Jump to content

Is my boyfriend using cocaine?


Recommended Posts

I just found this site today and it's great. First off, let me say that I have never been around anyone using drugs so some of my questions might seem stupid. I've been dating a guy for 5 months now. He told me in the beginning that he goes to AA and CA (cocaine anonymous I think, not sure). Said he's been clean for 18 months this time. He's 43 years old. Been married and divorced 3 times. I know, I know........

 

When I met him he didn't have a bank account, just cashed his checks and lived that way, off his cash. Said he wanted to marry me after the first month and I told him if that were to ever happen some day that he would need to show me he is responsible financially and have a checking and savings account. Told him I didn't care how much was in it, just that he had to have a budget and stick to it. Well January 1, 2007 he opened up both a checking and savings acct. The end of January he put $1,400.00 in savings. Over the last three weeks he has slowly depleted his savings down to zero.

 

I've been noticing some behavior changes and have been really down on myself for making him treat me badly sometimes and now I think it's not me but possibly drug use. Here's what I'm noticing.....he has started calling in sick from work a LOT. On these days he lays around all day, seems depressed, eats a lot and is very moody. He is usually up my ass 24/7 but on these days he turns his cell phone off and I can't get ahold of him. He lives with me for the most part so I would go home at lunch to check on him and he'd be sleeping. Then in the afternoon he'd want to go to the gym or rent movies or something. Well, he has also over the last 3 weeks been taking $100.00 a DAY out of his savings account. Sometimes he will go two days but it's at least 4 days a week that he does this and sometimes it's even $200.00. Well, obviously he has gone through the $1,400.00 very quickly. When I ask him what he is doing with all this money he just snaps at me and goes ballistic on me.

 

He told me when he opened up his bank accounts that if I would handle all the receipts on it and keep up with his checkbook that he would keep the accounts open. So no problem, I've been doing this and he gives me his receipts each day. Well, he has also had very aggressive mood swings. Some days our relationship is wonderful and life is great for him and then the next day he will go off on me over nothing and call me names and cuss me up one side down the other and threaten to break up with me. Just totally irrational behavior.

 

Two weeks ago he told me he was unhappy with himself and started crying and said he didn't know what was wrong with him but he thought he should be alone for the weekend at his place. I told him to do whatever he needed to do to be healthy. He said he didn't feel that he was working his recovery program good lately and wanted to go to a bunch of meetings over the weekend. Well, he turned his cell phone off the whole weekend and I didn't hear from him. He usually has to stay in touch with me many times throughout the day, that's just how he is so it was very unusual for him to not even WANT to talk to me in any way.

 

Now he has started staying as of last week at his own place a couple nights a week when before he never wanted to do that. Well, last Friday he withdrew $200.00 from his checking account because his savings was gone. Sunday morning as I was straightening up I noticed he only had $3.00. Well, he hadn't gone anywhere except to the gym and his meetings so no where he would spend $200.00. I asked him about this Sunday evening and he absolutely exploded on me. Just got in my face and told me it was none of my damn business what he was doing with his money, he didn't owe me an explanation for what he was doing and that I couldn't take care of his accounts anymore because I've been asking too many questions about why he keeps withdrawing money out. He then told me that the relationship was through and he was packing up all his stuff and leaving. Told me he never wanted to see me again. As he's telling me all this, he's just going berserk, yelling, cussing, just totally out of control, calling me a f---ing b---h, hopes I die, just all this crazy stuff. Said he never wanted to see me again. All of this because I asked where the $200.00 went.

 

So, for the last three weeks he's been missing work, withdrawing cash with nothing to show what he's buying, one day he's wonderful to me bringing me flowers then then next day he talks so degrading to me like he's disgusted by me. I should also say that he is very possessive and controlling and jealous. Doesn't want me to have ANY male friens whatsoever and has basically made it so that I have given up anyone male in my life that I knew before him. He doesn't want me to go places where guys could pick up on me like the gym and stuff but it's okay for him to. His behavior is just so erratic lately that I don't know what to make of it.

 

This explosion that happened Sunday night he was so berserk my neighbors called the police. I called him about that today to let him know nothing would be happening to him and told him that I loved him and wanted him to be happy and to take care of himself and be healthy. He told me I was talking like we were over permanently and I reminded him of how he talked to me Sunday night, calling me names, wishing I would die and how he never wanted to see or speak to me again. He then said he just needs a couple of days to figure things out and think about things but I really think he just wants to use for a couple of days without having to explain to me what he's doing and where his money is going.

