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dating a recovering drug addict


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I have recently started dating a recovering opiate addict. I have known him as a friend for about a year. He has always been nice to me and I had always cared about him and hoped he would get better, but our relationship was very unexpected. We hung out one night when I was on break from school and got drunk and had a really good conversation and had sex. Since that night we haven’t gone a day without talking. I ended up spending almost every night with him over break and since then we decided we wanted to only have sex with eachother. Anyways…he has been clean for 100 days today (!!!) and has been acting very motivated to stay clean. He has promised me he will be completely honest with me if he slips up as I promised to not be angry with him if he does and I have accepted that this is apart of his life and now mine as well. I know that unfortunately a relapse is probably inevitable since this is really the first time he had been sober for about 3 years. I know I can deal with it if he’s honest with me and will put in the effort to stay motivated. Also I am taking time off school for other reasons so I will be spending a lot more time with him and can kind of monitor him (I hate to say it like that). For a person with major trust issues I trust him a pretty good amount. He treats me well and definitely puts a lot of effort into our relationship. He makes me feel safe and happy. I have pretty big self esteem issues and he deals with them fairly well for a new boyfriend. He is always upset when I am hurting and I know that he cares for me. He is a really good guy when he is sober.

 

I guess I just have a few questions and would really appreciate any advice anyone has. If you want to tell me there is zero hope and to get out now you don’t have to waste time bothering to respond..

 

Is it harmful to his recovery for him to develop strong feelings for me so soon after becoming clean?

 

I’ve done a good amount of research and have read some recovering addicts will latch on to the first person who comes along, is this likely the case with me?

 

How do I support him? Can I ask him about going to some kind of meeting or something? I don’t want to be pushy.

 

Thank you so much!!!

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Your skin would crawl with a carrot that is an amusing shape. (My cousin is an RN and enjoys the occasional.....

 

OP. Get to know him. We all have our issues and problems. If you 2 have something then you will both know it. There are some more people here who will give you some sound advice i am sure.

 

Take care

 

Haydn

 

I am an RN

 

You had sex with a drug addict? That makes my skin crawl. Do not have any more physical contact.

 

Go to your doctor TODAY and tell her exactly about every aspect of your sexual contact with this person.

 

If you do not see his person again, do not have any sexual contact with another male before a LONG time (a.couple years) and only after you are periodically retested for a full series of diseases.

 

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Good to see you quoting yourself.

 

 

Ignore the above immature response.

 

Go see your doctor today.

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Zippity-Doo-Dah

You don't say what kind of opiates - pills or Heroin? If it's H - yes, see a doc. If it's pills - that's a different story.

 

You said "I think I can handle it as long as he is honest with me." I know you are not going to hear this, and I completely understand because I've btdt - but I'm going to tell you something that later you can look back and know you had been warned. I wish someone had said this to me:

 

You can not trust an addict. Even a recovering addict. They will not be honest with you. They will not be honest with themselves. Ever.

 

I'm sorry hon. Be a friend to this person, maybe even a friend with benefits with this person (while actively using opiates, you won't be having sex though - no feeling) Do not marry or move in with this person. Do not have a baby with this person. Do not think that you will be the exception - you won't be.

 

Zip - whose been there and would never want that life for anyone

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Wow you are sooo helpful. I really needed your judgement.

 

 

 

I am an RN

 

You had sex with a drug addict? That makes my skin crawl. Do not have any more physical contact.

 

Go to your doctor TODAY and tell her exactly about every aspect of your sexual contact with this person.

 

If you do not see his person again, do not have any sexual contact with another male before a LONG time (a.couple years) and only after you are periodically retested for a full series of diseases.

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You don't say what kind of opiates - pills or Heroin? If it's H - yes, see a doc. If it's pills - that's a different story.

 

Pills are not a different story - opiate addicts commonly IV their pills, which is in many ways more dangerous that shooting heroin. The risk of disease is related to the route of administration, not the actual drug. If OP had unprotected sex, then she should most definitely see a doctor either way...pills, heroin or no drug use at all.

 

I agree with the rest of your post though (with the exception of .."even recovering addicts can never be trusted...ever")...an addict would need a hell of a lot of clean time on their side before I would even consider entering into a relationship with them. Even then, it would likely be a no go. This is a bad move OP.

 

OP - you are totally not ready for this, and freshly clean addicts are in no way, shape or form even close to ready to enter into a relationship. Addiction is a hell of a thing, and you're really not walking into this with your eyes open. I have a feeling that this will fall on deaf ears though, so good luck...you're gonna need it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Hope Shimmers
I am an RN

 

You had sex with a drug addict? That makes my skin crawl.

 

It's scary that an RN would react in such an immature and judgmental way to this post.

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Addicts are advised not to get into serious relationships until they have been sober for a year. The reasons for this are many but one is that if the relationship does not go well that it gives the addict the perfect reason to relapse. It's better for the newly sober person to be on their own to work through the steps of sobriety.

 

Having said that... If you want to stay in this relationship nothing I say is going to stop you. Here's some advice.

 

Don't offer to go with him to meetings. He is meeting people there who are also in recovery. He needs to have that time with them to form relationships, gain trust, find a sponsor, etc.

 

You can't save him so being there to "monitor" him is useless. If he wants to use.... He will. Nothing you do will stop him.

 

There is no reason to think that he will relapse. Loads of people decide to get sober and get sober in their first attempt. Definitely don't tell him that you think there is likelihood for relapse. Will make it much easier for him to do if he thinks you're already expecting it.

 

And lastly.... He will stay sober because it's what he wants.

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I work I'm a job that deals with a lot of addicts. I can tell you this- recovery from heroin is a horrible thing. I believe it is a disease. I think that it may be to soon for him to be in a meaningful relationship. It is a time to really focus on getting better and I fear getting in a relationship may mean they are not giving the focus where they need to. Treat carefully and be supportive. But I would really think about holding off on the romance until he has real recovery time. 100 days is really not a lot. Good luck

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