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I read the post in response to the herion addiction in which a description is given of someone else's loved one. I am in shock as it also fits, to a "T" the behavior of my loved one except the drug is crack.

 

He has been on a bender for most of the month of January. I can not even talk to him because he's either high, asleep, or coming down... only to start the cycle all over. The only time he's calm is when he's smoking. He goes into his back room, shuts the door, turns on his techno and that's it. I'll walk in to check on him and he's usually just sitting there, staring off into space.

 

He has changed product consistency as well...instead of getting rocks, he is now buying powder and cooking it up in a test tube. He is so proud of his chef skills that if this was a respectable occupation, he'd be a millionaire. The catch22 here is that not only is he unable to afford his habit but he's got asthma and I notice in the past week, he's been hitting the inhaler more than ever.

 

I've been with this man for over six years. I used to smoke with him but he just smoked me out. I don't like to get high; unfortunately, he LOVES to get high. I sat with him last night; he asked me if I wanted a hit and I said no thank you. I just don't have that "need" whatever it is that is the driving force behind this drug.

 

We went over to his parents on Monday night. He had been up since the previous Friday. He told them that he's had a couple of relapses (yeah, kind of like when the officer pulls you for a DUI and asks how much have you had to drink and the answer is "only a couple") but he's "Okay." He told me not to say a word...and I know they were deeply hurt to know he's been using. I believe it was a good step to let them know but he turned it into a scam as well. From his weekend bender, he owed his dealer who fronted him. He told his parents he was looking into buying a used jeep and he needed $400 as he was selling his car to make up the difference. And you know how well an addict can lie to get what they want. He got the money, went straight to Amscott (7p.m.at night), then to his dealer to pay off his fronts. In less than an hour, $400 was gone and he even managed to come home with powder in his pocket...

 

This cycle (minus cash) repeated itself last night. He's cooking, smoking and running missions back & forth. The crack/base is obviously not satisfying his cravings and I know it's such a mental addiction drug. Obviously, he's building up tolerance. I know from experience, if the dope isn't good, you're going to ape which makes the dealer rich and the smoker crazy.

 

I have a full blown addict on my hands. I have just about reached my wits end with the way he's spiraling...I feel he's truly out of control and I do not know what to expect when I come home from work.

 

This is not an idiot, he is so damn smart that if this energy was channeled properly, the possibilities would be endless.

 

I'm truly wondering if this behaviour is suicidal and/or a cry for help. I don't want to come home and find him dead of a heart attack at 38 years old. I don't know what the h*ll he's trying to escape from, except himself.

 

If addicts can't get clean by themselves (guess I wasn't an addict), he and I are in a no win situation at this point. He can not just have a few rocks on Friday night & wake up Saturday and enjoy the weekend; smoking has overpowered his rational thinking skills. Other than taking care of me, at this point, does it sound like I need to baker act his *ass? He said he'd never do rehab...but is this 24/7 behavior maybe a secret call for help? I'm out of ideas.

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I'm very deeply sorry for you. This is a bad position. I am currently in recovery for alcohol, cocaine (just powder, no hard) and a few other things.

 

Honestly - even if it is a cry for help, you can't do anything. Addicts can never get better if someone else tells them to do it/wants them to do it. It has to come from him. Unfortunately, with your situation, you happen to be enabling him to continue his lifestyle.

 

My family had to cut me off completely before I stopped on my own. To this day no one wil give me money. If I have a bill that needs paying, they ask for the bill and pay it themselves. It's sad.

 

I will pray for you. But ultimately, there is nothing you can do for him except be brutally honest. Show him what you see. The degredation of his body and mind. Reject his lifestyle. Do not accept it or condone it in any way. Tell his parents about his lies.

 

It's the only thing anyone else can do. Uncover the lies the addict buries himself under. Take away the rationalization that his behavior is OK or normal.

 

Good luck....

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Not to hijack the thread or anything, I'm sorry, but otter- quick question, and Ladywithafan, you should know too. Do your pupils dilate when high on coke/crack? I was told they only dilate on certain drugs. I once thought an ex was high on coke, but he claimed it was from a different drug, one that was more acceptable to admit to.

