BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

[Rimer]

I've been reading about this lately. Conserning my ex. I'm wondering as many traits mentioned in this disorder hit the spot. One of the biggest flaws she had was the fact once she got angry over something she would go totally into a mode I never wanted to see her. Wouldn't talk to me, slam the doors and be mad for many hours. Then later on she would say it was my fault she got this mad and couldn't talk. This all could happen in a matter of 10 seconds. I tried many times talking to her about this matter but she never would and always blamed me for pushing her to her limit. Now after we broke up she told me I should have just pushed away for couple hours to let her calm down and then we could have talked ?! wtf

[Taramere]

You wouldn't be human if you didn't think your ex had a personality disorder of some kind.

 

Chin up, we've all been there. It'll get better.

[carhill]

With a BPD'er, one could say 'wow, the sky sure is blue today' and set them off. True story. Like you said, ten seconds (or less).

 

When your 'this is nuts' canary starts choking, don't argue. Get out. Otherwise, you'll go down with it.

[Feelin Frisky]

I had an LTR with a woman whom I did not know has "borderline" and it made such a mess of me, it's taken many years to recover. The main symptom was never learning from her own mistakes and always blaming someone or something else for the troubles she started. That nature of the inter-personal problems she'd start was very often avoidance of direct communication and instead, quickly misjudging or drawing her own negative conclusions. That's bad enough but to have to verbalize them without regard for anything or anyone else, no matter if it were 10 seconds to mid night on New Years Eve or after you just spent a couple of days being totally sexually intimate, was unbearable. She'd then do anything to avoid responsibility for betraying a trust like that by defaulting to another "personality schism" and start crying--making it seem like I got angry with her clearly out of the blue for no reason. This is what used to be called a "complex". There is no chance for happiness with this kind of complex because there is no therapy that can work IMO--it's deep-seated "personality fragmentation" that defies normal reason.

[Rimer]

With a BPD'er, one could say 'wow, the sky sure is blue today' and set them off. True story. Like you said, ten seconds (or less).

 

When your 'this is nuts' canary starts choking, don't argue. Get out. Otherwise, you'll go down with it.

 

I know.. Over the years I lost my cool with these flicks sometimes and called her "craaazy" because of that. I mean if one goes off the wall because you ask her "what's wrong? talk to me"

 

I keep blaming myself for this. That it was my fault she went off. That with another guy this wont happen?

[Exit]

I keep blaming myself for this. That it was my fault she went off. That with another guy this wont happen?

 

Nah, like someone else already mentioned, and I've read this in many other places as well, even long term intense therapy can not help most of these people. Partially because they're so good at faking their personality and being dishonest, that they're incapable of actually opening up to the therapist and letting them try to help, so there is no hope of progress.

 

It will happen when they date other people too, eventually. Of course during the honeymoon period of a new relationship, if you could be a fly on the wall and see how your ex is behaving, you'd probably think "damn look at her now, acting completely normal". Check on them 2 years into the relationship (if they can make it that far) and the honeymoon will be over and they'll be acting the same way. The only type of person these people could hope to date where you'd have to worry that "it must have been my fault because they aren't that way with this other person" is if the new person is willing to be a total doormat to them and their disorder. If they meet someone with absolutely no needs or ideas of their own and who are willing to let these issues control their entire life, then you would see a relationship where your ex isn't having the same issues. That doesn't mean you should be jealous of the doormat though.