Should I be drinking?

[sarah436]

Hi everyone. I could realy use some advice here!! I am 21 now. I have two parents that are VERY heavy drinkers. From about 15 to 18 I was a big time drinker. I was very very shy and would even drink before school. Just enough to get a buzz so I could face people. I know how pathetic that sounds but is is true. I was always the one getting drunk. You know the type. Pretty much the joke. I also fooled around with a lot of guys which I will always regret. I met a great guy who I fell absolutely in love with when I was 17 and a year later at 20 he died. He drove home from a party completely drunk and was in a major accident.

At that point I looked at my life and realized I had to stop drinking entirely. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I did it. It has been 3 years since I have had a drink. After the initial few months it was so easy. I never even think of drinking now. I learned to face the world sober and all that good stuff. Despite my parents, despite my shyness. Here is my problem. I have been dating a great guy for awhile now. He knows my history with drinking and he is not a big drinker himself. The thing is we have gone to weddings and parties and all that and most everyone will be having a few drinks and sometimes I would like to have a drink too. Not to get drunk. Just to chill out.

I am afraid to drink! Do you think a few drinks would be a bad idea or is it possible that I was just a stupid teenager with a bad habbit. I would really like to think I have come along enough to have a drink and not turn it into a problem. Would it be a mistake?

[Fayebelle]

The way I see it you have more reasons NOT to drink than To drink. You have a routine that allows you a great life w/out alcohol- why risk returning to the problems you had w/alcohol in your life just for a few occasions?

[Kelebek]

If you're afraid to drink, don't I think it's brilliant that you've overcome how shy you were so much that you don't want to drink anymore. Sounds like your boyfriend is really good for you aswell, especially as he isn't a big drinker either.

 

I'm so sorry for what happened to your first love, I can't imagine how terrible that was and I understand how that's made you afraid to drink. But as long as you aren't drinking day after day and constantly getting completely plastered, it's fine. A few drinks once a week out with friends isn't being bad. People always make the mistake that drinking means getting drunk. Ok, often it leads to that but only if you're reckless. It sounds like you are very aware of the dangers of alcohol, so I wouldn't worry about having a little drink just to chill out, like you say.

 

[fredrolin]

As long as you can control the alcohol and not let the alcohol control you, a few drinks can't hurt.

 

You are more mature now and realize the dangers of excessive drinking.

[Craig]

A few drinks would be a bad idea. Remember how you used to have a drink before school to be able to face people. Remember how hard it was to stop drinking? You don't want to go through that again.

 

Like you I've chosen not to drink and there are times (weddings, etc.) where other people are drinking so I'll just have a coke instead of a drink and other people assume it's a mixed drink. When it comes time for a toast I'll raise my glass of coke or even water and toast right along.

[moimeme]

I think that if you think you want drinks to 'chill out' then you should definitely not drink. Using booze to go to sleep, relax, or lower inhibitions is a bad idea because you are counting on it to change your mood. IMHO the only reason to drink is because you like the taste of whatever drink you are drinking, not to have the alcohol affect you, because that way lies danger. Take up relaxation exercises, deep breathing, or meditation. There are tons of ways to learn how to 'chill out' without needing booze to do it for you.

[fredrolin]

Of course everyone on this forum is going to tell you not to drink because that is the politically correct thing to say.

 

Not everyone who takes a sip of booze turns into an alcoholic.

 

I drink alot but can and have stopped for long periods of time.

 

I believe most alcoholics are weak people with problems and they use booze to run away from their problems.

 

There is nothing wrong with a well adjusted adult having a few drinks to chill out, no matter what there past was like.

 

This woman has realized and seen what alcohol abuse can do and surely is mature enough not to make the same mistakes.

[Bobbie]

sweetheart, first of all let's acknowledge your loss.

Bereavement is a major thing at any age, but in your teens...

How difficult and well done for dealing with it.

 

Grieve as long as you need.

 

Re. alcohol.

 

You've seen your lover get killed in

an accident.

 

 

You've seen the worst side of alcohol.

 

My recomendation would be to look at

 

http://www.moderation.org/

 

which is the society for managing alcohol use.