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Lady,

I was the one responding to the heroin post..and it was my ex-ex (lol) that was addicted to crack. Gosh, I SO know what you are going through. I will try to give you some insight as to where I came from...me ex-ex and I were in a nice little relationship. Had a nice little house and good jobs. I have never done drugs, of any kind, and I knew fron the get go that he snorted coke when he played poker. Okay, I thought....gotta see how this plays out...maybe it was just a phase, a part of bachelorhood.....well......we bought a restaurant, and wether it was job stress, family stress, or no reason at all....he began to smoke. I was horrified. To add to the pain, he and one of his crack smoking GF's had a kid....that is a LONG story. I stuck around, enabled, his family-to this day- still enables him and he is 43 years old......Then one day...holy crap- it all just came into focus. I got help from a 12 step prgm. for me, went to counseling for me, took care of OUR babies....got my s*** together...and left. I was so tired of the emotional abuse-blaming me for everything-I just knew that there had to be more to life. When he began to 'steal' money from our family...that was it.

You do have an addict on your hands, and like I said before--you can only help YOU. Noone can "save" him but himself. Sure, you could try to commit him, which, at least here, is 72 hrs...then they get to get out and smoke some more. My ex went to rehab at least 4 times...I'd even drive him...didn't last. It will take more than threats, more than tears to get him to clean up. Maybe it'll take a trip to the ER when his heart is pounding away at 180 beats a minute, when he can't breathe, or a real nasty asthma attack to wake him up, but that may not even work. It's a long tough road...for them and the loved ones.

TRY not to let his actions affect you. Continue on living your life. I can't tell you to leave, I stayed a while too. But when you come home, say hello. If he's high...carry on your life. If he's out, go see a movie, call a friend. If he's smoking, I would definitley lay down the law that you want nothing to do with it and it's not wellcome in your house. SET BOUNDARIES.

If there is anything else I can do to help-let me know. I've been down this road. I still do 'deal' with him due to the kids. I also have a really good reading that is my mantra..I read it every day and it has helped me incredibly...it was the reading that woke my a*s right up one day. If you want, let me know, and I'll post it..if you're into that kind of stuff.

Good luck. Hope I helped some.

Hang in there.

~nite

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Not to hijack the thread or anything, I'm sorry, but otter- quick question, and Ladywithafan, you should know too. Do your pupils dilate when high on coke/crack? I was told they only dilate on certain drugs. I once thought an ex was high on coke, but he claimed it was from a different drug, one that was more acceptable to admit to.

 

 

Even if it's over the phone...I can tell by the sound of his voice and the calmness of his speech...it's so f*cked up...I'd rather see him on weed, but weed speeds him up and crack slows him down...what's up with that?

 

I think, also, I can be his worst enemy because from getting high with him in the past, I know the "game." I know the scenarios that come about, i.e. the "temper tantrums" arguements, begging, explanations, what happens when it's gone and it's 4 a.m., the "I'm right around the corner, I'm just over the bridge....I'LL BE RIGHT BACK is the one that I hate most...yeah, right! Right back becomes 3 hours...it's all just "game" language...and I learned the hard way how you play crack. This game almost cost me everything.

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I am so sorry to hear about your situtaion. Crack cocaine is the most evil drug available. It is so easy to get your hands on. I could get a rock before I could get pot and that is sad. I have dealt with addicts my whole life. My father was one, then i choose mates that had the problem. I still have friends that are full blown addicts. My ex is a full blown addict. I also commend you for not being an addict yourself. I am the same way, have smoked before, but i have the ability to say no, and always do. It just isn't my cup of tea. I tell people all the time, crack just grabs some people in a way that it doesn't grab others. It is the most evil drug and has ruined the mst important relationships in my life and i am not even a user of it. My advice to you.

The program never works unless the addict is ready to get clean and stay clean. You know, just like me, how addicting not only the drug can be, but the lifestyle, there is never a dull moment. That is what a lot of additcts struggle with, the lifestyle change. I do belive in the 12 step program, as my father has been clean almost 3 years and has no desire to drink or do drugs. It can be exhausting, because you love your husband, but let me tell you being an adult product of growing up in a household with a chronic drug and alcohol abuser.

