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How can a large man be the victim?


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Old 26th December 2017, 1:29 AM   #16
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This is an easy way to understand the distinction, a very important one, between violence from a woman to a man( especially a large man) and that of a man towards a woman.
Listen to this sentence describing the experience of a man who says his female partner was abusive to him
"...she came at me, I could have easily hit her, and easily overpowered her, but I didn't let myself"

To that of a woman describing being assaulted by her male partner "....he came at me , and I could have hit him but he would have easily overpowered me"

To a slightly lesser degree a man physically beating a woman is like an adult hitting a child. It is pretty much except for the rare exception always going to be a power imbalance of size, muscle strength- it just is... ok some women can be tough, but physiologically men are a lot stronger than women- isn't that why there are women's self defense classes specifically taught for women to learn certain techniques so there is **less of a power imbalance since Mother Nature mostly will always result in a male having an advantage over a woman physically. I have never seen a self defense class teaching men how to learn tricks or techniques to lessen the power advantage a woman will presumably have over them.
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Old 26th December 2017, 1:59 AM   #17
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Because he allows it.

Because the law and society is against him if he tries to defend himself. Which reinforced by people thinking things like “how can a large man be abused”.

When the truth of the matter is women -no matter how small - can be aggressive, abisive, and dangerous. And many take advantage of knowing that he’ll most likely be arrested in an altercation even if she was the aggressor.

That’s why men should end relationships with abusive women early. Don’t tolerate it. Or you’ll end locking yourself in the bathroom to keep your freedom.
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Old 26th December 2017, 12:18 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
Because he allows it.
....


Key word-- allows
He allows it.

Helped make my point in post above

Difference is, in the case of a male, he can allow it.
Why? Because he has the advantage physically- he can allow it. This means he has the physical strength and advantage not to allow it.

In the case of a woman the word allow doesn't come into play
That's the difference the critical difference between the two
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Old 26th December 2017, 1:14 PM   #19
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Angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyjuly View Post
Key word-- allows
He allows it.

Helped make my point in post above

Difference is, in the case of a male, he can allow it.
Why? Because he has the advantage physically- he can allow it. This means he has the physical strength and advantage not to allow it.

In the case of a woman the word allow doesn't come into play
That's the difference the critical difference between the two
I disagree the word “allow” doesn’t come into play with a woman.

For both men and women, the solution is to leave. The situation or the relationship.

The man’s physical strength is irrelevant because to use it is to risk jail time.

Women who tolerate abuse and stay in abusive situations allow it just as this man is doing. If a person is physically restrained and held against their will, that goes beyond mere abuse. But, if you have the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation and stay, you’re allowing it. Male or female.
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Old 26th December 2017, 7:08 PM   #20
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Mcknightdreams

Somehow you didn't seem to understand my point. In answer to the question in the thread your answer as I quoted above was "because he allows it"

Allowing it is very different than being unable to not allow or allow it. In other words your words made my point--- a man can be hurt physically by a woman because as you said above "he allows it"
That implies he has the advantage over a female of his physical strength over her to **not allow** it if he wanted to.

A woman who physically is smaller and weaker physically doesn't have the advantage to be in a position to decide to either allow it or not allow it.

There is a lot of educational resources online and through the national dv hotline to understand why a female cannot usually just up and leave it is not that simple and in addition statistically a woman is many times more likely to become a **homicide ** victim during or after leaving. Talk about an incentive not to leave or to hesitate to do so. Your information above is incorrect and misleading that if a woman stays that means she is "allowing" it. For some of the reasons I just listed- living in that state of being physically assaulted and threatened creates a state of mental fear and basically makes the female believe she is stuck- mental health professionals liken the effects of a female living in domestic violence to that of living in military combat. It causes a traumatic effect in the brain and body of the victim making them believe they are stuck and helpless to stop it-- and because it's common for an abuser to threaten the victim if they leave its easy to see why that creates further being stuck. That's why they are now in the law making more changes and some have already been made. In some counties victims of dv if they have to testify on the stand in some counties the district attorney provides them a service dog to go with them on the stand to lessen their trauma of testifying and having to see the perpetrator there.

A woman might be able to inflict some damage to a man but it is nothing compared to vice verse-- why we see women's self defense classes, designed to teach techniques to women to help defend themselves against a man if they're attacked, since they do not have the brawn or muscle strength of a man to fight equally. You always see these classes everywhere and oftentimes parents will have a young daughter who is a teen or young woman take a course like this, or sometimes a mom and daughter together. I was watching several online real classes and a male instructor told the women about how they will be learning certain techniques since they are physically at a disadvantage with a man, the reasons he teaches them other kind of techniques to get away or to incur at least less serious injuries-- didn't see anything for teaching men how to protect themselves from women- bc.. they have the physical advantage to start with

Last edited by rubyjuly; 26th December 2017 at 7:17 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 9:31 PM   #21
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I knew what you were saying.

