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What can I do to help alcoholic father?


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My dad is a alcoholic. He has been drinking for years. He was in and out of my life as a child I was often left alone.

Despite my upbringing I consider myself a whole and descent person. I am passionately married and hold true to my convictions. I work hard and am happy with my life except for my relationship with my father.

 

I love my Father but I am tired of seeing him hurt himself and others. I believe that he is a great person.

he is kind and smart. He has so much to offer the world but he is completely different when he is drunk.

 

He runs from his problems and sais unkind things. He hurts his family and can't hold a job. I also believe that if he doesn't stop this behavior he will drink himself to death. As a child I said nothing. He put my life in danger many times driving drunk and friends were not allowed to stay at my house because of him. I know I have no control over his addiction but it is so painful to watch him "drink himself away." It seems that he is always drunk.

 

When I finally confronted him 6 months ago over the phone he had been drinking. I told him how I felt but I don't think he can remember what I told him. We haven't spoken since. It makes me so sad to see him do this. I told him I would help in any way I can. He has been to jail for drunk driving and he lost his license. He has been to AA meetings but nothing helps.

 

What more can I do? It hurts me to see him this way.

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Pixie,

 

As difficult as it may seem to comprehend, there is nothing you can do other than encourage him to get help and support him if/when he does.

 

I have spent many years stubbornly trying to "save" the people in my life from alcohol and drug abuse. I would argue with the councilors and therapists who suggested that I "just let go." I couldn't fathom how anyone could possibly detach themselves when it came to the people they loved and cared about.

 

In the end, after finally exhausting myself, I had no choice. Of all the many lessons I had to learn the hard way, "Tough Love" was the most difficult concept for me to grasp. Now, in retrospect, I FINALLY understand what all the professionals were trying to get through to me.

 

It is his affliction, and no amount of brow-beating, threats and emotional extortion will get him to seek help unless he decides on his own that he is ready for it.

 

I know its devastating to watch someone you love slowly and deliberately kill themselves. You will have to reach down deep inside to find the courage and strength to keep from going down with them. And if you can't stand to watch, you will have no choice but to walk away...

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My ex husband was an alcoholic and I tried everything to help him. I got him the number for AA but he never went and I spent longer talking to them on the phone than he did, I tried talking to him but he would just lie and say ther wasn't a problem. the only time he stopped drinking lasted four days. He ended up in hospital with acute alcohol poisoning and managed to stay off the booze for a few days afterwards but then he was back to his usual state, hiding cans and bottles everywhere etc.

I had to give up in the end, our marriage was pretty bad even before the alcohol abuse so we separated and are now divorced.

I don't think you can stop your father drinking. He has to want to stop himself and then when or if he makes that decision he will need your support but not before. You can make any logical suggestion in the world to him but if he's not ready to stop then he won't follow any suggestions.

One thing - you could write to him. Words stay in people's heads a lot longer than phone calls and even if he's drunk when he gets the letter, he is likely to read it when he's sober again and it may just do some good. Tell him how hurt you are and that you love him and are desperately worried. Remind him of good times and tell him life is never as bad as you think. But don't feel bad if a letter doesn't prompt him into action, it's his problem, not yours and there isn't a lot you can do until he wises up.

Hope this helps.

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my dad was the same way when i was growing up but my parents divorced when i was young so he disappeared for a lot of it but when i got older i went to Alaska to live with him,and he would go to the tit bar and make me wait in the car at night and make me drive him home i was only 13, he quit on his own finally he must have hit rock bottom, theres not much you can do, you need to not give up on him,i mean still talk to him, try to get him when he is sober talking to him when he is drunk gets you no where

and just remember they are different when drunk don't pay attention to what he says.

he has to want to quit until then he won't. good luck and pray lots

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HokeyReligions

Find an Alanon meeting near you - for families of alcoholics. It won't help you help your father, but it will help you.

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