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How can a large man be the victim?


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Old 19th December 2017, 12:54 AM   #1
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Question How can a large man be the victim?

This is the first time I've ever heard of anything like this. I'll refer to the victim as Mike.

By my neighbor's own account and him as a witness once, his best friend Mike used to literally get physically abused by his wife. The abuse started after their 2nd year of marriage till they finally divorced after their oldest daughter graduated from High School.

Two of the incidents told:
- They got into an argument and he locked himself in the bathroom, thinking there was nothing she could do at that point. The woman still broke the door with all her might and started landing some blows.

- Him walking away and getting in his car while his wife was yelling profanities and chasing him with a broom.


I've been introduced to Mike once and that guy is 6'4, around 220 lbs. His then wife was an insignificant 5'6 and 125 Ibs. I'm new this is type of ironic abuse. No one deserves to get abused but wow how can a giant like that get abused?

Last edited by MelodyRye; 19th December 2017 at 12:57 AM..
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Old 19th December 2017, 1:17 AM   #2
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It would be very easy to abuse a large man if he doesn't fight back or otherwise restrain the perpetrator. Especially if she's strong enough to break a door. I'm bigger than her, but I'd probably break a shoulder rather than the door.

Why is the abuse ironic?
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Old 19th December 2017, 1:26 AM   #3
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It would be very easy to abuse a large man if he doesn't fight back or otherwise restrain the perpetrator. Especially if she's strong enough to break a door. I'm bigger than her, but I'd probably break a shoulder rather than the door.

Why is the abuse ironic?
You're right. Both Mike and my neighbor are now in their late 40's, raised in the old-fashioned way. During their early childhoods, they knew it was frowned upon to ever get physical with a girl in anger. At the time Mike thought he was doing something wrong to cause his wife to be upset.

I thought it was ironic because that's not too common. Usually the abuser is the stronger individual that uses power and control.
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Old 19th December 2017, 4:01 AM   #4
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Laughing ass of here.
My ex was only 5 ft l'm 6ft but she was one scary litte f@cker when she cracked it.

But of course l'm not gonna take a swing at her.
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Old 19th December 2017, 4:13 AM   #5
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There are lots of ways in which people can commit crimes (and yes, physical assault is a crime) regardless of size. I could easily commit plenty of pretty heinous violent crimes despite being 5'. The reason I don't do so is not because of my size.

In this case, he probably couldn't bring himself to hit her back, so he did the right thing (IMO) and left the scene.
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Old 19th December 2017, 5:20 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by MelodyRye View Post
Usually the abuser is the stronger individual that uses power and control.
But she WAS the stronger individual who used power and control.
Strength is not all about being bigger.
Plenty smaller men wield power and control over larger men too.

Abusers often have a big advantage as no matter how abusive they are the abused person/victim does not/can not/will not fight back, or if they do they are easily disarmed.

Verbal/emotional abuse can be very powerful too, targetted hurtful words can turn a huge man to jelly in an instant.

In the relationship setting, "love" can used by the abuser to gain advantage.
"I know he/she loves me so I know he/she will put up with any old garbage I throw at them..."
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:06 AM   #7
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"Ironic abuse"

Geez....

Abuse is abuse whether it is male or female and the size of the person means nothing.

My first marriage I was an abused spouse, I was also stronger than my then wife.
She would block doorways, throw things, break doors... she even punched me in the face once while I was driving the car.
She would come at me with "items".. whether it was a hairbrush or pair of scissors didn't mean anything..

You can't touch a person like that or YOU are the one that winds up getting ARRESTED for DV.

There are tons and tons of things my ExW did to me to physically abuse me that would shock you, once while asleep she felt like kicking me in the small of the back and kicked me off the bed while doing that.

So believe the guy, don't think because he is 240 that he is crying wolf...
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:08 AM   #8
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Abuse is about power and control not physical size.


https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/site...6/dv_wheel.jpg


The DV wheel....
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:15 AM   #9
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Men don't normally report their abuse out of embarrassment and the feeling that no one cares. It's very sad.
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:55 AM   #10
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Shyt she sounds like one nasty pasty AC.

But anyway the reason mine use to make me laugh was because she was so tiny yet she had this temper .
She'd have a go at anyone, they could be 12 feet tall wouldn't worry her,it was bloody funny sometimes.
She' never get physical though but often the things she'd say would really mess with your head she was the master of brain f@ck
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:05 AM   #11
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You're still a victim even if you don't fight back.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:29 PM   #12
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Obviously it would be abuse if he doesn't fight back
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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:54 AM   #13
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Anyone can be a victim of abuse.

The two examples you gave, these will have happened following emotional abuse over a period of time.

I'm a pretty strong, confident woman and I've experienced abuse. It starts out subtle, in the very early stages comes across as flattering even.

I had never experienced any kind of emotional abuse before and luckily for me it escalated right at the time I was falling for the guy. I never did fall for him and made several attempts to get away. I just could not understand at all what he was thinking at the time as the things I got 'in trouble' for were completely bizarre.
This was a long distance relationship too and the uneducated on abuse have told me that there is absolutely no way abuse can happen in a long distance relationship - this is utter rubbish - of course it can!

I did a lot of research after my experience to figure out what on earth happened and I know an awful lot about the subject now.
I also know the clearest first sign that a person could be/become abusive and it's not having a temper or anything remotely similar.

I see that indicator which I have learned about on LS a lot - much more than I ever thought possible. Learning about the subject has certainly opened my eyes.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:28 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
There are lots of ways in which people can commit crimes (and yes, physical assault is a crime) regardless of size. I could easily commit plenty of pretty heinous violent crimes despite being 5'. The reason I don't do so is not because of my size.

In this case, he probably couldn't bring himself to hit her back, so he did the right thing (IMO) and left the scene.
Yes, that woman took advantage of his soft spot for women. Both my neighbor and him were raised that way.

It's sad that the people most affected by DV in the household are the children.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:30 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
"Ironic abuse"

Geez....

Abuse is abuse whether it is male or female and the size of the person means nothing.

My first marriage I was an abused spouse, I was also stronger than my then wife.
She would block doorways, throw things, break doors... she even punched me in the face once while I was driving the car.
She would come at me with "items".. whether it was a hairbrush or pair of scissors didn't mean anything..

You can't touch a person like that or YOU are the one that winds up getting ARRESTED for DV.

There are tons and tons of things my ExW did to me to physically abuse me that would shock you, once while asleep she felt like kicking me in the small of the back and kicked me off the bed while doing that.

So believe the guy, don't think because he is 240 that he is crying wolf...
Wow, your ex wife was a nasty, wretch. Glad to hear you're no long with her but at the time did you eventually report her?
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