It is not any fun. My dad missed all of the important things, softball games, homecomings, proms, boyfriends. He was there, but never stayed long. Always was going to be right back, then disappeared for the whole weekend, and had a never ending list of excuses as to why he did not come back and used up the money in the account. Even the things he was there for, he came out of guilt, not because he wanted to. He was always screwed up, and made me think that lifestyle is acceptable. in my adulthood, i have struggled with choosing men with addictions, not being able to commit to anything, having excuses for not doing things, and resentment towards both my mom and dad. My mom for staying with my dad and towards my dad for being the one out doing. Now, he has been sober for 3 years, but that is after 50 years of him being an abuser of the evil drug and alcohol. In an out of jail, in and out of jobs, and in and out of home. Misery controlled most of his life. that is a misery that he should have endured on his own. My mother and father are on good terms right now, but there are many things my mother resents my father for doing. They are working on their relationship, but things will never be the same as long as he is sober, my mother spent 30 years with him being an abuser and it is hard to get used to him holding his word, coming home as he is supposed to, and working a full time job. Because like to many times before, we have gotten comfortable with my fathers sober actions, and then all of the sudden, he is up and gone. please if you have kids take the advice from me. I know what i am talking about. i am still young, but have undergone years of conciling, and the root of many of my problems is my father, though i do not any longer blame him for my current issues. Crack is a killer. that is a lifelong battle with that drug, and very few win it. please reevalutae letting him do the drugs in yours home. i understand that you would rather him be home than out in the streets, but you are only enabling his drug addiction. Seek help from a local NA or Alanon. There are great support systems in every community, find one and stick with it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

"I'm truly wondering if this behaviour is suicidal and/or a cry for help."

 

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED...to die. What for? Who knows... I'm here at the pc in my apartment NOT my $320,000 house I lost, (divorce caused it too) but there I go...excuses huh. No seriously, I went from literally well off to having the money to move meant I had to use money I got from being rear ended. Okay, I was feinding I was a feind... I still get cravings. I had to literally move from Pa down here to florida to get away from it. And I did dooly note "Baker Act" which means I know the state... I'm on the Gulf Coast too, Pinellas County.

 

Anyway, what the man needs is an intervention, he needs to feed his addiction so he is doing worse things. I sold everything, lied to parents but ended up telling my mom the truth, lied to x wife, son, lied cheated but never stole from anyone ...

I'd bet he has lost weight...

 

Does he drink too? Cuz there is a sudden death cocktail the body makes if you mix crack and alcohol consumption.

 

I'm clean, clean, clean... I now have just shy of 4 months without and I just keep hating it more and more and more... I now am remembering all the money I spent, the lies I told, the bull I put myself through, the BAD SITUATIONS I put myself in... Going to a dealer, meeting, ALL THAT is a nightmare now.

They say stopping coke isn't hard but relapse is hard to stop... i DISAGREE....

I found like he is doing IDENTICAL except no techno for me, I wanted quiet...

 

I just began to cry a bit... I just looked at the time, it is 2.am.... I am having some problem with restlessness but it is due to the stopping of ALL my depression crutch crap. The Effexor and Xanax and all done...

 

If you want to have help or have someone talk to him, I'll do it. Go read my whirl wind of a novel ...my story sucks. But I take from it two things I now hold deep... I know I won't ever use, I love my son too much. I could tell ya, in between ATM stops, and all that I'd go out telling my son I was going to get a sandwich at Arby's etc... and well, 6 hours later and his phone calls to me at the rate of 4 calls every 15 minutes of missed calls on my cell phone and him not having a DAMN thing to eat in the house and me coming in a ball of sweat ... and .........

 

I gotta stop, pissing myself off....

 

Damn it I want to help IF I can.

 

PM me if you wish...

 

bob

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Ladywithafan
"I'm truly wondering if this behaviour is suicidal and/or a cry for help."

 

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED...to die. What for? Who knows... I'm here at the pc in my apartment NOT my $320,000 house I lost, (divorce caused it too) but there I go...excuses huh. No seriously, I went from literally well off to having the money to move meant I had to use money I got from being rear ended. Okay, I was feinding I was a feind... I still get cravings. I had to literally move from Pa down here to florida to get away from it. And I did dooly note "Baker Act" which means I know the state... I'm on the Gulf Coast too, Pinellas County.

