1ceTr0n Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Ok, I really can't believe im trying this but I figure its kind of a step of taking towards "getting outa my comfort shell" and putting myself in the spotlight, so to speak. All my life I've known and accepted im not a Brad Pitt, Gerald Butler or Orlando Bloom in the looks department and plus being the quiet, shy and nerdy kid all through my school years, so thus, I've never been popular with the ladies. I'm nearing 32 and still in the process of trying to rebuild myself since a failed 5 year relationship over a year ago. I met a new gal pal who has helped me rebuild my confidence in my looks, helped me find new and better looking clothes, got me to going to the gym to loose weight. I've been taking new pill for my lifelong battle with OCD which basically consists of my brain being unable to stop thinking and shutting down, not the constant worry of stuff being in the right place or rearranging stuff in a certain way. But despite my improvements to myself in over a year, im still feeling the lack of "physical" appeal to ladies around me in public. I may not be the best body language reader but I still feel I just get "passed" over by most woman. I've tried to smile more in public then be a bitter frowner, I've had successful attempts and randomly talking with ladies at Starbucks which felt good but I still can't seem to strike it right with ladies. So I guess in an attempt to find out more of what I could do to improve about myself in the looks department or possibly learn the hard bitter truth that maybe my expectations are too high and need to lower my standards of what kind of woman I can attract, im putting myself out here in full view to hear what you ladies would initially think if you were to see me in a public place and what your reaction would be if I tried to start a general conversation or just a random observation if we were standing in line at starbucks or something. So here we go, feel free to give me the good, bad and ugly truth about me. I need to know, I'm tired of guessing after all these years http://img864.imageshack.us/img864/4429/96319710t.jpg http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/7892/96319710f.jpg http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/6620/96319710r.jpg http://img542.imageshack.us/img542/7717/96319710q.jpg http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/9943/memtclimb.jpg http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/8963/20110903122535476.jpg http://img856.imageshack.us/img856/6867/31106311212878557003710.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 "hard bitter truth that maybe my expectations are too high and need to lower my standards of what kind of woman I can attract" even though you will think otherwise: hard bitter truth seems to be that you are superficial as it can get. You are trading your own physical appearance off against a scheme of how good women "can" look so you "can" attract them. This leads to: a)thinking that you could never attract women "way above" your own looks => which is wrong b)being too arrogant to consider women "below" your own looks => which is wrong c)probably searching for a woman "slightly above" your own looks. => which decreases chances of finding someone you can have feelings for Don't get me wrong, everyone has his set of preferences. But considering your age you actually SHOULD know that there is MUCH more to attraction than the pure physical appearance from close distance. When I first met the last woman I dated 5 months ago she walked up to me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "hey, you smell good". 5 intense months followed. And I'd consider myself average looking (but in much better shape, you need to cut down even more). change your mindset Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 okay you have nice warm smile, i can definitely see you with a nice lady, leading happy life together. as for lowering standards? what do mean as in the appearance of a woman? just because a girl might not look like a model, doesn't mean she low quality. my advise to you is find someone that you can be happy with, have a laugh, enjoy same things. share life with. dont aim for the girls that stand out in the crowd that have many guys chancing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 You kinda look like a guy I once dated. Improvements would involve losing weight and the racing t-shirts. Physically, you're probably not going to draw women to you. But if you have a great personality and can make her laugh and feel comfortable, you'll be golden. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 You are OK looking. If you lost 20-30lbs, that would be a huge improvement. If you are smart and have warm personality, you shouldn't have a problem attracting women. Link to post Share on other sites
josie54 Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 To the question you asked: The photo with you without glasses is the best. Not sure if you wear contacts, but that would be the way to go, IMO. You look fine in the other pictures, but I think your eyes shine more in the pic without glasses. To the question you didn't ask: The fact that you're posting this at all suggests that your overall insecurity about your looks--and your obsession about how good the women look whom you want to attract--is what's holding you back. As irin said, the very fact that you believe you are "lowering your standards" by considering women who might possibly have a physical flaws (as 90% of us do) is really superficial. You're passing over a lot of great prospects. Just get over the looks thing and try to connect based on other, more important things (common interests, similar sense of humor, kind nature, etc.). That might require going beyond Starbucks and pursuing hobbies, volunteer work, or other interests where you're more likely to meet like-minded women. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Hi. I'm not going to comment on your looks because I think you are spending too much time on that. You can lose 30 pounds and find a woman, but what happens if you gain it again? The lady should be able to accept you are you are now without you doing anything thing to your looks, without going out of your way to dress nicely. You have something to offer this woman, and if she won't give you a chance because she is judging you by your looks, you don't need her. The same goes for her if you are judging whether or not you want to get to know her because of her looks. Hope this helps. Don't set yourself up for a shallow relationship. Just cool out and be who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OhHey Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Physically, you're probably not going to draw women to you. Pfffttt why the hell not? Do we need to be friggin James Franco to even get a girl to look? Apparently so, even though James Franco is irritating to look at IMO(that smile and his voice....icckkk). Look at this guy...he is built nice, not a slob, looks fit and clean, happy looking, friendly face ect ect. I think he totally would get girls lookin at him. Most of all, I bet he isn't a cock happy, suave douche that knows he's hot and woos all the girls around like they all want his ass. O.P. yerr a good looking guy, stop obsessing about it, grab the mountain bike and burn some trails..... you shouldn't have a problem with ladies if you are also a nice person. Nice RC car BTW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1ceTr0n Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 Thanks for input and advice. I'm trying to maintain a better intake of food and less of it and I know I could do better with my workout routine but I'm also still struggling with the idea that unless I have a nicer body, I have no real good chance with better looking woman and I guess that comes with my insecurity i've had all my life about how I look to the other sex as well as the public and fashion and advertisment industry as skewed my viewpoint of what I need to be and look like to gain attraction of the ladies. I've tried flipping through EQ and MAXIM magazines I just simply cannot become those kinda men those articles stated I need to look, dress and act like, that just simply isn't me and who I am. I don't wanna become a "douche" just to attract woman, then even I know im not doing it for the right reasons. I"m amazed at how many people don't like my glasses and even more more "upgraded" warddrobe with my 2 peice shirts, it was an upgrade last year after I lost some weight and replaced my gaming shirts. Guess i've got a long way to go still..... Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Thanks for input and advice. I'm trying to maintain a better intake of food and less of it and I know I could do better with my workout routine but I'm also still struggling with the idea that unless I have a nicer body, I have no real good chance with better looking woman and I guess that comes with my insecurity i've had all my life about how I look to the other sex as well as the public and fashion and advertisment industry as skewed my viewpoint of what I need to be and look like to gain attraction of the ladies. I've tried flipping through EQ and MAXIM magazines I just simply cannot become those kinda men those articles stated I need to look, dress and act like, that just simply isn't me and who I am. I don't wanna become a "douche" just to attract woman, then even I know im not doing it for the right reasons. I"m amazed at how many people don't like my glasses and even more more "upgraded" warddrobe with my 2 peice shirts, it was an upgrade last year after I lost some weight and replaced my gaming shirts. Guess i've got a long way to go still..... No, you don't have a long way to go. Just be yourself. But it goes both ways. You say you want to find "better looking women." I don't see anything in your post about wanting to find nice women, sensitive women, women who are self-sufficient, women who are nice to pets, women who are nice to children, women who are ambitious, etc. All you say is that you want "better looking women." It goes both ways. Edited June 9, 2012 by CopingGal Link to post Share on other sites
Miss.Misunderstood Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Just be you. If someone can't except the way you are then they aren't worth your time. Look at some girls (like me), staying in their PJs all Sunday and eattin doughnuts like there's no tomorrow. That's ME. My man had better except it or he's not my man. Just as I need to except the fact that he can be messy when he eats or whatever it may be. Non the less, the right person needs to be attracted to all that comes with you. Whether it's ur goofy but cute glasses or ur RC car. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1ceTr0n Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 No, you don't have a long way to go. Just be yourself. But it goes both ways. You say you want to find "better looking women." I don't see anything in your post about wanting to find nice women, sensitive women, women who are self-sufficient, women who are nice to pets, women who are nice to children, women who are ambitious, etc. All you say is that you want "better looking women." It goes both ways. Good point, I guess im trying to find a happy balance so I don't suffer from "Grass is greener" like I did with my last long term relationship. I wanna be happy and confident in myself so I dont' OCD about "other possiblities" but I also want a decent looking gal that will be attracted to me for all my good and bad traits, but also so I can be sexually attracted to her physically as well as her personality. Case in point. I wasn't until later in our relationship that I learned that I was more attracted to my ex's attraction for me rather then who she is all around and that I never was physically attracted to her in the first place. Took me 5 years to figure that out, the hard way. So I won't be making that same mistake again. I'm just gathering input on what things I could do for some improvement on to boost my chances without going overboard in regards to changing who I am Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Some people think that women should look "their best whenever possible for their men." Someone even said that in the forums. But I do not agree. That's a lot of work. I can think of many other things to do besides putting on fake nails, plucking my eyebrows, lining my lips, shaving my arm pits, polishing my toe nails, dyeing my hair etc. Besides when you live with someone, it's not a 24 hour glamour show. Yes, it's nice to look nice for your man, but to look your absolute best all the time takes too much time and work when there are other things to need to be done. I'm not saying be funky all the time and nasty, but still, GEEZ! TV shows in the 50's showed housewifes wearing heels and pearls while they cleaned the house. That is utter BS! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1ceTr0n Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 One lesson I learned from my ex, for me anyway is a great personality won't override the lack of physical of attraction to someone just as incredible looks won't override a crappy personality either. I wanna find a happy and healthy balance of both. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Good point, I guess im trying to find a happy balance so I don't suffer from "Grass is greener" like I did with my last long term relationship. I wanna be happy and confident in myself so I dont' OCD about "other possiblities" but I also want a decent looking gal that will be attracted to me for all my good and bad traits, but also so I can be sexually attracted to her physically as well as her personality. Case in point. I wasn't until later in our relationship that I learned that I was more attracted to my ex's attraction for me rather then who she is all around and that I never was physically attracted to her in the first place. Took me 5 years to figure that out, the hard way. So I won't be making that same mistake again. I'm just gathering input on what things I could do for some improvement on to boost my chances without going overboard in regards to changing who I am I'm sorry that happened to you. I see your point. But remember now, beautiful people get cheated on too. Super models get cheated on. There are many things that attract people to others. I was not physically attracted to my ex. Other people think he is very good looking. I stayed with him because other things about him attracted me to him. For me, he was sexy in the way he looked at things, his mannerism. His charm. That's what kept me by his side. Because of that, he became goregous to me. Unfortunately, he was acting. He was a compulsive liar and he began to treat me very badly. Looks are not why I dated him. Looks are not why I left him. And remember, if you have to change your physical appearance to snag or keep a gf, maybe she's not worth it to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 You look average, although much older than 32. Lose the glasses (Lasik or soft contacts) and lose weight and tone up. In most of your photos, it looks like you are hiding a fat stomach. If you are starting to lose your hair, start using Rogaine twice a day. It stops any more from falling out and might regrow more hair as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 You're good looking. Nothing wrong with you physically or your clothes either. If you want to improve further, then maybe lose the glasses and get contacts, and loose a bit of weight too. Link to post Share on other sites
Coffee20 Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 you look ok, I like your body... people usually go for people who seem to be positive, funny, open and sound confidence. It doesn't necessary mean that they are like that, but they definitely attract others more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1ceTr0n Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Man, can't believe how many peeps want me to loose the glasses, it surprises me. I did rogain years ago and it didnt' really work. I'm not gonna waste the money on trying to fight my lack of good hair genes, even tried pills years ago and did nothing. So I'm gonna work with what I have and go buzz cut as it worsens. If hair is all a girl cares about, I don't wanna be with her anyway Can't afford Lazik but I wear contacts from time to time Given by your name Fitchick, you sound like you just expect more from men and thats fine, I don't blame you for having high demands. But what im willing to put the time, effort and money into for what your suggesting is beyond what I desire to do. Thanks though for input Edited June 9, 2012 by 1ceTr0n Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Man, can't believe how many peeps want me to loose the glasses, it surprises me. I did rogain years ago and it didnt' really work. I'm not gonna waste the money on trying to fight my lack of good hair genes, even tried pills years ago and did nothing. So I'm gonna work with what I have and go buzz cut as it worsens. If hair is all a girl cares about, I don't wanna be with her anyway Can't afford Lazik but I wear contacts from time to time Given by your name Fitchick, you sound like you just expect more from men and thats fine, I don't blame you for having high demands. But what im willing to put the time, effort and money into for what your suggesting is beyond what I desire to do. Thanks though for input Don't worry, there's nothing wrong about how you look with glasses (at least I don't think there is anyway). I was just trying to think of a way that you could improve yourself further. Heck, for all I know, there may be a chance you look better with glasses, but I think it's quite rare for someone to look better with glasses. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Don't worry, there's nothing wrong about how you look with glasses (at least I don't think there is anyway). I was just trying to think of a way that you could improve yourself further. Heck, for all I know, there may be a chance you look better with glasses, but I think it's quite rare for someone to look better with glasses. Yes, I need glasses and wear them at work - but there is no chance I would be wearing them on a date. I agree - most people look better without glasses. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Yes, I need glasses and wear them at work - but there is no chance I would be wearing them on a date. I agree - most people look better without glasses. I just wear glasses when I'm at home, there's no way I can even go out wearing them, so I'll always wear my contacts when I'm out instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I just wear glasses when I'm at home, there's no way I can even go out wearing them, so I'll always wear my contacts when I'm out instead. I have low prescription so I just wear nothing most of the time Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I have low prescription so I just wear nothing most of the time You wear nothing most of the time? Cool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hello, I'm not sure if you're really looking for honest replies or reassurance. Can you elaborate exactly why you need to know? Link to post Share on other sites
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