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he won't have sex with me unless i give him money ...i'm addicted to him ...


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Old 11th July 2017, 7:50 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by meta.morphate View Post
I'm writing here as an effort to not speak to him, to not give in to him when he speaks to me ... not because I don't know the situation is messed up and that its my fault.
It's not as simple but at some point it takes effort and commitment to want to get over this. It's a choice. Taking those difficult steps is the only way. Writing here to keep away from him isn't going to work.

Blocking him. Then going through the painful withdrawals. First step.

You can't get over this addiction to him unless you detox and that means removing him completely. He is like a drug and keeping yourself accessible is your means of getting that fix -- validation of any kind is still attention, even when it's despicable. And you need it, those bits of attention because you see nothing of value in yourself. His validation, even at its worse is a warped sense of you feeling worthy.

Block him. Suffer the pain of the withdrawals. Seek counseling. At this point any pain is much more tolerable than the disgusting and humiliating way he treats you.
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Last edited by Zahara; 11th July 2017 at 7:56 PM..
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Old 11th July 2017, 8:33 PM   #47
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I just contacted someone to try to get an appointment for therapy. I feel terrified. I am getting my Master's in Social Work and also work in an adult mental health program, so I know and spend time with a lot of therapists ... and because I DID therapy at my internship this past year, and I know what a mess I am, I question whether anyone can help me. I need to try though so fingers crossed that this lady calls me back. I literally feel terrified.
What is the progress on getting a therapist? You need to do this right away. A good therapist can help you more than LoveShack.
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Old 12th July 2017, 5:49 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Zahara View Post
It's not as simple but at some point it takes effort and commitment to want to get over this. It's a choice. Taking those difficult steps is the only way. Writing here to keep away from him isn't going to work.

Blocking him. Then going through the painful withdrawals. First step.

You can't get over this addiction to him unless you detox and that means removing him completely. He is like a drug and keeping yourself accessible is your means of getting that fix -- validation of any kind is still attention, even when it's despicable. And you need it, those bits of attention because you see nothing of value in yourself. His validation, even at its worse is a warped sense of you feeling worthy.

Block him. Suffer the pain of the withdrawals. Seek counseling. At this point any pain is much more tolerable than the disgusting and humiliating way he treats you.

You're right, I know you are. I don't know why I have this mental block about blocking him ... I guess it is because I want the validation of knowing he's trying to contact me, even when I'm not responding to him ... but also, as I mentioned in another post, when he DOES contact me, it immediately puts me in a higher-stress mode than I'm in when he's not hitting me up ...


So I'm gunna do it today. Kinda like a drug addiction, just for today. And just see how it goes. That's how I kicked my cocaine habit, and there were times that I had to remind myself, I can always go back to that life if I feel like the way I'm living now isn't better. I never would, and I never have .


It feels hard and scary. But for today, I will block him.


His response to me yesterday, when I told him that I deserve better, is , "I didn't do anything jeez." I didn't even have words for that.


So yes, when I leave for work in an hour, he'll be blocked for today and I'll go from there.




I have not yet gotten a therapist so I need to get on that - I contacted two people who supposedly are accepting new patients, but didn't get a response, but that was last week during fourth of July week so possibly they're on vacation ... but I plan on contacting others today if I have time and if not, tomorrow on my day off. I don't want to go back to the therapist I've had all my life because I feel like .. she knows me too well maybe? She blames everything on my ADHD, and I think she would blame this on that too, I want someone who doesn't know me at all to just hear my story and give me a new perspective.
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Old 12th July 2017, 1:13 PM   #49
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That sounds like a good plan. I wish you well.
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Old 12th July 2017, 6:10 PM   #50
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I feel like.. weird and uncomfortable. It was easier when I was at work. I forgot my phone in the car half the day anyways, and I was with my clients, with my co-workers, distracted ...


now I'm home ... it's raining ... I'm watching Dance Mom's ... I made a sandwich, walked to the store ... read a book for a little ... I'm drinking some wine ...


