Do you care about what others think of you?

[nama]

If you don't, how did/do you achieve this?

[pteromom]

No, I don't.

 

There was nothing I did to achieve it... it came with age and wisdom.

 

There are some people who view life through a negative filter and find fault with anything that anyone does, so trying to live my life in a way to impress these people or avoid their criticism is useless.

 

There are some people who are narrow-minded and can only see "truth" through their own perspective, so the only way to live in way that they agree with is to discard my own values.

 

People have their opinions. One guy thinks low-cut skinny jeans are hot; another thinks they are skanky. One woman loves giant muscles; another thinks they are gross.

 

So there is simply no way to please everyone. No matter what choice you make, SOMEONE isn't going to like it or agree with it.

 

It's better to just be true to yourself. Keep your body in the shape you like. Wear what you like. Live by the values you believe in. Dance if you wanna dance. Laugh if you wanna laugh.

 

If you live authentically, like-minded people will be drawn to you. Negative haters will still hate. But you'll be surrounded by people who love and "get" you.

 

Life is short. Why would you repress your truth out of fear of what someone else thinks anyway? Let's say I get the urge to bust a move in the middle of the street. A couple people laugh. (They are happy because they have a great story about a crazy lady dancing in the street.) A couple people move to the other side of the road and look at me like I am insane. (I don't care whether I impress these people anyway, and I'll never see them again.) And I get to express myself in a joyful and silly and wonderful way. (I'm HAPPEEEE!) Who loses here? Nobody.

 

There are some people who say they don't care what other people think in a challenging way... like... "F*** them! I don't care what they think!" But being true to yourself isn't about other people at all. Actually, when you learn to be authentic, it really helps you learn to stop judging other people too. You realize they have the freedom to be who they are too, even if you don't agree with their choices.

 

/book

 

I have a lot to say on this subject, sorry. LOL.

[Ross MwcFan]

No, I don't.

 

There was nothing I did to achieve it... it came with age and wisdom.

 

There are some people who view life through a negative filter and find fault with anything that anyone does, so trying to live my life in a way to impress these people or avoid their criticism is useless.

 

There are some people who are narrow-minded and can only see "truth" through their own perspective, so the only way to live in way that they agree with is to discard my own values.

 

People have their opinions. One guy thinks low-cut skinny jeans are hot; another thinks they are skanky. One woman loves giant muscles; another thinks they are gross.

 

So there is simply no way to please everyone. No matter what choice you make, SOMEONE isn't going to like it or agree with it.

 

It's better to just be true to yourself. Keep your body in the shape you like. Wear what you like. Live by the values you believe in. Dance if you wanna dance. Laugh if you wanna laugh.

 

If you live authentically, like-minded people will be drawn to you. Negative haters will still hate. But you'll be surrounded by people who love and "get" you.

 

Life is short. Why would you repress your truth out of fear of what someone else thinks anyway? Let's say I get the urge to bust a move in the middle of the street. A couple people laugh. (They are happy because they have a great story about a crazy lady dancing in the street.) A couple people move to the other side of the road and look at me like I am insane. (I don't care whether I impress these people anyway, and I'll never see them again.) And I get to express myself in a joyful and silly and wonderful way. (I'm HAPPEEEE!) Who loses here? Nobody.

 

There are some people who say they don't care what other people think in a challenging way... like... "F*** them! I don't care what they think!" But being true to yourself isn't about other people at all. Actually, when you learn to be authentic, it really helps you learn to stop judging other people too. You realize they have the freedom to be who they are too, even if you don't agree with their choices.

 

/book

 

I have a lot to say on this subject, sorry. LOL.

 

Excellent post, pteromom. Those are pretty much my thoughts too.

[Anela]

I do, but not as much as I used to.

[Cracker Jack]

I've been breaking out of that mindset. At one point, all I worried about was what others thought of me, and never knew how I actually factored into all of this. I was definitely at my worse back then. I still care to an extent, but like Anela, nowhere near as much as before. I've also been feeling much because of my renewed thinking.

[Coffee20]

I do, I would like to get up one day and don't care at all about what people think of me. I do listen to people, I have to learn how to avoid their negative comments, because otherwise I won't live my live by myself. But I guess I am on the good way, cause I care less than before.

[soccerrprp]

I've been breaking out of that mindset. At one point, all I worried about was what others thought of me, and never knew how I actually factored into all of this. I was definitely at my worse back then. I still care to an extent, but like Anela, nowhere near as much as before. I've also been feeling much because of my renewed thinking.

 

As much as pteromom's attitude seems to be the pinnacle of wisdom to some or many, there is a dangerous side to her thinking, if, I assume, she is misinterpreted. Frankly, people who whole-sale do not care what people think of them could be some of the best people to be around, or some of the worst. I know people who don't care about what others think of them and are some of the biggest a-holes in the world. They think and use the excuse that they are being themselves and that authenticity is much more important than the quality of the content of character.

