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he won't have sex with me unless i give him money ...i'm addicted to him ...


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

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Old 23rd June 2017, 8:23 PM   #16
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"You call what he is doing to you fun? He is using you and probably other girls too."

Its not fun, it's stimulating, and there are times where we are together at my house spending the night with each other and we're joking and laughing and laid up and its nice. I will miss that but it comes at a cost, and I'm not even just talking about the money. Honestly ... like the money part is messed up, but it's not even my biggest qualm.


I mean I want something new and fun and exciting ... he was the last new and exciting thing I had - because in the beginning, it was fun and exciting. That was years ago and I haven't had anything with anyone since then. So I'm trying to look forward to that and remind myself that it's inevitably coming, and all I have to do is walk away from him.


And it is somewhat comforting to know that he's doing the same things to other girls - not because I want any other girls to be hurt how I am, but just because it reminds me that he is not a good person, he wasn't a good person when I met him, and he's not being any better to any other girls because he's NOT BETTER. He's just not. I internalized a lot of what he's done to me but its been him all along.


Tonight is feeling hard. I had a great girls night last night, just what I needed ... but now, it's Friday, I'm used to getting a text and I know it's not coming, and I don't want to want it to come ... I just want to feel empowered and good like I did last night and earlier this morning. I have to learn to be okay with being alone.


I know I've put myself in this predicament but it doesn't make it any less painful and uncomfortable.
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Old 24th June 2017, 5:32 AM   #17
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I understand how loving someone who doesn't love you back gives you loads of adrenaline and strong feelings when they do act as if they care. Maybe you somehow hope this will change. But I assure it will not. He will always act like a gigolo and he will always make you feel like a fool (which you have been, no offence, but it's the truth). I have behaved like you in the past, and I know it was because I was practically raised to live with humiliation and i was taught to being selfless in a very unhealthy way.

Continue being strong and backup the strong words you said with actions. You need to summon all that yang energy and believe you can treat yourself with respect.
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Old 24th June 2017, 8:20 AM   #18
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I always appreciate the truth even when it is harsh - often especially when it is harsh - because its what helps me change.
He did message me last night, right after I posted. He wanted to sleep over. He knows that's always what I want the most. I just can't even bring myself to see him. It really feels different this time, it feels like he would have to do SO MUCH in order for me to accept him back in my life, and he won't do it. He won't even pretend to do it or try to do it or do part of it ... he wants me to just get over things he does and carry on as usual. And I always have but I've grown so much and learned so much from this situation over these past four years, its like my mind just won't even allow me to do it to myself anymore. Which feels strange and uncomfortable, and there's like this teeny part of my ..mind or heart or something ... that wants to just give in, go back to what's comfortable and familiar, but something bigger won't let that happen.
I went and played cards with my friends instead. One day at a time...
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Old 24th June 2017, 8:25 PM   #19
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I'm proud of you for standing firm. But I'll tell you something. It's a fair bet that at least a few of your friends and family know what you're doing. They don't talk about it because you don't. But what you really need most right now is one person with whom you can confide. I promise you they won't look down on you. They may feel sorry for you, and they may want to beat him up for using you, but they won't judge. Think of one person, ok?

And yes, you do need to find a therapist. She won't judge, either.
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Old 24th June 2017, 9:26 PM   #20
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I wish I could tell one person ... I still haven't, other than this thread, I have never.


I am too ashamed.


I had never thought before that maybe my friends or family know what I'm doing ... I know my friends know I hook up with someone, but I don't know if they know how bad it's gotten ... its just so hard to see the world clearly from inside the situation ... and when it's been just me and him, in my house together day in and day out, he messes with my mind and thoughts and reality, and I just doubt everything I think and feel.


Things are getting clearer ... but he keeps texting me, trying to chill, and I have resisted (again, earlier today) ... he said, earlier today, that this would be the last time he will try to chill with me.


He said he'll get a booty call if I want to "switch things up" and "don't want to chill and **** and eat like we always do and buy me yay and bud like always".
I said, "That's not a threat to me because you do that anyways no matter what I do or don't do for you."


But it shakes me up. I don't block his number because I know well how to check my spam messages (I block lots of people) so I have to be able to resist him outright. This just all is so crazy.
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Old 24th June 2017, 9:36 PM   #21
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Google "malignant narcissism."
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Old 25th June 2017, 11:27 AM   #22
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This just makes me really sad.

I hope someday you find the self respect to stop this self destructive behavior. You deserve so much more, but nothing will change until you decide that you are worthy love and respect. It begins, and ends, with you my dear.

Please find a counsellor. You have lost yourself and you have really lost your way. You will need someone to walk beside and guide you toward a better path. Best wishes.

Last edited by BaileyB; 25th June 2017 at 11:30 AM..
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Old 25th June 2017, 12:16 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by meta.morphate View Post
I've grown so much and learned so much from this situation over these past four years, its like my mind just won't even allow me to do it to myself anymore.
I hope this is true. Because this, is what it is to have self esteem and self respect. YOU, won't put yourself in situations that are not healthy, for you.
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Old 25th June 2017, 6:20 PM   #24
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^^ It feels like its true. It feels like I didn't even consciously make this choice, it's like my brain just won't let me do it to myself anymore. I can't. Truth be told, I would LOVE to still be mindlessly with him, able to justify things that he does and figure out ways to manipulate the situation or manipulate my own thoughts to make it all okay, so I could enjoy the "nice" times ... but its like the universe or something just won't let it happen. I didn't see it coming, I didn't plan it.














