Dr. Cranky's Pursuit of Self Development

[Dr Cranky]

Day 1.

 

I'm Dr. Dr. Cranky. I weigh 187 pounds, 195 if you don't know me. I get paid for (mostly) brainwork, but I am smart enough to fool them.

 

No, that's not the way to start.

 

This is my first post here. It's my first post in this particular community because I don't really give a rats ass about this forum (yet). That is not meant to offend. It is only the honest truth. If I continue the journey here, I imagine this place will become a community that is deeply important to me.

 

An active forum with the possibility of interesting people and lots of traffic is what I am hunting. I don't not yet know where this will land.

 

Oh, and administrators who rate low enough on the restrictive scale to allow me to write exactly what I want—within the terms and conditions of course. If I get deleted, I will simply look for another place to walk my path. No big thing. No hurt feelings.

 

Word processor is open, kids are in the local pool, and some Mom I'd Like to Avoid keeps steeling glances at Dr. Cranky pecking away at the word processor. High school life guards walk the waters edge in short red shorts and t-shirts with gaping cut out arms. They keep looking at Dr. Cranky too, or his computer—which is unlikely because it doesn't have an Apple on it.

 

There is a strong possibility that Dr. Cranky is mildly more interesting than keeping an eye on my children swimming in the communal chlorinated water. I get this. Perhaps paying people called “Lifeguards” minimum wage is a bad idea. Nevertheless, young girls are looking at me. You're just going to have to take my word for it. Dr. Cranky is popular at the public pool—as long as he keeps his shirt on.

 

But I'm not into that.

 

No, Dr. Cranky isn't a gay man (again, a descriptive statement. In no, no, no, way an attack on anyone's orientation). Dr. Cranky has figured out a few things in his life.

 

Cheating ain't winning. In any area. Particularly in relationships. There is a Mrs. Dr. Cranky. And besides some moral commitments, I have found that when I lie, cheat, steal, or behave likewise I generally feel like ****ty. This ****tiness is not worth the fruit of said behavior. This I have come to believe.

 

Granted, I have never enacted any extra-marital cheating, but seeing as this is a biggie (at least culturally), I imagine it would feel the utmost ****ty. I do believe in an order of the universe, a framework outside of myself. No, I don't want to tell you about it yet. So, I guess there are many ways to explain the causation of general ****ty feelings when I live outside of my code.

 

If you stick around, and if I do, then maybe I will get into my code. Maybe I won't. It's up to me.

 

Further, the male fantasy of a very young woman is disturbing to me. It's disturbing to you as well (unless you are indeed a true sicko). The question is, what is too young: A certain legal age? Physiological development? Experience and education? Psychological stage? It's pretty complex. Thankfully, being relationally or sexually promiscuous or unfaithful has already been established for me as a non-starter, so I don't have to work out an appropriate age for philandering.

 

See how simple things can become.

[Dr Cranky]

Day 2:

 

I want to be better. We all do in some way. We all define better differently.

 

No matter how many life hacks I try, apps I download, regimes I commit to, and SMART goals I make, I nevertheless slide back into the world of status quo. The path of least resistance. This feels good for a while. Then it feels ****ty. Then I become satisfied with the fact that Dr. Cranky is simply a lazy, selfish, unselfaware, douche bag who has less self-control than a 15 year old boy lurking outside a girls' pajama party. And I know you are in the same boat.

 

Remember that movie starring Brad Pitts abdominal muscles and Edward Norton? Yes, the one where the guys beat the piss out of each other and find some sort of fulfillment in a world where nothing matters. The one based on the book by a guy named Chuck with a last name none of us can pronounce with any modicum of confidence.

 

It had that classic line: “Self-improvement is masturbation.” I wish. Masturbation is pretty easy. One of the only habits most of us have mastered. We seldom say we don't have enough time, energy, or resources to masturbate—or to eat a gallon of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. “I keep meaning to eat more ice cream, I just don't have the time.”

 

Self-improvement is hard.

 

I continue to try and I continue to fail.

 

So, here I am. Maybe this will work, maybe it won't. Dr. Cranky is trying to think and write about self-improvement for people who aren't coo-koo nuts.

 

I'm going to come here and log everyday for 90 days. Because that's supposed to shape a habit. We'll see.

[MidwestUSA]

Hi Dr. Cranky, and welcome!

 

I'm Nurse Midwest.

 

I don't have much to say, so I'll give the tried and true advice I pass on to everyone: make sure you're taking in enough fiber, and keep hydrated. I know I get cranky when I don't.

 

Cheers!

[JDPT]

Hello Cranks, welcome!

[AnyaNova]

I love this thread!

[Dr Cranky]

Hi Dr. Cranky, and welcome!

 

I'm Nurse Midwest.

 

I don't have much to say, so I'll give the tried and true advice I pass on to everyone: make sure you're taking in enough fiber, and keep hydrated. I know I get cranky when I don't.

 

Cheers!

 

Thanks for the advice Nurse Northwest.

 

And I was already thinking through my constipation post. It might "emerge" regardless.

