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Spouse is ok with my drug habit ????


Addiction & Recovery Recognizing, conquering, and coping with addictions, substance abuse & dependence.

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Old 7th November 2017, 8:13 AM   #16
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How about having enough courage to stop making excuses? Because you are knowingly killing yourself.

How about having enough self esteem to realize you deserve better?

How about going to marriage counseling with your wife, because she is fearful of losing you?
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Old 12th November 2017, 4:14 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkestLight View Post
I was a functioning addict for 10 years.
Meaning that I didn't hang out with drug users or engage in reckless or weird activity. I would go to work everyday and school PT.

Drug addiction was my only real hang up. I met, my now wife, and really wanted to pursue it. A friend who knew I used told her I needed to be honest right off the bat. So I was. I told her I use drugs every day. She didn't judge,
she didn't run away. I have never lied to her about it, if I had to leave to pick up, I told her where I was going. I never used in front of her.
We got married, bought a house.

She knew I've always wanted to get sober. The only issue is, I didn't have time to recover from with drawl.

School ended, I left one job for another and had a nice 2 week gap.

I decided to get sober (9/20/2016). It was brutal.

I stayed clean until May 2017, short relapse (2 day thing)
then again in June 2017.

I've always told her it is really hard. While the drug is destructive and life was better without it, I still had these moments where I just ... wanted it.

When I would try to deal with it by talking to her, she would just tell me, "It's ok, you can go get some if you want" ...

I'm a little confused by this and am looking for some insight.

I appreciate that she didn't judge at the start, I understand why she was distant as I detoxed (she has never seen it, wasnt sure how what to do to help me) ... but in my moments of weakness (and yes I've discussed it with her before posting online) she encourages me to return to drugs rather than be that ear, or be the comforting support.

I don't use it as a free card or reason to go run out and get loaded ...
I usually just try another way to distract myself until the craving goes away.

It just seems odd to me.

Most people are given the ultimatum by their spouse to stop.
I've seen spouses of a recovering addict celebrate dates, milestones of sobriety ... not mine ...

Anyone have any insight on this situation ? or been in this situation ?

I've even asked her to not suggest drugs to me in those moments, and she still does.

Is there a better way to ask for her support ?

It kinda seems to me, that .... she just doesn't care. I'm at a loss.

Thank you to those who took the time to read this ......
I don't judge either. She's like me in many ways. So you have someone who stands by you.. Sounds like she doesn't want to know what your on control substance abuse. Are you still taking drugs or did you quit Bit confusing sound like your on and off again. She still with you just accept that and stop worry over things. I take it she doesn't do drugs either?
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Old 12th November 2017, 4:33 AM   #18
S2B
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She doesn't understand the dynamics of the disease... so you can't expect her to.

She simply doesn't know.

This is only up to you. Have you looked for support in an AA or NA meeting? That's where to go to get supportive people that understand the disease and what it's like to recover.

Also, seek professional help. A great trauma counselor can help in many ways. Go long term every week or two for an extended period of time - that really helped me.

Good job on quitting... it's not easy but it is worth it! Keep on keeping on.

Be you. Let your wife be herself. She doesn't have to carry your burdens - especially since she doesn't understand this one. Handle this on your own by getting the help you need.
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Old 12th November 2017, 4:38 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by DarkestLight View Post
Actually no. I have the attention span of a gerbil.

Havent talked to a doc because they will think I am pill seeking .....
My doctor knows to never offer me any medication that alters, ever. He's also a very good support to me.

YOU set the standard for your care - you tell the dr what you won't consider.
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Old 13th November 2017, 1:56 AM   #20
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First of all, I want to say congratulations for taking this big step. I don't even know you, and am already proud - I'm proud of any human being who chooses to better themselves. You are strong!

My ex was an ex-meth addict. He hadn't used it for 10 years when we met, but what he did after quitting meth was turn to pot and regular drinking to cope. He gets stoned every night and drinks most nights, and it was one of the things that ruined our relationship. He had a lot of emotional issues that were not dealt with, I kept asking him to get counselling for it, and to work on the addictions, and he never did. Being a stoner made him lazy, apathetic, he got laid off/fired from multiple jobs, didn't help me around the house, had no goals or ambitions, was a terrible listener etc, and drinking on top of that didn't help either.

I would have been so so proud of him if he had taken the steps to quit that you did (I know he quit meth before, but essentially replace one vice with two others), and if he had, I believe our relationship could have been saved, maybe. I'm not sure why your wife isn't being more supportive, I find it odd for sure, but I think maybe she's scared that by bettering yourself you'll realize you don't need her, that you can do better etc...people have all sorts of internal insecurities that they are sometimes ashamed to admit.
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