LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Abuse

Strange Complex Situation After Blackout...


Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

Like Tree5Likes
  • 2 Post By topher
  • 1 Post By anika99
  • 2 Post By basil67
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th June 2017, 2:04 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Strange Complex Situation After Blackout...

I wasn't sure where to put this or where to turn for advise but I thought an online forum might be the place. I have read and seen many of you offering great support and advice.

A very strange situation happened over the weekend. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. We get along very well are both extremely laid back, there is great chemistry and we are literally inseparable. I love him dearly. I feel absolutely terrible and awful and disgusted by this incident. I honestly can't make sense of what I am feeling.

The problem arises when he has a visitor from out of town come stay with us. My boyfriend throws the visitor a "welcome back" bbq party on his rooftop and I cook and make food for everyone all night playing hostess. We all have a few beers and I have a couple glasses of wine. After my boyfriends rooftop closes many people opt to go out for one last night with my boyfriends friend. I was already and little tipsy and unsure but felt a bit of pressure to attend with them. We end up at an open bar and the bar tender is pouring everyone shots. Again feeling pressured but am having a good time and take a few shots with everyone. At 1am we all decide to go home. I don't remember how we got home which is usual for me. The visitor, my boyfriend and I get back to the apartment and apparently I slapped my boyfriend in the elevator over something. I don't know why. I am not a violent person. I adore him, I don't know why I would slap him. I feel absolutely embarrassed and awful. When we got into the apartment my boyfriend is understandably mad that I am being a angry drunk and he physically restrains me to the bed by the feet, hands, and then handcuffs both my hands to the bed post. I remember him saying he just wants to sleep and he's going to keep me there like that. I suffer from insomnia and take trazadone every night. He comes with my pill bottle and tries to forcibly give me my medication while I am restrained.

I wake up in his bed with these memories. I can't believe what has happened the night before. I feel absolutely awful I behaved like an animal, but I can't make sense of how I feel about being treated like an animal. In my logical mind, I feel I deserved it. I physically abused him. I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. I don't deserve to have a boyfriend after that.

I apologized to him and he accepted it, but I still feel absolutely disgusted by the way he handled the situation. I don't know if I can get the images out of my head. Conversely, I don't know how he can get the images of his head of me behaving like an absolute animal. He admitted he felt serious stress seeing me so out of character with his friend staying with us.

I just can't believe I am in this situation. I know it's up to us on what to do. I guess I just need to type out some of the thoughts going through my head. I don't know who I was in that moment and I don't know who he was.
Ryli C is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2017, 5:07 PM   #2
Member
 
topher's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 25
What you've described is deeply troubling. He falsely imprisoned you, then forced you to take a sedative. You need to consult a lawyer specializing in domestic violence. Please take stock before resuming any contact with your boyfriend.
__________________
"A lie is sweet in the beginning and bitter in the end, and truth is bitter in the beginning and sweet in the end."

P.ositive M.ental A.ttitude
topher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2017, 11:45 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3,168
First of all you say you have no idea how you got home and that is normal for you so I say you need to stop drinking immediately. You may not be an alcoholic but you are a problem drinker if not remembering how you got home is a usual occurrence when you drink.

Now your boyfriends behaviour was outrageous. More outrageous than yours. It's not like you were attacking him with a knife and threatening his life, and even if you were the normal response to that would be to call the police, not lock the person to the bed and medicate them. Yes slapping your bf is unexcusable and indefensible but I seriously doubt that your bf was in any real danger or felt afraid of you. On the other hand his behaviour was extremely threatening and scary. Handcuffing you and forcing you to take medication, medication that should probably not be combined with alcohol. That's crazy and if I were you I would never feel safe with him again. Another reason to stop drinking immediately as you can't trust him when you are not fully in your right mind.

I really think you need to consider if you want to continue this relationship. I definitely would not. A lot of people are really good at hiding a mean streak until opportunity strikes. When someone crosses a boundary like that and you allow it, it's like giving them the green light to escalate.
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2017, 3:54 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
I apologize, I meant to type unusual for me to not remember. But yes you are correct, if I end up in situations like this I absolutely will stop drinking. I appreciate your advice. He and I often play with handcuffs and restraints, but that's not the same in my mind as using them forcibly against someone against their will. I guess that's why it seemed like grey area, that and I'm so jumbled with emotions over it, I have a hard time making sense of it all.

Thanks again for the perspective.

Last edited by Ryli C; 14th June 2017 at 4:05 PM..
Ryli C is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th June 2017, 4:33 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 7,080
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryli C View Post
I apologize, I meant to type unusual for me to not remember. But yes you are correct, if I end up in situations like this I absolutely will stop drinking. I appreciate your advice. He and I often play with handcuffs and restraints, but that's not the same in my mind as using them forcibly against someone against their will. I guess that's why it seemed like grey area, that and I'm so jumbled with emotions over it, I have a hard time making sense of it all.

Thanks again for the perspective.
It's not a grey area. Anything done within the kink area must be done with prior discussion and consent.

If you were really that much out of control, his response should have been to call the police. Not take matters into his own hands.
topher and Ryli C like this.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Complex FWB case. Feeling strange. may_girl Dating 4 15th January 2014 9:53 PM
Very complex situation K86 Friends and Lovers 5 4th June 2013 10:48 AM
Complex Situation Chani The Other Man / Woman 14 8th August 2010 2:16 AM
Strange and complex situation with a friend guilt_and_regret Dating 2 27th August 2007 10:48 AM
complex situation....... holaguys Breaks and Breaking Up 15 19th October 2004 9:33 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:59 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.