interpersonal assistance please???

[mistadim]

I am tryin to get into a grad program at a local university. I have been working really hard the last year and a half in improving myself. I was rejected fromthe program because they said i needed to improve my interpersonal relationship skills. Perhaps this forum can help me to better understand what i need to learn. thanks.

 

they got the information from a weekend long class and 1 interview. Unfortunatly i was at the tail end of intense psychotherapy for abandonment depression the weekend of the class. I gained many skills in feeling my emotions in a healthy way. I process trauma now, instead of suppressing it as in the past. I was very open with the interview board. This may have been to my detriment. They may feel thea I am too recently in recovery to be a good candidate for a counseling probram. I do not agree, but I always had some difficulty relating in a " typical" way with people. I have been described as excentric, artistic, weird. I need to learn how to interact with adults in a manner that comfortable relaxed and confident in my abilities. I only have a couple of weeks to gain the skills before the next class. which is June 1st and 2nd. I am hoping that the professors will not be unduly biased by their previous judgement. I don't really know what it is that i do wrong.

[Tony T]

There is simply no way you're going to learn interpersonal relationship skills from one simple post.

 

First of all, you need to ask the people at your university specifically what they are talking about or specifically what they perceive as incorrect about how you relate to other people. Perhaps you have some sort of reputation around the university for having a temper, for reacting to others inappropriately or for some other unconventional behavior...you may need to look into that. Ask the people who interviewed you for the program. They are your best source for the specific things you need to work on.

 

People learn interpersonal relationship skills first from their parents...then they pick up information from friends and acquaintances as they grow in the socialization process. If you were shorted in this regard, you may have a lot of work to do.

 

(As an example of your people skills, it was unnecessary to send me a private message asking me the same question you posted here. Unless your problem is of an emergency nature, it's always best to go through normal channels).

 

Once you find out from the people who interviewed you for the program at the university what some of your shortcomings may be, you can work with friends who may volunteer to help make comments on your behavior or give you pointers. You can always read books from quality bookstores...there are lots of them...on interpersonal relationships.

 

Read a lot and observe the behavior of people who are popular and well accepted.

 

A lot of good conduct in dealings with people is just common sense. You may need to work on your judgement of what is good and proper and what is inappropriate. Don't fret...you can do it.

[Ed]

What have you been doing to improve yourself over the last year and a half?

 

When was the last time you applied or were turned down for the grad program?

 

Did you ask anyone, specifically, what they meant by saying you need to improve your interpersonal relationship skills? If you don't already know, you need to find out what they meant so you will know what they are looking for.

 

I don't know anything about grad school applications, interviews, protocol, etc., but them denying your application for this reason alone sounds kind of stupid. Are you sure you want to go to this college?

[mistadim]

I guess i am afraid to ask questions of the people at the university. I was really emotional, one of my students had overdosed on alcohol and i found out that he had been medivacced to the hospital . I was really worried about him and when i called the hospital and talked to him I started crying. I was also probably too outspoken and passionate about my goals. I am afriad that if i contact the university people they will take offense and become even more biased towards me. I respect their decision and i respect the program, i am really afraid of blowing it. i do belive that i have the emotional fortitude to do well in their program, my doctor and my counselor have both encouraged me in my desires for this career goal. I have been working very closely with 3 counselors at a local clinic to get services for the kids, they are supportive of my goals. Because of this I belive that i will succeed if i can just get into the program.

[Guest]

What have you been doing to improve yourself over the last year and a half?

Have been getting intensive Psychotherapy for ptsd and abanconment issues. Went through severe depression which lasted about 6 months. Iam now feeling really good. I have done a lot of hard work and learned to experience my feelings instead of dissaciating. When something difficult comes up I feel really crappy and then the feeling fades, i might write about it and set some goals to take good care of myself. I do a lot of reflection on what i might or might not have done differently so that If there is any guilt involved in the situation, it does not evolve into shame.

When was the last time you applied or were turned down for the grad program? I applied in March. the class was march 2nd 3rd, my interview was march 7.

 

Did you ask anyone, specifically, what they meant by saying you need to improve your interpersonal relationship skills? He mentioned self disclosure and interpersonal integration and boundaries.

 

I don't know anything about grad school applications, interviews, protocol, etc., but them denying your application for this reason alone sounds kind of stupid. Are you sure you want to go to this college? It is actually very relevant to be concerned about interpersonal issues when addmitting someone to a counseling/psychology program, I am afraid that because of my openess I may have undermined my addmittence to the program. My honesty could be poor personal boundaries. I just don't know.

[BeReal]

It sounds like they may have been referring to your openness. Perhaps you disclose too much too soon or tell perfect strangers more then they need to know. I'm thinking you'd want a counselor to seem healthy and would not want to hear about their problems. It might undermine one's confidence in them. Maybe they are concerned you would disclose your history to your patients. Maybe you could find a book on boundaries etc. in the self help section of a bookstore.