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I'm a smoker, how much of a deal breaker is this?


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First and foremost, tobacco is a hell of a drug..

 

I'd be willing to quit for the right girl...in fact I'm willing to quit regardless of the girl situation..but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now (barely survived the last one, so I'm not willing to just jump right in again).

 

But lets say I meet a girl...and she knows I've been smoking habitually...but then I quit in order to pursue her...would the fact that I was a smoker turn her off completely? Or would the fact that I've quit since she's known me ease any concerns?

 

And lastly, tobacco is a hell of a drug.

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If you are already willing to quit then why don't you just quit now. Not only does it solve the problem of whether smoking would be a deal-breaker on a potential relationship, it also stops smoking being a potential deal-breaker on your life.

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You act like it's easy...but yeah I'm in the processes.

 

(Cold turkey does not work...I lasted all of three days lol)

 

But in the mean time?

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For me, smoking is now a deal breaker. My partner smokes, but I've had several moments where I've regretted getting into a relationship with a smoker. You need to quit for yourself, not for others. The latter never works.

 

Have you tried the Allan Carr book? I strongly recommend it.

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I quit a week ago using Zyban, it helped tremendously. Without it I'd be a raving lunatic, but it helped enough that I didn't actually want to smoke anymore.

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You act like it's easy...

 

I never said it was easy. Nicotine is a highly addictive drug.

 

but yeah I'm in the processes.

 

How can you be in the process? You either smoke or you don't smoke. There is no in-between

 

(Cold turkey does not work...I lasted all of three days lol)

 

Cold turkey can work. The key is whether you really want to stop smoking. It should not be about stopping for someone else. It should be about stopping for you.

 

But in the mean time?

 

There is no "in the mean time" - as I said, you either smoke or don't smoke.

 

Have you tried the Allan Carr book? I strongly recommend it.

 

Another fan of his books here. My H used to smoke. Read one of Carr's books. Stopped and did cold turkey. He has not had a cigarette since in over 10 years

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What does 'smoking habitually' mean? I've seen a myriad of levels in my lifetime. As an example, my dad was a two pack a day smoker until the day, literally, he died. At the other end of the spectrum I've known women who are 'social smokers', in that they, like a 'social drinker', only smoke when socializing (this was generally before Cali adopted the strong anti-smoking laws regarding public smoking). And everything in between.

 

I'm a lifelong non-smoker (had enough exposure as a child) but not militant about it like some people I've experienced, generally ex-smokers. Habitual smoking would be a deal-breaker simply because it substantially invades my private space. Occasional or social smoking would be an area I would see as a point of compromise.

 

TBH, working in the industry I do, I've probably been exposed to more toxins and carcinogens than most smokers get exposed to in their lifetimes. We both make choices. Life is imperfect.

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I don't date men who spoke. I don't hang around people who smoke if I can help it. It's a terrible habit. Quit now, do what you have to do cold turkey, therapy, hypnosis. Good luck.

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AverageJoe80

I bet she will love for that...kickin' the habit. I'm the same way, smoke too much. Started dating this girl, and she hates the habit. Plus, if you quit, it'll tell her how serious you are about starting a relationship with her. My girl was very impressed when I eased up on smoking. I'll do it at work, or when I'm by myself. But when I'm with her, no smokes. It's a good start. And she appreciates it.

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Smoking is a dealbreaker. He'd have to have quit smoking at least five years ago. Nonsmokers can smell a smoker even when he's not smoking so don't bother to lie. Just date other smokers.

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whichwayisup
You act like it's easy...but yeah I'm in the processes.

 

(Cold turkey does not work...I lasted all of three days lol)

 

But in the mean time?

 

Cut down. Use the gum or medication. Talk to your family Dr about this too, they can give you helpful hints on what foods to stay away from so you don't put on tons of weight.

 

Look, it isn't easy, I know as I'm a smoker too. If you want to quit, do it for you, NOT for someone else. Saying to a new gf that you quit smoking or are in the process of quitting since you met her, puts A LOT of pressure on you. That could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing - Easily you could just not smoke around her, then once at a home light one up. Honestly, that's what I would do if I were in your shoes.. Not because I lied, but because I made a promise or an obligation I KNOW I couldn't keep.

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Speaking as a former smoker, it is definitely a deal breaker where dating and relationships are concerned...unless you want to date another smoker.

 

I used my state's quit-smoking program to design my own "quit smoking plan" and was able to bypass the patch, pills or gum and just rely on my strong will and some phone counseling for a few months until I was past the rough patch of quitting.

 

See if your state has a non-profit quit smoking program. Or talk to your doctor to find out if your health insurance would connect you with a program to help people quit. Don't use the gum, patch or pills. All of that is a crutch and has side effects that really will just make you feel worse.

 

Just quit cold turkey and rely on your strong will and an emotional support system so that you don't relapse. You can do it. Anyone can quit smoking for good.

 

I think kissing a smoker is gross because you can taste the tobacco. So I'm sure when guys kissed me during my smoker-years they noticed that funky tobacco taste which is really unpleasant. And the smell of cigarette smoke, yuck. Even clove cigarettes bother me. The only smoke aroma I enjoy is from different kinds of incense. But cigarette smoke? Bleck.