 

Anyway, what the man needs is an intervention, he needs to feed his addiction so he is doing worse things. I sold everything, lied to parents but ended up telling my mom the truth, lied to x wife, son, lied cheated but never stole from anyone ...

I'd bet he has lost weight...

 

Does he drink too? Cuz there is a sudden death cocktail the body makes if you mix crack and alcohol consumption.

 

I'm clean, clean, clean... I now have just shy of 4 months without and I just keep hating it more and more and more... I now am remembering all the money I spent, the lies I told, the bull I put myself through, the BAD SITUATIONS I put myself in... Going to a dealer, meeting, ALL THAT is a nightmare now.

They say stopping coke isn't hard but relapse is hard to stop... i DISAGREE....

I found like he is doing IDENTICAL except no techno for me, I wanted quiet...

 

I just began to cry a bit... I just looked at the time, it is 2.am.... I am having some problem with restlessness but it is due to the stopping of ALL my depression crutch crap. The Effexor and Xanax and all done...

 

If you want to have help or have someone talk to him, I'll do it. Go read my whirl wind of a novel ...my story sucks. But I take from it two things I now hold deep... I know I won't ever use, I love my son too much. I could tell ya, in between ATM stops, and all that I'd go out telling my son I was going to get a sandwich at Arby's etc... and well, 6 hours later and his phone calls to me at the rate of 4 calls every 15 minutes of missed calls on my cell phone and him not having a DAMN thing to eat in the house and me coming in a ball of sweat ... and .........

 

I gotta stop, pissing myself off....

 

Damn it I want to help IF I can.

 

PM me if you wish...

 

bob

 

 

Hey bob,

 

He really does need help...but I'm so tired of hearing him come down & all the promises....no he really hasn't lost weight because he eats all the time. He's normal in that department...He just doesn't seem to have any dopamine/seratonin left inside his head....if he's not high, he's nasty, if he's not nasty or high, he's sleeping, if none of the previous, he's eating...it's a concentric circle of relapse....I can't tell you how much $ he's spent this year paying off fronts....maybe I need mental help to figure out why I keep waiting for him to have a light bulb come on over his brain?...I go to work every day...he has not worked steady since August...it has been one big ongoing smoking binge...I think three days is the most he's gone? HELP

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blind_otter

Well. Pocanobob mentioned Baker acting him. Or getting the authorities involved. There's no other way to help him.

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Even if it's over the phone...I can tell by the sound of his voice and the calmness of his speech...it's so f*cked up...I'd rather see him on weed, but weed speeds him up and crack slows him down...what's up with that?

 

I think, also, I can be his worst enemy because from getting high with him in the past, I know the "game." I know the scenarios that come about, i.e. the "temper tantrums" arguements, begging, explanations, what happens when it's gone and it's 4 a.m., the "I'm right around the corner, I'm just over the bridge....I'LL BE RIGHT BACK is the one that I hate most...yeah, right! Right back becomes 3 hours...it's all just "game" language...and I learned the hard way how you play crack. This game almost cost me everything.

 

 

It is funny how the "crack lingo" is used world wide. I know the crowd i ran with, people would ask why are you doing that to yourself(smoking crack, stealing, lying, coniving) We all started saying "for the love of the game." Also too many times i have heard, i am going to the store to get groceries for you, and bam, i am out the money and no groceries. A really awesome book is A million little pieces by james frey. I think that you would be able to relate to it really well. Maybe suggest to your husband reading it. Just reading what yall people write about your experiances with crack cocaine gives me chills, because it is like we are talking about the same people. Pretty scary if you ask me. Crack abusers all tend to take on the same habits and all tend to be very good, but habitual liars. Most that i know were at one time successful, then that wasn't good enough, so back to crack they went. What a sick sick world we live in. Satin is empowering the minds of too many people and they are losing sight of Jesus Christ, our savior.

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BlahBlahQueen

Forget Jesus Christ. Love yourself first. Jesus isn't the one whose life is going down the drain.

 

When addicts turn to religion in the recovery process, as they invariably do, they're just substituting one crutch for another. Which prevents them from eradicating the root problem, the need for a crutch to begin with. Then when their reasoning starts getting the better of them, the religion crutch suddenly collapses, and back to drugs they go. Because they never focused on the real issue at hand.

