Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 How does one do that? If you feel guilty about many choices you've made through your life time, that now could impact your future in a negative way, how do you forgive yourself.. and forget about it? Feedback please!! Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 (edited) well you cannot change the actions that were done- and all the guilty feeling in the world will not change it either, but you can make better choices now- and use your "guilty" energy to create positives. lets say i was speeding, caused an accident and someone died, i would feel terribly bad and guilty. but me beating myself up over it will never change what happened... but i could use that energy and get involved in prevention or ways to keep my mistakes from happening to others. Edited March 11, 2010 by laRubiaBonita Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 well you cannot change the actions that were done- and all the guilty feeling in the world will not change it either, but you can make better choices now- and use your "guilty" energy to create positives. True. And this is where I get real hung up sometimes. Like today I chickend out of an MRI. I just cant take any more tests.. I could care less anymore what the heck is going on with me. My nerves have been pushed to the limit.. so I backed out.. and had to re-schedule.. well that was not a very positive choice. I also grabbed a chicken sandwhich from Mcdonalds.... when I should be eating Tuna.. on whole wheat.. with veggies, nuts and fruit. Instead.. I'm eating something that is not as good for me.. and sucking down a shamrock shake.Now.. I will feel guilty all d*** day. Ya see?? Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 True. And this is where I get real hung up sometimes. Like today I chickend out of an MRI. I just cant take any more tests.. I could care less anymore what the heck is going on with me. My nerves have been pushed to the limit.. so I backed out.. and had to re-schedule.. well that was not a very positive choice. I also grabbed a chicken sandwhich from Mcdonalds.... when I should be eating Tuna.. on whole wheat.. with veggies, nuts and fruit. Instead.. I'm eating something that is not as good for me.. and sucking down a shamrock shake.Now.. I will feel guilty all d*** day. Ya see?? Mea:) i see... but really, IMO, those are not things that you should feel sooooo guilty for, and beat yourself up over. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Well Ms. Mea, there's guilt and there's guilt. Feeling guilty about somthing small is about awareness, knowing better, even if we trip up, like your shamrock shake. Guilt like about an affair, forces us to introspectively examine our core-values, realize we aren't as perfect as we would like to be, and strive to do better in the future. Guilt is an awesome motivator. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 i see... but really, IMO, those are not things that you should feel sooooo guilty for, and beat yourself up over. Yeah.. well I do.:o I need to figure out how in the H**** I'm going to take it down a notch and chill out. Guilt seems to eat at me bad. Plus, I can't get out and walk today becuase it raining. So, now I've had no excersie.. and ate like crud.. what a way to good health. Sorry.. needing to vent. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Yeah.. well I do.:o I need to figure out how in the H**** I'm going to take it down a notch and chill out. Guilt seems to eat at me bad. Mea:) exactly, chill!!!!! like right now i am eating my left over ooey gooey cheesey pupusa- AND i added extra cheese on it!!!!! but i do not eat like this usually... i kinda feel 'bad'- but it's soooo friggin yummy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Well Ms. Mea, there's guilt and there's guilt. Feeling guilty about somthing small is about awareness, knowing better, even if we trip up, like your shamrock shake. Guilt like about an affair, forces us to introspectively examine our core-values, realize we aren't as perfect as we would like to be, and strive to do better in the future. Guilt is an awesome motivator. Alright Joe you make sense. Now try and get me to listen. Cause, I do the opposite.. and get all lazy and depressed. exactly, chill!!!!! like right now i am eating my left over ooey gooey cheesey pupusa- AND i added extra cheese on it!!!!! but i do not eat like this usually... i kinda feel 'bad'- but it's soooo friggin yummy! OMG. What horrible habits LRB.. shame on you. You must feel sooo guilty. JK. Enjoy your cheeeessseey gooey treat. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 OMG. What horrible habits LRB.. shame on you. You must feel sooo guilty. JK. Enjoy your cheeeessseey gooey treat. Mea:) I know!!!!!! i am such a pig! Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Alright, I'll make this as painless as possible......Mea, this is your conscience speaking......you WILL raise 3 kids....... you WILL live in the "burb's,.......you WILL eat fast food burgers and shamrock shakes at inappropriate times.......you WILL look like Jewel....OR YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!! How's that? See? Guilt is a motivatin SOB!!:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 hahaha... Mea- this article on MSN now http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35788411/ns/health-sexual_health/ women feel guilty about feeling guilty! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Alright, I'll make this as painless as possible......Mea, this is your conscience speaking......you WILL raise 3 kids....... you WILL live in the "burb's,.......you WILL eat fast food burgers and shamrock shakes at inappropriate times.......you WILL look like Jewel....OR YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!! How's that? See? Guilt is a motivatin SOB!!:laugh: Gee Joe nice way to really slam me here.. and make me feel like extra guiilty. D*** shamrock shake. Do you know how bad that is for my coronary arteries?? I need to do everything right!! I need to be proactive and instead.. I head in the other direction. I must learn how to break the cycle and stop creating more guilt. How do I do that?? Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 hahaha... Mea- this article on MSN now http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35788411/ns/health-sexual_health/ women feel guilty about feeling guilty! That is interesting. Another reason I wish I was a man. Thanks for the link. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 oh Mea...... do not be a dude! plus if you were, you would have already had a heart attack from that mcdonalds lunch! Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ms Mea, I really was just kidding (except about the Jewel part). To get over your angst about being Ms. Perfect, DELIBERATELY do stuff wrong. Since you already KNOW that you were proving a point, you won't feel guilty, right? Then you can be a normal screw-up, just like the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ms Mea, I really was just kidding (except about the Jewel part). To get over your angst about being Ms. Perfect, DELIBERATELY do stuff wrong. Since you already KNOW that you were proving a point, you won't feel guilty, right? Then you can be a normal screw-up, just like the rest of us. that was what she did, and now she feels guilty. i do it too- trying to be perfect is hard and near impossible. relax a bit let loose on the reins, just do not loose control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Ms Mea, I really was just kidding (except about the Jewel part). To get over your angst about being Ms. Perfect, DELIBERATELY do stuff wrong. Since you already KNOW that you were proving a point, you won't feel guilty, right? Then you can be a normal screw-up, just like the rest of us. I know your kidding Joe. So your suggestion is to do stuff wrong on purpose? Cause.. I can adhere to that advice, but I'm afraid I'd be even more over come by guilt. I'm serious. I think all the guilt I hold onto.. is keeping me from healing from my anxeity issues. I must fix this. I'm just having a real hard time is all. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 But Ms. Bonita, isn't that the issue here? The twin devils of guilt and control? If you lose control, you feel guilty, if you keep control, you feel guilty about being such a bad person, that you have to keep yourself , under control. Some people have no sense of moderation, it's either all or nothing. You Ladies need to cut yourselves a little slack. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Other than shamrock shakes, what do you have to feel guilty about? I'm just getting out of an affair with a MW, I've got plenty to feel guilty about, but I don't dwell on it. It seems to me that your anxiety and guilt complex are two sides of the same coin, deal with one, and the other will ease up naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 But Ms. Bonita, isn't that the issue here? The twin devils of guilt and control? If you lose control, you feel guilty, if you keep control, you feel guilty about being such a bad person, that you have to keep yourself , under control. Some people have no sense of moderation, it's either all or nothing. You Ladies need to cut yourselves a little slack. i think i am an all or nothing type.... i have tried moderation, but it ends up as all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Other than shamrock shakes, what do you have to feel guilty about? I'm just getting out of an affair with a MW, I've got plenty to feel guilty about, but I don't dwell on it. It seems to me that your anxiety and guilt complex are two sides of the same coin, deal with one, and the other will ease up naturally. I have been there with the guilt of an emotional affair.. know how that goes. I'll tell you that one day.. that guilt will go away. What do I feel guilty about? Ok I'm really going to put it straight out there. 1. That I drank to much for years. Not anymore sober almost 2 years now. 2. Smoked butts in the past. 3. Put myself in situations that were unhealthy for me relationship wise. I guess that's sort of it. Mostly revolves around lifesyle way's that I now regret.. because you see when I gave up drinking I realized I wanted to live... and now I feel doomed because of those choices I made when I was younger. And some day's it get's me so worked up and anxious (which is also not healthy for me) that I have a hard time coping. Ok. Direct me to the nearest nut house now. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 I have been there with the guilt of an emotional affair.. know how that goes. I'll tell you that one day.. that guilt will go away. What do I feel guilty about? Ok I'm really going to put it straight out there. 1. That I drank to much for years. Not anymore sober almost 2 years now. 2. Smoked butts in the past. 3. Put myself in situations that were unhealthy for me relationship wise. I guess that's sort of it. Mostly revolves around lifesyle way's that I now regret.. because you see when I gave up drinking I realized I wanted to live... and now I feel doomed because of those choices I made when I was younger. And some day's it get's me so worked up and anxious (which is also not healthy for me) that I have a hard time coping. Ok. Direct me to the nearest nut house now. Mea:) see how much GOOD stuff you have accomplished though!!! ? and Bravo to you for not coping with negative behaviors.... sure the guilt and anxiety suck and it eats at you which can get to be unhealthy- but you have alot to be proud of- your kids and you specially! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 see how much GOOD stuff you have accomplished though!!! ? and Bravo to you for not coping with negative behaviors.... sure the guilt and anxiety suck and it eats at you which can get to be unhealthy- but you have alot to be proud of- your kids and you specially! Your right! Perhaps it's more of a focus on the positive changes I've made.. and forgetting about the negative past ones... for they only hold me back.. and there is not much I can do to change the past now. As a rational person, my mind knows this, it just has trouble staying focused on giving up that guilt over past behaviors.. and trying to now be so.. darn perfect. LOL:laugh: Changing your whole life is not easy. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 To some extent you don't. If a person lives long enough, and if he or she has a conscience, they will accumulate some regrets of their course of their lives. Time will dull some of the pain, but not all. The best remedy is to make better decisions in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Your right! Perhaps it's more of a focus on the positive changes I've made.. and forgetting about the negative past ones... for they only hold me back.. and there is not much I can do to change the past now. As a rational person, my mind knows this, it just has trouble staying focused on giving up that guilt over past behaviors.. and trying to now be so.. darn perfect. LOL:laugh: Changing your whole life is not easy. Mea:) no it's not, and do know how much strength and will power you have to have to make big changes and keep them? a whole lot! and you are right, you are kinda accentuating the negatives and understating the positives..... why? is it because you expect that you will screw up EVEN though you do not want to? so when you do take a misstep you have to shame yourself... even though you really know it's ok? would you poo poo on others that ate mcdonalds? or others that made past mistakes, but have since chnaged? no, you would be supportive- and remind them of the good things- so do it for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
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