 

There are plenty of people in this world who couldn't care less if they were a-holes. They tell you "take it, or leave it." Well, for such people, it's better to leave it and stay away.

 

I'm not an a-hole, care about people and try to do the right, decent thing in all I do, but also recognize that I am responsible for how people feel as I encounter them depending upon how I interact. Do I care what people think? Sometimes. I have been complemented in the past by ladies, people who find such regard to my own self image in a POSITIVE light to be refreshing. Not self-indulgent, or narcissistic, rather aware of and wanting to be aware of how I influence others. I do my best, make mistakes, but my philosophy is that what I don't care too much about is how crappy, mean, negative people think of me as long as I'm not being like them.

 

Most people do their best, but there are some who simply do not. We should care about what others think if it's a reminder of how intrusive, counter-productive our presence is those around us. I mean this in a calculated, undermining way....

 

Just my thoughts. There's nothing courageous or admirable about not caring what others think about you when you are being a a-hole....

 

...just my 2-cents.

[Cracker Jack]

I definitely see what you mean when looking at it like that. Back when I cared, it mainly revolved around things such as how I looked, walked, talked, ate, laughed, etc, and I was always a pretty shy guy. I wouldn't be able to carry out an a-hole persona and still be able to say "***k what people think", simply because I know deep down I would care.

 

I know plenty of people like that, tho. The way I cared about how others saw me was very unhealthy, and lead to my agrophobia issues that were plaguing me for a good while. I've been forcing myself to do more things that are out of my comfort zone.

 

I care about what others think...in terms of not only having a positive effect, but also a lasting impression on those I come into contact with, as I always want to make sure I can show others that there are genuinely good people in this world that aren't looking to get over.

[EasyHeart]

I've never cared what other people think. It's not something I achieved, it's just always been that way.

 

Other people are stupid. Why should I care what they think?

[stillgotmytag]

No, I don't.

 

There was nothing I did to achieve it... it came with age and wisdom.

 

There are some people who view life through a negative filter and find fault with anything that anyone does, so trying to live my life in a way to impress these people or avoid their criticism is useless.

 

There are some people who are narrow-minded and can only see "truth" through their own perspective, so the only way to live in way that they agree with is to discard my own values.

 

People have their opinions. One guy thinks low-cut skinny jeans are hot; another thinks they are skanky. One woman loves giant muscles; another thinks they are gross.

 

So there is simply no way to please everyone. No matter what choice you make, SOMEONE isn't going to like it or agree with it.

 

It's better to just be true to yourself. Keep your body in the shape you like. Wear what you like. Live by the values you believe in. Dance if you wanna dance. Laugh if you wanna laugh.

 

If you live authentically, like-minded people will be drawn to you. Negative haters will still hate. But you'll be surrounded by people who love and "get" you.

 

Life is short. Why would you repress your truth out of fear of what someone else thinks anyway? Let's say I get the urge to bust a move in the middle of the street. A couple people laugh. (They are happy because they have a great story about a crazy lady dancing in the street.) A couple people move to the other side of the road and look at me like I am insane. (I don't care whether I impress these people anyway, and I'll never see them again.) And I get to express myself in a joyful and silly and wonderful way. (I'm HAPPEEEE!) Who loses here? Nobody.

 

There are some people who say they don't care what other people think in a challenging way... like... "F*** them! I don't care what they think!" But being true to yourself isn't about other people at all. Actually, when you learn to be authentic, it really helps you learn to stop judging other people too. You realize they have the freedom to be who they are too, even if you don't agree with their choices.

 

/book

 

I have a lot to say on this subject, sorry. LOL.

 

 

Wow great post, ive always been quite a shy person because im alwasy worried what people might think of me, its taken over my life, bout time i did things that please me instead of others.

[TaraMaiden]

.....

Just my thoughts. There's nothing courageous or admirable about not caring what others think about you when you are being a a-hole...

 

I see where you're coming from, but on the flip-side, Pteromom's attitude (and for that matter, mine too) is often also misinterpreted by some people who simply 'don't get it'... that is to say, they have issues that aren't resolved, and are uber-sensitive to other peoples' opinions, because they themselves have low self-esteem.

 

My opinion and attitude is heavily affected by the religious path I've chosen to follow, which is Buddhism.

Many see Buddhism as a false religion, dripping heavily with pessimism, and that therefore, Buddhists are a glum negative lot, who choose to interact with others in a blinkered way, to a callous and uncaring extent.

 

(I would add, that as so many members know me well, it's not a prevalent attitude here....)

 

But nothing could be further from the truth.

On the contrary, it's an extremely liberating and uplifting philosophy to follow, but I can see why others might find it an approach bordering on cold and uncaring indifference....