I understand women can be physically restrained, threatened, or put into a financially disadvantageous situation that makes it difficult for her to leave.

Still, at the first opportunity, I think she should leave.

My ex-wife started her career as a counselor that worked with abused women. There are resources available. Friends, family, the police, shelters, and other programs.

To stay in an abusive situation when you have the opportunity to do something about it is allowing abuse to continue. Whether you are male or female.
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Old 26th December 2017, 10:23 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
To stay in an abusive situation when you have the opportunity to do something about it is allowing abuse to continue. Whether you are male or female.
I have to agree with this. There is nothing good about being with an abusive partner.

What on earth did he saw in her that made him stay with her for years? Maybe I can understand the women staying out of fear, Stockholm Syndrome or not being alone but why would a man stay with an abusive wife????
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Old 27th December 2017, 12:57 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
I knew what you were saying.

I understand women can be physically restrained, threatened, or put into a financially disadvantageous situation that makes it difficult for her to leave.

Still, at the first opportunity, I think she should leave.

My ex-wife started her career as a counselor that worked with abused women. There are resources available. Friends, family, the police, shelters, and other programs.

To stay in an abusive situation when you have the opportunity to do something about it is allowing abuse to continue. Whether you are male or female.
Agree. Women often allow their abusers. Sure at the time the abuse is actually taking place a woman does not have a choice to allow or not, but later, when the abuser is crying his crocodile tears and begging for the woman to not leave or begging her to come back and she decides to stay, that is allowing abuse. Also most abusers don't jump right into physical assault. It's starts gradually and builds. Usually it begins with verbal and mental abuse and controlling behaviour. By staying women allow the mental abuse to continue and to escalate.

While it's true that men have a physical advantage over women, I'd say that the power abusers have over their victims is mostly psychological. Victims of domestic abuse often become isolated and emotionally dependent on their abusers, they usually love their abuser and feel pity/guilt towards them. Sometimes they are financially dependent or have children with their abuser. They are afraid of what will happen to the kids if they leave. Will they be okay? Will their abuser be able to get sole custody and forever keep the kids away (a common threat made by the abusive partner) Will the abuser abuse my kids if I'm not there to protect them? And on and on the uncertainty and what ifs continue and paralyze the abused. This isn't to say that a man physically assaulting a weaker woman isn't a truly horrific disgusting act. It's terrible and unforgivable. But the psychological component of domestic abuse is often what compels a victim to stay and "allow" abuse and has little to do with gender and who is stronger.
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Old 27th December 2017, 4:59 PM   #24
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As a big man - I spent most of my life avoiding violence or showing aggression. 1) because its not my nature 2) Because in many instances people are intimidated by me just meeting me - let alone if I show mild anger - they get scared - they have said it and I have seen the look in their eyes - and I hate it I dont want to scare people.


I have had some people take advantage of #1 above - mostly other guys looking to feel good about themselves when I was in school.

Several years ago I got into MMA at a local gym. Train with many smaller guys and also with women. I still have to be very very careful on how I train or lightly spar with people so as not to injure them. Occasionally my instructor says "Dichotomy your not showing intensity - ramp it up" Half the time the person looks at me and says please dont listen to the instructor. Occasionally I get a tough gal who says I can tap her a bit harder with punches or kicks and stop being so gentle . I feel very little even when they hit me back - even medium hard.

My wife has hit me twice in anger- once in the stomach back hand - and once in the chest with fist. She hurt her hand both times. I felt no pain just shock. If I was to have hit her in anger just once - she would have ended up in the Emergency center and me in jail. Size matters.

Not excusing abuse. My wife did this twice in over a decade. If it was all the time - and extended - I would have actually filed charges myself - before I would hit back - again I go to jail because there would be injuries at my size.