 

If after a few attempts you can't manage- then yes, you need to abstain permanently, and get support.

[sarah436]

I want to thank everyone for replying. Everyone had really great answers!! I do feel like I have grown up enugh to be able to have a drink now and then when it is appropriate. Losing my first love Tom was incredibly difficult but also an eye opener of one of the many effects of excessive drinking. Again I want to thank ALL of you. It's really nice to leave a post and have so many people with good ideas respond!

[Confused28]

Hey Sarah,

 

I know what you are going through..... I went through a period where I was drinking ALOT, 5 days a week. I never got in trouble with the law, but made some dumb choices with guys, or how I wasted so much of my life being drunk and I really regret it. I quit also. It is really hard, especially when you are with someone and you don't want to kill their goodtime and you want to have a goodtime, too! Also, people can be pretty rude when they are getting plastered and then you are not drinking along with them...people don't like that. It makes them feel self concious and like THEY have a problem (which they might). I just tell them I don't feel like drinking tonight, sometimes works, sometimes not.

 

I commend you for quitting at such a young age, it is hard. This is what I think when I think about drinking:

 

I remember waking up at 1 pm the next day feeling like a loser.

 

I remember being totally hung over and naceous.

 

I remember all the time I wasted being drunk or recovering.

 

I remember NOT remembering what happened the night before.

 

I remember letting my friends and family down.

 

I remember a few guys I should not have hooked up with (no sex, but still wrong).

 

I remember slowly deteriorating.

 

It is hard to just have a couple drinks for me. Nothing good ever happens when I drink. HOPefully that helps! We are here to support ! confused28

[fredrolin]

I drink alot and don't have these problems.

 

I remember waking up at 1 pm the next day feeling like a loser.

 

Well if you stay up all night drunk or sober you can easily sleep until 1pm.

 

I remember being totally hung over and naceous.

 

Well if you don't mix beers, wines, hard liquors and carbonated drinks and stay away from sweet drinks you can maintain.

 

I remember all the time I wasted being drunk or recovering.

 

But you had fun. How is that a waste of time?

 

I remember NOT remembering what happened the night before.

 

If it was that important you remember.

 

I remember letting my friends and family down.

 

I've let my friends and family down sober.

 

I remember a few guys I should not have hooked up with (no sex, but still wrong).

 

I'll give you this one. I had sex with alot of pigs while drunk. But hey, I did them a favor. They got to have sex with me.

 

I remember slowly deteriorating.

 

With a proper diet, exercise, plenty of liquids and vitamins your body will stay strong.

[Confused28]

Originally posted by fredrolin

 

I believe most alcoholics are weak people with problems and they use booze to run away from their problems.

 

 

 

Wow, this is a really large generalization to make. Very hurtful and inconsiderate.

[Confused28]

Originally posted by fredrolin

I drink alot and don't have these problems.

 

I remember waking up at 1 pm the next day feeling like a loser.

 

Well if you stay up all night drunk or sober you can easily sleep until 1pm.

 

I remember being totally hung over and naceous.

 

Well if you don't mix beers, wines, hard liquors and carbonated drinks and stay away from sweet drinks you can maintain.

 

I remember all the time I wasted being drunk or recovering.

 

But you had fun. How is that a waste of time?

 

I remember NOT remembering what happened the night before.

 

If it was that important you remember.

 

I remember letting my friends and family down.

 

I've let my friends and family down sober.

 

I remember a few guys I should not have hooked up with (no sex, but still wrong).

 

I'll give you this one. I had sex with alot of pigs while drunk. But hey, I did them a favor. They got to have sex with me.

 

I remember slowly deteriorating.

 

With a proper diet, exercise, plenty of liquids and vitamins your body will stay strong.

 

 

 

Ummmmm..... okay........

 

Your post to me is quite offensive, I don't appreciate your attempts to mock my successful sobriety. I'm not sure if you were trying to be funny, or just plain hurtful. I wonder if you would be so quick to throw stones if we were face to face and you were not sitting behind a computer?

 

I am merely here to support Sarah and her sobriety. I don't need to come back at you with any insults, you already made yourself look rather hateful and inconsiderate.

