My brain hates me, and it makes me miserable.

[pandagirl]

My recent breakup has been 10x harder to deal with because of my mental inclinations. I have depression, which also causes anxiety. If you met me, you'd never know it though. I'm good at internalizing things.

 

It's tiring. Depression makes everything in my brain work overtime, but only in negative ways. I dwell and ruminate in circles until I'm miserable. I look for any and every little thing that could possibly be negative, focus on it, and turn it into something bad. I have mind-stop techniques I use, but they don't always work. Tonight, I just popped an anti-anxiety pill because I need to chlll.

 

Right now, I've been obsessing that my boyfriend cheated on me, going through every memory in my head for any possible sign he was, then convincing myself he did. The thing is, you start to become unable to tell what is real and what you're making up in your head.

 

My ex even asked me out of concern: "I hope you're not doing that thing where you're dwelling on any little negative thing and making yourself miserable."

 

I can feel totally good and hopeful one moment, until I convince myself out of it. It's like I don't WANT to feel good. My default emotion is set to "upset." Here's a run-of-the-mill conversation in my head:

 

-Even though my relationship didn't work out, I feel happy that I had a loving relationship with my ex!

-But if it was really happy, we would still be together...

-Maybe he lied to me?

-Shoot. What if he did. I need to think about if this happened...

-There was that time when he got a text from a girl's name I didn't recognize...

-He told me she was a friend from high school -- or was she? Why didn't he tell me about her before? He was keeping her from me!

-Was he acting weird? Yes, I think he was.

-He cheated on me.

 

As of now, I'm sick of myself. It's feel that I have coping skills, but they don't come easy.

[Cee]

I don't have any answers except to say you aren't alone. I have been in a relatively severe depression this summer and dating seemed to worsen my symptoms. I dwell on the negative too much. In fact, I've removed myself from dating at the moment.

 

I hope you can find a way to channel your vivid imagination into something creative such as painting, drawing, sculpture, poetry, dancing, music, et cetera. Awhile ago a guy told me he wasn't into me & I made a pretty cool collage project to channel my feelings. The art piece that hangs on my wall is quite lovely. And it helped me completely forget about the guy.

[pandagirl]

I don't have any answers except to say you aren't alone. I have been in a relatively severe depression this summer and dating seemed to worsen my symptoms. I dwell on the negative too much. In fact, I've removed myself from dating at the moment.

 

I hope you can find a way to channel your vivid imagination into something creative such as painting, drawing, sculpture, poetry, dancing, music, et cetera. Awhile ago a guy told me he wasn't into me & I made a pretty cool collage project to channel my feelings. The art piece that hangs on my wall is quite lovely. And it helped me completely forget about the guy.

 

That's a good idea. I actually have felt more inspired to create lately.

[skydiveaddict]

Maybe some therapy would help. when I got home I had similar problems.

I'm still not over it but the therapy has really helped

Edited September 12, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[whichwayisup]

CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy can help you. Google it..

 

You're hurting and depressed, in a bad place.. It's good you've posted, so keep posting!

[Feelin Frisky]

My standard advice as a person who has had and overcome depression is to be careful what you tell yourself, you might just believe it. It's hard to out-think one's feelings because the feelings seem to precede the ability to keep them in healthful proportions. Medication, namely Prozac, helped me immensely. It defeated the gun of emotional overflow just enough for some presence of mind to come forward and rule emotions into fair proportions. My chemistry was such that I just could not do this any other way--I wouldn't know how nor would I have the perspective I've come to have. There's no shame or stigma in leveling the playing field through modern medicine--there's instead a special respect people should get for not being in belligerent denial and accepting that they need to change the self and not everyone else. Consider and be well.

[willie47]

Panda...,

 

It's not easy with depression as I've had problems myself.

 

Remember that the mind is based in sequence and operates differently in different brain wave frequencies.

 

If that lost you it means this in plain English:

 

Beta - is an awake state

 

Alpha - is a starting dream state

 

Theta - is a dream state

 

Delta - is a unconscious state (healing - trauma level)

 

The optimal way to reprogram yourself is at Alpha as it's where the mind makes lasting impressions on the brain that embed into the long term memory.

 

Here's a set of exercises that you can follow:

 

1) get into a comfortable position (reclining in a chair is good)

 

2) close your eyes

 

3) breath deep until you feel relaxed (but DON'T fall asleep)

 

4) count down from 10 to 1.

 

5) as you count down feel yourself going deeper and deeper into each level of the brain. (I use 4 different colors for each brain wave frequency)

 

6) once relaxed - visualize the words that bring pain or discomfort right in front of your eyes then let them disappear into thin air like mist.

 

7) if you can connect a feeling with that word like "angry" or "sad" then allow that feeling to be felt then as the word disappears with the feeling think of the opposite word and bring up that feeling.

 

8) do this with the primary feelings that are causing the most pain and discomfort.

 

9) as you dissolve each negative feeling and replace it with a positive feeling you'll be reprogramming at a basic level.

 

10) Do this for 15 minutes 3 times per day...if possible!

