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Am I sexually acting out/addicted?


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Old 23rd January 2017, 12:56 PM   #1
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Am I sexually acting out/addicted?

I've been recently dealing with a failed relationship. It lasted a few years and since then I feel like I have never been the same. Yes I have some Daddy issues and I have a hard time expressing myself with men emotionally.

For almost 8 months I've been without intercourse until recently when I met a man who was acting and talking as if he was really into me . We went out a few times. Had intercourse. He keeps contacting me but I feel like he's sadistic. Initiating then pulling back ...push/pull. I know he's not right for me. Instead of just telling him to leave me alone, in my frustration I hooked up with another guy without breaking things off with the first guy.

I almost feel like a slut. I feel like I need more though...more sex.
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Old 24th January 2017, 11:11 AM   #2
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Hugs, unevenXchange.
At present time - no, you are not YET sexually acting out or addicted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unevenXchange View Post
I almost feel like a slut. I feel like I need more though...more sex.
I would offer to not initiate, engage or participate in any behaviour that makes you feel bad about yourself. It comes across that you more-or-less already know that no amount of sex play or sexual intercourse is going to truly help you heal from that 'failed' relationship - here again, you can choose other options that will not harm your own self-image and sense of worth.

If I could also add: somebody who is emotionally unavailable or playing an ego game of push/pull does not come close to fitting the definition for 'sadistic' -- push/pull is just how people who have emotional wounds behave (along with, of course, many other types of games that the ego uses to try to feel good about itself, and whole.)

In Love and Light,
Ronni
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Old 24th January 2017, 3:24 PM   #3
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You are an adult woman who has desires, don't label yourself. If you want to put your urges aside then do so, but if you want to act on them, you are allowed to enjoy yourself. Don't let society tell you that you can't have sex with who you want or if you do it's because of Daddy issues or whatever other reason.

And don't feel guilty about not breaking up with the first guy, it doesn't sound like you are in a relationship with him anyway...
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Old 2nd February 2017, 9:07 PM   #4
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Thanks guys. I haven't been acting out on anything recently. Too busy with work and trying to be rested...for work.

I am though not in a good place. I don't understand why/how my last relationship almost went into marriage. He was the line of my life but for reasons I had to leave him. He was hurt and refused to speak to me much.... No when eventually not at all.

Now... currently I'm just having sex. I actually want more than just sex. I'm actually moving slower with these guys than I did when my ex-fiance.

That makes me sad and feel hopeless almost. I know so many people who were actually borderline slots, players,some attractive,some just ehhhh...good character/not so good character. They are either married or in a relationship. What is wrong with me and am I paint men away?
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Old 3rd February 2017, 9:10 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unevenXchange View Post
Thanks guys. I haven't been acting out on anything recently. Too busy with work and trying to be rested...for work.

I am though not in a good place. I don't understand why/how my last relationship almost went into marriage. He was the line of my life but for reasons I had to leave him. He was hurt and refused to speak to me much.... No when eventually not at all.

Now... currently I'm just having sex. I actually want more than just sex. I'm actually moving slower with these guys than I did when my ex-fiance.

That makes me sad and feel hopeless almost. I know so many people who were actually borderline slots, players,some attractive,some just ehhhh...good character/not so good character. They are either married or in a relationship. What is wrong with me and am I paint men away?
Wait, so what you're saying is that
  1. you loved this guy,
  2. but something about him made you decide that you couldn't stay with him, and
  3. he feels bad enough about that to cut you out of his life
and now, essentially, you're substituting sex for an emotional connection?


It really sounds like you may have made the smart decision with your ex, but you weren't prepared for the consequences of leaving him.


You have to deal with that first, before anything else.
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Old 4th February 2017, 4:17 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unevenXchange View Post
I've been recently dealing with a failed relationship. It lasted a few years and since then I feel like I have never been the same. Yes I have some Daddy issues and I have a hard time expressing myself with men emotionally.

For almost 8 months I've been without intercourse until recently when I met a man who was acting and talking as if he was really into me . We went out a few times. Had intercourse. He keeps contacting me but I feel like he's sadistic. Initiating then pulling back ...push/pull. I know he's not right for me. Instead of just telling him to leave me alone, in my frustration I hooked up with another guy without breaking things off with the first guy.

I almost feel like a slut. I feel like I need more though...more sex.
I used to hate this, but didn't understand it until I read the book, 'Men who can't love' (? think that's the name) ... being pulled in (per se) and then hitting a brick wall just is not for me. The book gave me understanding, although it did a number on my head, glad you saw this as an unusual trait...
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