anyone know anything about bipolar disorder?

[dsw31]

Let me start off by saying I know I have my own problems & I need to seek help for myself before worrying about anyone else.

 

Also- I know no one here is qualified to diagnose & I'm certainly not qualified either

 

 

 

 

So my question is...

 

If you are fairly certain that someone you love has some form of bipolar, what is the best way to have them try to seek help?

 

I've been doing a lot of reading on the disorder & my ex perfectly fits into most of the symptoms

 

 

 

 

During his depressive state (which is most of the time)

 

 

 

He has mentioned numerous times that he feels "empty".(his words)He even admitted to never being happy.

 

He has persistent sadness,pessimism & hopelessness(not justified by circumstances)

 

He has no sex drive.

 

He takes days off of work

 

 

 

During his manic state(usually happens in the spring or summer)

 

 

 

He has an extreme sense of grandiosity

 

He has creative streaks (writing & playing music)

 

He has poor judgement (cruel outbursts,got fired,sex with women he would never

consider otherwise,spends money on frivolous things)

 

An increased need for sex(either multiple times a day with me or has cheating sprees)

 

Drug abuse-(mostly marijuana but if he can get his hands on pills,he would do that too)

 

Agressive behavior-picks fights, yells at everyone including strangers & even his family. They are all afraid of him getting angry over nothing.He will even go crazy about something insignifigant like a spot of mud on the floor or spilling juice on the floor...Extreme anger!

 

* (He has also mentioned thinking he has disassociative disorder few times)

 

If anyone has had any experience with this, any information would be very much appreciated.

[wwwjd]

My BPD was already on meds and going to the shrink. She KNEW she was up and down, admitted it, took the drugs paid the doc, but SEEMED to refuse to take any REAL steps of her own to manage it.

 

She read books, admitted to having it - or acting that way - but when I'd point it out saying, "this right now, THIS is the issue and WE can deal with it together..." her answer, her excuse, her crutch, her reasoning to continue acting that way was...

 

"... but I'm bipolar"

 

You can lead a horse to water...

You can show them the door, but only THEY can choose to go through it.

[dsw31]

Thanks for the reply wwwjd

 

 

So your ex had BPD? Isn't that borderline personality disorder? I think the 2 disorders are pretty similiar but often confused.I may be wrong but I think the difference is that BPD has more rapid ups & downs.(like by the minute or by the hour)I think bipolar's ups & downs generally last weeks or months.I may be wrong but,that was my understanding.

 

Anyways-thanks again for your response.You are so right when you say "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"

 

I guess I'm hopeful that my ex has finally reached a point where he knows something is off.He has stated that he "wants to be alone to waste his life away."He said he "can't be with anyone because he needs to work on himself."I just wish I could help him somehow.I know he is very unhappy in life.Honestly-I wish we could be together again but I know that isn't possible at the moment.

[fucpcg]

Yes I have experience with BPD. Give specific questions you are seeking answers for, and I will answer. Otherwise I'm just sharing my experience with an ex, and it will sound like any other BPD story.

[dsw31]

Yes I have experience with BPD. Give specific questions you are seeking answers for, and I will answer. Otherwise I'm just sharing my experience with an ex, and it will sound like any other BPD story.

 

 

Thanks fucpcg!

 

First & most important question..how can I convince him to get help?

 

Did your ex have times when she would have cheating spells? (Like having sex with multiple people) Followed by no sex drive?

 

Did she get extremely angry about basically nothing?

 

Ok-just those 3 for now would be great to hear.

[dsw31]

Ooo oooo...

 

I more question.My ex says he just wants to be alone.He wants to waste his life away.He said he is a pos coward,lifelong drug user,he's pathetic and he needs to work on himself.Could that be his depressive state being honest?Or just a line to ditch me?

[Professor X]

So, it was obvious from your other post, where you rage-text him that you still got feelings for him. You sure you wanna get deeper in his life?

