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My journal on trying to improve my life


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Ross MwcFan

I have always found life very difficult. And suffer from depression and shyness.

 

Up until a few months ago, I was very defeatist. Now for some reason, I'm not.

 

I think it's all because I've realised, for the first time, that if you struggle with something, and/or it makes you feel very anxious and uneasy, that if you stick at it, and force yourself out of your comfort zone, it does actually get easier, and ends up being completely normal.

 

A long time ago, I couldn't cope with driving, it made me very anxious, and any little mistake I made, or if I had someone beep at me, it would really effect me. I'd just feel as though I was a complete idiot, and that I wasn't fit for driving at all. I couldn't even listen to music while driving because I found it so off putting. I also think the anxiety, contributed to me making mistakes too.

 

There were many times where I was so close to giving up, to sellng the car (so glad I didn't).

 

But, for some reason I stuck at it (I don't think I ever would've done this in the past), and now, I hardly make any mistakes while driving. I feel totally comfortable with driving on my own everyday. I can even enjoy listening to music loud while I'm driving now. And if someone beeps at me, I couldn't give a ****, sometimes I'll even think it was they who were in the wrong and get pissed off at them.

 

This is what made me reaslise that if you push yourself, things do get better. And this has made it a lot easier for me to push myself with other things.

 

I used to feel very anxious about going shopping on my own, like at the supermarket, I stuck at that too, and what do you know? I feel totally confident about it now. Didn't even take that long for me to lose the anxiety.

 

Anyway, I still struggle. For example, it's not like I feel confident with driving on more complicated routes and much longer distances. But I've decided to start trying to over come that now. Buy going out more often on more complicated routes and driving further distances.

 

I'll probably even be meeting a girl sometime next year.

 

I've written out several goals, like getting a job which involves working with animals, and getting my own place, etc.

 

So, I'll keep you guys posted with what's happening.

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::standing up applauding::

 

That's a fighting spirit you have there, Ross.

 

Post should you need answers to getting your own place, as well.

I saw you asking about the costs in the UK.

 

Cheers!

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*shoves Dorie aside to applaud louder*

 

Make it happen, Ross! It's within your power! :bunny:

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Ross MwcFan

Today I have an appointment with the optician.

 

The thing that has been holding me back on getting voluntary work with animals (I thought this would make a good start on trying to get a paying job with animals, plus I want to get out of the house more anyway), is that my contacts can sometimes irritate my eyes regulary.

 

This results in me sometimes having to use eye drops often, and sometimes repeatedly taking out a contact lense, cleaning it, and putting it back in until it's comfortable.

 

This would be really impractical for work.

 

At the opticians today, I'm going to tell her about this, and ask if I would be able to get some new ones made which wont irritate my eyes anywhere near as much. And, would I have to pay for them, or are the ones that I have now still under gurantee.

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Ross MwcFan

Well, bad news. It seems that because of my contacts my eyes aren't getting enough oxygen which is causing blood vessels to grow.

 

She said that I need to wear them less often and hopefully that should stop them from growing.

 

If it doesn't then I may need to get new ones that are even more gas permeable, but then that could mean they would irrate my eyes even more. And if that doesn't work I'll have to stop wearing contacts all together.

 

She said maybe if I try a different cleaning solution, that could stop them from irritating my eyes as much.

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Wow, I'm really impressed by your OP. With that attitude, I think you have a whole new life ahead of you.

 

On the contacts: I use both glasses and contacts and I've been through various types of contacts to get ones that don't bother me. I now use contacts a couple of days a week, and if more, I take them out at night to let my eyes rest for half an hour without contacts before I go to sleep. In that way, my eyes get plenty of oxygen. Try playing around with different solutions/ routines / types of contacts in dialogue with your optician, and hopefully you'll find a solution that suits you.

 

I have a couple of friends who need to use eye drops on a regular basis. Don't let that put you off work opportunities. It's a practical nuisance but in most cases you'd be able to find a way around it.

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Ross MwcFan

Thanks Denise. Just had a quick look about my problem on Google, and it seems there's 2 other alternatives that I could look into if I have to stop wearing contacts.

 

1. Silicon hydrogel lenses

2. Laser eye surgery (can't believe I forgot about this)

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Thanks Denise. Just had a quick look about my problem on Google, and it seems there's 2 other alternatives that I could look into if I have to stop wearing contacts.

 

1. Silicon hydrogel lenses

2. Laser eye surgery (can't believe I forgot about this)

 

Love the way you encountered an obstacle but didn't let it stop you. You went around it looking for alternate solutions. That's an excellent mindset and habit to get into.

 

Good luck.

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Ross MwcFan

Tomorrow I'm going to be driving through town and using roundabouts to pick someone up from the hospital. It'll be totally out of my comfort zone and I've not done this since when I first started driving a couple of years ago, and had several bad experiences with driving in this sort of enviroment.

 

I'm quite dreading it to be honest. But I need to make progress.

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You'll probably be fine, and afterwards you'll be really relieved. Good luck :) Glad you found some alternatives for your eyes, too.

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Ross MwcFan

Nephew is fine.

 

Everything went really well, the route wasn't as complicated as I thought. But still a bit complicated. Nearly ran a red light a couple of times because I was trying to work out which lane I needed to be in (it's hard making out the road markings when they're far away).

 

Roundabouts worked out fine too, I never got beeped at, it was a really nice sunny day, a lot of the route was scenic, I quite enjoyed it, and I didn't feel that anxious.

 

I almost didn't go, because it was getting late, I knew the roads would be a lot more busy, and I thought maybe I was jumping too much into the deep end, and should start off with driving to places more nearer, and less complicated. But, I made myself go, and I'm so glad I did.

 

I think I did really well considering I haven't done this for about 2 years.

 

This doesn't mean anything is anywhere near fine yet though. As there's still no way I could drive on these sorts of routes on my own (yet). And the fact that there were no incidents and everything went fine, doesn't mean that it's going to be like that everytime from now on, as the fact that I didn't do anything stupid/embarrassing/no incidents happened, would've partly been down to luck.

 

These things are gonna happen, and it's gonna be often, until I get more confidence and experience under my belt. I just need to be able to deal with these things when/after they happen, and not let them put me off.

 

Good news on the contact lense front. My mum rang up the optician without me knowing and asked if disposable contacts would be any better for my eye problem, and the optician said yes.

 

Quite strange then that the optician didn't mention that I could try disposable ones and they would be a lot better for me, when we were discussing how my contacts were causing a problem.

 

I will make an appointment for a discussion on whether I should go the disposable or silicon hydrogel route, and possibly get a fitting at the same time.

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Ross MwcFan
Have you considered volunteering for http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/ since you like animals?

 

Not heard of that, but I'll look into it.

 

The two considerations I have right now, are the animal sanctury and the RSPCA.

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[clipped for emphasis]

 

This doesn't mean anything is anywhere near fine yet though. As there's still no way I could drive on these sorts of routes on my own (yet). And the fact that there were no incidents and everything went fine, doesn't mean that it's going to be like that every time from now on, as the fact that I didn't do anything stupid/embarrassing/no incidents happened, would've partly been down to luck.

 

These things are gonna happen, and it's gonna be often, until I get more confidence and experience under my belt. I just need to be able to deal with these things when/after they happen, and not let them put me off.

 

 

That is the key.

You concluding it on your own signals a shift in your thinking, from Impossible to Possible.

 

Have you ever been screened for OCD?

 

Some symptoms that appear applicable are fear of thinking bad thoughts or doing something embarrassing...fear that something terrible will happen or fear of harming yourself or someone else...asking the same question or saying the same thing over and over (about not getting a woman or women being attracted to you in real life). I'm unsure if repetitive habits are in the picture but should they be, entertain the idea of having a OCD screening. It could be lending to these skewed perceptions that haunt you. The perception that the world is a scary place fraught with dangers.

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Ross MwcFan
That is the key.

You concluding it on your own signals a shift in your thinking, from Impossible to Possible.

 

Have you ever been screened for OCD?

 

Some symptoms that appear applicable are fear of thinking bad thoughts or doing something embarrassing...fear that something terrible will happen or fear of harming yourself or someone else...asking the same question or saying the same thing over and over (about not getting a woman or women being attracted to you in real life). I'm unsure if repetitive habits are in the picture but should they be, entertain the idea of having a OCD screening. It could be lending to these skewed perceptions that haunt you. The perception that the world is a scary place fraught with dangers.

 

I do actually have OCD a little, it get's worse when I'm anxious. I never knew it could have anything to do with the things you mentioned.

 

I did try Prozac once for depression, it is the only anti depressant that I've tried which got rid of my OCD completely. Nothing else improved though. Maybe I wasn't on it for long enough.

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I do actually have OCD a little, it get's worse when I'm anxious. I never knew it could have anything to do with the things you mentioned.

 

I did try Prozac once for depression, it is the only anti depressant that I've tried which got rid of my OCD completely. Nothing else improved though. Maybe I wasn't on it for long enough.

 

Share with your doctor and therapist that you have these repetitive habits/fears. It may help with a more accurate diagnosis. Both you and they would benefit from the information.

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Ross MwcFan
The Consolations of Philosophy is a good bedtime read.

 

I'll look into it. :)

 

Share with your doctor and therapist that you have these repetitive habits/fears. It may help with a more accurate diagnosis. Both you and they would benefit from the information.

 

Thanks! I never thought of that. I actually have a consultation on Monday, as I'm obviously still struggling and need help. My doctor, and my last doctor, seem to have all but given up on me. They disagree to anymore therapy, and they're against me trying any other meds, even though the ones I'm on are missing the mark.

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Ross MwcFan

Went to the opticians today.

 

Turns out that the disposable lenses which will let more oxygen through, are actually the silicon hydrogel ones.

 

And, I'll be able to afford the best ones.

 

Fingers crossed all will be fine with these. :)

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Went to the opticians today.

 

Turns out that the disposable lenses which will let more oxygen through, are actually the silicon hydrogel ones.

 

And, I'll be able to afford the best ones.

 

Fingers crossed all will be fine with these. :)

 

Nice. Curious your optician didn't recommend them, as you pointed out.

But all's well now.

 

How bad is it w/o contacts? Are you blind as a bat?

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Ross MwcFan
Nice. Curious your optician didn't recommend them, as you pointed out.

But all's well now.

 

How bad is it w/o contacts? Are you blind as a bat?

 

Yeah, I'm okay with reading small print upclose. But I would not be able to read the text that I'm typing right now, and I'm only about 50 cm away from the monitor.

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