Maybe for the husband in this story it was more the emotional abuse factor - he never felt fear for his life or body injury. Thats a big difference with women who are abused by a larger man - they do end up in the emergency ward or worse.
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Last edited by dichotomy; 27th December 2017 at 5:09 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 5:36 PM   #25
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To some who are unaware of the intricate dynamics involved as to why a woman doesn't just leave and especially to those who say she is "allowing" it, please for the love of God google "domestic violence why victims don't leave", "domestic violence ptsd in", "Stockholm syndrome in domestic violence " "effects of ptsd that prevent women from leaving domestic violence", " psychology in trauma domestic violence" and "battered women syndrome " ," lethality risk increase when leaving domestic violence relationship", "homicide during or after leaving domestic violence"--- please ftlog

And then, sit down and look up "male batterers, why do they batter" focus on the issue of the person committing the crime, rather than blaming them victim to some degree for being a victim of crime

People who are in a bank when it got held up had no business being there , they were asking for it when they went running around going to banks-- i tend to think in my opinion even though I've never been in a hold up I'm sure if they REALLY wanted to leave they coulda found a way to leave, they just wanted to allow it...and some people agree with me that people who go runnin around town going to banks are lets be honest they are in a way asking for it... we aren't concerned with the people doing the holding up of he bank, we need to focus on why those idiot customers hung around during the whole ordeal...

Last edited by rubyjuly; 27th December 2017 at 5:46 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 5:50 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by rubyjuly View Post
To some who are unaware of the intricate dynamics involved as to why a woman doesn't just leave and especially to those who say she is "allowing" it, please for the love of God google "domestic violence why victims don't leave", "domestic violence ptsd in", "Stockholm syndrome in domestic violence " "effects of ptsd that prevent women from leaving domestic violence", " psychology in trauma domestic violence" and "battered women syndrome " ," lethality risk increase when leaving domestic violence relationship", "homicide during or after leaving domestic violence"--- please ftlog
That's understanding when those women feel trapped.

In this case, since the abused was a large man why did it take too long for him to divorce that nasty wife? Waiting till their oldest daughter's HS graduation is too long. Just finished talking to my neighbor and he revealed his then wife was emotionally abusive for months on their 2nd year of the marriage but moved on quickly to getting physical, starting with slapping all the way to then kicking, punching him, throwing household objects near his direction and chasing him with a broom. I just learned his friend was a bouncer (now retired) at the time.

Since he already had the physical advantage and wasn't really fearing for his life like a woman would be, he could walked out the door way before and filed for divorce.

Last edited by MelodyRye; 27th December 2017 at 6:04 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:07 PM   #27
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That's understanding when those women feel trapped.

In this case, since the abused was a large man why did it take too long for him to divorce that nasty wife? Waiting till their oldest daughter's HS graduation is too long. Just finished talking to my neighbor and he revealed his then wife was emotionally abusive for months on their 2nd year of the marriage but moved on quickly to getting physical, starting with slapping all the way to then kicking, punching him, throwing household objects near his direction and chasing him with a broom. I just learned his friend was a bouncer (now retired) at the time.

Since he already had the physical advantage and wasn't really fearing for his life like a woman would be, he could walked out the door way before and filed for divorce.
"Since he already had the physical advantage and wasn't fearing for his life...."

Differentiating out in how it plays out in the case of a battered woman

"Since he had the physical advantage over her and she was living in fear for her life"

Thank you
Case closed.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:24 PM   #28
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Being abused is shame inducing. Coming forth to report it is extremely hard because of the level of shame one experiences.

I don't think it's gender specific.

The last thing an abused person needs is the sensitive story of their past in the hands of an unsafe individual but like my counselor told me, "not everybody has the capacity to understand".

So please quit trying to.
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Old 27th December 2017, 7:15 PM   #29
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Yes a woman can be abusive to a man but as said before there is a clear distinction between the two that is self explanatory-- ( one clear indication of this is why are there countless women's defense classes, specifically to instruct females in how to defend themselves if attacked physically by a man, and not vice versa.
So yes it is when it counts it's very gender specific (not gender specific in the sense that women cannot be abusive to men but distinction here in how it plays out and that is the critical part.
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Old 27th December 2017, 8:09 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by rubyjuly View Post
Yes a woman can be abusive to a man but as said before there is a clear distinction between the two that is self explanatory-- ( one clear indication of this is why are there countless women's defense classes, specifically to instruct females in how to defend themselves if attacked physically by a man, and not vice versa.
So yes it is when it counts it's very gender specific (not gender specific in the sense that women cannot be abusive to men but distinction here in how it plays out and that is the critical part.
Oh that's crap. I nearly killed my exH when I fought back. I sent him to the ER and had an attempted murder charge on top because I came that close to killing the bastard.

And he is taller than me and even though I was about eight months pregnant he still outweighed me by over 50 lbs.

It's a mindset and a big man can feel as badly inside as a small woman can just like a small woman can get as angry as a big man can.
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