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I can't say advice in the topic title for some reason.

 

Some guy was talking to me (forgot his name) about how the main problem people have with me is that their advice doesn't work for me.

 

The only reason why I'll explain why a certain particular piece of advice wont work for me is so people can have a better idea of how things are, and maybe eventually I'll get some advice that will actually work for me (I'd just like to say that advice which doesn't work for me is still greatly appreciated)

 

It seems like if I don't explain I'll give them the impression that their advice is right which isn't really going to help me or help anyone help me really.

 

So, since for some reason the fact that if some advice isn't suitable for me it really hacks people off, should I just not reply to their posts at all? Because if I say thanks I think that's more likely to give the impression that their advice is suitable and I'm going to take it.

 

Or am I supposed to do something else?

 

Thanks.

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I don't think saying thanks means you're going to take the advice...I see it as thanking them for taking the time to think of something that might help you. If the advice isn't going to help you, just acknowledge the courtesy of that person, and you don't have to say anything else.

 

My mother always gets miffed when I don't like her advice, so I just take it for what it is without making her feel unappreciated. Doesn't mean I have to do it.

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When you say that some advice is not suitable for you are you saying that you believe it isn't suitable for you and that you are not going to try it (staying in your comfort zone) or are you saying that you have tried it and it doesn't work?

 

If you think particular advice isn't applicable to you then explain why. That way people here might be able to understand you better and provide advice that works for you. Oh and be respectful (not saying you are or are not) to the person giving advice whether it works for you or not.

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I don't think saying thanks means you're going to take the advice...I see it as thanking them for taking the time to think of something that might help you. If the advice isn't going to help you, just acknowledge the courtesy of that person, and you don't have to say anything else.

 

My mother always gets miffed when I don't like her advice, so I just take it for what it is without making her feel unappreciated. Doesn't mean I have to do it.

 

Okay, cool. I guess it was just me thinking that saying thanks could give the wrong impression.

 

Honestly, I never new that explaining why a piece of advice wouldn't work for me would be offensive towards the advice giver, in fact I still don't really understand why.

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Honestly, I never new that explaining why a piece of advice wouldn't work for me would be offensive towards the advice giver, in fact I still don't really understand why.

 

It's HOW you explain it, that I think has become the issue.

 

Thanking someone for thier kind effort to give you advice, and explaining nicely why you dont feel this is for you, is fine. No-one is going to get offended by that.

 

Objecting to every piece of advice without even considering it, is likely to offend.

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There's a difference between having advice not work for you and refusing to even _try_ the advice yet constantly asking for help.

 

If you are going to constantly ask others for help as much as you do, then try the things people ask you to do. Otherwise, stop asking others and figure things out on your own. This is not meant as an attack or anything, but if you do not like other people's solutions to problems, then find your own solution that works for you.

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I really have to say that when I saw the title of this thread, I thought the subject matter would different....sorry for the aside, back to topic :)

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I'd love to give you advice... but I think I am on your ignore list... you did not like my advice...:laugh:

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The problem is that you refuse to acknowledge the problems people see in you. You refuse the advice because you think it's inappropriate because you don't believe you have the problems. This will continue until/unless you change your way of thinking.

 

You keep blaming your inability to connect with people on frivolous things like your hair or your sneakers when what the problem is is your attitude.

 

People don't like people like you. They don't like people like you because they are uncooperative, complaining, and no fun to be around. If you don't address your attitude and personality, people will continue to stay away from you.

 

I look into my crystal ball and see that you will say that this advice is wrong for you, won't work, etc. etc. And you will continue to post the same questions and get the same answers forever.

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Uhm... I would suggest that those of us on ignore, NOT post a response.

 

If others wish too, than that is their decision. I do think it would be wise to be careful though. He has a tendency to bite the hand that fed him.

 

The last 4 or 5 threads he's started have all been deleted, and it wasn't because of the responses he got. It was his replies to those posts that caused it to be deleted.

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When you say that some advice is not suitable for you are you saying that you believe it isn't suitable for you and that you are not going to try it (staying in your comfort zone) or are you saying that you have tried it and it doesn't work?

 

If you think particular advice isn't applicable to you then explain why. That way people here might be able to understand you better and provide advice that works for you. Oh and be respectful (not saying you are or are not) to the person giving advice whether it works for you or not.

 

When I say it's not suitable for me I mean that it wont actually work for me or/and I can't actually do it.

 

There'd be no point in me making any topics asking for advice in the first place if I was just going to refuse particular pieces of advice that would actually work for me just because I couldn't really be bothered, or I was a little scared but it was still managable.

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I guess it depends how you explain it and to whom.

 

Well, I've never been offensive in explaining it, and I've never really had anyone in real life get angry at me over this. But yet it seems to be a real lot of people on here. I guess, birds of a feather flock together, as they say.

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Seems like Littlekitty has got an obsession with me.

 

Well, who can blame her, I look gorgeous.

 

:lmao::laugh::lmao:

 

I haven't even posted after my first response. Are you worried because I couldn't be bothered anymore?!!

