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Old 8th February 2018, 2:13 PM   #16
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You didn't try to leave. Trying to leave isn't just saying lets call it quits during an angry outburst. Trying to leave is making a plan and finding the correct time to execute that plan. It involves making calls to a shelter, the police and to any friends and family that can help you. You have done none of that, you have taken no real steps towards leaving.

If you want to live this way then it's your choice but please don't ever get pregnant by this monster. It would be child abuse to bring a baby into your life. Of course he's going to say he will kill you if you leave, that's how he scares you but as the above poster mentioned it's likely all talk and as we have mentioned before, the purpose of the woman's shelter is in case he really does want to hurt you.

Hope someday you choose to do something.
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Old 8th February 2018, 5:44 PM   #17
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It's my family I'm worried about. He has been blind drunk in a rage and drove to my house and threatened to smash my windows in all because I was late home from a night out at the cinema and had turned my phone off so he couldn't ring me. I had to beg for forgiveness for him not to go inside and batter my cat. Once again, he got high later, said sorry, I stared at the ceiling all night wishing for ways out of this nightmare...

I will never go to a women's shelter. I'd never sleep knowing he was free to do whatever he wanted to my family home with me not there. The guilt would consume me. You can all say he'd never do it, but he said he'd burn it down if I ever called the police on him or told his/my family. I believe him.

I have watched him threaten to glass someone just because they drunkenly grabbed my ass on a night out. He got in their face with his broken bottle and I had to drag him away. He didn't speak to me the whole night and said I wanted the attention. I have seen the psychopath that takes over. He admits it himself that he can't control it and doesn't fear consequences when it happens. He even admits he's a psychopath.

I wish it was as easy as just going to a women's shelter. But if he ever did something to my family, to my grandparents home, to my pets... I'd never forgive myself.

I'm sorry for writing here and making people relive past experiences. I just like to write it all down so I don't feel so crazy. When he says things didn't happen, or he didn't hit me that hard, or he doesn't remember calling me a fat worthless c*nt... I don't feel quite so mad...

Last edited by Lostie; 8th February 2018 at 5:49 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 7:47 PM   #18
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I hope you realise it's not a matter of if he ends up killing, but when he ends up killing you. Because abuse like this will only ever escalate.
Whether he ends up choking you for a second too long or he throws a fatal punch, this is not going to end well unless you start taking action.

Anika is right, you need a plan.

First of all, tell your parents!
You may be surprised to learn that they already picked up on a red flag or two about your boyfriend but haven't said anything for fear of upsetting you or whatever reason.
Even if they had no idea whatsoever, they need to know.
You are their daughter, they will want to know, they will want to help and support you.

Personally I think you should get out of this relationship right this very minute but if you can't, you need to document any further abuse. Note down time, place, injuries etc. Take pictures of bruising/marks as supporting evidence.

Get in touch with the National Centre For Domestic Violence (National Centre For Domestic Violence | NCDV) for help and advice on how to keep yourself and your family safe.
Board your cat at a cattery or with a trusted friend/family member for a while to keep him/her safe.

A lot of UK police forces have specialised domestic violence services. I don't know what part of the country you are in but I had a look at mine (West Mercia Constabulary) and they have several services and organisations listed for people in your situation.

Arm yourself with all the information you can get, enlist all the services available to you, including shelters and the police.

You likely can't rid yourself of him on your own.
Be smart, start asking for help. From the people who really love you and care for you. From the professionals who deal with scuzzbags like your boyfriend all the time.
From the laws that are there to help protect you.

And don't be ashamed about being in this situation.
The shame isn't yours to bear, it's his.

Be brave & good luck
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I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

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Old 9th February 2018, 12:31 AM   #19
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Has your bf killed any of his exgfs or harmed their families? What is his history. I know he has you convinced that he will kill you and your entire family if you leave him but he has you brainwashed to believe everything he says. He likely has treated every gf he has ever had the same way and if they and their families are still walking around, living and breathing, then you will probably be okay too.

Abuse escalates. The longer you stay with him the worse it will get. You are now risking your life. You said in an earlier post that he has choked you. Did you know that choking is considered one of the most dangerous and serious forms of domestic violence? Because when you are being choked your abuser literally holds your life in his hands, he controls your very breath. Because you can be rendered unconscious in as little as 10 seconds if pressure is being applied to the correct location and once you are unconscious you can't fight back. Because its so easy for a raging abuser to momentarily lose all control and choke their victim for longer than they meant to, causing death. Just a few seconds too long can cause permanent brain damage.

I don't think you understand how serious your situation is. You are lying to yourself if you think you can keep this under control by staying with this creep. The longer you stay with him the more crazy and out of control this is going to become. Please at least call people. If you are concerned for your family then you owe to them to tell them that this guy has threatened harm to them.

At least call a shelter and find out what they have to say. They have helped countless women escape their abusers. Do you seriously think you're the only abused woman to have their family and pets threatened? That's what all abusers do. The majority of abusers never follow through on their threats because they don't want to go to jail, they don't want other people to know what they are truly like. Some do attempt to harm their partner when their partner leaves which is the purpose of a shelter. They are professionals, they know how to deal with these things. You have written them and everyone else off as useless without so much as even talking to them. GET HELP
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:58 AM   #20
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I've done it.

I've left him.

He got coked up last night and shouted at me for standing on something in his car as I got in. We had a fine evening and then when he woke up come down, I kicked his leg (not hard) to move him so I could roll over and he stood up and stamped on it. He then bust my lip open saying I was a big fat crying baby and strangled me.

Once he'd smoked some pot and calmed down I told him this wasn't the life I wanted. He blamed me for everything saying I anger him and that this morning was my fault and if I hadn't have kicked him, none of this would have happened. I wanted to get a taxi but he threatened me so I went home with him and he dropped his dog off. He then told me he'd told his parents we were single and I said okay. He called me a fat slag as I left.

He's just rung me calling me a fat c*nt saying he said he loved me and I ignored him. He then made me promise I'd delete his number and I did. Then he said I need to make my own way out there to see him and make some effort and this morning was my fault. I was speechless and said no. He called me a fat cow again and then hung up.

I am now sat in my room shaking, terrified he's going to come to my house. What do I do? I haven't even seen my parents, I don't know what to tell them. He said he was going to come around my house and batter my dad. I'm scared.

& You're damn right he wouldn't do anything himself. He's told me explicitly that he would never do it. His loyal gang of thugs sure would though. He'd ask them to as a favour and they wouldn't say no.

Last edited by Lostie; 10th February 2018 at 6:09 AM..
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