[dsw31]

So, it was obvious from your other post, where you rage-text him that you still got feelings for him. You sure you wanna get deeper in his life?

 

I mean, I know I can't "fix" him but,

 

I do want him to live a happy life & yes...

 

I WISH it could be with me.

[Professor X]

I mean, I know I can't "fix" him but,

 

I do want him to live a happy life & yes...

 

I WISH it could be with me.

 

I hate growing up. 10 years ago, if a woman told me she hates x and thinks he's a loser, I'd believe her. Now I know she means the exact opposite.

 

Ignorance is bliss.

[dsw31]

I hate growing up. 10 years ago, if a woman told me she hates x and thinks he's a loser, I'd believe her. Now I know she means the exact opposite.

 

Ignorance is bliss.

 

I don't believe I ever said I hate him? I hate the fact that he thinks we can break up & then he can just pop back up & act like it's no big deal.He thinks I can be his friend.It's impossible for me to be his friend if I don't feel like he is 100% commited to me.I am just so angry & feel rejected & went through alot with this guy.I still love him obviously, just hurt.

[fucpcg]

You cannot convince him to get help. Also, based on what I have read from your posts, I'd suspect you are wanting him to get help for your benefit to be completely honest. You just need him to get help if/when/only when he wants help. My last ex had a drinking problem. She only quit when I broke up with her 2 months into our relationship. A year later, she dumped me and went back to drinking. She didn't quit on her own accord, and she went back to where she was comfortable.

 

Promiscuity is common. She didn't cheat on me, but if we were broken up for a day, that next day there was someone to fill my spot. That was the typical with anytime she went thru a split. They seek fulfillment by having sex. Her drive did not swing, just always on. But having a swinging sex drive would not be surprising.

 

Her moods could be either insanely rotten, to amazingly lovable. She has said some of the nastiest things a girl has ever said to me before, and she was the girl almost purring on my chest last Saturday as we laid down and watched a movie together. I don't hold her swings against her, it IS her condition.

 

My ex says he just wants to be alone.He wants to waste his life away.He said he is a pos coward,lifelong drug user,he's pathetic and he needs to work on himself.Could that be his depressive state being honest?Or just a line to ditch me?

 

No this is not a line, this is exactly how they feel about themselves when in one of those manic moods.

 

My girl knows she has BPD. She has sought help, and got a lot of bad advice and help I believe. I do think that I can help her, but she really wants help herself. In my research things such as lithium can really make a huge difference. If we were maintaining a serious relationship, I think that we could have a good one, but I can also see this is a girl most guys couldn't handle. With my girl, I wear teflon. When she acts horrible, I do NOT judge, I understand it's her condition. Do I get mad at her? Yea often, but then I know to leave the situation, calm down, regroup, move on. If you wnat to have a relationship with a BPD, you need to have a strong constitution, and quick ability to forgive and forget.

 

She is a good girl. She can be a monster at times, but I believe her heart to be golden. We are not dating, although we have dated. My struggle is my love for my ex, hindering any kind of moving on. Outside of that, I would be in a relationship with this girl. Though I do understand, just because I can date her easy, doesn't mean most other guys could. Not everyone can date a BPD, nor would they want to.

[threebyfate]

Hopping in to clarify a possible acronym confusion. BPD is borderline personality disorder. The OP is discussing bipolar disorder which used to be called manic depression.

[TaraMaiden]

He is NOT your responsibility.

He is your ex-.

You have to let him go.

It's over.

 

Bipolar is an individual situation and everybody has a different degree and manifestation of that disorder.

My step MiL has it, and it took medics and psychiatrists 15 years before they got her medical cocktail right.

Before that, they were throwing all manner of mixes and medications at her, in an effort to treat her condition - some of which actually brought her to the brink of suicide.

I also echo wwjd - bipolars are absolute oscar-winning gold-medal hat-trick champions at throwing 'pity-me' parties, and using their condition to excuse every bad behaviour in the book - and then falling back on the old "I can't help it, it's the way I'm wired" bovine do-do's...