 

Are you a real nurse?

 

I am a real doctor. Although my mother introduces me this way: "This is my son Cranky, he's a doctor, well, I mean, not a real doctor." I guess it's her way of telling friends I can't right a prescription.

[Dr Cranky]

Hello Cranks, welcome!

 

Hey JDPT. Thanks for the welcome. I think I am going to like it here.

[Dr Cranky]

I love this thread!

 

Anya,

 

Thanks to your affirmation, my self-development is underway.

 

Or it just took a step backward. We will see.

 

Love the Claiborne quote in your signature. I have heard him speak on his community in Philadelphia before and his commitment to solidarity with the poor.

 

He is pretty much a bad ass. A joy-filled, pacifist bad ass, but a bad ass no less.

[Dr Cranky]

Day 3:

 

Self-improvement/self-development/self-help is a funny field. The intrawebs have been littered with advice regarding how to make ourselves better. Its a damn big market. Why? Because we all want to flourish, feel better, and have a sense of success.

 

The CEO that seems to have her act together, but wants to be different. The movie star on the red carpet doesn't feel quite right, and anyone in who watches reality TV thinks that life can somehow be something more than what it is.

 

At base level, we all feel a bit like we are still in Jr. High School.

 

But none of us want to admit it. I love reading about self-development—and hate it.

 

Top ten lists and life hacks make me think I can actually do this ****—and then I don't.

 

Ever seen Donnie Darko or Magnolia? Each have a character that wrap up what many think of self-development gurus.

 

Magnolia features Tom Cruise as Frank TJ Mackey, the quintessential coach in the field of pick up artists. Mackey works his audience of sweaty, fearful, and self-loathing men into a frenzy with his rousing speech “Seduce and Destroy.” His mantra, again and again, “Respect the cock, tame the ****.”

 

Not for the faint of heart:

(Part II)

(Part III)

 

His masochism and self-assuredness bleeds into the audience of timid, self-loathing men. But in the end, he is a scared and broken man, projecting something other on the audience. He is a shade of himself, what he might want to be. People often believe this what the guru is.

 

Similarly, in Donnie Darko, Patrick Swayze plays the successful motivational speaker, teaching in cliché and motivating the downcast. To packed crowds and in video series Jim Cunningham gives all the right steps to overcoming fear.

 

Priceless:

 

Donnie Darko Responds:

 

In the end we find out Jim is a self-loathing man embedded deep in the world of kiddie porn.

 

This is why I never tell anyone that I am interested in self-development. Am I Mackey or Cunningham? Do I want to be a better person or appear better? Would I be content just pulling the wool over their eyes or can I handle the fact that if I truly develop there is pretty damn good chance LESS people will like me?

 

Most of us don't give a rats ass about being better and flourishing. We want to get more, do more. We want a guise of development.

 

Maybe this is why, in the end, Tyler Durden says, “Self-improvement is masturbation.”

Edited June 23, 2014 by Dr Cranky

[Haydn]

Welcome Dr. At last a real Dr!

 

surely self improvement is putting up a few more shelves for the misses?

[Dr Cranky]

Welcome Dr. At last a real Dr!

 

surely self improvement is putting up a few more shelves for the misses?

 

Haydn,

 

First, thanks for the welcome and for making the ass-kicking I received in graduate school legitimate.

 

Second, don't get me started on shelving (literal or metaphorical) for Mrs. Cranky.

 

Third, if that is in fact Steven Patrick Morrissey in your avatar, you are further along the path of enlightenment than 98% of the universe.

 

Regards,

 

Dr. C

[Dr Cranky]

Day 4

 

I'm a ****ing idiot. No really I am.

 

On Saturday I put together a nice list of things I was going to track in the realm of food and fitness.

 

I have eaten like **** and haven't worked out a bit—unless you count sex (Mrs. Cranky doesn't, but she's in really good shape--or maybe its about me).

 

We'll comparatively, my intake is not quite so bad. I eat a salad just about everyday, but I like salad. It doesn't feel like a huge sacrifice. Its almost like if donuts were good for you and people went around patting themselves on the back for finishing half a dozen of cream dripping goodness.

 

My hydration has been atrocious. That's one thing. Like really, really bad. Bad enough that my pee comes out in chunks. And hurts. As Nurse Midwest says staying hydrated is crucial for not feel like a son-of-a-bitch.

 

I also committed to exercising everyday, with the hope that I'll hit at least five days a week. No, I'm not a couch potato. Yes, I can still look down and see my feet. I'm an old college athlete even, so working out is not foreign. But I put it off and put it off. I'm not looking for sympathy, just to bitch a little and get it out of my system.

 

Here's the richest part: Dr. Cranky's standard for daily exercise currently is teeny-tiny. Three sets of burpees, doing the Five Tibetan Rights, going for a little run. Any of these things. I am not even talking about ALL of these.

 

Do I need some better structures?

How do you hold yourselves to doing what you need to do?

How to not be an *******?

