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Guys perception of women and their weight


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Old 3rd July 2017, 12:39 AM   #1
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Guys perception of women and their weight

So I am out trying to date. On some sites, been on some dates with people. Was dating someone steady until it fizzled out.

I am a bit self conscious. I struggled with weight all my life. I would be heavy, then medium, then skinny, and then back again. I feel myself now as medium average. I have a decent sized chest, which men don't mind, but I always wonder if they look at my stomach and legs. I have some hefty thighs, and a little squishy softness around my middle. I'm about a size 8 women/medium in clothing.

When I go out on a date with someone new, I am always paranoid they will criticize my size. Its just the bit of mold left over in my brain from my past weight issues and fluctuations. If we start dating after the first date, I start stalking their ex's on social media and see if they are skinnier than me, and question if they are comparing me to a skinnier past girl.

Recently, I was dating someone steady, and we got intimate. I was so scared for him to see me naked. I felt good, but compared to this guy, I was a beached whale. He was an avid daily gym goer. He had a 6 pack with abs you just want to lick. His abdomen was perfect. I'd never seen anything like it. And then here was me, naked with some small rolls and squishy thunder thighs. I was so scared of what he thought of me. I work out. I love walking and exercising. I also just love eating too.

This guy ended up ghosting me, and though circumstances point to his own personal issues as the reason, that poison in my brain had me questioning if he liked how I looked naked. He kept saying I had the most amazing boobs, but I questioned if he thought my stomach was flabby.

Deep down I know it wasn't me, it was him, but I was curious as to what guys think about women, sizes, and being naked with women? On dates, first time intimacy, etc...
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Old 3rd July 2017, 1:04 AM   #2
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Deep down I know it wasn't me, it was him, but I was curious as to what guys think about women, sizes, and being naked with women? On dates, first time intimacy, etc...
Well, there are a lot of different sizes.

There is the petite frame, the could lose a few pounds but is still very attractive type, there is the supersize me kind, then there is Big Daddy and The Giant Haystacks.

Generally you know what you are going to get, and it's easy to avoid any confusion (I'm talking real-life. Online dating is much different).

Problems can occasionally happen in the grey area of the "could lose a few pounds but is still very attractive" type. Some women have great style, and are great dressers. It's hard sometimes to know what you are getting until the clothes come off.

I had a situation like this about 6 months back. And I was a bit surprised at her body type.

Thing is that I still went out with her for some more weeks. I was confronted with another problem, that she always wanted to get junk food and was always cooking fatty stuff. She was also the only girl I've went out with that I had to repeatedly convince to leave the crisps section of a supermarket... which wasn't an attractive thing for me.

I saw that as a problem that will blatantly get worse with time, and I'm too experienced for any of this "fix people" malarkey, so I moved on. Didn't tell her about the weight or lifestyle stuff. No point, I don't think.

Last edited by Bastile; 3rd July 2017 at 1:09 AM..
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Old 3rd July 2017, 1:16 AM   #3
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Heh, I kinda chuckle about it now but I think my exW traded me in for a skinny guy because I was too accepting of her weight and didn't motivate her enough

When reading your post, I thought back to our first date, a lunch date, where we both drove about 30 miles to meet and, TBH, I didn't notice her weight at all, only that she had the cutest face and there was something about her that made me forget she was a half hour late. That would be a theme throughout our M where I would support her in any efforts to lose weight or be fit but didn't beat her over the head with it. If it was ever an issue for me it was because she would, on occasion, dwell on it.

When she hooked up with her current guy about 8 years ago now, she was probably a good 20-30 pounds heavier than he was; he's a wiry guy like my dad, not a football tackle like I am. Her second H was also skinny, and tall. I met him when I was dating her.

So, three husbands and one long term boyfriend didn't seem to have a strong negative perception of one particular woman and her weight. However, women were and still are in strong demand in the demographic I lived in so supply/demand factors could influence perception. When available women are scarce, well there ya go. Myself, my perception hasn't really changed. I've always accepted women for who they are and have dated many different sizes and shapes of ladies around the planet. However, unlike many/most guys, I confine sex to established relationships or marriage so that can have effects on perception as well, since emotional attachment can precede or accompany the 'naked' part.

Clear as mud? Basically every guy is different. Most guys I know like seeing naked women, even their old and appropriately aged wives, some in the great grandmother range. Guys are guys
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Old 3rd July 2017, 2:01 AM   #4
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Allow me to address this with logic.

