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20 year old girl with anger problems :(


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Old 12th August 2008, 2:47 PM   #1
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20 year old girl with anger problems :(

For example, my MSN wont sign in right now, and its making me really angry, and the other night when i couldn't find anything to wear to go out, and i felt i looked horrible and just felt like everything was going wrong, i got really angry and upset, and started hitting my pillow and crying, i feel like i have so many anger problems, my parents have noticed too and i don't know what to do

I posted this on on a general help forum and i got some stupid idiot saying "your a future murderer /give yourself up before you kill someone", i dont need that

Can anyone help please? I already feel like somethings gone wrong in my head as i have so many other problems, and i feel like im an awful person for some of the things i do, i just want to be a good person and be better, and people saying comments like that makes me so upset
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Old 12th August 2008, 3:07 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layercakegal View Post
For example, my MSN wont sign in right now, and its making me really angry, and the other night when i couldn't find anything to wear to go out, and i felt i looked horrible and just felt like everything was going wrong, i got really angry and upset, and started hitting my pillow and crying, i feel like i have so many anger problems, my parents have noticed too and i don't know what to do

I posted this on on a general help forum and i got some stupid idiot saying "your a future murderer /give yourself up before you kill someone", i dont need that

Can anyone help please? I already feel like somethings gone wrong in my head as i have so many other problems, and i feel like im an awful person for some of the things i do, i just want to be a good person and be better, and people saying comments like that makes me so upset
First of all your not an awful person just because your going through some anger. You recoginze that your anger might be an issue and that's a huge step in order for you to work on the problem. Have you ever tried talking to a therapist or perhaps joining some sort of anger management program?

AP
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Old 12th August 2008, 3:08 PM   #3
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LCG,
The best part is that you have identified the problem behaviour, and want to change it to something that better reflects who you truly are .

Taking anger and/or stress management courses can help you learn more effective techniques and ways to better manage your thoughts/feelings in challenging situations. Well, actually...you could also start with self-help, if that's more appealing. Coping.org also has good stress management content, but here's the link to their 'anger' section: http://www.coping.org/anger/content.htm

Sometimes it is easier to work with a therapist, to release old anger and built-up resentments and frustrations. But again, you can also work through a lot of that on your own, and just use a therapist if/when you feel you need some extra insight and assistance.

You DO have the power to gain control over this aspect of things -- the going may feel a little rough sometimes but just keep at it. Best of luck.

PS: the moron who posted that reply was probably 'developmentally challenged' and/or just expressing own fears about him/herself -- people who are AFRAID of anger in general, and deny that they ever feel frustrated and angry are the real scary characters, IMO .
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Old 12th August 2008, 3:29 PM   #4
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I knew i could find honest help here, you guys are so great

I know i shouldnt get angry so easily, and ill definately look into maybe some anger management things, and that coping website looks interesting and non scary

i just feel im an awful person because of a lot of things, im bossy, controlling, and feel like im a horrible friend, girlfriend and daughter sometimes, well, most of the time

ive done stupid things in the past which i think make me an awful person too, that i shudnt have done and now im just trying to be a good person but its not working much

im just feeling lost in life like im at a crossroads and have no idea where to go, life is so overwhelming

thankyou Mea & Ronni, you've helped a lot
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Old 12th August 2008, 3:38 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layercakegal View Post
I knew i could find honest help here, you guys are so great

I know i shouldnt get angry so easily, and ill definately look into maybe some anger management things, and that coping website looks interesting and non scary

i just feel im an awful person because of a lot of things, im bossy, controlling, and feel like im a horrible friend, girlfriend and daughter sometimes, well, most of the time

ive done stupid things in the past which i think make me an awful person too, that i shudnt have done and now im just trying to be a good person but its not working much

im just feeling lost in life like im at a crossroads and have no idea where to go, life is so overwhelming

thankyou Mea & Ronni, you've helped a lot
Your welcome Sweetie! You will be ok. We all go through rough patches from time to time. This too shall pass. Hugs.

AP
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Old 12th August 2008, 4:07 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layercakegal View Post
i just feel im an awful person because of a lot of things, im bossy, controlling, and feel like im a horrible friend, girlfriend and daughter sometimes, well, most of the time . ive done stupid things in the past which i think make me an awful person too, that i shudnt have done and now im just trying to be a good person but its not working much
Hey...ALL of the stuff that you described is exactly how I used to act, too. Couple of things that helped during my "transition" to different behaviour:

1. How we ACT is not who we ARE. How we act is because we don't have (weren't taught) more effective and productive ways of handling life's challenges and obstacles. How we act is sometimes in direct opposition to who we are and who we want to be...we act in ways that are intended to protect who we are. (Doesn't always work out that way, but it's what our subconscious and unconscious are always trying to do for us -- protect our True Self from criticism, judgment, blame, hurt, etc.)

2. WHO WE ARE is the part that is kind, loving, compassionate, etc.; the part that appreciates a sunset and feels good when we watch kids laughing and having fun; the part that deserves happiness, abundance, joy, etc. THAT is who you are!

The other (crappy) behaviour is just crappy behaviour that you used to get involved in before you learned better self-management . I get my self-forgiveness from knowing that I did the best I could (within the limits of my lack of self-awareness and not having any better coping skills and tools.) I mean, obviously I would have done "better" if I knew how to do it.

Other good news: You can stop worrying about "where to go" -- you KNOW where you are going. In fact, you've ALREADY started your journey.

How I would describe it for myself is that I started working towards letting 'who I am' guide my actions, rather just always reacting to all the external crap going on around me. In some circles, they call it a journey towards self-mastery. As far as I'm aware, it is a life-long process -- once we achieve one goal, we set another that is just a small level higher.
The 'work' is fun and challenging and exhausting. But most of all it's fun .
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Old 12th August 2008, 7:27 PM   #7
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Cognitive behaviour therapy and anger manangement should help you.

Can you think of a specific time when anger starting affecting you this way? Is this a trigger from your childhood, or resentment that's built up over time?

Start journaling your thoughts and feelings on paper (or type away on the computer), maybe that will help put things in perspective abit, and it'll also help you relieve some of the feelings going on inside of you.

Be proud of yourself for posting this, you know you have a problem and are asking for help - That's a big important step and the first step to recovery!
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Old 14th August 2008, 8:27 AM   #8
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thanks everyone!

i think i just let stuff wind me up too much sometimes, i have a lot of confidence problems and everything and occasionally it just feels like the whole world is ganging up on me

im trying to be calmer and stop getting angry as much, although i dont think its working, i fell out with my boyfriend twice yesterday over stupid little stuff!

maybe ill go to my doc and see if theres anything up, ive been feeling so tired for so long, as soon as i get up im tired again

thanks for the help youve all given me x x x x
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