 

11) after you're done count up from 1 to 5 and state "I'm coming out slowly and feel better than before. On the count of 5 I'll be awake and alive and negative feeling won't bother me"

 

12) after you're awake you can use the Beta Frequency level by saying out loud or in your mind, "negative suggestions will NOT affect me at any level of my brain"

 

13) if you feel down or someone says something to you that's negative just say, "cancel - cancel" which means to cancel out the outside influence and inner speak influence that's negative.

 

I know this is a lot but you just went through a very brief condensed Silva Mind Control course by following the instructions.

 

Let me know if you have any questions...

 

Wil:D

[D-Lish]

My standard advice as a person who has had and overcome depression is to be careful what you tell yourself, you might just believe it.

 

You will believe it- you do believe it.

 

You have to banish that inner-dialogue or a healthy relationship is never going to happen.

[shayan]

You must fight the currents of your mind. Our brains are very plastic (bendable). We are the ones who control the brain. You are the one who controls your brain. This statement alone is one of the most empowering things I have ever known. Often we feel like our brains control us, that we are subject to our thoughts. That there is no distance between that which is thinking and that which is controlling the thinking. But there is and I'll tell you how you can prove it to yourself. Close you eyes and think about the first time you can remember feeling good as a child, now bring yourself into that moment in your life and feel happy. Feel the happiness, now look around you none of your circumstances have changed you are still the same person, and the world is still the same. Now do you understand take you mind under your control fight it and tame it, make it think what you want it to, fill it with positive and empowering ideas. I feel like you are a victim of your mind because you fail to recognize you have full control and you are going through a break up, it's time to reclaim your position.

[Anela]

I was lied to about something earlier this year - the truth finally came out a few months ago, when we reconnected and I couldn't let it go (it was something that just kept gnawing at me, which wouldn't have happened if I'd felt that I could trust him). He was easygoing about it at first, then got angry (more than once).

 

He tried it on again last month, before I finally got through to him he was too late, because of what happened and because he'd lied to me. He would act in a condescending manner, including asking me if I didn't have something better to do with my time than dragging up old emails (that showed him to be a liar - his response: "That's why email should be deleted right away!" )

 

I hate thinking about this - it's making me sad all over again, especially when I think of the emotional energy that I used up on him, that *could* have been better spent on other things (mainly, other friends, my pets, etc). I finally knew that I wasn't just being silly, but having it confirmed just showed me how little I must have truly mattered to him. My Christmas was miserable - I let that a** ruin my holidays, part of my Spring, and all of my Summer. If there's any way you can distract yourself, do so, because you will be kicking yourself if you waste much time over this.

[pandagirl]

My standard advice as a person who has had and overcome depression is to be careful what you tell yourself, you might just believe it. It's hard to out-think one's feelings because the feelings seem to precede the ability to keep them in healthful proportions. Medication, namely Prozac, helped me immensely. It defeated the gun of emotional overflow just enough for some presence of mind to come forward and rule emotions into fair proportions. My chemistry was such that I just could not do this any other way--I wouldn't know how nor would I have the perspective I've come to have. There's no shame or stigma in leveling the playing field through modern medicine--there's instead a special respect people should get for not being in belligerent denial and accepting that they need to change the self and not everyone else. Consider and be well.

 

I'm crying in bed.

 

I just got back from spending 12 hours with my friend and having a good time, but now that I'm unoccupied again, my thoughts are just becoming negative again.

 

I have been on-and-off anti-depressants. I know how to take care of myself. The last two I tried didn't react well with me, and sometimes I think because of that and my depression, it caused me to act in ways I wouldn't have otherwise in my relationship, and it makes me feel that my breakup was partly because I couldn't control it -- even though I was trying to.

[Star Gazer]

Here's a run-of-the-mill conversation in my head:

 

-Even though my relationship didn't work out, I feel happy that I had a loving relationship with my ex!

-But if it was really happy, we would still be together...

-Maybe he lied to me?

-Shoot. What if he did. I need to think about if this happened...

-There was that time when he got a text from a girl's name I didn't recognize...

-He told me she was a friend from high school -- or was she? Why didn't he tell me about her before? He was keeping her from me!

-Was he acting weird? Yes, I think he was.

-He cheated on me.

 

As of now, I'm sick of myself. It's feel that I have coping skills, but they don't come easy.

 

Hun, I don't think that thought pattern is unusual, you're still processing the end of a very important relationship that mattered a great deal to you. You're searching for answers. It's normal, really.

 

I'm crying in bed.

 

Again, you're heartbroken. Perfectly normal.

 

I went like 4 days without crying after my breakup, and then I was almost comatose for a few days...rinse, repeat. I felt manic at times - literally, high on life (usually after running/working out), and then crying a few minutes later.

 

Your emotions are all over the place, but really, that's normal. Be kind to yourself.

[Feelin Frisky]

I'm crying in bed.

 

I just got back from spending 12 hours with my friend and having a good time, but now that I'm unoccupied again, my thoughts are just becoming negative again.