I have a dark side. Its the same side that was addicted to cocaine in the past or cut myself in the past or had an abusive relationship in the past. I plan on finding a therapist this week to talk to because I don't want this to happen again. I wish that this guy would be sorry. I wish he would acknowledge that he hurt me. I wish that he would miss me, and I would somehow know. I wish I could just have some sign from the world or from him that I wasn't just NOTHING to him.
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Old 25th June 2017, 6:25 PM   #25
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Well, you kicked the cocaine habit.

Now you have to kick the male prostitute habit.
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Old 28th June 2017, 6:32 AM   #26
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I was crying last night . I already said I'm not doing "no contact" with this guy because I feel like in order to be fully done with him, I have to be able to respond and say "no" ... or else not answer because I chose not to answer, but not because he's blocked.


He wanted me to give him money last night to get bud, and he's been really mean to me all week, I've tried explaining to him why I'm not seeing him, what I don't like about this situation, etc. I still haven't seen him since Father's day. A week and a half. His responses have made me more mad and have just ... elevated my blood pressure and causes me mental distress, when previously I was chilling and I've been feeling stronger and better. I even told my best friend I've been feeling happier without him. And my friend at work and I are keeping a tally on a sticky note that we titled "empowerment" of how long we have both been staying away from the toxic males in our lives.


Anyways, I started giving this dude really short and concise answers when he texts me, and only making "I" statements, so he can't really argue with anything because I'm not talking about HIM, I'm talking about ME, but last night ... he wanted me to do some scheme with him that involved me taking out $100 from my account and buying yay with it and selling $60 of it to someone else, so I would only technically be "losing" $40 ..... and I refused, and he stated talking so bad to me.


He was saying there are plenty of you's and don't get mad when I'm ****ing the next girl and don't need you for anything, and lets see what kind of booty call you end up with, and just so many mean things that came so unexpectedly. As much as I've described how much of a jerk he is, he has never spoken to me like that. Like so savage and mean. I told him, "Don't contact me again. Stay away from me and out of my life." He said he won't and he is blocking me and he better not get any private calls from my psycho ass (I don't even call him) ... then he messages me like an hour later saying, "It was never just about the money, I could get money anywhere, by scheming or doing whatever, it's just that I would rather be with you ...there are plenty of people to hang out with and spend time with, and I've always rathered it be you."


SO I don't know I just feel crappy sort of.
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Old 28th June 2017, 10:50 AM   #27
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You understand...

You understand... that he is just a no good thug don't you?

Everything he is doing and saying is just to manipulate you and control you.

It really should not matter how good the guy is in the sack, he is just a total creep. You deserve so much better that this jerk.
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Old 28th June 2017, 3:55 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meta.morphate View Post
I was crying last night . I already said I'm not doing "no contact" with this guy because I feel like in order to be fully done with him, I have to be able to respond and say "no" ... or else not answer because I chose not to answer, but not because he's blocked.


He wanted me to give him money last night to get bud, and he's been really mean to me all week, I've tried explaining to him why I'm not seeing him, what I don't like about this situation, etc. I still haven't seen him since Father's day. A week and a half. His responses have made me more mad and have just ... elevated my blood pressure and causes me mental distress, when previously I was chilling and I've been feeling stronger and better. I even told my best friend I've been feeling happier without him. And my friend at work and I are keeping a tally on a sticky note that we titled "empowerment" of how long we have both been staying away from the toxic males in our lives.


Anyways, I started giving this dude really short and concise answers when he texts me, and only making "I" statements, so he can't really argue with anything because I'm not talking about HIM, I'm talking about ME, but last night ... he wanted me to do some scheme with him that involved me taking out $100 from my account and buying yay with it and selling $60 of it to someone else, so I would only technically be "losing" $40 ..... and I refused, and he stated talking so bad to me.


He was saying there are plenty of you's and don't get mad when I'm ****ing the next girl and don't need you for anything, and lets see what kind of booty call you end up with, and just so many mean things that came so unexpectedly. As much as I've described how much of a jerk he is, he has never spoken to me like that. Like so savage and mean. I told him, "Don't contact me again. Stay away from me and out of my life." He said he won't and he is blocking me and he better not get any private calls from my psycho ass (I don't even call him) ... then he messages me like an hour later saying, "It was never just about the money, I could get money anywhere, by scheming or doing whatever, it's just that I would rather be with you ...there are plenty of people to hang out with and spend time with, and I've always rathered it be you."


SO I don't know I just feel crappy sort of.
yuck, he sucks. you did very well, keep at it. i promise it will get better.
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Old 28th June 2017, 4:10 PM   #29
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Go NC. Make this as easy on yourself as possible.


You are stronger every day you stay away.


Do get into therapy. the therapist won't judge. The therapist will help you figure out why you let this guy do this to you in the first place. Knowing that will help you stay strong & prevent it from happening again.


Meanwhile keep yourself busy, Lots of girls' nights. Posting here. Exercise. Do whatever you have to do to stay away from him. He's awful.
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Old 28th June 2017, 8:27 PM   #30
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The girls nights have been helping. I missed so many nights with my friends because I was hiding in my house with him ... I went out with the girls last Thursday, played cards and chilled with friends Friday, went to the beach Sunday ... its been so nice to be with my REAL friends.



Oh, and gym tonight We're doing a weight loss challenge at work, first prize three hundred dollars ... I'm setting my sights on that. So at least if I have nothing else to think about or distract myself, there's that.

And posting here helps. I've always written in a notebook, and I started writing in my notebook this morning but decided to post about last night here instead, and its so much better because I actually get responses and it's not just me talking to myself all the time.
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