[soccerrprp]

TaraMaiden,

 

Understood. But do your responses to other border on cold and indifferent? If you do and your current religion encourages such an outlook, then it certainly doesn't sound productive for society as a whole. For you perhaps, but that "borders" on selfishness at the expense of others, does it not? I don't know too much about Buddhism, but it's another religion that just doesn't fully satisfy my rational self...no, offense, I have no more against Buddhism as I do other religious convictions...

 

I understand that people just don't have the time or should be compelled to explain where they are coming from, but the issue with me is that with that baggage, do you insist on pissing on others to make your point, or not? If so, it doesn't matter what your religious or quasi-transcendental philosophy may be, you are a detriment to society as a whole.

 

Do for yourself is not about caring about others or not. There's a balance that needs to be achieved. You do what you must for yourself and what you can for others or at least do not impede them from becoming better human beings. I make great efforts to try to do as much as I can for others, but know my limitations and level of sanity. I do more for myself so that I am able to give back, not be a a-hole because I've embraced profoundly cynical ideas of my world and the people that I interact with daily.

 

TaraMaiden, I mean not to offend. Hope I didn't. I've read many of your posts and find most of them very well thought out and helpful.

[AD1980]

This is probably my biggest weakness i care too much..If i think somebody doesnt like me i take it way too personally and take it as a slight on myself as a person..

 

I overanalyze things i want to say or if i said something that i think a person close to me might have took the wrong way i obsess over it..

 

Its probably why my daitng life is non existenmt.. im 32 and rarely approach women im terified of rejection and take it to personally and as a slight on me as a person and my looks..

 

Plus im scared ill say the wrong thing get nervous and get called a creep..

Edited August 17, 2012 by AD1980

[TaraMaiden]

TaraMaiden,

 

Understood. But do your responses to other border on cold and indifferent?

I don't believe they do. If I was cold and indifferent, I wouldn't even bother being here....

 

If you do and your current religion encourages such an outlook, then it certainly doesn't sound productive for society as a whole.

My Religion strongly encourages the development and cultivation of The Brahma Viharas. This is a practice we vow to undertake every day....

 

For you perhaps, but that "borders" on selfishness at the expense of others, does it not?

Buddhism is practised primarily for the self. but it is a self-orientated practice that benefits others by design....

 

I don't know too much about Buddhism, but it's another religion that just doesn't fully satisfy my rational self...

 

if you don't know much about it.... then how would you know it doesn't? might I suggest you look at this thread to maybe learn something to your advantage...?

 

no, offense, I have no more against Buddhism as I do other religious convictions...

You shouldn't have anything against any Religions.

 

I understand that people just don't have the time or should be compelled to explain where they are coming from, but the issue with me is that with that baggage, do you insist on pissing on others to make your point, or not?

Not.

 

If so, it doesn't matter what your religious or quasi-transcendental philosophy may be, you are a detriment to society as a whole.

After over 10,000 posts, do you think the Moderators would still permit my presence if that were the case?

 

Do for yourself is not about caring about others or not. There's a balance that needs to be achieved. You do what you must for yourself and what you can for others or at least do not impede them from becoming better human beings. I make great efforts to try to do as much as I can for others, but know my limitations and level of sanity. I do more for myself so that I am able to give back, not be a a-hole because I've embraced profoundly cynical ideas of my world and the people that I interact with daily.

Agreed. Not sure what point you're making here....

 

TaraMaiden, I mean not to offend. Hope I didn't. I've read many of your posts and find most of them very well thought out and helpful.

Like I said, I really don't mind at all what opinions others hold of me. It's their own evaluation, and once minds are made up, particularly on a forum such as this, it's often impossible to change them.

But Perception is often Deception.

 

If you'd like to know more about Buddhism, read that thread... It's actually started by a curious Christian, and we all really get along extremely well!

[Emilia]

SOME people's opinions I care about. I don't waste time thinking about the ones I don't but I recognise that some people's opinions matter - otherwise I wouldn't have friends and lovers.

[Taramere]

I see where you're coming from, but on the flip-side, Pteromom's attitude (and for that matter, mine too) is often also misinterpreted by some people who simply 'don't get it'... that is to say, they have issues that aren't resolved, and are uber-sensitive to other peoples' opinions, because they themselves have low self-esteem.

 

Agreed. In that situation, though, I'll often take on some responsibility in trying to understand a person's issues. Which can work well in some situations, but sometimes backfires with the result that too much of my time and energy is consumed by something negative.

 

I definitely do care what people think of me, but I've developed various strategies over the years for managing it...because otherwise your head becomes too full of other people's noise. If, as you say, a person has evident issues that hinder their objectivity and result in them lashing out at/projecting their issues onto me, then their opinion of will have low value.