 

He is constantly in the bathroom using nasal solution. Always sick with something and when he goes to the bathroom he turns the water on full blast so that I can't hear him go. He has admitted that he probably has nasal problems from when he did cocainee before but now I'm wondering if he's not using again just because of the money and his Jeckyl and Hyde personality toward me. He's threatened to break up with me every week for the last 3 weeks over nothing. Then tells me how wonderful his life is with me. I'm so confused and just don't know what to think. We had the most wonderful time together sexually last Friday and Saturday. He could go for hours but Friday night it took him all those hours to orgasm. The funny thing is, he warns me ahead of time that he might not orgasm when we have sex but that he's there to please me. Well, now I'm wondering if he knows he possibly won't orgasm because he's on something.

 

Does any of this make sense and can anyone tell me if I should run? I talked to one of his ex-wives last night and she told me this is exactly his pattern when he's using and he won't admit to me that he is but I just can't see what else it could be. Help!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ding dong.

 

Sounds to me like he is using again..

 

You have painted a VERY clear picture of the cocaine user.

 

I have had the misfortune of knowing a few, and their behaviour tallies with what you have described.

 

If youdecide to stay with him, you have a rocky road ahead of you and I am sorry to hear about it.

 

The coke is often the first lady in a R with a user....

 

Good luckmatey.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey ClearWater- there was another thread about this exact same thing last week i think.

 

Tryand find it- its got some good tips... just type cocaine into search.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not an expert on coke, but yes, it does appear that he's using again. Addictions are really hard to break, so please don't set yourself up as his savior. He has to save himself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I talked with him yesterday and he told me he needs a few days to process everything that has happened since our fight and breakup Sunday night. Said he wants to call and talk to me this coming Friday and meet for dinner on Saturday. Said he wants to talk about our problems and do things right with us.

I told him that I want to support him with what he's going through and that everything makes sense to me now about his behavior. He asked what I was talking about and I told him that I believe he is using cocaine and he got highly offended by that and said he couldn't believe I would think he was doing that. I told him with his running the water in the bathroom, always using nasal spray and the bloody noses, the mood swings, the money withdrawals that it was obvious.

He then said he might have to rethink meeting me on Saturday night now because I think he's using again. He told me we both need to think about what we can and cannot live with in our relationship and he told me that his money was his business and if we try to work this out then I'm not to ask him any questions about what he's doing with it anymore. He started getting really irritated with me and said he wanted to get off the phone, that I need to respect his need to have a few days to process everything and he'll call me on Friday.

One thing I think I forgot to mention was Sunday night when we had the huge blowup I was standing in front of him trying to get him to calm down when he pushed me against the wall. He didn't slap me or hit me but it scared me a little. I know he was just trying to get me to get out of his way. I don't think he'd ever hurt me really. My neighbors called the police because after he did this and was gathering up his things to move out I took some of his books and threw them off my balconey into the back of his truck. When the police came I told them what happened and they filed a report on him for assault. I called yesterday and told them I wanted them to drop everything because he didn't actually hit me. They said they would. Well now my boyfriend wants me to type up a letter saying that he never hit me and that I lied to the police that way this can't ever come back on him. Said he wants that Saturday night before we have dinner or he won't even talk to me further.

Of course I want to believe he isn't doing cocaine but with the signs I'm reading about, it's so hard not to. He sounded so adamant that he's not using and was so offended by me thinking he is. I just know that this weekend when I bring this up and tell him I need him to come clean with me that it's just going to get him all irritated like it did today and cause a huge fight again and that will be it. He'll just get up and leave and I won't hear from him again. I don't want to lose this man as I love him dearly but I don't want to sit around and try to make myself believe he's not using either. I want to give this another try with him but not sure if we will end right back up where we were a few days ago. How do I get him to come clean with me and let him know that I will try to be here for him through this if I can? If I can stand the verbal assaults he throws at me when he's coming down.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't want to lose this man as I love him dearly but I don't want to sit around and try to make myself believe he's not using either. I want to give this another try with him but not sure if we will end right back up where we were a few days ago. How do I get him to come clean with me and let him know that I will try to be here for him through this if I can? If I can stand the verbal assaults he throws at me when he's coming down.

 

Addicts usually need to hit rock bottom before they get to a point where they realize they have to stop using. By "supporting him" and "not wanting to lose him" you are not letting him see the full effects of his drug use. You are enabling him to carry on.

