Feeling Stuck

[venusianx13]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I usually post in the relationship forums, but I decided to post here due to some issues I’ve had in regards to recovering from a co-dependent relationship. The relationship lasted five years, and while the first year was quite nice, the last four were the epitome of hell. I feel awful for having wasted most of my twenties on this guy… and it’s not myself I feel most sorry for, it’s for my son. He deserved a mom who was emotionally and physically present, and while, yes, I was physically present for him, my emotions were anything but pleasant much of the time. I was always anxious, always upset, always arguing/worrying/crying. Staying so long is such a regret for me, not only for the time wasted but for the fact that it has seemingly ingrained anxious tendencies into my behaviors and thoughts. It’s been about 6 months since that relationship has been over (tbh, it was over years ago, so physically letting go was not difficult), and on the outside, things ARE falling into place. I have met a wonderful man who treats me very, very well. Most importantly, he also loves and treats my son well. My relationships with everyone in my life have improved vastly – I’m emotionally present. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]However, I often struggle with anxiety. Especially at night. I feel like I barely sleep; my sleep cycle has gone horribly awry. Even my best attempts (even when I’m exhausted!) to get into bed early and get a good night’s rest are met with anxious thoughts and fears. If I do happen to fall asleep in a timely manner, that sleep is often disrupted (by a bad dream or something else) and I wake up and cannot fall back asleep. I am a Buddhist, so the only thing I’m clinging to is my last bit of faith in prayers, mantras and meditation, but even that has been a challenge for me as of late. Loss of faith is another topic, though.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]This affects my work, as I’m unfocused, and often times late getting in. My anxiety affects my relationship with someone who has never given me cause to doubt his intentions (if I am not mindful to keep myself in check), but as I mentioned, I feel stuck in the emotional patterns I endured for 5 years. I am wondering, is it possible to suffer some sort of post-traumatic stress after a bad relationship? I am fed up with seeing doctors who spring for meds that make me feel awful, without even really taking a few minutes to talk to me. I’m looking into more holistic remedies for the sleep and anxiety, but I’m wondering if anyone has any input, advice or suggestions? Much thanks...[/FONT][/sIZE]

[josie54]

I find holistic remedies such as magnesium, red tea (which have a calming effect), and ashwagandha as very effective in inducing a restful sleep.

 

To reduce the amount of worrisome thoughts that keep you from sleeping, I recommend writing out every fear and worry you have in a journal before going to sleep. Set a time limit (10 minutes?), and when you're done writing down that night's worries, mentally release them and then go to bed.

 

Keep a gratitude journal--a few times a week, if not daily, write down three to five things that you're grateful for that day--it could be steady things (like your son, your health, etc.) or temporal things (the good service and smile you received from someone at the store, a beautiful thing that caught your eye that day). Allow yourself some regular time to focus on the positive.

 

Do a forgiveness meditation, in which you forgive yourself for what you perceive as past mistakes and focus on the strength and gifts that your previous relationship gave you, to prepare you for the relationship you now have. Do this meditation until it come naturally to you.

 

I think practices such as these will help you calm yourself and shift your thinking, so that you can focus on the positive and on how your past brought you to your present life.