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One thing that bugs me on dating profiles is the tick box choice of being an "occasional smoker." That's like being occasionally pregnant.

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But lets say I meet a girl...and she knows I've been smoking habitually...but then I quit in order to pursue her...would the fact that I was a smoker turn her off completely? Or would the fact that I've quit since she's known me ease any concerns?

 

It usually takes smokers a few times trying before they actually quit once and for all. I know there are some people who can just quit and never smoke again - my dad did that - but smoking is a physical and psychological habit that involves a lot more than nicotine and a lot of well-intentioned people start up again.

 

So with someone who had just stopped smoking, I'd wonder if they'd start again at some point.

 

I quit using electronic cigarettes. You can google the "electronic cigarette forum" and do some reading in the forums there if you're interested.

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Nothing worse than going in for a snog and smelling ashtray. Or that old smokey ass breath. And covering it up with gum doesn't work... Just smells like minty poo

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By 'in the process' I mean putting together a plan of action that will actually lead me to cut the habit. I'm sure cold turkey works for some...but I slipped up so easily that I doubt it would work for me. I'm looking into gradually weening myself off and replacing the addiction with something more productive. But it's a process. Besides, like I said, I am a smoker.

 

I'm down to 4ish cigarettes a day. I'm hoping to get it to 2 that way everytime I feel the urge to smoke, I can go out for a run and chase that "runners high" instead.

 

Also, I'm looking to see what triggers the smoking urge...because it isn't like the buzz lasts anylonger than a minute anymore. What makes me want the buzz? So far, it seems like stress is the cause...also, I'm introverted so I sometimes want to get away from the group for some time, and smoking is a good excuse for that. Also, there is the social aspect of it...it's pretty easy to make a new friend being a smoker...they'll come up to you and bum a cig..and if I'm wanting to talk to a stranger...I can do the same. Then you have a short conversation...and presto, new friend.

 

So it's just figuring out how to replace the benefits of being a smoker..which is a process.

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Someone on my Facebook page quit with her husband using Northwest Vapors electronic cigarettes.

I guess google them or google vaping..

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I learned about strength of will at a young age watching my mom quit when I was around 10. She stopped one day (she was a pack a day versus my dad's two) cold-turkey and would later tell me that most of the reason was she could see how it affected me. That made sense because she was a SAHM and it was in my face all the time. Even with the blue haze still around for the rest of her M until dad died 15 years later, she never to my knowledge touched another cigarette for the rest of her life. Perhaps her 'lenience' with my father is where I learned about moderation in reacting to smokers, IDK. I just don't have those 'killer' reactions to people smoking that I observe so often in others. A couple of LS'ers can vouch for that.

 

It would be interesting to poll across gender and age lines on this subject.

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smoking is a deal breaker.

 

you want to quiet for yourself and your own health rather than for someone else.

 

get together all the resources you can and just quit.

 

i think if you can totally avoid being around smokers or smoke for a few months, that is half the battle.

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For most non-smokers, that will be a dealbreaker. Might as well accept that fact right now. I suggest you stick with dating other smokers, or better yet quit for the sake of your own health, and then date the non-smokers. It doesn't work to try to quit for the sake of a relationship. You have to be motivated enough to want to quit for yourself--because it's something you want to do for yourself.

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Speaking as a former smoker, it is definitely a deal breaker where dating and relationships are concerned...unless you want to date another smoker.

 

I used my state's quit-smoking program to design my own "quit smoking plan" and was able to bypass the patch, pills or gum and just rely on my strong will and some phone counseling for a few months until I was past the rough patch of quitting.

 

See if your state has a non-profit quit smoking program. Or talk to your doctor to find out if your health insurance would connect you with a program to help people quit. Don't use the gum, patch or pills. All of that is a crutch and has side effects that really will just make you feel worse.

 

Just quit cold turkey and rely on your strong will and an emotional support system so that you don't relapse. You can do it. Anyone can quit smoking for good.

 

I think kissing a smoker is gross because you can taste the tobacco. So I'm sure when guys kissed me during my smoker-years they noticed that funky tobacco taste which is really unpleasant. And the smell of cigarette smoke, yuck. Even clove cigarettes bother me. The only smoke aroma I enjoy is from different kinds of incense. But cigarette smoke? Bleck.

 

I've dated multiple non-smokers, it's not a deal breaker for everyone.

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I'm a smoker, how much of a deal breaker is this?

 

On the flip side, I won't date a girl that smokes. Its a turn off and the one girl I dated that did smoke, its all I could do to not gag when kissing her. No thanks.

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Whether it is a deal breaker for the ladies on here, it will most certainly dramatically reduce your dating pool.

 

(It would definitely be a deal breaker for me.)

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Whether it is a deal breaker for the ladies on here, it will most certainly dramatically reduce your dating pool.

 

(It would definitely be a deal breaker for me.)

 

I've heard "dating pool" twice on here recently, is that really how people see dating? Like it's a big body of water and you gotta jump in and find someone?

 

I find that incredibly weird. I just dated people I wanted to date, I never looked for them.

 

And smoking was good for that, anyone who did the obnoxious fake cough or bitched and complained about how bad they are was automatically ignored.

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