 

You have to let him go - for his own good - so he can see that using coke is messing up his life, and messing up the love he has in his life, and messing up all the people in his life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He is using again..

 

and you will hear all the good denial stories that an addict is capable of using to snow over the person they are involved with.

 

I think you have basically 2 options..

 

Kick him out and break up with him and never speak to him again

 

or confront him get him back into rehab and NA..

 

Personally I would possibly consider looking hard and long as to why you are in this relationship.. it seems he has been using most of the time he has known you and the only reason you have figured it out now is because you are monitoring the money he spends..

You might also look into contacting the police if you decide to break it off with him as he will not go quietly and you want to make sure you have your backup installed if you need it.

 

Please consider getting out of this.. he is using and now he is physically abusing you..yes pushing is physically abusing you

This mess has only ONE direction it can go at this point.. he isn't near hitting his bottom and you will be taken down with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

This isn't his first time using. I believe he's used off and on since 1991. He has been sober this time for 18 months.

 

He hasn't tried to contact me since Sunday night so it's definately HIM that has cut off contact. I haven't had to do that. I can't kick him out as he took all his stuff and moved out Sunday night in a rage as he was mad at me for questioning where the money is. I can confront him and kind of did today on the phone when we talked, that's when he denied it and got mad that I would think he's doing it.

 

So......confronting him and making him go into rehab I don't think is an option. If I get to meet with him this Saturday, the minute I confront him and and he denies it, I will tell him to stop the lies because I KNOW he's doing it, he will just get up and leave. So far, it's been easy for him not to contact me so I'm thinking it's not going to be hard for him to walk away from me Saturday evening.

 

That's the hard part is him walking out of my life even though I told him today that I will support him and not abandon him but only if he comes clean. I asked him if he's missed me at all since Sunday or wanted to call me and he said of course he has but he needs time to process everything. What if I can't get him to admit he's using and he gets furious and gets up and walks away from me and I don't hear from him? I want to think that his love for me is strong enough that it would hurt him to not have me in his life but at the same time I'm even more scared that he can just walk away from me like this too. I'm thinking if he loves me as much as he says he does, how can he possibly let our relationship go? I know I sound desperate here, and I am. I just know that he won't admit he's using and will make me feel so bad for even accusing him of it that I'll end up apologizing all over myself Saturday and feeling even worse about myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He is an addict.. he is going to paint this with the blame you brush.. that is what we do as addicts part of our denial system is to make the issues about the other people in our life.. make it their fault and not ours.

 

It sounds to me that his bad temper helped you in the long run as he moved out..

 

Please do not accept him back into your home as a user.. if you have to call the police and have him removed then do so.

 

You might benefit from going to some Alanon meetings and learning about how the addict affects your life and how you lose who you are thru their addiction.

It can help you cope..

I know that Alanon is for people who are involved with an Alcoholic but they are very similar addictions as far as you are concerned.

 

You also might look into why you are allowing yourself to be so Codependent on him and his addiction..

Most people wouldn't hesitate to never look back and never speak to him again.

 

I know you have feelings for him but you need to keep this in perspective... you have only been involved with him 5 months..

He has a lot of issues that are going to take years to clear up if he stays clean.. So why would you want to burden yourself with that kind of baggage over someone you don't really know yet ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know we have only been dating for 5 months but I have totally fallen for this guy. He has moved very quickly in this relationship. After a month and a half he asked me to marry him. Told me God has put us together and he will be my partner for life, will always be here for me and I can always count on him for anything I need. When he treats me good, it's incredible. But when he treats me bad, the verbal abuse is so hurtful. It's like how can he love me so much and put me up on a pedestal yet cuss me over almost nothing the next day. It keeps me confused as to whether he actually loves me or not. Now, I know HUGE red flag about him pursuing my so hard and fast especially about the marriage deal. I told him that we could marry in the future but only after we dated for at least a year and he showed me he was responsible financially. He has told me he has horrible credit because of his drug addiction and had stopped paying bills from his third marriage. He said he wants to get all that straight and taken care of before we merge our stuff together.

 

I don't know I'm codependent on him. I guess I want to rescue him and show him that if I love him enough he doesn't need to do any drugs. That might be naive and stupid I know. At the same time, I want him to realize all the things he's been saying to me like what a wonderful life we have together and how happy he is with me..........I want those words to mean something to him and "us" be more important to him than the drugs. Is this even possible or am I just totally dilusional?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know we have only been dating for 5 months but I have totally fallen for this guy. He has moved very quickly in this relationship. After a month and a half he asked me to marry him. But when he treats me bad, the verbal abuse is so hurtful. He has told me he has horrible credit because of his drug addiction and had stopped paying bills from his third marriage.

