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Should I file a police report?


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Old 28th May 2017, 6:12 AM   #1
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Should I file a police report?

I'm 25yrs old and was in a relationship with my ex for 5yrs. It was my first real relationship. Through out it he cheated and I had become depressed, and a big factor of it was him putting me down constantly or making me feel like I wasn't good enough. After 6months of being broken up we decided to try to be friends, which was a mistake. I still had some things to say to him bc I never really stood up for myself in the relationship. And we met up and we talked. While we were both sitting on his bed the talk turned into an argument. He kept telling me to stop speaking and when I didn't he put his hands around my throat firmly, but not choking me, pushing me down on the bed. I was in shock and froze up for a minute. I didn't know what to do. It was late at night and I couldn't go home bc the commute was 2hrs long. So I just sucked it up and stayed. The next morning I was hoping he would apologize or have some sort of remorse but all he did was blame me for what he did and said I should've known better. I'm heartbroken and still in shock from it happening. My friend says I should file a police report but idk if I should. He didn't leave any marks and I have no proof. No one would believe me. I just need some advice and perspective on the situation. And a side note this was the first time he has ever put his hands on me.
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Old 28th May 2017, 10:24 AM   #2
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You could file a police report, it will make it easier for any future women that he abuses to press charges against him if you start a trail on him now, however I wouldn't expect the police to do much other than take your statement. Best thing for you to do is just stay far away from the guy and be glad that the relationship is over.
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Old 28th May 2017, 1:31 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethw0902 View Post
I'm 25yrs old and was in a relationship with my ex for 5yrs. It was my first real relationship. Through out it he cheated and I had become depressed, and a big factor of it was him putting me down constantly or making me feel like I wasn't good enough. After 6months of being broken up we decided to try to be friends, which was a mistake. I still had some things to say to him bc I never really stood up for myself in the relationship. And we met up and we talked. While we were both sitting on his bed the talk turned into an argument. He kept telling me to stop speaking and when I didn't he put his hands around my throat firmly, but not choking me, pushing me down on the bed. I was in shock and froze up for a minute. I didn't know what to do. It was late at night and I couldn't go home bc the commute was 2hrs long. So I just sucked it up and stayed. The next morning I was hoping he would apologize or have some sort of remorse but all he did was blame me for what he did and said I should've known better. I'm heartbroken and still in shock from it happening. My friend says I should file a police report but idk if I should. He didn't leave any marks and I have no proof. No one would believe me. I just need some advice and perspective on the situation. And a side note this was the first time he has ever put his hands on me.
The police can be seriously useless in regards to domestic violence unless there is clear evidence. I dated a woman whose ex grabbed her by the neck and dragged her across the floor. She called the police and ex-bf convinced them that it was just a misunderstanding. I suspect she didn't advocate for herself as strongly as she could have, but that is for another story....JUST GET AWAY.
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Old 28th May 2017, 8:10 PM   #4
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I work in LE. File a police report and start a paper trail. Most of all, STAY AWAY from this guy. Text or email him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone. If he still wants contact, file in your local jurisdiction for a restraining order ASAP.
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Old 29th May 2017, 12:57 AM   #5
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Thanks for everyone's replies. I really appreciate it. When it happened I had asked him to return the expensive gifts I had given him. I know it was a petty thing to say but I said it out of anger, hurt, and shock in the moment. Didn't think he would do it anyway. He texted me that he destroyed it all and that I should leave him alone because it was all my fault and that I need therapy. I am leaning towards filing a report but I'm scared what he would do if he found out that I did. I had no idea he was capable of taking it that far so I'm not sure how he would react if I did it. A part of me feels like its useless but the other half of me hopes that if he does do it or worse to another person it would help them.
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Old 29th May 2017, 10:09 PM   #6
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Just please stay away from this guy. Block him in every way and go on with your life. Educate yourself about the Cycle of Abuse, codependency and setting boundaries. You have a lot of healing to do.
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Old 12th July 2017, 11:32 PM   #7
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It is better you file a police report or take a legal support. Because he proved like he don't have any repentance for what he had done. Atleast he should have a guilty feeling. So you should teach him that. Once my friend was cheated by his bf and was showing no conscience in his activity, she showed the courage to take help of a sexual assault lawyer in Toronto and thus he was stuck. Be courageous and don't give up till he understands what you are going through now.He shouldnot repeat the same stuff once more.
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Old 13th July 2017, 2:58 AM   #8
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Get it on the record and get as far away as you can. He might really hurt someone one day and your complaint will help.
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Old 13th July 2017, 8:45 AM   #9
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Start with a victim support group and get their assistance to report to the police. It is the right thing to do and it takes back your power. It helps get you in the habit of standing up for yourself and defending your own safety. VSG may also have some good resources or info for you about warning signs, what to do if there is a next time, etc.
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Old 14th July 2017, 5:27 PM   #10
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If you are sure there are no marks, then it's unlikely he'd be convicted, but you filing the complaint might make him think twice about hurting you -- or it could backfire and make him mad enough to hurt you more.

If it will make you feel better, file the complaint, but don't expect him to do jail time because there's no marks and would be hard to prove. If it's his first offense, he wouldn't do time anyway, most likely. Now, if there's a chance he is on probation for anything already, he might actually get in trouble for it.

The MAIN thing you need to do now is cut him off from being able to reach you and stay off his social media and see if that works. If he comes over without invitation, call the police.

If you'd feel better you can make the complaint and ask for an Order of Protection, but remember it's just a piece of paper. if he's afraid of the law or jail, it might get rid of him, but if not, it will only make him madder. It doesn't guarantee police protection. it only puts in place that if he breaks the order and comes around you, then they can arrest him.

I think it's fine if you go report it to the police, but don't be surprised if they are reluctant to have you file a complaint. It will depend on the department and its customs but again, whether they think the DA would then really file charges, which i think is unlikely, but it might be enough to get you a protection order at least.

Do NOT answer his calls, texts, email, and block him from all those, but save anything he sends that is abusive or threatening.

Even though you think there is no proof of his choking you, under a bright light, a hospital might see otherwise, so it wouldn't hurt to go to the ER or doctor and have them examine you but do it soon.
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Old 14th July 2017, 5:29 PM   #11
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Also, please be aware that someone who will choke you is capable of killing you. This is very serious, even more so than guys who hit. Choking someone is a lot more deliberate than someone losing it and swinging. So he is dangerous.
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