 

There, I'm done with the religion rant. On to the next thing.

 

Even among those of us who don't condemn substance use, crack is the devil. I personally wouldn't even bother with a crackhead. Why? Because I've known too many of them, even had relationships with several, and while other drugs may make you act like a bad person, crack literally makes you a bad person. Sociopathic, manipulative, dishonest, downright evil. It scars your character for life in many ways. I don't see how you can stay with him. No amount of love I have for someone is gonna make me forget the debt I have to myself to keep crackheads out of my life.

 

Baker acting him won't do a thing. There's only three possible outcomes for him: he dies of an OD, he goes to jail, or he decides for himself that he's had enough. You can't force him - can't even influence him, really. He won't listen. All he might do then is try to hide it from you. When he hits rock bottom, then he might see the light. Or he might not. As long as you and his family are there offering your support and affection to him, he hasn't hit rock bottom and you are enabling him. Seriously consider cutting him off completely and letting him find his own way.

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BLABLAQUEEN: Ok, i can relate to everthing that you said, but still, religion is much needed in the world today. Not just for addicts, but for everyone. And just so that you know, addicts do turn to something else to use as a crutch in hopes of believing enough, that they do not turn back to the drugs. I have seen God work mircles in many people, so...what ever your religion comment was supposed to mean. That you don't believe in God??? I am confused...Anyways, my best advice, is if you love them, leave them, and if they ever sober up, ok, if not ok, just get yourself and your kids out of the situation before you get sucked into his lifestyle of not coming home, lying, false hope, not carrying through with his obligations, and all the things that crackheads will do to you. It is emotionally damaging for many years to come. The soon you get out, the easier it will be.

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Imagine how it would feel to have to watch your son cry on his birthday because his daddy went to pick up his cake and never came back. How do explain that to your 3, 6, 8 10, 12 year old son year old son???

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BlahBlahQueen
And just so that you know, addicts do turn to something else to use as a crutch in hopes of believing enough, that they do not turn back to the drugs. I have seen God work mircles in many people, so...what ever your religion comment was supposed to mean.

 

Temporary miracle. It doesn't solve the underlying problem. In Narcotics Anonymous terms, it's called 'replacing addictions'. Heavily frowned upon. The chance of failure is very high, given that the replacement almost invariably lets you down eventually.

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blind_otter
Temporary miracle. It doesn't solve the underlying problem. In Narcotics Anonymous terms, it's called 'replacing addictions'. Heavily frowned upon. The chance of failure is very high, given that the replacement almost invariably lets you down eventually.

 

I thought you were supposed to admit that you were powerless in the face of your addiction and give your will over to God to help you find the ability to learn how to be sober.

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BlahBlahQueen
I thought you were supposed to admit that you were powerless in the face of your addiction and give your will over to God to help you find the ability to learn how to be sober.

 

I know, I know. I took it upon myself to evolve NA from a rational non-addict standpoint. So sue me. They talk so much about not replacing addictions when in reality that's all they're doing. They addict you to a dogma all their own. When it's dogma itself - your drug's own dogma - that got you there to begin with.

 

They have the right idea in their literature, but fail to follow through with it.

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It is funny how the "crack lingo" is used world wide. I know the crowd i ran with, people would ask why are you doing that to yourself(smoking crack, stealing, lying, coniving) We all started saying "for the love of the game." Also too many times i have heard, i am going to the store to get groceries for you, and bam, i am out the money and no groceries. A really awesome book is A million little pieces by james frey. I think that you would be able to relate to it really well. Maybe suggest to your husband reading it. Just reading what yall people write about your experiances with crack cocaine gives me chills, because it is like we are talking about the same people. Pretty scary if you ask me. Crack abusers all tend to take on the same habits and all tend to be very good, but habitual liars. Most that i know were at one time successful, then that wasn't good enough, so back to crack they went. What a sick sick world we live in. Satin is empowering the minds of too many people and they are losing sight of Jesus Christ, our savior.

 

 

PSYCHO BABBBBBBBLE I'm sorry but all this post was seems to be promoting how "good" you are, how lucky you are not to experience it in your glass house. PLEASE for the good of all involved take your conjugated "not losing sight" and stick it.

