clean from drugs for 2 years, but now drinking?

[HowMightI-live]

So i need advice on something but to give alittle back story,

i started experimenting with drugs at the age of 14. By 15, i was smoking pot daily, snorting coke about twice a week and enjoying the occasional acid trip whenever the opportunity presented itself. It wasn't until my second week , third year of high school that everything changed. I was at friends house from school and a couple of us were doing coke, word somehow got around school and parents were called. My mom, who had already had suspiciowas not suprised. I was then sent to an alternative outpatient high school for teens with drug problems. From there it pretty much gpt worse and i became introduced to benzos, which was cheaper and more available to me then coke and so i was able to use it daily. By 17 i got a real taste of full blown addiction and was sent to an inpatient rrehabilitation center for 30 days not including detox. By then i was doing any and everything i could get my hands on, i was a drug addict by all accounts. When i got out i was able to maintain sobriety for a month or two before i was at it again. i finally got clean from all drugs two years ago and it had been a while since i even felt triggered to use. Except, i started drinking last month. My ex dumped me 3 months ago. it was a long term relationship and ive been struggling with it greatly. About 3 weeks i decided i couldn't take it anymore. Missing her, so i got a bottle of jack and finished it before the night was up. I dont remember much, jist woke up to my forst hangover ever. I never had a drinking problem, infact i never really drink. I was more into drugs so i never experienced a hangover before. I got this thought that of i never had a drinking problem maybe i could drink like a normal person. The next night i brought a bottle of wine and finished it slowly. In 2 days and swore never to drink again. But would it really be so bad if i did every once in a while . just a glass of wine without feeling so guilty and terrible about it. I want to be able to buy a bottle of wine and drink without that feeling of shame, like im hiding something or like I'm kidding myself. hate having to lie to my family but theres no way they would understand. They would overreact. Im still not in contact with any of my druggie friends and dont ever plan to reach out.i dont want to ruin my life but i just need something to just quiet the pain alittle. I never had a drinking problem would it be possible to drink normally without developing one? Just to get through the break up alittle easier, advice?

Edited November 22, 2014 by HowMightI-live

[Tayla]

In a metaphoric way, you are still in contact with your best friend- Its called Addiction and Disease. They linger and love to Bring Denial to your party fest, be you with friends or alone. Take this seriously before it takes you...seriously.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think you should go to an AA or NA meeting right away like tonight.

[Jsbodhi]

I think you're just trading one substance for another and trying to convince yourself that it's ok :/

Not judging, I'm not in my situation because I've been singing in church

Just seems like your mind is being sneaky with you

[Cedar27]

I would recommend reading the work by Dr. Stanton Peele, PhD and Lance Dodes, MD. They have written some groundbreaking books in the field of addiction. You are young and unfortunately have probably been told you have an incurable disease in which abstinence from all substances is the only cure. Research says otherwise. About 1 in 4 college students meet the criteria for have a substance abuse disorder (including dependence), but after being followed in studies almost all end up living a normal adult life involving healthy social and moderate drinking habits.

 

Now if these same college students decided to enter rehab at 22 because their substance use was interfering with their lives, the counselors there would undoubtedly tell them they have a disease and will never be able to use any substance again (assuming it's a 12 step rehab which 99% of rehabs are in the U.S.A.). This is a very damaging thing to tell someone so young still trying to find out who they are in the world, especially since all the science we have tells us they are most likely to make a full recovery, even without abstinence.

 

Long term, multi million dollar NIAAA studies (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Addiction) show that almost all diagnosed alcoholics end up recovering, but interestingly most recover without remaining abstinent. What does this mean? It means that they eventually end up drinking in ways that do not meet criteria for abuse or dependance. The specific study I am referring to is called Project Match, and it dealt with over 70,000 former alcoholics over a long period of time (decades). So OP, don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't drink again moderately and safely, only you will know that. The studies are out there showing many others in your position have and continue to successfully. Some also probably find that abstinence is just easier too. Nothing wrong with that!