I guess I want to rescue him and show him that if I love him enough he doesn't need to do any drugs.

 

He moved quickly because he has learned that his relationships don't last long and they catch on to his addiction problems before they are hooked.

 

He Hooked you !!!!!! you didn't hook him...

 

You are Codependent on him.. re-read your last post.. it oozes Codependency.

 

Please understand that you haven't done anything wrong other than falling for an addict hook line and sinker..

 

Now is the time to get out.. in 6 more months you will so emboiled in his addiction that you will go down with him..

 

Your credit is at risk as well..

 

Why are you not seeing the huge Red Flags waving so loudly at you ?

 

Other than your feelings of love for this man he has done nothing for you except blame you for his problems.. pushed you.. had the policed called on you and him..

Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't add anything special to your life ?

 

Please go get some reading material on Codependancy..

 

YOU CANNOT FIX THIS MAN... By showing him you love him.. that is a very very foolish thing to think..

Please educate yourself on cocaine addiction..

 

I am an Alcoholic sober almost 20 years and I can tell you from experience that no matter what you say to him , no matter how much you love him that he will continue to use cocaine and suck you into his addiction..

Only he himself can clean himself up and he can only do it for himself.. he will not stay clean sobering up for you or for the relationship

 

This will in the end destroy your self esteem and your life..

Link to post
Share on other sites

Clearwater, you do sound like quite a rational person, so hopefully that shines thru when you make your decisions.

 

One of my very close friends was in the same situation as you, and her addict BF lied and took money off her. When he was high, he took her with him and promised her the world. (she never did and never will touch coke) but when he needed his next hit he lied, begged money off to this day he hasn't repaid.

He totally broke her heart and I saw it happen in front of me.

Thankfully he is clean now, but they split before his addiction got really bad (ie he started smoking crack) and he was on the local dealers hit list.

 

I would get out if I were you CW, because as ArtCritic says, he is still in denial, and the only way to go right now is down- and he WILL take you with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes, I try to be rational in my life. He has never asked me for a penny. Actually, just the opposite. Since he has moved into my place he has started paying half the rent, cable and electricity and makes sure that's the first check he writes when he gets paid. So, he's very responsible as far as that. He is always telling me that he'll buy the groceries and asking me if I need any money or if I ever do to just ask him. He keeps saying that what's his is mine and he will give me whatever I need. Money is not a big deal to him. His ex verified that and that fact that if he had his last $10.00 on him, he would give it to me if I needed it. He is one of the most generous people I've ever met and helps people out in this way.

 

However, just because he has never asked me for any money I guess doesn't mean that he won't. You guys are so nice to respond to me. I've never dated anyone who did drugs (that I knew about) and myself I've never even tried a cigarette. I'm feeling pretty foolish not to have recognized the signs, I just thought he had some quirky habits such as running the water in the bathroom and asking me to turn the tv up loud while he's in there. Always asking me what part of the apartment I was going to be in while he was in the bathroom. Still don't know why that mattered where I was in the apartment. Can't figure that one out.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, I try to be rational in my life. He has never asked me for a penny. Actually, just the opposite. Since he has moved into my place he has started paying half the rent, cable and electricity and makes sure that's the first check he writes when he gets paid. So, he's very responsible as far as that. He is always telling me that he'll buy the groceries and asking me if I need any money or if I ever do to just ask him. He keeps saying that what's his is mine and he will give me whatever I need. Money is not a big deal to him. His ex verified that and that fact that if he had his last $10.00 on him, he would give it to me if I needed it. He is one of the most generous people I've ever met and helps people out in this way.

 

However, just because he has never asked me for any money I guess doesn't mean that he won't. You guys are so nice to respond to me. I've never dated anyone who did drugs (that I knew about) and myself I've never even tried a cigarette. I'm feeling pretty foolish not to have recognized the signs, I just thought he had some quirky habits such as running the water in the bathroom and asking me to turn the tv up loud while he's in there. Always asking me what part of the apartment I was going to be in while he was in the bathroom. Still don't know why that mattered where I was in the apartment. Can't figure that one out.

 

Prob cos he has hidden his stash.

