a stranger offers an olive branch

[livebuzzwords]

a stranger offers an olive branch

It’s been over a year now since my ex-gf and I actually had any contact and we have both been through enough stress during that period to last a lifetime.

 

We have both handled the breakup in different ways yet we have somehow managed to not completely untangle from each other. What I mean is there is still residual aftershocks impacting on us and I would like nothing better than to fix what is broken and move on.

 

What I mean by fixing is simply this – she would like to be able to open her curtains and not worry about strange behaviour and I would like to simply receive some sort of communication that brings swift closure. So we both hold the key to solving this and maybe one day we will.

 

Knowing that she is under so much stress is the last thing I would want for her so it’s hard not being able to fix things. I did read a statement she presented during my hearing and as much as I know she would disagree, I think silence solves nothing – it just confuses and prolongs things until both parties suffer unnecessary fates. I understand that just writing that statement was hard for her because she is a very private person and does not like being forced to do anything. She is also a woman with a stubborn will and would never do something she didn’t believe was right for her at any time. That’s a good trait.

 

She is also someone that doesn’t hang out for idle chat and when there is a problem to be solved she thinks it over before shooting from the hip as I do. She also believes that there are some things, secrets if you will that a person should be entitled to keep just for themselves and I whole heartedly agree.

 

So, its been over a year now and silence hasn’t gotten either of us anywhere nice so I suggested to my counselor that her and I send each other a “closure” letter [i just want to know her feelings and if she can forgive me] in which we agree to abide by what is needed by both. It would be great if she could walk down the street, go to a store, drive her car, without thinking and worrying about anything – that is my goal and promise to her. I know that this suggestion will never reach her nor would she see any merit in my suggestion but that’s life.

 

I will eventually find peace of mind somehow and so will she. Here is something she wrote to me many moons ago and it best describes what I am trying to say.

 

Thank you

 

A stranger

 

I will sit next to u sometime in the future and we will be strangers. No matter how much reading we do or time we invest before that moment, we will still be strangers. Or will we? We will be Strangers that have knowledge. Knowledge attained directly and through research which can lead to assumptions and or understanding. We may study the facts as they are presented in that face-to-face situation and find new truths. Or we may feel an instant connection and believe that what we knew was real, not just a creation or interpretation. How wonderful it would be to find out it has all be authentic? Not that I doubt the facts, it is more that I question the draw/pull. Where does that come from? It is intensely interesting to be attracted to someone that you have never met. Even greater would be the experience of positive realizations that add to the image already created and sought after for further exploration. There may be awkward moments as we search for the place that exists between abstract and concrete, and experience the feeling of friendship with someone you have just met. What an adventure it will be.