Sparky Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I've been fighting depression for about 15 years now. I take a prescribed 100mg of Zoloft once a day, and on top of that, I have insomnia, so I take Trazodone and Melatonin for that. The latter isn't the issue here, but I thought I'd mention it anyways in case it gets brought up, and to let you know that these are the only prescriptions I take. Once I graduated from college in June 2010, my depression started to really affect me, because the following 21 months I was incredibly depressed due to not successfully landing a job. Now that I have a job, I'm depressed that I don't have the free time I used to have, so I know that's not it. I joined a gym back in January thinking that would make me feel better, and while it's better than nothing, still isn't enough to keep me happy. I've had no success in the dating department. The last 4 women I tried to have relationships with treated me like crap. Waking up everyday feels pointless and impossible. You ever go out the night before, drink really heavily, and wake up the next day feeling so sick you almost want to die? Well, that's the feeling I get all the time, except without the physical illness and wanting to actually die. Kind of like a "mental hangover", if you will. If I had the option, I'd stay in bed all day and never get up. My mind will randomly and frequently go to dark, disturbing, and violent places, some of which happened when I was younger, like being picked on and assaulted non-stop when I was little, and some will be completely made up. It's worse whenever I get angry, and it takes nearly forever to cool off. For example, I had an argument with my brother today, and 8 hours later, I'm still pissed off, which in turn makes me think about torturing and beating the living crap out of everyone else that made me upset. I'm not a cutter, or a violent person at all, I just fantasize about this kind of stuff a lot. This is nothing new, and has always happened whenever I'm angry. There's no need to worry about suicide, because I'll never do that. Recently, I've lost interest in drawing and playing guitar, two things I love to do, and used to do all the time. I do play video games, but sometimes I'm not even interested in that. A lot of the times, I will mindlessly surf the internet for a bit and then stare blankly at my monitor. I've been trying to figure out why I'm always sad and irritable, and I just don't know what it is, much less how to deal with it. I've thought about going back to therapy or talking to my doctor about a higher dosage of anti-depressants. I do go out with friends or out to a bar, which makes me feel better, but I'm not always in the mood for that. Okay, so now that I think I have everything out here (probably too much), I guess my question is, what do I do? I'm sure I'm not the only person with these problems, and I guess I just need to hear some suggestions as to what I can do to improve my mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you tried any counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you tried any counselling? Yes, I have. Back in 2006 when I took a year off of college, I was seeing a counsellor. I've been wondering if I should, if I can't get any help on here. I know this is not a good substitute, but I just want to make sure before I spend a ton of money seeing a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I have also struggled with depression in the past and also tried to kill myself when I was young. Here is a list of stuff that's been good for me (some of which you are already doing): Therapy Medication Yoga Meditation physical exercise Being in nature Cutting alcohol and cigarettes Eating healthier food Trying to improve how I relate to social situations Homeopathy Are there any low cost therapy alternatives available where you live? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 I'm sure there are, but I can't see any of them fixing the root of my depression, whatever that may be. I'm sure they will help temporarily, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 You kinda glossed over your social life by saying you do go out sometimes but aren't always in the mood for it. Do you have good people in your life right now? A good support system? Do you know any people in real life that you would be comfortable discussing these issues with or are none of the friendships that intimate? The reason I ask is because I've come to accept the truth that humans really are social creatures and despite all the years I've tried to deny needing the company of others, the quickest route to depression is when your social life is in a ditch. If you have people to talk to all day and make plans with and share feelings and experiences with, getting up in the morning isn't so dreadful. I can totally relate to that feeling, for these past few months I feel that mental hangover when I wake up as things have not been good for me. You can try talking to someone if you want. I tried it for a while and it didn't really help in the 3-4 months I was doing it and then my insurance policy changed and I could no longer go. I'd really try to pour more of myself into the whole gym thing that you signed up for in January, but I guess that's subjective. The whole fitness lifestyle appeals to me and I feel better whenever I really make a strong effort to get into it again but it may not be that way for everyone. If you're interested in figuring out the root of your depression rather than just getting ideas for what to do to relieve the symptoms and distract yourself, then talking to someone sounds like the only way. Social life, exercise, etc, none of that is attacking the root of