 

So even if you were able to convince him to go for a preliminary assessment - That wouldn't be the answer.

The answer would be to follow it up with appointments with different medics, experts, and psychiatrists, to establish the level of the disorder, and determine exactly what could be done about it, how and with what medication.

In other words - a lifetime project.

 

That's not down to you.

Because you're not in his life any more, and he damn well shouldn't be in yours.

[fucpcg]

Hopping in to clarify a possible acronym confusion. BPD is borderline personality disorder. The OP is discussing bipolar disorder which used to be called manic depression.

 

They are almost identical conditions as far as how a person acts. From what I understand, Borderline Personality is something that comes from experiences growing up, vs Bipolar Disorder is literally traced to a physical health condition.

[dsw31]

You cannot convince him to get help. Also, based on what I have read from your posts, I'd suspect you are wanting him to get help for your benefit to be completely honest. You just need him to get help if/when/only when he wants help. My last ex had a drinking problem. She only quit when I broke up with her 2 months into our relationship. A year later, she dumped me and went back to drinking. She didn't quit on her own accord, and she went back to where she was comfortable.

 

Promiscuity is common. She didn't cheat on me, but if we were broken up for a day, that next day there was someone to fill my spot. That was the typical with anytime she went thru a split. They seek fulfillment by having sex. Her drive did not swing, just always on. But having a swinging sex drive would not be surprising.

 

Her moods could be either insanely rotten, to amazingly lovable. She has said some of the nastiest things a girl has ever said to me before, and she was the girl almost purring on my chest last Saturday as we laid down and watched a movie together. I don't hold her swings against her, it IS her condition.

 

My ex says he just wants to be alone.He wants to waste his life away.He said he is a pos coward,lifelong drug user,he's pathetic and he needs to work on himself.Could that be his depressive state being honest?Or just a line to ditch me?

 

No this is not a line, this is exactly how they feel about themselves when in one of those manic moods.

 

My girl knows she has BPD. She has sought help, and got a lot of bad advice and help I believe. I do think that I can help her, but she really wants help herself. In my research things such as lithium can really make a huge difference. If we were maintaining a serious relationship, I think that we could have a good one, but I can also see this is a girl most guys couldn't handle. With my girl, I wear teflon. When she acts horrible, I do NOT judge, I understand it's her condition. Do I get mad at her? Yea often, but then I know to leave the situation, calm down, regroup, move on. If you wnat to have a relationship with a BPD, you need to have a strong constitution, and quick ability to forgive and forget.

 

She is a good girl. She can be a monster at times, but I believe her heart to be golden. We are not dating, although we have dated. My struggle is my love for my ex, hindering any kind of moving on. Outside of that, I would be in a relationship with this girl. Though I do understand, just because I can date her easy, doesn't mean most other guys could. Not everyone can date a BPD, nor would they want to.

 

 

 

That helps alot! Thank you!

 

And to clarify-Yes...I do want him to be happy.

 

I have to be completely honest though...I am selfishly hoping it would make our relationship work.

 

 

I know...it's a long shot!

[dsw31]

He is NOT your responsibility.

He is your ex-.

You have to let him go.

It's over.

 

Bipolar is an individual situation and everybody has a different degree and manifestation of that disorder.

My step MiL has it, and it took medics and psychiatrists 15 years before they got her medical cocktail right.

Before that, they were throwing all manner of mixes and medications at her, in an effort to treat her condition - some of which actually brought her to the brink of suicide.

I also echo wwjd - bipolars are absolute oscar-winning gold-medal hat-trick champions at throwing 'pity-me' parties, and using their condition to excuse every bad behaviour in the book - and then falling back on the old "I can't help it, it's the way I'm wired" bovine do-do's...

 

So even if you were able to convince him to go for a preliminary assessment - That wouldn't be the answer.

The answer would be to follow it up with appointments with different medics, experts, and psychiatrists, to establish the level of the disorder, and determine exactly what could be done about it, how and with what medication.