[learning_slowly]

You can use an app. Seems to work for me for a bit, but i think you just need to change for 7 days and it starts becoming a habit. Now I get annoyed if I don't exercise one in every 2 days.

 

But you'll probably just get cranky

[Glinda.Good]

This is why I never tell anyone that I am interested in self-development. Am I Mackey or Cunningham?

 

Even if your MO was to trick people into thinking you had all the answers, you don't seem to be launching a career of magical snake oil pitching.

 

Are you?

[Dr Cranky]

Even if your MO was to trick people into thinking you had all the answers, you don't seem to be launching a career of magical snake oil pitching.

 

Are you?

 

Good day Glinda.

 

First, huh?

 

Second, if anyone reads this and thinks I know anything at all then may God bless there souls.

 

Third, if I discover the snake oil I'll sell the **** out of it (what's a self-improvement site without threads on self-employment/four hour work week). But I'll give you a bottle for free.

 

Not sure if I should be insulted. I usually assume yes.

[Dr Cranky]

You can use an app. Seems to work for me for a bit, but i think you just need to change for 7 days and it starts becoming a habit. Now I get annoyed if I don't exercise one in every 2 days.

 

But you'll probably just get cranky

 

Thanks for the post LS. I need an app to remind me to use my app to track my practices.

 

I do use the Seinfeld Calendar. I like the slimline, simple design. But, just need to do it.

[Dr Cranky]

Oops. day 5 didn't post yesterday, but the Dr. did write this prescription.

 

Day 5:

 

Dr. Cranky can't play long this morning kids—he has to go in to work and meet with a “supervisor.”

 

What a drag.

 

Well, not completely. Dr. Cranky loves work, but he also loves sitting around in his underpants drinking coffee.

 

OK, here's my only thought for the day: self-improvement begins with the body. What do ya'll think of that?

 

So often I think that many of the Greeks ****ed us into believing in the mind/body dualism so strongly and that the mind was always above and beyond the body. Screw the body, care for the mind. Starve the body, nurture the mind.

 

I believe in the unity of the the body and the mind (and maybe the soul, but like I said I have to get to work and the soul might take a lot more wrangling). In that we there are interwoven—one may seem prominent in certain aspects of life, but the other is right there trucking along with.

 

More on the body/mind later.

 

I just am coming (maybe have come) to believe this: all those questions that self-improvers tackle on confidence, self-esteem, influencing people, becoming a millionaire, etc. actually begin with the body. This is actually very different than what I have always thought.

 

More to follow.

 

But hey spanky, you want to get the girl, be given a promotion, get along with your wife, conquer the villain, start some simple exercising. Its not everything, but its a foundation.

 

Oh, and Nurse NW, drink water.

 

Then starting working on your mind/emotions.

[Dr Cranky]

Day 6

 

Dr Cranky didn't exercise today. Again.

 

But I did go on a sweet camping trip with a close friend. The damnedest thing happened. We were up late talking about some intrigue at work. Downed a bunch of beers and crawled into the tent. I woke up at 3 am with a moment of clarity regarding said intrigue.

 

I thought and thought, pulling together threads that I hadn't considered before and had an epiphony.

 

The crankster got home and started making some calls and uncovered a real deal conspiracy going on in the work place.

 

It felt really great when the person revealed the smoke screen for what it really was.

 

A nice, significant affirmation of the things I am good at, a tent, deep thinking, and a thirty pack of the champagne of beers converging into vocational success.

 

I didn't take down a politician or anything. But revealing some bull**** in the organization that I love is pretty fulfilling.

 

Tomorrow I'm off for vacation. Going to be with friends, Mrs Cranky, and the two little cranks. Might be a good time to reflect on self-improvement and fatherhood.

 

I'll try to keep the writing going. This is good for me. A habit in the making.

 

Be well new inter friends.

[pie2]

Dr Cranky didn't exercise today.

 

You can always exercise your soul (it's number one in pursuing self-improvement, imo). Just pray

 

I like your thread, OP. Have a fun time off.

 

[Dr Cranky]

Day 7

 

The Dr is realizing that any sort of posting during vacation will be lackluster.

 

To be continued when I return home.

 

Stay cranky

[Dr Cranky]

Day 8

 

End of day 2 of vacation and I am learning a lot. The Crankies are with three other families and I have been trying to live a life of self-denial on vacation in little ways.

 

Here are a few simple things...

Intentional play times with the little Crankies. It's easy to tell them just to go play. And a pain in the ass to get out there and really engage with them as the other dudes drink beer and watch soccer. But in the end it is fun and I want then to remember time together.

 

Doing the dishes. Yes, for some a euphemism for knocking boots (which is a euphemism for sex), but I mean literally doing the dishes for everyone after meals. It gives the doctor a little time alone, serves others, and gives a mini sense of accomplishment during a time of leisure.

 

Each day I do an hour of work on my primary writing project. A very important one as it keeps me connected to the work.

 

Good days so far. I've only wanted to kill someone twice. Which is a record when you put the doctor in tight space with strong personalities for several days.

 

Until later.