your depression. It sounds like you have specific memories of things in childhood that still bother you and those are the types of things that need to be worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I've been fighting depression for about 15 years now. I take a prescribed 100mg of Zoloft once a day, and on top of that, I have insomnia, so I take Trazodone and Melatonin for that. The latter isn't the issue here, but I thought I'd mention it anyways in case it gets brought up, and to let you know that these are the only prescriptions I take. Once I graduated from college in June 2010, my depression started to really affect me, because the following 21 months I was incredibly depressed due to not successfully landing a job. Now that I have a job, I'm depressed that I don't have the free time I used to have, so I know that's not it. I joined a gym back in January thinking that would make me feel better, and while it's better than nothing, still isn't enough to keep me happy. I've had no success in the dating department. The last 4 women I tried to have relationships with treated me like crap. Waking up everyday feels pointless and impossible. You ever go out the night before, drink really heavily, and wake up the next day feeling so sick you almost want to die? Well, that's the feeling I get all the time, except without the physical illness and wanting to actually die. Kind of like a "mental hangover", if you will. If I had the option, I'd stay in bed all day and never get up. My mind will randomly and frequently go to dark, disturbing, and violent places, some of which happened when I was younger, like being picked on and assaulted non-stop when I was little, and some will be completely made up. It's worse whenever I get angry, and it takes nearly forever to cool off. For example, I had an argument with my brother today, and 8 hours later, I'm still pissed off, which in turn makes me think about torturing and beating the living crap out of everyone else that made me upset. I'm not a cutter, or a violent person at all, I just fantasize about this kind of stuff a lot. This is nothing new, and has always happened whenever I'm angry. There's no need to worry about suicide, because I'll never do that. Recently, I've lost interest in drawing and playing guitar, two things I love to do, and used to do all the time. I do play video games, but sometimes I'm not even interested in that. A lot of the times, I will mindlessly surf the internet for a bit and then stare blankly at my monitor. I've been trying to figure out why I'm always sad and irritable, and I just don't know what it is, much less how to deal with it. I've thought about going back to therapy or talking to my doctor about a higher dosage of anti-depressants. I do go out with friends or out to a bar, which makes me feel better, but I'm not always in the mood for that. Okay, so now that I think I have everything out here (probably too much), I guess my question is, what do I do? I'm sure I'm not the only person with these problems, and I guess I just need to hear some suggestions as to what I can do to improve my mental health. Do you just go to your local doctor to get the script? I have read the comments and noted that you said you spoke to someone in 2006 did they review your medication? sometimes anti depressants stop working your body doesnt process the meds the way it did before, can be for a lot of reasons..... I have had to change completely the anti depressant medication prescribed for me quite a few times.....it is actually quite urgent you speak to someone about a review they can adjust the dosage or change it completely and trial a new one....then you need another review in about six weeks to see if that one is having an improvement on your overall mood or if they up the dosage that it is enough to keep you elevated..........please seriously consider a review its probably overdue....good luck ..let me know when you do...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 You kinda glossed over your social life by saying you do go out sometimes but aren't always in the mood for it. Yeah, I didn't include that because I think I had enough to describe in my original post. Do you have good people in your life right now? A good support system? Do you know any people in real life that you would be comfortable discussing these issues with or are none of the friendships that intimate? I have good people around in my life, but none of them make me feel comfortable enough to talk about these issues. I know my family loves me, but I don't feel very supportive. In fact, when I bring these issues up, everyone treats it like it's an easy fix, like "Just go out and get a girlfriend", "I have the same problem, but blah, blah, blah" or the most insulting one, "What do YOU have to be so depressed about?" Yeah thanks, THAT really helps! The reason I ask is because I've come to accept the truth that humans really are social creatures and despite all the years I've tried to deny needing the company of others, the quickest route to depression is when your social life is in a ditch. Really? Due to my experience, I'm very pessimistic about humans. I hate people in general. I mean yeah, I've come a good handful of decent people, but I've found them to be selfish, stupid, rude, mean, and careless. I don't tell people my problems because the average person will just pat me on the back and give me an unsympathetic "Don't worry. Things will work out in the end" kind of crap just so I can shut up about it. If you're interested in figuring out the root of your depression rather than just getting ideas for what to do to relieve the symptoms and distract yourself, then talking to someone sounds