Guys aren't silly. They have a good idea of what we will look like naked while we are still fully dressed. If he didn't like what he was seeing clothed, then he wouldn't have gone any further.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 2:42 AM   #5
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So, OP, when this guy 'ended up ghosting me', was that immediately after the naked intimacy part or later? If later, was there more naked intimacy in between?
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Old 3rd July 2017, 3:19 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
So I am out trying to date. On some sites, been on some dates with people. Was dating someone steady until it fizzled out.

I am a bit self conscious. I struggled with weight all my life. I would be heavy, then medium, then skinny, and then back again. I feel myself now as medium average. I have a decent sized chest, which men don't mind, but I always wonder if they look at my stomach and legs. I have some hefty thighs, and a little squishy softness around my middle. I'm about a size 8 women/medium in clothing.

When I go out on a date with someone new, I am always paranoid they will criticize my size. Its just the bit of mold left over in my brain from my past weight issues and fluctuations. If we start dating after the first date, I start stalking their ex's on social media and see if they are skinnier than me, and question if they are comparing me to a skinnier past girl.

Recently, I was dating someone steady, and we got intimate. I was so scared for him to see me naked. I felt good, but compared to this guy, I was a beached whale. He was an avid daily gym goer. He had a 6 pack with abs you just want to lick. His abdomen was perfect. I'd never seen anything like it. And then here was me, naked with some small rolls and squishy thunder thighs. I was so scared of what he thought of me. I work out. I love walking and exercising. I also just love eating too.

This guy ended up ghosting me, and though circumstances point to his own personal issues as the reason, that poison in my brain had me questioning if he liked how I looked naked. He kept saying I had the most amazing boobs, but I questioned if he thought my stomach was flabby.

Deep down I know it wasn't me, it was him, but I was curious as to what guys think about women, sizes, and being naked with women? On dates, first time intimacy, etc...
You need to be more confident and have self-esteem, you seem to be lacking about loving yourself as you are instead of what others see you. Okay if you going to stay fit eat right don't let the food be your hope and dream to eat more. No need to buy snacks, and junk food. I myself was like you once I never going back to the weigh issues. I rather be fit and trim not for looking good in others eyes but for me I love who I am inside and out. I want to stay healthy not have to see any doctor and keep away from pills. I haven't seen one since 2008 and rather keep it that way!

I am working out again but feeding the muscle only not the body to gain weight just keep everything just right. Looking good and feeling good is great! Showing yourself off to others is where you get worried. Then do something about it.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 5:05 AM   #7
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When I see people driving Toyota Camry's I wonder what the hell is running through their minds, I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those dreadful looking cars...Yet, it's the most widely sold vehicle on the road(sedan anyway)...

What's my point? What one person finds appealing another doesn't...

Reading from your story though, yeah, I am betting he just hung around for the sex and then decided it wasn't worth it...I know that sounds harsh...Maybe I am wrong, but probably not...A fit guy will normally "take" anything that's handed to them(like most guys), but they usually want something along their same line for a LTR..perhaps he decided you weren't...Just speculating here..

I don't think its all that much different for women...A woman with a rockin body, would probably shy away from a doughboy type, although women generally aren't quite as superficial in this area as men are...

Look...It sounded like you weren't comfortable with the disparity in body type...Despite what the mass media keeps trying to drill into the heads of everyone, not all guys want heavy/sloppy women...Some do...Most don't, especially fit guys..Most of us want what we bring to the table...Its not so unfair to expect that, right?.

Maybe you can try to catch that small percentage of leaner guys that like heavier women, but I think you may feel more comfortable and relaxed with a guy that was more your equal...

.02

TFY
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Old 3rd July 2017, 5:12 AM   #8
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Allow me to address this with logic.

Guys aren't silly. They have a good idea of what we will look like naked while we are still fully dressed. If he didn't like what he was seeing clothed, then he wouldn't have gone any further.

Not really true....

Women can hide a myriad of problem areas with the wide variety of "slenderizing" undergarments available to them...To the point, where if they are able to tolerate what must be ridiculously uncomfortable, they can present a package clothed that will look absolutely nothing like what happens when it all comes off.

Just the other night, I saw a commercial for a "corset' type of device...The before and after pics were almost unrecognizable...

TFY
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Old 3rd July 2017, 6:10 AM   #9
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This guy ended up ghosting me, and though circumstances point to his own personal issues as the reason, that poison in my brain had me questioning if he liked how I looked naked. He kept saying I had the most amazing boobs, but I questioned if he thought my stomach was flabby.
Even if he didn't, so what?

