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Has anyone ever been to an Al-Anon meeting?


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Ruby Slippers

Lately, I am trying to find new means of social support. I am not close to my family at all, and due to their issues, I really do think I'm better off not being too close to them. My counselor agrees. My dad was verbally and emotionally abuse to me, my mom, and all my brothers and sisters for most of my life, and we have all struggled with the fallout of that, to varying degrees. He has improved, but he is still mean and critical sometimes, and it's always painful to interact with him. So mostly, I stay away.

 

Mostly because of the way he is, my mom started drinking heavily and became an alcoholic who could hardly function when I was a pre-teen and teenager. I spent several years taking care of her, picking her up off the floor, putting her to bed, and dealing with all the BS around her addiction. My dad was drinking heavily during this time, too, and I was basically the parent of the household. Eventually, my dad kicked my mom out, and she got help. I don't think she's had a drink since.

 

I have spent most of my adult life basically trying to ignore and push through the abuse and trauma, focusing on the positive instead, and I've done a pretty good job. But as I get older, I feel more of a need to deal with the pain of his abuse, and the stress of always having to be strong on my own, with no real family support. I've been struggling more the past few years. I've accomplished a lot and made some huge progress in my personal and professional life, but this emotional stuff keeps biting me in the butt.

 

So, one of the things I'm considering doing is going to Al-Anon meetings, to talk about my experiences with an alcoholic parent and how I can cope with living a life without a real family.

 

The reason I've avoided this until now is that I have a wide humanitarian streak and tend to want to "save the world", and get pulled into trying to help people with big issues. And I imagine these meetings are full of them. Of people who've survived abuse and trauma, I seem to have pulled through better than most, possibly because I was not abused physically or sexually. This has been a pattern in my romantic life -- some guy who seems great at first but who has hidden issues comes at me big time, I am wowed by the attention and validation, so I start loving a guy who will never be able to be an equal partner and really love me in return. I finally recognize this, and I do not get into anything serious with these "wounded birds" anymore.

 

So, I guess I'd just like to know from anyone who has gone to these meetings: what are they like?

Edited by Ruby Slippers
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snug.bunny

Ruby, that was extremely hard to read. :(

 

I don't know much about Al-Anon, but I hope you find the answers you seek and that you receive the best support you can find.

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Ruby Slippers

Thanks, snug.bunny. My friends are being supportive during a hard time, but I don't want to dump all my woes on them. So dumping them on the Internet has been helpful. The kindness of strangers such as yourself really can make one feel better. :)

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Feelin Frisky

I have. All I can say is give it a try. The quality of it will always depend on the specific people you meet--it can be great in some places and not so elsewhere. *here's a hug in advance*

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al anon is good - but it seems more appropriate for you to go to an adult child of alcoholics meetings or ACA. more relevant for you.

 

hugs

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I have done both Al-Anon and Ala-Teen (when I was younger). I have a similar family situation (alcohol, drugs, physical, mental, and verbal abuse) and I found it was helpful at first, but then it got to be kind of... overwhelming, I guess. I think in part because I have distanced myself geographically and emotionally from my family and am not therefore as affected by their issues, whereas a lot of the people in the group still were. My empathy went into overdrive and I began to feel worse.

 

They do bring to light some excellent coping techniques though. I don't know about you, but my emotions run the gamut from guilt to anger to indifference to sadness and all points in between. My group seemed to be much more focused on damage control, than healing, and that was why I left. Experience will vary.

 

I truly applaud your efforts. It wasn't until recently that I, too, started trying to really deal with these things instead of just locking them in a box. It can be difficult to break out of survival mode and try to actually live.

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Ruby Slippers
I have done both Al-Anon and Ala-Teen (when I was younger). I have a similar family situation (alcohol, drugs, physical, mental, and verbal abuse) and I found it was helpful at first, but then it got to be kind of... overwhelming, I guess. I think in part because I have distanced myself geographically and emotionally from my family and am not therefore as affected by their issues, whereas a lot of the people in the group still were. My empathy went into overdrive and I began to feel worse.

Ahhhh, see, this is what I am afraid of.

 

They do bring to light some excellent coping techniques though. I don't know about you, but my emotions run the gamut from guilt to anger to indifference to sadness and all points in between. My group seemed to be much more focused on damage control, than healing, and that was why I left. Experience will vary.

Interesting. Mine are more self-doubt, wavering self-esteem, intense self-critical thoughts, occasional feelings of alienation and worthlessness, hopelessness. Basically, my dad's critical voice runs in my head sometimes, and even though rationally I know he's full of crap, sometimes I believe his distorted comments.

 

I truly applaud your efforts. It wasn't until recently that I, too, started trying to really deal with these things instead of just locking them in a box. It can be difficult to break out of survival mode and try to actually live.

Now, see, for me it feels almost like the opposite -- I WAS truly living for years, for the most part. Now things are harder, and at times, I feel like I'm just surviving, and I want to LIVE. I think I need to bust through some of this crap to get there.

 

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. This is very helpful! I'll report back if I do attend a meeting.

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Forever Learning

I have been to several varities of 12 step programs.

 

Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous and Sex/Love Addicts Anonymous.

 

I love the website for Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous, it is so dang neat and informative, it really gets you thinking about alot of things: http://loveaddicts.org/

 

There is even a 12 step called "Emotions Anonymous" for those seeking emotional health: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/

 

My experience with it all boiled down to the group of people in the meeting. Some are just so much more fascinating than others. I have been to several that were bland due to the people being un-inspired I suppose. But other groups were absolutely electric and I was inspired by their energy immensely.

 

The love/sex addicts have online meetings as well. Although face to face is so much better. You need that human contact, that is such a big part of it. And yes, friendships begin too, which mean everything as well as far as getting support from like minded people.

 

Had the same deal as you in my family growing up. Caused alot of problems for me in my adult life in poor choices I have made in relationships.

 

Luckily this is true for so many people out there, we are not alone, there so many others who are enlightened, and can relate and offer support. Just seek it out. I think you are wonderful, I hope you get the support you need to flourish and thrive. Because from the right perspective and with the right attitude, life is really, really great. Good luck.

Edited by Forever Learning
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