like the only way. Social life, exercise, etc, none of that is attacking the root of your depression. I totally agree with you on that. This is why I want to have a girlfriend, so that I can have someone who actually supports me, cares about me, and can help me out. It sounds like you have specific memories of things in childhood that still bother you and those are the types of things that need to be worked out. Oooooh yes! Plenty of them. But how? And Deb, I've been thinking about going to the doctor about medication. Maybe I should, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 But until I see a doctor, anyone else have ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 But until I see a doctor, anyone else have ideas? Look after yourself....put yourself first ....eat three meals a day ......walk for fifteen minutes everyday in the sun.....spend time with those who love you......take time just to do deep breathing and dont beat yourself up when you feel bad.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 Look after yourself....put yourself first ....eat three meals a day ......walk for fifteen minutes everyday in the sun.....spend time with those who love you......take time just to do deep breathing and dont beat yourself up when you feel bad.......deb Thanks, but that's a lot easier said than done. Any particular steps to accomplish that? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Thanks, but that's a lot easier said than done. Any particular steps to accomplish that? No it isnt easy when you are feeling like crap from the moment you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow, when you are feeling confused and numb sad useless an utter failure and you cannot for the life of you think how you can go through tomorrow feeling exactly the same way.......if all of what i have said sounds familiar you need to go see that doctor and speak up if you don't want to see a doctor tomorrow or today then what i said to you in the post above are the steps you can take to at least keep your body and mind nourished till you do see a doctor...... have you lost your appetite? can you still eat? ......do you have people who love you do you see them or can you see them? If you can go to the pub with your friends occasionally.... you can go for a walk for fifteen minutes if you are able to go outside your house. Do you want to feel differently? that is what it comes down to no matter how hard it is.... the steps you take are baby ones and you have to want to try it.....eat if you can.... exercise if you can..... rest when you can .....spend time with those who know you and you can talk too....be honest they will want to help you in whatever way they can...... and seek professional help as soon as possible. I am not a professional but have suffered with acute depression.I am here telling you things that have helped me.....you are the only one who can help yourself to get better..you have to take steps to do that....i cant give you sure fire solutions to your depression no one on here can ......its advice anybody can offer you....its your choice whether you take it or discard it...........good luck and best wishes.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Of course I want to feel better. That's the whole reason why I started this thread. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this discussion. I still have my appetite. I'll admit that it's not always the greatest diet, as I go to fast foods not frequently but a little more than occassionally, but I still eat healthy at home. I got to the gym mostly 4 times a week, so I'm getting plenty of exercise. I don't smoke at all or drink heavily. I have friends and family the love and care for me. It's just that it feels like no one understands how I'm feeling and/or they don't know how to help me. Part of the problem might be my new job I started in April. The guy I work for is awesome, and I don't hate the job, but I constantly feel stressed. I'm relieved to have days off, and stressed when I work. I know this isn't the whole problem, it's just making my current depression worse. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Of course I want to feel better. That's the whole reason why I started this thread. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this discussion. I still have my appetite. I'll admit that it's not always the greatest diet, as I go to fast foods not frequently but a little more than occassionally, but I still eat healthy at home. I got to the gym mostly 4 times a week, so I'm getting plenty of exercise. I don't smoke at all or drink heavily. I have friends and family the love and care for me. It's just that it feels like no one understands how I'm feeling and/or they don't know how to help me. Part of the problem might be my new job I started in April. The guy I work for is awesome, and I don't hate the job, but I constantly feel stressed. I'm relieved to have days off, and stressed when I work. I know this isn't the whole problem, it's just making my current depression worse. I am glad you have your appetite and the you eat at home mostly.....fast food is ok occasionally......I have a juice book i will pass on some pick me up recipes later on today ....they taste great and they might help a little with yoru mood.....I think you have hit the nail on the head with your job...if it is causing stress it affecting your mood........good for you on the alcohol and smoking .....alcohol would certainly make it worse.... I do understand how you are feeling and its often hard for some family and friends to understand how low you can go......some people think you can snap out of it.....we both know that is unlikely....try talking to your family or friends......counselling helps....I knew that you wanted to get better I just wanted you to write it......when I was far gone...... I didn't eat, didn't go out, didnt want to talk, stopped writing, drawing all the past times i adored, wasnt interest in the internet or anything in general, felt that i was an utter failure.......and I almost died......you arent at that place.....and i am glad about that.......you are exhibiting signs of slipping though.....dont slip too far before you either talk to someone or see a doctor.....and as always i wish you the best.......and to let you know there is someone out there who has felt the way you have...