 

I have been on-and-off anti-depressants. I know how to take care of myself. The last two I tried didn't react well with me, and sometimes I think because of that and my depression, it caused me to act in ways I wouldn't have otherwise in my relationship, and it makes me feel that my breakup was partly because I couldn't control it -- even though I was trying to.

 

Bear up and don't throw in the towel on your effort to change for the better. If you coul benefit through my experience at all consider please that there is no kind of "dip stick" at this time for us to be able to know what the chemistry and the tuning of our emotional hardware to it is exactly and therefore no one can say precisely what med or combo is best. Everyone who tries this route can only test the waters. The water is right for me when I don't feel any presence of medication in my life but I just see that I am better and haven't been consumed in cyclical pattern of emotional unrest. No less-than-desireable experience with medication is a lasting fact--it was just a learning experience that tells me that that particular corridor is not the correct one. I have to tell myself that there just IS a best effort that will pay off and keep at looking for it. The worst thing I could do is jump to the wrong conclusion and cut myself off from faith in success. Keep trying you're worth it.

[denise_xo]

I'm crying in bed.

 

I just got back from spending 12 hours with my friend and having a good time, but now that I'm unoccupied again, my thoughts are just becoming negative again.

 

I have been on-and-off anti-depressants. I know how to take care of myself. The last two I tried didn't react well with me, and sometimes I think because of that and my depression, it caused me to act in ways I wouldn't have otherwise in my relationship, and it makes me feel that my breakup was partly because I couldn't control it -- even though I was trying to.

 

Oh sweetheart. Be strong and keep labouring. I've gone from being in hospital being pumped from an OD/suicide attempt to a relatively normalised existence and I firmly believe both what Shayan ('your are the one who controls your brain') and Frisky ('you are what you tell yourself') said. Have you done any therapy?

[pandagirl]

Thanks for everyone's really nice replies!

 

For those of you who have dealt with depression, we all know that we're our own worst enemy. One little seed of a thought can quickly snowball into catastrophic disaster. And it's often times impossible to stop.

 

I've been using some techniques to help me through this time, with some success. It just takes a lot of energy to do.

 

I just keep on trying to "solve" things in my head, which is such a joke! Always looking for an answer to "relieve" my pain... "If I can just figure out the root of the problem, then it will go away..."

 

Ah... that doesn't work.

[skydiveaddict]

I just keep on trying to "solve" things in my head, which is such a joke! Always looking for an answer to "relieve" my pain... "If I can just figure out the root of the problem, then it will go away..."

 

Ah... that doesn't work.

 

 

I think I know what you mean. For me it's like a horrible movie constantly playing in my head. No matter what I do or how distracted I get, it is always there. in the background.

[TouchedByViolet]

The pain is not their to be solved... Not all of life's difficulties can be reasoned. You must accept the pain, accept what has happened, in its fullest extent, then you can take a step forward. Don't worry about reasoning it. Also, don't try to forget or act like something painful really isn't that bad, this is unhealthy.

 

The key to freedom comes from acceptance of that which we want to forget.

[skydiveaddict]

 

The key to freedom comes from acceptance of that which we want to forget.

 

 

I am not yet to that place. I hope someday I can be

[audrey_1]

I can feel totally good and hopeful one moment, until I convince myself out of it. It's like I don't WANT to feel good. My default emotion is set to "upset." Here's a run-of-the-mill conversation in my head:

 

-Even though my relationship didn't work out, I feel happy that I had a loving relationship with my ex!

-But if it was really happy, we would still be together...

-Maybe he lied to me?

-Shoot. What if he did. I need to think about if this happened...

-There was that time when he got a text from a girl's name I didn't recognize...

-He told me she was a friend from high school -- or was she? Why didn't he tell me about her before? He was keeping her from me!

-Was he acting weird? Yes, I think he was.

-He cheated on me.

 

As of now, I'm sick of myself. It's feel that I have coping skills, but they don't come easy.

 

You will believe it- you do believe it.

 

You have to banish that inner-dialogue or a healthy relationship is never going to happen.

 

I think I know what you mean. For me it's like a horrible movie constantly playing in my head. No matter what I do or how distracted I get, it is always there. in the background.

 

I needed this discussion. Perfect timing. I have been studying meditation lately, trying to calm the theatrics of my ego. That's all it is. The ego, not the real you, gumming up the works. It's amazing what kinds of things it will tell you, that you turn into reality when it isn't, and usually not for the better. If it gets the upper hand, depression can very well result!

 

The above quotes are good ones to take in.

 

I have a close friend with whom I used to have a romantic relationship, but we cooled off due to distance. We live in the same city again, but we're both sticking with the friendship. Even if we wanted more, neither of us will probably say anything. My mind won't shut up about it. Truly annoying.

[jean-luc sisko]

I think this is the key to combating depression:

 

- Immerse yourself in happiness. think happy thoughts, and shut out negativity.

 

- Re-program your thought and perceptual process. if something bad happens, see the positive side of it. Become a glass is half full person.

 

- Focus on what is causing the unhappiness. If it can be changed, change it. If not, then learn to manage it or ignore it.