 

And if you saw the right thread around here... you'd know just how ridiculous what you just said was!! :lmao:

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I know it might seem like people are being offended over nothing, but it is hard sometimes to understand the feelings of others when they are not like our own. If a person tells you he is offended, just ask him what you said to offend him, and if you did not mean to be offensive, say that and rephrase your words. It is impossible to never offend people, but when you do, you must take responsibility and remedy the damage if you want that person to respect you.

 

Some people you may not care to respect or receive respect from. Everyone feels this way sometimes, hopefully it is not often. But I think it is wise to avoid hurting the feelings of people who want to help you, even if you think they may become hurt to easily.

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Well, I've never been offensive in explaining it, and I've never really had anyone in real life get angry at me over this. But yet it seems to be a real lot of people on here. I guess, birds of a feather flock together, as they say.

I don't think their angry at you. Its just that there's a lot of good advice that is being given by people who know what their talking about and it's frustrating to see that advice over looked and not even considered. If you do consider whats being said, its not showing.

 

Ugh... this is going to get closed too. Can't you see that? Better yet can't you understand WHY? As soon as this closes you will start something else again and again and again. And it will get closed again and again and again. Doesn't that make you wonder why your gets closed and no one elses?

 

BTW don't take this personal. I'm just asking.

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What exactly are you requesting advice for? If you find little help in others, perhaps only you know the answer.

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I don't think their angry at you. Its just that there's a lot of good advice that is being given by people who know what their talking about and it's frustrating to see that advice over looked and not even considered. If you do consider whats being said, its not showing.

 

Ugh... this is going to get closed too. Can't you see that? Better yet can't you understand WHY? As soon as this closes you will start something else again and again and again. And it will get closed again and again and again. Doesn't that make you wonder why your gets closed and no one elses?

 

BTW don't take this personal. I'm just asking.

 

I'm not taking it personally.

 

But, I don't see what the point is in considering something that wont work for me. It's like, for example, I ask for advice on how to get a woman, someone will say something like, start chatting up cashires, or go to a club and start dancing with women. I'll tell them that this is impossible because I have social anxiety, which for one, makes it impossible for you to do these things, and even if I did force myself, because of social anxiety these things are just not going to come naturally.

 

Now, after this has happened with the same person a few times, they'll start being unsympathetic and nasty, saying I'm just making excuses and I'm just throwing everyone's advice back in thier face.

 

I guess I should either start ignoring people's posts where their advice wont work for me, or just say 'thanks it's appreciated'. I just hope the latter doesn't give people the impression that I'm going to take that advice and therefore I don't need anymore help.

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I have GAD, and I can tell you the only way to overcome your anxiety is to confront it in small doses. Maybe you won't be able to be Mr. Suave all night on the dance floor, but you can set a goal to talk to one or two girls. If they aren't interested, that's fine. But at least you went up and dealt with rejection and survived. That's how you get over it. There's no magic method or medication. You have to take control of your anxiety. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard as hell for me. But it's the only way.

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try this I believe it is ok for me to post a non soliciting link

 

http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/socialsupport/index.htm?terms=chat+free+internet+people

 

Here is a good place to start meeting people and chatting with them online.

 

Several links, boards, forums, and sites about dating with a social phobia.

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What exactly are you requesting advice for? If you find little help in others, perhaps only you know the answer.

 

Oh I dunno PussInHeels, I think a lot of the time I just want to get things off my chest and talk to people about it, I guess it kinda has the same effect as therapy. And sometimes I'll have an idea of what to do, where I'll find doing it will be very difficult, but I'll still just ask anyway just incase anyone can think of an easier way,or if they can think of something that will make part of it easier.

 

People say I whine all the time but I mean, I'm not even sure if I do that that much, and, this is partly what these sort of message boards are for anyway. Not everyone can just 'get over it', you know what I mean?

 

Jeez, I say I'm leaving the board and now without realising it I'm back here. Oh well, I'll probably still not stick around for long.

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But, I don't see what the point is in considering something that wont work for me.

 

Ok and thats fine. Then if you have the anxiety then their would be advice for that which then you should consider. If you have then good and you move on to something else.

 

You don't have to respond to everyone that posts in your threads. But seriously if you get a lot of posts and you majority of the time reject it, eventually people won't want to help you because there would be no point.

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Oh I dunno PussInHeels, I think a lot of the time I just want to get things off my chest and talk to people about it, I guess it kinda has the same effect as therapy. And sometimes I'll have an idea of what to do, where I'll find doing it will be very difficult, but I'll still just ask anyway just incase anyone can think of an easier way,or if they can think of something that will make part of it easier.

 

I understand where you're coming from, but it sounds to me like you aren't happy with the way things are and you want to change. You don't want to be a prisoner of SA, never meeting anyone, right? Succumbing to anxiety makes you exactly that. Your first step is to stop telling yourself things are impossible. Then you try slowly to make things happen. Once you gain confidence and charisma, you are bound to meet people. But those are things that have to be built.

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