 

You'll note to all that I NEVER ever ever ever in one poste thus far until now have not said a peep but I felt compelled, sorry not to offend 99% of the people and I'm not against religion by any means. I just hate hipocrites ...

 

save this!

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Forget Jesus Christ. Love yourself first. Jesus isn't the one whose life is going down the drain.

 

When addicts turn to religion in the recovery process, as they invariably do, they're just substituting one crutch for another. Which prevents them from eradicating the root problem, the need for a crutch to begin with. Then when their reasoning starts getting the better of them, the religion crutch suddenly collapses, and back to drugs they go. Because they never focused on the real issue at hand.

 

There, I'm done with the religion rant. On to the next thing.

 

Even among those of us who don't condemn substance use, crack is the devil. I personally wouldn't even bother with a crackhead. Why? Because I've known too many of them, even had relationships with several, and while other drugs may make you act like a bad person, crack literally makes you a bad person. Sociopathic, manipulative, dishonest, downright evil. It scars your character for life in many ways. I don't see how you can stay with him. No amount of love I have for someone is gonna make me forget the debt I have to myself to keep crackheads out of my life.

 

Baker acting him won't do a thing. There's only three possible outcomes for him: he dies of an OD, he goes to jail, or he decides for himself that he's had enough. You can't force him - can't even influence him, really. He won't listen. All he might do then is try to hide it from you. When he hits rock bottom, then he might see the light. Or he might not. As long as you and his family are there offering your support and affection to him, he hasn't hit rock bottom and you are enabling him. Seriously consider cutting him off completely and letting him find his own way.

 

 

YEP I agree

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blind_otter
I know, I know. I took it upon myself to evolve NA from a rational non-addict standpoint. So sue me. They talk so much about not replacing addictions when in reality that's all they're doing. They addict you to a dogma all their own. When it's dogma itself - your drug's own dogma - that got you there to begin with.

 

They have the right idea in their literature, but fail to follow through with it.

 

I have to disagree. There is no emphasis on attending church at all. In fact it's impossible to completely eradict the addictive personality. There's this neurobiological predisposition. You control the impulses through routine, dealing with your feelings, going to meetings. But the desire is always there.

 

Honestly for those who have literally had their lives saved by the 12 steps, your post is mildly offensive. I'm not offended, but I can understand why someone who hasn't participated would see it this way. I feel it reflects an incomplete understanding, nothing more.

 

It's not my drug's dogma that got me to the point I am today. It's my weakness. My fear of reality. My inability to cope with things as they are and my desire to escape. I can use ANY substance to do that. I happened to choose my DOC. I have to use the 12 steps to learn how to cope with reality.

 

Drug abuse in and of itself isn't the main problem, it's a symptom. The real problems are even more fundamental and more deeply rooted than a substance's addictive powers indenpendent of other factors.

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BLABLAQUEEN: Ok, i can relate to everthing that you said, but still, religion is much needed in the world today. Not just for addicts, but for everyone. And just so that you know, addicts do turn to something else to use as a crutch in hopes of believing enough, that they do not turn back to the drugs. I have seen God work mircles in many people, so...what ever your religion comment was supposed to mean. That you don't believe in God??? I am confused...Anyways, my best advice, is if you love them, leave them, and if they ever sober up, ok, if not ok, just get yourself and your kids out of the situation before you get sucked into his lifestyle of not coming home, lying, false hope, not carrying through with his obligations, and all the things that crackheads will do to you. It is emotionally damaging for many years to come. The soon you get out, the easier it will be.

 

 

OKAY, so you leave an addict who is already high and trying in despair to finish. OH NO WAIT I get it, you wanna have them meet the lord... well they won't in your world as they will be committed to satin because of the destruction and suicide. Ya, IMO using heavily is a slow process of suicide.

 

NEVER leave someone, perhaps with alcoholism leaving sometimes helps, but not someone who has no dopamine left. Their is a theory on the bible that it was like law books of the time to set morals for "the people" ... SOME, not all but some things are just plain outdated. I like the bible, there is a time and place for it within religion but also I must say that it isn't ....... aaaaa it doesn't matter, you'll flame me anyway.