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thank you, Deb. That's a very kind thing of you to post just now. What has always bothered me, and I really want it to stop, is my mind frequently going to extremely dark, violent, and disturbing places. I've never been able to control it. Stuff that happened when I was younger still haunts me today. Have any ideas on that? Or is that something a consellor would deal with? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thank you, Deb. That's a very kind thing of you to post just now. What has always bothered me, and I really want it to stop, is my mind frequently going to extremely dark, violent, and disturbing places. I've never been able to control it. Stuff that happened when I was younger still haunts me today. Have any ideas on that? Or is that something a consellor would deal with? Thsi is where I can again offer advice, take it and use what you can, and i can offer ideas from what i have come to know but professional help is important.....thousands of people have violent acts committed against them in childhood and in adulthood....you are one and I am one we are no different to them.....there is no reason in us or abotu us that caused it to happen......it happened and it is no longer happening......flashbacks are common.....professional help needed.....this is one thought that provides me comfort and serenity.......because it happened to me I am glad it didn't happen to someone who is not as strong as me......that i survived and because it happened to me the person who perpetrated against me no longer has the opportunity to do it to someone else.... he worked with children and i was five......there are no more five year olds that will ever be violated by him again.....and yes there are triggers that cause flashbacks....professional help will help you decode the triggers and work out strategies to avoid them............does that make sense to you.......it might seem unusual to you have met me through here but i also believe in fate and if i can help you I was meant to help you and it is your choice whether you listen to me or not..believe me or not...you have the power to decide.....One of my strategies for healing is to write a book and that book may help others and then again I will have comfort in knowing soemthing bad can be made good ....something negative can be made positive.......peace and light to you......you are a survivor.....stay strong.....debxo Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thank you, Deb. That's a very kind thing of you to post just now. What has always bothered me, and I really want it to stop, is my mind frequently going to extremely dark, violent, and disturbing places. I've never been able to control it. Stuff that happened when I was younger still haunts me today. Have any ideas on that? Or is that something a consellor would deal with? Hello again......a quick recipe its a breakfast one that can keep you going and beat mid morning low blood sugar blues......and you throw it all in the blender.....but honestly i have it anytime i feel like it..... 250 grams natural yoghurt 3 tablespoons of raspberries or berries you like i banana 2 tablespoons muesili untoasted whizz it in your blender ....take a second to like the pretty colour.... then drink that sucker........ By the way.......when i was in a psych ward we (this and me being other lucid patients) would play an observation game with newcomers.... called guess the illness.....aged people mainly got alzheimers or dementia,sad looking people who hardly moved.... got clinical depression,a guy who thought he was talking to god and was responsible for all of us and our medication got schizophrenia,one female got given the disorder post traumatic stress disorder she got this because she was tense and ready to run but would turn around and lash out.....fight or flight response in regards to past trauma..... and maybe we did guess correctly after fifteen minutes to half an hour of observation and maybe we didnt......it was a harmless game in a controlled environment that filled in time......mental illnesses can often have symptoms of other mental illnesses and without proper professional help, observation diagnosis and treatment......cant get any better.....and you can be active in all parts of that....by honesty about what you are experiencing....keep a journal......take it with you when you see someone.....and the thing with mental illness is there are heightened senses .....you said you play the guitar(even though you cant lately) so you are predisposed to musicality......try listening to your favourite music more often even walking take yoru ipod and use your musicality to improve your mood and motivate you to exercise.....that one is proven fact.... it will happen subconsciously because it is in you already.....cheers to ya...hope you feel better today.....debxo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Okay Sparky, here are some few suggestions. Research universities and colleges near you. Research organizations and agencies like Volunteers of America and Lutheran Social Services, and the Dept. of Social Services. All of these can offer either info on low cost therapy or actually offer low cost therapy. Start your day off calm and relaxed by doing some deep breathing. Learning how to meditate will teach you how to stay in the moment and spend less time on thinking about painful past memories or a fearful future. Keep a journal and write about how you are feeling. Get it all out but do it a few hours before bedtime, not right before bedtime. Do deep breathing before bed. Try to do things that will relax your mind and body and the same time= a mental body scan, Chigong, Yoga etc. Research foods to advoid that add to depression and insomnia. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks you two for the advice! I'll give them a shot, and try to let you know how it works for me. I do frequently analyze people when I'm out, just practice reading them to see if I can guess more about them. You're right, it's interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks you two for the advice! I'll give them a shot, and try to let you know how it works for me. I do frequently analyze people when I'm out, just practice reading them to see if I can guess more about them. You're right, it's interesting. It would be interesting to me to find out what your doctor or mental health care provider gives diagnosis for and suggested treatment of .....i am a curious cat and would love to know.....and it would make me smile if I knew you are being pro active.....keep me updated on progress....i just love progress.....best of luck......and sunshiney days ahead.....debxo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 It would be interesting to me to find out what your doctor or mental health care provider gives diagnosis for and suggested treatment of .....i am a curious cat and would love to know.....and it would make me smile if I knew you are being pro active.....keep me updated on progress....i just love progress.....best of luck......and sunshiney days ahead.....debxo When (or if) that happens, I'll be sure to let you know. While you, CopingGal, and Exit have given me excellent advice, the hardest part at the moment is finding the motivation to do it. It might not happen tomorrow, or even a few days, but it will in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Google foods to fight depression. You'd be surprised what a big difference proper nutrition makes. Take Vitamin D3, at least 1000 units a day. Walk outside in the sun or do some other exercise to get your endorphins pumping. Instead of spending a lot of money on conventional therapy that may not work, make a call to the Lefkoe Institute and try one session for $200 over the phone. That might kickstart your life. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) When (or if) that happens, I'll be sure to let you know. While you, CopingGal, and Exit have given me excellent advice, the hardest part at the moment is finding the motivation to do it. It might not happen tomorrow, or even a few days, but it will in the near future. Advice is only ever useful if you take it and are motivated to use it...there is only i am going to take that advice.... no (or if) or yeah, maybe one day, down the track, if maybe i find the motivation...did you ever find that friend you were looking for in Australia? Do you feel that has contributed to your mood now?......deb Edited July 3, 2012 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 (edited) Advice is only ever useful if you take it and are motivated to use it...there is only i am going to take that advice.... no (or if) or yeah, maybe one day, down the track, if maybe i find the motivation...did you ever find that friend you were looking for in Australia? Do you feel that has contributed to your mood now?......deb I will do it, there's no question about that. Just because I said "if" doesn't mean I don't want to. Some other things might get in the way, like money, time, etc. And no, I never got back in touch with her. I would love to, I just don't know how. But that's another issue, and has nothing to do with my mood now. Edited July 3, 2012 by Sparky added some words Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I will do it, there's no question about that. Just because I said "if" doesn't mean I don't want to. Some other things might get in the way, like money, time, etc. And no, I never got back in touch with her. I would love to, I just don't know how. But that's another issue, and has nothing to do with my mood now. Thats the thing with mental health there is nothing more important than you getting better.....and sacrifices have to be made..money time effort actual pyhsical exertion..there are no ifs....it has to happen ......not only for yourself but for your family and friends who will have to deal with it and for society in general.....you wrote you frequently go to dark and violent places how long before that manifests itself outside your mental state don't you think its important you find out like.....yesterday..... every one of the constraints that you said time.... money....motivation....research..... are the sacrifices you have to make.....you have a responsibility to do that and if you really cant do it by yourself get someone in your life to help you.... and everything that happens to you in life contributes to the way you think and act and feel..in other words your mental state..do you consider that to be more important than anything else? Believe me it is..conclusion.......no ifs...no buts.... no maybes...start calling what does a phone call cost you? and ask for help...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts