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I think I have a problem


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This thread is more just a venting thread. Support would be nice though.

 

I grew up around cocaine. My dad used it, and I think he still does. I remember being in 8th grade and standing outside my parents' bathroom and hearing him do lines.

 

I tried it in high school, and only did it at parties. I still do it recreationally when I party. But lately, I have been doing it by myself. I wake up thinking about it. I'm under a lot of pressure and it makes me feel better.

 

I'm worried what anyone would think if they found out. I don't think I'm an addict but I'm on my way there.

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Good for you to see where this is heading. Do you want to be like your dad and snorting blow at his age? This cycle can end with you. Get to a 12step meeting ASAP

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Zippity-Doo-Dah

Stop while you still have a choice - you won't always have the option. Addiction sneaks up on you and you never think you have a problem until it's too late. It sounds like you might be early enough in the game to GET OUT! Giving up something that has been helping you 'take the edge off' is hard, though, unless you replace the bad habit with a good one. Start a rigorous exercise routine. Go Vegan. Join a church. Get a side job doing something you LOVE but won't just add more stress. Volunteer in a homeless shelter. Get a puppy. It doesn't matter what it is - as long as it is healthy/helpful and it keeps you busy. Do not think for one minute that you can have a recreational once-in-a-while habit if you already see the potential for a problem. Just. Say. No. It was brave to come here and ask - good for you - you have a chance! (My story? married to an addict - wouldn't wish this on anyone)

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I feel like there are very few members of society if any who come from a perfect background [if such a real baseline even exist other than that of an intellectual curiosity]. It kind of reminds of Buddha at an early age, who was sheltered from the bad things in life by his father as some of the stories go. Because, as the fortune tellers say, if he remained “with the world” his son would become a world conqueror (Chakravartin) rather than a more noble world redeemer. And so, his father ensured all the good things and pleasures were shown to his son and hid the bad things, so he be with the world

 

Well, not everything in life is roses and candles, parties and celebrations. As his father continued to hid the whole truth,…well, these things have a way of finding their way to the surface, regardless. Disease, death, old-age and other societal consequences of life and struggles incarnated themselves on his travel path and taught him valuable life lessons, and became a motivator for him later to find his path to enlightenment.

 

Many of us in society do not come from perfect background, and many of us don’t even come from overall healthy backgrounds, and have had to go through many struggles with things that are both in and out of conscious control. You are going through struggles now, and how you can handle them will help shape the person you are becoming. As time flows in one direction, the decisions you make that benefit or hurt you, will set in motion, the direction and path you will be on, months and years from now.

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  • 1 month later...
This thread is more just a venting thread. Support would be nice though.

 

I don't think I'm an addict but I'm on my way there.

 

i think you better have to make an emphatic stop now just before you "there".. so you can spare yourself from a more and bigger trouble in the future.

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  • 2 months later...
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Is it normal to miss your addiction so much that you feel cheated every time you think about? I miss it. I want it. I don't need it, and yet, I feel so lost without it. I would settle for even being near my substance of choice... My father was always critical of people in rehab... So I guess I picked it up too. (Please note, I respect others enough to never voice my opinion if they say something about rehab. I only think this stuff.) I want to know it's ok to feel this way.

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Is it normal to miss your addiction so much that you feel cheated every time you think about? I miss it. I want it. I don't need it, and yet, I feel so lost without it. I would settle for even being near my substance of choice...

Yes, it is normal for an addict to have those types of feelings and thoughts (including waking up thinking about it). Another big 'tell' is doing it on your own.

 

What will you have to do, or what will have to happen, before you consider yourself a coke addict?

In any case, I agree with your self-assessment, that you think you have a problem; I think you do, also.

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I think that to be a full blown cokehead I'd have to have it around my baby (never has been, hoping to god it never will be) pissing my money away, and hurting my girl in anyway which would destroy me. Her mother doesn't know. I'm worried she'd keep the baby away from me if I even said anything about it to her... That kid is my soul.

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Hope Shimmers
I think that to be a full blown cokehead I'd have to have it around my baby (never has been, hoping to god it never will be) pissing my money away, and hurting my girl in anyway which would destroy me. Her mother doesn't know. I'm worried she'd keep the baby away from me if I even said anything about it to her... That kid is my soul.

 

You are wrong.

 

From reading every single one of the posts you have made on LS, you need to be in rehab. Now since your other thread has been closed you are posting here when you never did before.. You ignored this thread that you originally posted in March until today, when you can't post to the other thread. It's not a coincidence.

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I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe what was said by others made me stop and think about how I feel about my actions. Maybe I'm getting to the point where I don't want to be thinking about drugs in my spare time anymore due to what other people have said. I thought I could beat this and hide it. I know it'll catch up to me and my ex will take my baby away from me (I've contemplated this for awhile after someone said they'd never let their child's father around intoxicated.) I've sat around all day thinking about walking away because I have so many problems that I don't want these two girls to be around. I'm facing a double edge sword here.

 

This forum has helped me change my mind about a lot of problems I'm facing. I'm trying to accept maybe what I'm doing doesn't work. I deserve help too

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whichwayisup
This thread is more just a venting thread. Support would be nice though.

 

I grew up around cocaine. My dad used it, and I think he still does. I remember being in 8th grade and standing outside my parents' bathroom and hearing him do lines.

 

I tried it in high school, and only did it at parties. I still do it recreationally when I party. But lately, I have been doing it by myself. I wake up thinking about it. I'm under a lot of pressure and it makes me feel better.

 

I'm worried what anyone would think if they found out. I don't think I'm an addict but I'm on my way there.

 

You have already said that you won't go to AA or rehab. How do you stop this on your own?

 

You don't have the skills, knowledge or tools so do this on your own so PLEASE get to drug rehab, get help so you can be the father you're meant to be to your little daughter.

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whichwayisup
I think that to be a full blown cokehead I'd have to have it around my baby (never has been, hoping to god it never will be) pissing my money away, and hurting my girl in anyway which would destroy me. Her mother doesn't know. I'm worried she'd keep the baby away from me if I even said anything about it to her... That kid is my soul.

 

Then man UP and fix yourself. if you don't and you continue down the drug pathway, you WILL lose the rights to your baby girl. Rightfully so.

 

What is more important? Running away from the stress and problems in your life and turning to drugs and booze or facing this head-on and getting professional help so you can BE a loving and present father to your daughter.

 

You have to want to stop doing drugs and really admit you need counseling and rehab. Don't let fears get in the way, just do it - Push yourself and don't be afraid of feeling some pain and facing things that you don't want to face.

 

You have a lot to lose, so make a decision and stick to it.

 

Daughter vs drugs.

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I've thought it over, and I need to go to rehab. I don't want to and don't feel like it'll help but I owe it to my girl to try. I'm worrying about telling people "oh hey, I'm a druggy and can't stop so I have to go to rehab just FYI." That's going to get good guy Rude a bad reputation... My ex's reaction frightens me. I know she'll flip and take my baby girl. Who's the very reason I'm doing this. Can I just skate by and hide it. "Hi honey, I've been snorting coke for about nine years! You've seen me on it more times than I can count. I love it and can't quit so I'm going to rehab. P.s. I've come down over here a few times too. Hope you don't mind, see you in a month!"

 

Ladies, I'm aware majority of you hate me. But please, what would your reaction be and what should I do?

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Admitting you have a problem is the first step to getting healthy.

 

You are sick. You intend to get well. Who would argue with that?

 

I am hopeful you will take action toward becoming the best you can be!

 

More than 6 years for me and I've never felt better! It takes work, willingness, action and honesty...but it's all worth it!

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I don't think I'm an addict but I'm on my way there.

If you wake up thinking about it and are deluded into believing it helps whatever pressure you are under, then you ARE an addict.

 

Here's the thing about your little girl, RudeBoy: You say that you don't use it around her, but cocaine stays in your system for TWO TO THREE DAYS.

 

So your drug use is affecting her - you just can't see it yet.

 

Don't be the parent that destroys his child's life by your drug use. You have recognized there is an issue - now you have the ability to get it under control and get into rehab ASAP.

 

Throw what cocaine you have in the toilet and call someone immediately.

 

Please.

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whichwayisup
I've thought it over, and I need to go to rehab. I don't want to and don't feel like it'll help but I owe it to my girl to try. I'm worrying about telling people "oh hey, I'm a druggy and can't stop so I have to go to rehab just FYI." That's going to get good guy Rude a bad reputation... My ex's reaction frightens me. I know she'll flip and take my baby girl. Who's the very reason I'm doing this. Can I just skate by and hide it. "Hi honey, I've been snorting coke for about nine years! You've seen me on it more times than I can count. I love it and can't quit so I'm going to rehab. P.s. I've come down over here a few times too. Hope you don't mind, see you in a month!"

 

Ladies, I'm aware majority of you hate me. But please, what would your reaction be and what should I do?

 

How will it not help?

 

Also, you don't owe anybody any explanation, this is your personal life. You can't focus and worry about what others will say or think. Your true and real friends will be kind, supportive and happy that you are getting help. You're an addict and the fact is, without professional help and learning skills how to be stronger to fight urges IS what you'll gain through rehab/counseling.

 

You can go as an out patient. You also don't owe your ex anything.. You can maybe tell her you're doing some counseling to help you cope with some personal issues.

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I've thought it over, and I need to go to rehab.

Good for you!!! :bunny::love::bunny:

 

Why do you feel that you need to tell people what you're doing? That is especially unwise if you think, believe, expect that it will create anything negative, harmful, non-beneficial...either towards you OR within others.

 

Just do what you must about this privately, quietly, without fuss and bother. Say that it is a health concern that you must take care of and you want and need privacy and their trust in your wanting the best out of life for yourself and also for them.

 

Ladies, I'm aware majority of you hate me. But please, what would your reaction be and what should I do?
Of course I cannot speak for anyone else, but it is possible that you've misinterpreted the way some people express their care and concern for "hate". Granted, "scolding" and strong criticism can come across as something akin to "hate"...but really, no one here has the kind of personal stake in your health, happiness and success that would muster or necessitate their "hate".

 

Hugs and best in rehab. You can totally be successful and have your best outcome ever!!!

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Screw your ex. Seriously.

 

Stuff like this kills. This is way bigger than her & I think you realize that.

 

You should be proud of yourself that you've admitted you have a problem & need to get help.

Please keep us updated! You can do it! :bunny:

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I just wanted to come back and say, I've done my stint in rehab, and I've been clean since. There've been positive and negative effects, but I'm getting better each day. I've got my new job and I'm doing well and learning quickly (although I haven't had to learn much)

 

Unfortunately, my ex isn't letting me see my sweetheart as often since. Now it's only occasional. I miss everything about her when I'm not there. It's very hard, but maybe one day we'll work it out.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I just wanted to come back and say, I've done my stint in rehab, and I've been clean since. There've been positive and negative effects, but I'm getting better each day. I've got my new job and I'm doing well and learning quickly (although I haven't had to learn much)

 

Unfortunately, my ex isn't letting me see my sweetheart as often since. Now it's only occasional. I miss everything about her when I'm not there. It's very hard, but maybe one day we'll work it out.

 

that's fantastic! :)

 

i can relate myself on you for some reason.

 

the only difference is, i'm still looking for a motivation or will to stop my addiction. Now, my girl is extremely open harms when it comes in support, without her, i will feel miserable. And she is the one reason i decide to quit my addiction afterall.

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I just wanted to come back and say, I've done my stint in rehab, and I've been clean since. There've been positive and negative effects, but I'm getting better each day. I've got my new job and I'm doing well and learning quickly (although I haven't had to learn much)

 

Unfortunately, my ex isn't letting me see my sweetheart as often since. Now it's only occasional. I miss everything about her when I'm not there. It's very hard, but maybe one day we'll work it out.

 

I'm glad you're doing better.

 

Why is your ex not allowing you to see your daughter as often? You got help, you're clean. You have a job. Your ex really has no right to keep you away from your baby girl. Even more so since she has major mental health issues, landed in the hospital as she tried to kill herself. Get a lawyer if need be, find out what your rights are, ask questions etc.. Don't tell your ex you're speaking to a lawyer though it'll just piss her off.

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