The thing about cocaine is that its an expensive drug, so often people who get addicted are financially able to afford it AND their lifestyle as well. Ie businessmen, doctors etc. And its a designer drug that can accompany a designer lifestyle.. I know another guy who makes ALOT of money at the stock exchange. He has an amazing house, a beautiful wife, they go on amazing holidays, but he has a sneaky coke habit that means regularly he gets aggressive, stays out all night, spends loads at lapdancing clubs, etc etc...

 

Don't feel naieve- you didn't know!

I really hope it works out for you.

 

I still think

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Oh, I was thinking that maybe he was wanting to know where I was going to be in the apartment when he was in the bathroom because he didn't want me to hear him snort maybe. I would just die if he has any at my place. I'd like to get a drug sniffing dog up to my apartment to see if anything turns up. Not sure if that's even possible for private citizens.

 

He does make good money so right now he can afford it but geez, at taking out $100.00 every day or every other day that adds up. How much or how long will $100.00 get you of cocaine. Is it something that lasts a day or two? I have no idea. I'm wondering if he's pulling out that kind of money how strong his addiction is. I went in my bathroom last night and looked under and around everything, felt behind the drawers and such and couldn't see anything. There have never been any straws in my house or pens that have been taken apart. I am wondering how he would sniff it in the bathroom without one of these two things as he has never carried anything in the bathroom with him when he goes.

 

This is going to sound gross and I can't believe I'm even going to admit it but this morning there were two wadded up tissues in the trash from the weekend of his. I pulled them out and pulled them apart looking for anything white and I did find a white dot of something on one of the pink tissues. I don't know if this is anything or not but the other tissue was white and had some blood on it so I wouldn't be able to see anything on it. I even got down at the level of my bathroom counters to see if I could see any residue on them that might be powder but there was nothing. Geez..........now I sound like the neurotic one. LOL

Link to post
Share on other sites

No you don't sound neurotic cos his behaviour isn't adding up.

 

Cocaine residue willmake your tingue go numb if you put it on your tongue. People often use bankcards to chop it up into lines...

 

Your BF sounds sneaky enough that he won't leave his wallet lying around, but if he does, lick the edges of his bankcards... if your tongue goes numb... theres your answer.

 

$100 every other day is enough to support a moderate cocaine habit.

 

Try andread the other threads asthey do give goodtips on howtocatch him out.

 

Honestly tho, I wouldn't bother, i woud get out of the R... even if its just to give yourself some space, and HIM some time to thinkabout whether his addiction matters more than you.. but it might do and i think thats what you are afraid of. Understandably.

Good luck again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He always left his wallet out in plain site. That's why I'm confused as to how he would have snorted it in the bathroom. I actually did pull all his credit cards out Sunday morning to look at them but didn't think at the time to look for any residue. I was just seeing if he had more credit cards than he was telling me about. There wasn't any white stuff though, I'm sure I would have noticed that. The bathroom behavior with the water running and stuff sounds like he's using but again, just can't figure out what he would be using to get it in his nose. There aren't any dollar bills in there for him to roll up.

 

He never cared if I got into any of his stuff, not his gym bag or anything so I can't imagine him hiding it in my place. Is it possible that he's NOT doing it in my bathroom? The reason I ask is he has admitted that he has nasal problems from doing coke over the years and every single day he is always squirting a saline nasal solution up his nose, almost every time he goes to the bathroom he is doing this. Maybe he is rinsing his nose out so to speak after snorting. Would this make sense or am I just grasping now? LOL

Link to post
Share on other sites

Where theres a will theres a way. And drug abusers are very strong willed.

 

He doesn't need bankcards...

 

Sorry CW, i sound very negative.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How he gets it in his nose shouldn't matter to you..

 

There are more ways than dollar bills or straws for them to snort.. spoons.. even the back of their hand..

 

He wasn't freaking out about the stuff you get into because you weren't close to his stash..

 

He may have kept it in the back of the toilet tank or his front pocket or wherever..

I used to hide bottle of Whiskey under the bathroom counter behind the toe kick so nobody would find them..

 

Trust me in the fact that he is hiding out of plain sight so you won't find it..

 

Stop wasting your time trying to figure out his addiction.. you already know that the relationship is shot..

the trust has been broken.. you have at the very least figured out he is using by his behavior and his oddities..

 

Let him go.. he really hasn't got anything to offer you except heartache.

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter
I am wondering how he would sniff it in the bathroom without one of these two things as he has never carried anything in the bathroom with him when he goes.

 

Rolled up dollar bill.