 

You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar, fredrolin. :-) :-) :-) Nonetheless, best wishes to you, and all you do. :-)

[fredrolin]

I don't feel that a person should be rewarded and praised for being sober.

 

Only weak people let drugs and alcohol control there lives in the first place.

 

If someone needs recognition from others for staying straight then they have a real problem.

[Butchey]

God give me the serenity to accept things which cannot be changed;

Give me courage to change things which must be changed;

And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

[whichwayisup]

I don't feel that a person should be rewarded and praised for being sober.

 

Only weak people let drugs and alcohol control there lives in the first place.

 

If someone needs recognition from others for staying straight then they have a real problem.

 

Well. Remember those exact words...And this too, what you said...I believe most alcoholics are weak people with problems and they use booze to run away from their problems.

 

Because one day, someone in your family, whether it be YOUR child, your spouse, parent or bestfriend...Someone you deeply care about is gonna come to you and want some love and support. I guess they are in for a rude surprise?

 

People do the best they can under various circumstances...Some drink to handle it, some don't...Some reach out for help, some don't...That does not make them weak at all!

[fredrolin]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

I don't feel that a person should be rewarded and praised for being sober.

 

Only weak people let drugs and alcohol control there lives in the first place.

 

If someone needs recognition from others for staying straight then they have a real problem.

 

Well. Remember those exact words...And this too, what you said...I believe most alcoholics are weak people with problems and they use booze to run away from their problems.

 

Because one day, someone in your family, whether it be YOUR child, your spouse, parent or bestfriend...Someone you deeply care about is gonna come to you and want some love and support. I guess they are in for a rude surprise?

 

People do the best they can under various circumstances...Some drink to handle it, some don't...Some reach out for help, some don't...That does not make them weak at all!

 

I think I get your point.

 

All I am saying is that a person that cannot function in life and/or face life's problem unless they get loaded are weak.

 

Drinking and drug use should only be used for recreation.

 

If you let it control your life you are a weak person.

[fritziematt]

Originally posted by fredrolin

I think I get your point.

 

All I am saying is that a person that cannot function in life and/or face life's problem unless they get loaded are weak.

 

Drinking and drug use should only be used for recreation.

 

If you let it control your life you are a weak person.

 

 

 

What's your point in all of this?

 

...and how is using drugs or alcohol for recreation not having it control your life? I'd like to see you say this to a heroin addict or a meth addict that did it once for "recreation" and now can't stop.

[fredrolin]

I drink alot but it doesn't control my life.

 

I don't need a drink to function.

 

I have known plenty of people that have used drugs occasionally and have quit for long periods of time as well.

 

There is a difference between a person that snorts coke once a month and a person that is in a crack house 24/7.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by fredrolin

I think I get your point.

 

All I am saying is that a person that cannot function in life and/or face life's problem unless they get loaded are weak.

 

Drinking and drug use should only be used for recreation.

 

If you let it control your life you are a weak person.

 

The idea that addicts are weak willed or morally corrupt has long ago been debunked. That attitude keeps chemically dependent people from seeking treatment and fosters shame and fear around their illness. Addicts and alcoholics and the people who love them are often the last to accept the disease concept - this relates to shame, denial and the need to prove they are in control.

 

BTW, do you have a basic understanding of chemistry, by any chance?

[fritziematt]

Originally posted by fredrolin

I drink alot but it doesn't control my life.

 

I don't need a drink to function.

 

I have known plenty of people that have used drugs occasionally and have quit for long periods of time as well.

 

There is a difference between a person that snorts coke once a month and a person that is in a crack house 24/7.

 

 

Soooo...you drink a lot...but you don't need it to function. Then why do you drink a lot? You need it for fun? You need it to be social? You need it to relax? Your friends do it and you want to fit in? People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't drink a lot. There are different stages of alcoholism...needing it to function is one of the more advanced stages.

 

You know plenty of people who have used drugs and quit for a while...not quit forever.

 

I have never heard of anyone who uses cocaine casually once a month...and crack is the way more addictive and potent version of cocaine. Crack is almost an immediate addiction because it causes such a feeling of euphoria that the person basically becomes addicited on the first try.

 

I also agree with blind_otter 100%