But I feel like I don't even know myself. Like now I'm left here ...and what?
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Old 13th July 2017, 2:15 AM   #51
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Learn to enjoy your own company. Just be with you.
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Old 18th July 2017, 3:39 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by meta.morphate View Post
And he said, "You're just an idiot. Plain and simple. You also have some kind of mental issue. Like you're there but not all the way. I don't understand you sometimes."




I feel like that **** is true.
what a piece of sh*t!!! how dare he? your biggest fault in that story is being incredibly passive. but his? he is a complete psycho who exploits you and talks trash. how dare he compare you with the awful person he is? don't listen to a word he says. please!
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Old 22nd July 2017, 11:54 AM   #53
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You're doing great. The reason you're struggling with having blocked him is probably partially addiction, to the sex and companionship, but also partially because he's been inconsistently nice/mean to you and also manipulative and emotionally abusive. It makes it much harder to separate when you've been on the receiving end of that for any significant amount of time. I hope you are able to find a good match quickly in regards to a therapist and keep up your courage to stay away from this awful man and rebuild your self-esteem.
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Old 29th July 2017, 2:40 PM   #54
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Meta.morphate, it seems like you have been abused in childhood, otherwise you simply won't gravitate towards such people. The abuse is familiar to you, that's why you crave it. Us creatures of habit find comfort in the familiar, not in the unfamiliar, no matter how wonderfully comfortable the unfamiliar may be. I suffered child abuse and was in denial about it's consequences for most of my life. I also found myself in abusive relationships similar to yours. It was only when I began to make connections with my past, that I gradually learnt to value myself and treat myself with respect. This is the only way you can form healthy relationships.
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Old 29th July 2017, 9:02 PM   #55
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If the roles were reversed here, and she would only have sex with HIM for money, people wouldn't be reacting the same. Everyone knows women have sex for money (though it's more sophisticated and never directly stated that way) but nobody seems to get outraged with that. Are we living in the days of gender equality? Then I say it's not a problem here. Women do it all the time. My ex wife would only have sex if I did home improvements around the house. That's basically the same as prostitution.
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Old 17th September 2017, 9:07 PM   #56
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I "relapsed" with him, and I've been absent from here because of that ...


But last night, I punched him in the face and kicked him out of my house and I have never felt so satisfied.


I've wondered all these years how the situation would end. Would he leave me, would I leave him, would I get into another relationship, would he, would he do something unforgiveable?


And finally he did.


And finally I gave him the punch in the face that he's deserved.


And that's that.
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Old 18th September 2017, 9:57 AM   #57
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Seeing how destructive you both are, I don't think a punch will change the situation but only add to the drama that you both thrive on. In the next few days you may possibly start to rethink your actions and start to feel guilt for hurting him and that you wronged him. You may feel this way now because you are fueled with anger. But those emotions will evolve into sadness, hurt, regret, etc., and the temptation to start the cycle again i.e. the need to contact for whatever reason, whether an apology or a fix.

Hopefully, you find your way through this and stay committed to your recovery.

Last edited by Zahara; 18th September 2017 at 9:59 AM..
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Old 18th September 2017, 7:59 PM   #58
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I hear you. And I think that he probably thinks I'll be sorry, because often times, I do blow up on him as a result of my emotions and not so much his actual actions ... but this time feels different. I'm not sorry. It's been two days and usually the regret and guilt and panic would have set in but so far .. nope. I'm just really not sorry. I feel he deserved it.


I know I still need to work on myself and get into therapy to avoid getting into a similar relationship again .. I have never had a healthy relationship, but now, I don't feel scared to be alone, without him, because what he did was truly unforgiveable, and there's no part of it that I can twist around to blame on myself, to question if I'm overreacting . He will always have this evil person inside him, but I'm done with it.
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Old 19th September 2017, 7:29 AM   #59
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he texted me last night after I was sleeping trying to make little threats ... I rolled over and went back to sleep. and I'm not sitting here this morning debating answering or constructing answers in my head.
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Old 19th September 2017, 8:15 AM   #60
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Why don't you block him from contacting you and be done with him once and for all? Also when are you going to find a therapist?
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