 

In some situations you have no option but to care though - regardless of how low value the person's opinion is. Your boss, your neighbour, a partner's friends or relatives...a friend's partner, friends or relatives....life is full of people who you might not have chosen to have in your life, and whose opinions of you can help to shape your destiny. We deny this in an effort to avoid feeling weak and vulnerable. "Bullies have no power". Unfortunately, a lot of the time, people who are in full on bullying mode have propelled themselves into that mode precisely because suddenly they do have power - and are a bit drunk with it.

 

If they're driven by jealousy then they can become intensely destructive. I think developing a strong resilience to people like that is essential, but thinking "their opinions don't matter" is naive. We might not respect their opinions of us, but unfortunately those opinions might be listened to and respected by others. We have to care enough to be prepared for, and mentally equipped to deal with, the consequences - but not so much that we internalise the bully's issues and become as f*cked up as they are.

 

If a nice, easygoing person who speaks well of others and is rarely involved in gossiping criticises something I've said or done, I'll tend to care on a deeper level....not because of the consequences that them thinking badly of me could have on my life, but simply on account of their opinion as a person mattering to me.

[betterdeal]

I do care what others think of me: the closer to me the more I care. That said, I also care about what I think of me, and try to balance the two.

[Emilia]

I do care what others think of me: the closer to me the more I care. That said, I also care about what I think of me, and try to balance the two.

 

Yes, equally important

[William]

Thread starter, some posts were auto-moderated for commercial links. Please re-read the thread for a complete overview of the responses. Thanks.

[soccerrprp]

I don't believe they do. If I was cold and indifferent, I wouldn't even bother being here....

 

 

My Religion strongly encourages the development and cultivation of The Brahma Viharas. This is a practice we vow to undertake every day....

 

 

Buddhism is practised primarily for the self. but it is a self-orientated practice that benefits others by design....

 

 

 

if you don't know much about it.... then how would you know it doesn't? might I suggest you look at this thread to maybe learn something to your advantage...?

 

 

You shouldn't have anything against any Religions.

 

 

Not.

 

 

After over 10,000 posts, do you think the Moderators would still permit my presence if that were the case?

 

 

Agreed. Not sure what point you're making here....

 

 

Like I said, I really don't mind at all what opinions others hold of me. It's their own evaluation, and once minds are made up, particularly on a forum such as this, it's often impossible to change them.

But Perception is often Deception.

 

If you'd like to know more about Buddhism, read that thread... It's actually started by a curious Christian, and we all really get along extremely well!

 

Fair responses. Forgive the "detriment to society..." response. Shouldn't have expressed that and don't believe it.

[pteromom]

There are plenty of people in this world who couldn't care less if they were a-holes. They tell you "take it, or leave it." Well, for such people, it's better to leave it and stay away.

 

This is why I said "There are some people who say they don't care what other people think in a challenging way... like... "F*** them! I don't care what they think!" But being true to yourself isn't about other people at all. Actually, when you learn to be authentic, it really helps you learn to stop judging other people too. You realize they have the freedom to be who they are too, even if you don't agree with their choices."

 

If you just want to be a jerk, you aren't living authentically. You are hiding your real self behind bravado. Your declaration of "I am who I am." is a CHALLENGE to other people to take it or leave it.

 

But being who you are isn't a challenge to other people. They can take you or leave you, but your purpose of being yourself isn't to see what they do about it. That goes right back to caring what other people think.

 

We should care about what others think if it's a reminder of how intrusive, counter-productive our presence is those around us. I mean this in a calculated, undermining way....

 

This isn't caring what other people think though. This is about emotional and social intelligence and courtesy. You can be true to yourself AND check that how you are expressing yourself isn't stepping on others along the way. As I said, when you really learn to live authentically, it gives you the ability to allow others to live that way as well. You can look at someone else's choices and say "It's not what I would choose, but I hope it brings them happiness." When you aren't living authentically, you have a need to judge, because you have a need to defend yourself.

 

There's nothing courageous or admirable about not caring what others think about you when you are being a a-hole....

 

I agree. Being yourself is great. Forcing yourself on others is just another way of caring what they think.

[carhill]

I have no control of how or what others think, so accept that. In my personal interactions, how I behave is affected by socialization and historical interaction impacting perception of how my behaviors affect others, and I care about that.

 

As an example, if a person tells me their parent just died, I don't prattle on about my successes/failures/joys/pains, but rather express sympathy and empathy because it matters to me how I treat them, not what they think of me. It's an example of 'putting oneself in another's shoes', an early concept of my socialization. Perhaps it's out of place in modern society, but it's my path and I stick to it.

[pteromom]

because it matters to me how I treat them, not what they think of me.

 

Very well said, and ties in with what I was just saying as well...

[writergal]

What other people think of me is none of my business.

 

What I think of myself, is nobody's business by my own.