In other words - a lifetime project.

 

That's not down to you.

Because you're not in his life any more, and he damn well shouldn't be in yours.

 

Tara,

 

Thanks again for your wisdom! I know you're right but, I'm just wishing I could wave a magic wand or something.I'd probably be better off wishing for a unicorn.

 

It's hard to just shut off a switch & say that I don't want him back.

 

Thanks for the dose of reality..

[fucpcg]

Oh yeah one more thing, BPD is Borderline Personality, you asked about Bipolar. I was answering Bipolar, and my current girl is Bipolar. I have researched both, as I think my ex is BPD. So I put down BPD kinda as habit.

[dsw31]

Oh yeah one more thing, BPD is Borderline Personality, you asked about Bipolar. I was answering Bipolar, and my current girl is Bipolar. I have researched both, as I think my ex is BPD. So I put down BPD kinda as habit.

 

Thanks for the clarification.I am assuming he has bipolar.

 

I hope I don't sound naieve but I think the difference is that borderline personality disorder goes in cycles more rapidly (like by the minute or hour)

Bipolar goes through the cycles slower (like weekly or monthly)

Is that a fair statement?

[threebyfate]

They are almost identical conditions as far as how a person acts. From what I understand, Borderline Personality is something that comes from experiences growing up, vs Bipolar Disorder is literally traced to a physical health condition.

One of the differences that observers can easily see, is that with BPD, people experience very rapid mood shifts from minute to minute or hour to hour. With bipolar, the manic highs or depressive lows can last for days or weeks.

 

From the sounds of it, dsw's ex sounds bipolar.

 

As far as helping your ex, if he refuses to help himself, there's nothing you can do particularly since he's an ex. You need to back off, live your life and allow him to live his life.

[dsw31]

Oh Tara,

 

You mentioned that everyone has a different degree of the disorder.Did you mean EVERYONE in general? Or just everyone who has those characteristics?

[threebyfate]

Oh yeah one more thing, BPD is Borderline Personality, you asked about Bipolar. I was answering Bipolar, and my current girl is Bipolar. I have researched both, as I think my ex is BPD. So I put down BPD kinda as habit.

This is what I was saying, at least as it relates to clarification of terminology.

[dsw31]

One of the differences that observers can easily see, is that with BPD, people experience very rapid mood shifts from minute to minute or hour to hour. With bipolar, the manic highs or depressive lows can last for days or weeks.

 

From the sounds of it, dsw's ex sounds bipolar.

 

As far as helping your ex, if he refuses to help himself, there's nothing you can do particularly since he's an ex. You need to back off, live your life and allow him to live his life.

 

Thanks again threebyfate.

 

I understand that he needs to want to help himself.I also know that I need to live my own life & get over him but...even though he is my ex, I know I can still get through to him more than anyone else ever could.That's why I wish I could help him

 

He is still very receptive if I ever want to talk to him

[TaraMaiden]

Which - of course - you don't....

[dsw31]

I would also like to add that he has said "no one can stand to be around me"

& "people always abandon him"

 

That's why I don't really want to abandon him.

I know I gotta look out for myself above all but, maybe that's an opening to help him?

[wwwjd]

Thanks for the reply wwwjd

 

 

So your ex had BPD? Isn't that borderline personality disorder? I think the 2 disorders are pretty similiar but often confused.I may be wrong but I think the difference is that BPD has more rapid ups & downs.(like by the minute or by the hour)I think bipolar's ups & downs generally last weeks or months.I may be wrong but,that was my understanding.

 

Anyways-thanks again for your response.You are so right when you say "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"

 

I guess I'm hopeful that my ex has finally reached a point where he knows something is off.He has stated that he "wants to be alone to waste his life away."He said he "can't be with anyone because he needs to work on himself."I just wish I could help him somehow.I know he is very unhappy in life.Honestly-I wish we could be together again but I know that isn't possible at the moment.

 

Yeah I think I'm meant Bi Polar Disoder. my bad