 

Please be advised, I can't tell you if are able to drink in non-abusive manner right now. From your post it sounds like you still have some work to do regarding the way you cope with your feelings. I'd recommend taking a break for 30 days of all substances and see a therapist. Addictions stem from a feeling of helplessness and not being able to handle the world around you. You latch on to a behavior or substance that gives you a feeling of control and release over a situation that feels overwhelming. You may still be in the phase where you haven't fully developed the tools to handle life without numbing it away, but the good news is you can get those tools and make them a part of your life.

 

My background: I was 16 when I was put into my first rehab. By 21 I had been to 7. Addicted to meth, chronically alcoholic (30 beers a day), and hopeless. I have since went to college and graduated (studying addiction), own my own business, drink moderately, haven't used drugs in a decade and have no reason to ever fall back into heavy drug or alcohol use again. In fact the thought of being drunk absolutely disgusts me and I used to drink mouthwash at 3AM when I was out of liquor.

 

Of course I went to a therapist and quit all substances for over 2 years before I even thought of having another sip of alcohol. I had to build a new life for myself outside of drugs and alcohol, change friends, and basically find myself again. Do you feel you have these tools now?

Edited November 23, 2014 by Cedar27

[ForbiddenFruit]

As soon as you reach out to drugs/ alcohol for comfort you are in great danger of becoming an addict especially if you have been one before.

 

Advice? Find something else that with heal the soul. If you have a hobby, do it. If you enjoy making art, do it. But the best thing you can possibly do is to let yourself mourn. and accept the heartache and pain, don't look for numbness or pain killers. Don't try to cheat the natural process of life. Take in all the pain, mourn, and you will come out a better and stronger person.

 

When you drink it doesn't just affect you, if affects everyone around you. Plus alcohol causes irreversible damage on the liver, you only get one body in your lifetime. take care of it.

 

You've got so much life ahead of you, the world is so huge, and the universe is infinite. Your ex is nothing compared to what the world has to offer you.

 

Best of luck.

[BC1980]

It's not uncommon to trade one addiction in for another. It's not even really about the substance you are choosing but the process of the addiction. I have two friends who went to rehab for meth and have been clean for years. However, both are now obese and drink heavily. I believe they simply switched addictions to two things that are legal, booze and food. Same story with a family member who was a gambling addict. Though he no longer gambles, he is now an alcoholic and weighs about 400 lbs. The substance abused is actually irrelevant with regards to the big picture.

 

You are engaging in common addictive behaviors. You are using alcohol to avoid coping with the pain of losing your girlfriend. You said you haven't been triggered in awhile to use, but this emotional turmoil has become your trigger. You have to be careful as an addict because any emotional turmoil will trigger you for the rest of your life.

Edited November 25, 2014 by BC1980

[HowMightI-live]

For a minute there i almost completely sabotaged my being. This disease is something, huh? I already knew the answer. I know the answer. Im having to make 2 meetings a day since this post. Everyday i almost convince myself to drink or drug. My mind can be so convincing sometimes, it can sound so right even when iknow its wrong. you guys confirmed what my heart was straining to show me. I guess i simply have to deal with this pain, the very thing i spent a goodpart ofmy life trying to run away from. Can it be that maybe its inevitable? Pain? That no matter where we go or who we meet, pain will one day come to greet as an old friend again? And what do you do with it? Pain. How do you even accept pain without entirely being consumed by it. And once consumed, how does one simply resist the urge to use...to run away from it all.

Edited November 27, 2014 by HowMightI-live

[beach]

Sober means unaltered.

 

If you are altering then you're not sober.

