getting a better job, your own place, etc. being independent.

 

That's the "stuck" feeling I guess I'm bumping heads with. How do you get a better paying job with no education. How can I move myself into a better location with more opportunities with hardly any money from my low paying job?

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You can do what you want to, but you have to be prepared to do it on your own. You'd be surprised how good a little independence can make you feel.

 

You're right. Basically doing nothing about it is already giving me a result that I don't want, which is my parents' disappointment.

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You're right. Basically doing nothing about it is already giving me a result that I don't want, which is my parents' disappointment.

 

And although they may be disappointed if you don't go to college as they had hoped, they will be less so than if you continue failing (because you don't want to be there) and actually make something else of yourself.

 

Make a decision and a plan. Sit them down and tell them what you want to do and that you'd like their support.

I think right now what they'd appreciate most is some ambition and plan from you.

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Look, at least you have a job. Where you are in life sounds about average to me in today's economy. I was working at a clothing store at your age still figuring out what I wanted to do in college. I didn't find a somewhat more "professional" job until I was 22. I wasn't set on what I wanted to do career wise until I was closer to 23. I had to move back in with parents temporarily at almost 25 to get back on my feet after losing my job. Start making progress towards what you want to do. I learned early on that nothing I did would please my dad. He either wanted me to go into tech or be a nurse. He still talks about it long after I have graduated. He doesn't really believe in doing something you love.

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Had a conversation with my sister today. I had an email from my school advisors that I may need to take some of my college classes again to improve my GPA so I can get into my program. Which requires more money...

 

Sister started going off about me being 21 living at home, how I need to get my act together.... I had to send this to her. What do you think?

 

I'm just saying. I am aware of what's going on. I'm not proud of where I'm at and I wish you would stop thinking that. I want to get out of the house. I'm tired of being a burden on mom and dad. I felt guilty asking mom for help with gas money just to get over to Alabama. I want to do well in school. The Bs that I made over at "other college" aren't good enough and my advisor today just emailed me about them. I emailed them to check to make sure I'm on the right path, so it's not like oblivious letting things happen as they go. I'm trying to plan these things out. I'm trying to get things in order. I might not make the same decisions as you in certain situations but that doesn't mean that I don't try to make the right ones. I'm not trying to justify my mistakes Ive made, but I'm trying to do better. You don't think I feel bad about the fact that I could be at a university if I didn't screw up my first year at Highlands? Or that if I placed more effort in HS I wouldn't be in this situation? Or the fact that I'm embarrassed that my friends will be graduating from college next year while I'm still trying to get the ball rolling? Some nights I can't even sleep because of it. I feel bad about not being able to do well academically for all these years and not taking advice. So don't think that I don't. When I'm out with friends I'm not drinking, smoking, partying or any of that. Most of the time we just sit and talk about where we want to be in life and how we want to get there. Believe it or not that's what I do most of the time. I stay up late not because I'm playing video games, but because I'm reading articles about ways to become successful. Stories about those who had rough starts like me and ended up doing something big. I'm not goofing around throwing mom and dad away in the back of my mind and forgetting how much I disappointed them. I don't want to be praised for the little progress that I've made, but acknowledgment that I'm trying to do better.

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Maybe you don't like your major?

 

It's not that, really. I think it's this image that those whom I care for;mom, dad, sister, view me.

 

They don't believe that I'm trying to better my life. I acknowledge that I messed up in school. I made many mistakes leading up to it. But right now in the present I'm doing my best to satisfy them. Their opinions are the only ones I care about in my life. They are the only family I have.

 

It's just tough trying to dig yourself out of a whole when the dirt is falling in at the same time.

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