 

bob

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Hey bob,

 

He really does need help...but I'm so tired of hearing him come down & all the promises....no he really hasn't lost weight because he eats all the time. He's normal in that department...He just doesn't seem to have any dopamine/seratonin left inside his head....if he's not high, he's nasty, if he's not nasty or high, he's sleeping, if none of the previous, he's eating...it's a concentric circle of relapse....I can't tell you how much $ he's spent this year paying off fronts....maybe I need mental help to figure out why I keep waiting for him to have a light bulb come on over his brain?...I go to work every day...he has not worked steady since August...it has been one big ongoing smoking binge...I think three days is the most he's gone? HELP

 

 

The lightbulb inside is burned out, needs changed and it takes someone else to help...I believe no is the answer only because I did it myself, but that isn't my point. For some, they need intervention, for others hitting the stone wall, for others, NOTHING willhelp.

 

bob

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BlahBlahQueen
Honestly for those who have literally had their lives saved by the 12 steps, your post is mildly offensive. I'm not offended, but I can understand why someone who hasn't participated would see it this way. I feel it reflects an incomplete understanding, nothing more.

 

Ahem. Reason I'm so familiar with NA is that I went for two years. I did the 30 meetings in 30 days and then went weekly. Finally one day my sponsor told me I was basically wasting my time because she didn't think I was an addict. She'd spent two years trying to get me to "break my act" until she realized it wasn't an act at all. Shocking, eh? (I was court-ordered to go because of a possession charge, that's how I ended up there.)

 

I know how many lives NA had saved. But I think their system has a fundamental flaw that prevents addicts from reaching a higher level of recovery.

 

The rest of your post was enlightened and I'm gonna chew on it for a while.

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Ahem. Reason I'm so familiar with NA is that I went for two years. I did the 30 meetings in 30 days and then went weekly. Finally one day my sponsor told me I was basically wasting my time because she didn't think I was an addict. She'd spent two years trying to get me to "break my act" until she realized it wasn't an act at all. Shocking, eh? (I was court-ordered to go because of a possession charge, that's how I ended up there.)

 

I know how many lives NA had saved. But I think their system has a fundamental flaw that prevents addicts from reaching a higher level of recovery.

 

The rest of your post was enlightened and I'm gonna chew on it for a while.

 

 

Ya, it does save MANY... I believe like in the case with my brother who went to meetings, and stayed in half way houses, SOME want to be cured, some wish to be cured, some pray to be cured, then there are some who you add the word DON'T in front of each, ie. some DON'T want to be cured, some...

and end up dead like my late bother. Meanwhile others like myself included HATE it but want to escape at the time due to a traumatic event or have used that as an excuse to use and then HATE themselves and finally after losing everything and running out of lies to everyone have the option to con strangers or steal and stop cold turkey. That was me, I just couldn't face doing that... I moved from Pennsylvania, 2 hours from NYC to Florida where I formerly lived for 18 years and NEVER saw the s**t and have not looked back. Amazingly I saw my Psychologist and did Neuro tests and I have not had any loss and my regular doc found no respiratory distress EXCEPT for 4 months literally I coughed and had a upper respiratory infection... I stopped cigars, which I used as a help to stop by getting the inhale feeling the drug did.

 

If I can stop, anyone can, you just have to have the desire exceed the desire to use by leaps and bounds.

 

Hey, could we possibly stop fighting on who is right or wrong about the method, we need to remember there are people who need help and that ANY method of stopping is best. However you do it, do it...

 

However you can get someone to stop, it involves love, understanding, and lots of patience... IMO an intervention such as a type that has a sense of urgency where the PERSON using wants to stop and it is their decision. I wouldn't just leave someone using, I couldn't fathom what would happen, however with the person addressed initially here, SHE SHOULD GET THE PARENTS whom the user does not want to deceive and catch him using. That if I had to point to a vehicle to help or interrupt his using, that would help...

 

OH and stop enabling him by giving money...

 

bob

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Ladywithafan

So you think I should give his parents a call the next time he hits the pipe...Maybe I should be out shopping and they can just more or less, cruise by the house and knock on the door...He's already told them he's relapsed; just not quite how much he's relapsed.

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