You will never be everyone's cup of tea, no matter what your body is like. My SO thinks Kate Moss looks terrible (and no, he did not say this to make me feel good or anything, and he rarely bashes women's appearances in general. Moss clearly made a bit of an impression, though ). Lots of guys would think she looks hot. It really is just a different strokes for different folks thing.

I think you should either learn to accept how you look like (and I mean genuinely accept, not in the insecure "I can't be naked around you" manner), or if you can't, then put more effort into changing it. Because while everyone has different preferences, the one thing I think most decent men can agree on is that a massively insecure woman is a red flag.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 6:41 AM   #10
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Men aren't monolithic. We don't all think the same.
Some men will prefer your body type. Find it ideal. Others will be repulsed. And everything in between.

Be with the guys that like you. Don't worry about the rest.

But, most importantly, be happy with yourself. If you don't like your body, change it. Just do it because it makes YOU happy. Not someone else.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 6:44 AM   #11
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Tough crap if he doesn't like your body. He should be lucky to be getting some if women are just a body to him.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 7:07 AM   #12
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Sweetie...

Sweetie...

You need to wake up a little and feel good about yourself in general.

If someone does not dig you, so what, there is someone out there for you.

You just need to feel confident and good about yourself.

I am a guy and frankly I really cannot deal with skinny women, no offense to anyone. I just like a girl with a little meat on her bones. If she is a caring and giving woman and lover, that is what matters.

I am still a little heavier than I should be by about 20 lbs, so what.

I get the job done in the bedroom and I am basically a great guy.

FYI, girls that are a little heavier actually have an advantage over really thin girls.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 9:50 AM   #13
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So, OP, when this guy 'ended up ghosting me', was that immediately after the naked intimacy part or later? If later, was there more naked intimacy in between?
It wasn't right after. He actually called me the day after to see me again, and kept asking me to hangout. We were intimate multiple times after the first time. He had personal issues going on, that I think contributed to the ghosting, but getting ghosted was a huge hit to me, and I immediately started thinking about how I look and thinking he is probably looking for someone skinnier and prettier than myself. Inside I don't think he left me over my looks. He was also calling me pretty etc, all while dating. I just can't stand thinking he left because of me and how I was.

I am now paranoid on every date I go on that guys are going to see me in person from my online profile and think I don't look the same. I posted in pictures of me that I get made me look good. But I truly think I look like my photos. I don't look ultra skinny or different from my actual self.

I try to be healthy. I love vegetables and healthy meals. But I also like ice cream and chips. Moderation is key. I like working out, but I do have some flab on my stomach.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 9:54 AM   #14
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I have some hefty thighs, and a little squishy softness around my middle.

He was an avid daily gym goer. He had a 6 pack with abs you just want to lick. His abdomen was perfect. I'd never seen anything like it. And then here was me, naked with some small rolls and squishy thunder thighs. I was so scared of what he thought of me. I work out. I love walking and exercising. I also just love eating too.

Deep down I know it wasn't me, it was him, but I was curious as to what guys think about women, sizes, and being naked with women? On dates, first time intimacy, etc...
You probably look normal. He cares about perfection. He's a gym rat. You're not. You two were not fundamentally compatible. There's nothing wrong with you. You & him just don't go together.
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Old 3rd July 2017, 3:18 PM   #15
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It wasn't right after. He actually called me the day after to see me again, and kept asking me to hangout. We were intimate multiple times after the first time. He had personal issues going on, that I think contributed to the ghosting, but getting ghosted was a huge hit to me, and I immediately started thinking about how I look and thinking he is probably looking for someone skinnier and prettier than myself. Inside I don't think he left me over my looks. He was also calling me pretty etc, all while dating. I just can't stand thinking he left because of me and how I was.

I am now paranoid on every date I go on that guys are going to see me in person from my online profile and think I don't look the same. I posted in pictures of me that I get made me look good. But I truly think I look like my photos. I don't look ultra skinny or different from my actual self.

I try to be healthy. I love vegetables and healthy meals. But I also like ice cream and chips. Moderation is key. I like working out, but I do have some flab on my stomach.
By worrying so much, you make your weight insecurities a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I dated a girl for more than a year who had insecurities like yours.

It wasn't just in bed. She interpreted a lot of things as guilt/resentment/reminders that she's "fat".

Which she wasn't. I liked her the way she was. Or, I didn't like her the way she was, because we fought a lot. but I liked her body the way it was.

But she never believed it. And that's what actually matters. Eventually she got very controlling/paranoid with me. Which contributed to me hating her. Which was a big part of us finally breaking up.

And of course when we did break up, she accused me of doing it because of her weight.

If you keep thinking something is true, it becomes true.

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