 

Also, if you practice enough you can snort a line without using any utensil other than your nose. I learned how to do that when I was using.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

When I talked with him today he asked me to give him a few days. Said he needs time to process all this that has happened,and do this thing with us right. He says he hasn't thrown me away.

 

Here are his exact words...." i will always love you, i am not acting any different than when i was with you, as far as i am concerned i am still all yours, but i want and need time to think and process everything, and i happen to be extremely busy at work since the weather is great.i want to talk to you on friday and set up a dinner where we can talk about our problems if you are willing."

 

Does this sound like he's just buying time during this week to continue to use and that's REALLY why he needs time or maybe he is serious about fixing things? Of course after this instant message back and forth when I talked to him on the phone, that's when he denied using at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
blind_otter
Of course after this instant message back and forth when I talked to him on the phone, that's when he denied using at all.

 

There are very few addicts in this world that will break down and tell the truth when confronted with the obvious evidence of their drug use.

 

I'm just saying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You know Art Critic, I loved your saying at the end of your posts.......One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else......This is EXACTLY how I felt when I met him and this is what we say to each other all the time. I can't even imagine ever being with anyone else.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I love that saying too.

But haveing been in a few failed relationships, i REALLY know what it means now that I am with a man who is loyal, honest and supportive.

 

Clearwater, I suspect that your BFs first love is the coke right now.

 

He doesn't even trust or respect you enough to tell you the truth about it.

I have been in a R with someone like that, and it took two years of heartache before I finally wised up and walked away.

If you can live with the current deception and mistrust, then go ahead. But I doubt its going to get any better for you anytime soon, unless your BF ADMITS to a few things, and agrees to get help and make an effort to stop. Which isn't happening.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes, you are right. I believe coke is his first love right now. Last night I called a couple of his friends who are heavy into AA with him and was trying to get the number to his sponsor. They asked me if everything was okay and I told them what was going on. With BOTH of them after I mentioned all the money being withdrawn they said, yep, he's using. I didn't even have to go into all the other things like running the water in the sink, the sniffling, nosebleeds, etc.

 

One of these two guys told me that when they are in their sobriety they have to work the program hard and be faithful to it everyday and when a new relationship is introduced sometimes they get away from that and turn to what they know will make them feel good again.....cocaine. He said he has noticed since the beginning of January that my bf hasn't been focused in the meetings and has tried to talk to him. Said he's been worried about him as well but had no idea he was using. This guy told me that now that coke is in his life that he will give up any relationship, even the love of his life to use coke. He used to do it. He said people will give up the most important things to them including the most important person to them, the one they love the most. I guess that's why it's shocked me that he has just walked away from me like he has. We have been so extremely tight that I thought he might be addicted to me too. Now, I'm not so sure.

 

I also have a love addiction and have gone to counseling and classes and meetings for this. I had it totally under control when I met him and he just pursued me so hot and heavy that he wore me down. A couple of weeks ago I started going to meetings in the evenings like he was doing with his AA meetings. He became very threatened by this. Went through my journals from my classes, all my personal notes while I was at one of my meetings and just verbally attacked me when I got home. Told me he didn't know if our love was real now. Just behavior totally out of the blue. I couldn't understand it. Now, as I'm reading more on cocaine I see that paranoia is one of the side affects. This would explain this maybe but he would get all freaked out like this when he was lying around depressed and sleeping all day. These must have been the days when he was coming down on a crash. Because I never understood how he could just all of a sudden call in sick to work for four days and just stay here and sleep all day and be irritable and always looking for things to get mad at me about. Always threatening to break up with me almost daily. Just boggled my mind. When I came home from one of my meetings he told me he might need to read one of my books because he might have a love addiction to me too. This might make sense since he has such an addictive personality. I've noticed his gambling in the last month has gotten huge. Using money out of his savings for that as well. So, maybe he replaces one addiction with another. But if he thinks he's love addicted to me then I guess in my mind it would be hard for him to stay away from me but that's NOT happening. I guess the coke addiction is stronger than all of the others.

 

I also worry that he will go out and be with someone else sexually. He's big into not flirting and being completely faithful but since he's not around me now, I don't know what he'll do. After last Friday and Saturday when we had sex for hours, unlike we normally do, I wonder if he'll go out and look for sex with someone when he's high since he was obviously very horny when he was on it. He just couldn't get enough. Now that he's not here with me, I don't know what he'll do if he gets the urge again like that. I think that would kill me more than anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...