[BC1980]

For a minute there i almost completely sabotaged my being. This disease is something, huh? I already knew the answer. I know the answer. Im having to make 2 meetings a day since this post. Everyday i almost convince myself to drink or drug. My mind can be so convincing sometimes, it can sound so right even when iknow its wrong. you guys confirmed what my heart was straining to show me. I guess i simply have to deal with this pain, the very thing i spent a goodpart ofmy life trying to run away from. Can it be that maybe its inevitable? Pain? That no matter where we go or who we meet, pain will one day come to greet as an old friend again? And what do you do with it? Pain. How do you even accept pain without entirely being consumed by it. And once consumed, how does one simply resist the urge to use...to run away from it all.

 

Yes, life will always bring you pain. As addicts, we choose to deal with pain through substances unfortunately. Russell Brand wrote a really good article that said that addicts don't have a problem with substances. We have a problem with reality. We have a problem coping. We have learned to cope through substances, and addictions are actually a very effective way of coping in the short term. Only an addict can truly understand that, but the problem is that an addiction is a devil's bargain. You trade in the ability to cope with the ruination of your life over time.

 

Addicts can always relapse. No matter how many years you have been clean, you can always relapse. You don't know what tomorrow holds. If you are familiar with AA, you know that one of their mantras is "One day at a time." I can't tell you how many times I relapsed, and, each and every time, I thought, "This is the time. This is the time I will be cured. I've beaten it." Only to relapse a few months or a year later. You can have the best intentions in the world, but you never know how you will feel tomorrow. What troubles it might bring that will trigger your addiction. It's a tough path to follow, but you can't succumb to the alternative.

[todreaminblue]

theres this thing that is common in rehabs and psyche ward......a lot of patients have addictive personalities....so if they cant get one they take another......i have an addictive personality.....it would be easy for me to become addicted and or abuse substances....... i dont stop at just one drink......i go till i cant drink anymore.....and totally wipe myself out......people actually love it when i drink because they say i am funny...and i know i become super affectionate and loving.....that is a problem obviously........i choose not to have the one drink.......because it doesnt end there......addictive substances are normally crutches for deeper emotional issues....if you deal with them....you wont need the crutch...heal from the inside....and control the crutches you choose to use......i pray...because actually a part of me ......loathes drugs and alcohol with a passion for what it does to people...i cant lead an example or help people and their families if i join them in substance abuse....dotn turn to alcohol it wont help you deal with anything............deb

[jellybean89]

How are you doing?

[sharkbite0]

Trust what you read here man, a lot of us have similar stories ..not exact, but similar (everyone's story is unique and original, no replicates of lives) but you need to hear what is written on these, put some serious thought and ask yourself where substances have gotten you?

 

They've gotten me f*cking no place, they've slowed me down from experience the true joys of life and I'm finally on the right road....the road that doesn't have me killing brain cells to get over ex girlfriends. I suck at breakups..I feel like someone just tossed me in the ****ter and flushed my life away, but i've been realizing that problems will come, some will leave you, while others tend to stick around, but drinking to avoid the feelings is joke and it's for the weak, it will keep you in one place and when the morning comes and your sober again...those feelings are there.......again.

 

Do for yourself something you and everyone deserves...fight for yourself. No one else can do it for you. There are excuses around every door, everyone has them, but do you really want to be the guy that threw his life away because he thought that alcohol was different? alcohol isn't different, at all....it's a drug, that's just widely accepted and not illegal, but so is the release of endorphins after having sex with the hottest, sexiest girls in the world, the ones that love a man with a nice body he got from running and working out instead of drinking 12 packs and eating wings.

 

life can be sooooooooooo good, don't waste it sitting in the gutters replaying old records and thinking it's original....cause it's not original, go look at the statistics of people that die because alcohol entered their lives. Good luck, keep fighting...go workout and meditate, and eat a delicious meal of steak and potatoes, sushi! burgers! pizza! after you make a decision to fight for yourself...you'll deserve it!

[TaylorTrek]

first off, how are you?

 

 

Did you try going to some meetings pertaining to alcohol treatment? AA perhaps? if not, this meetings will help you a lot shaping your future again. Keep in touch, update us.