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Emotionally Abusive Fiance


Hollywood-Tourist

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hello all,

 

I'm a male and my fiancé (female) has been psychologically, verbally, emotionally, mentally and financially abusing me for a while now. I have now recognised that her actions and behaviour are not normal and in fact abuse is a choice.

 

Here are some things she says/does:

  1. If I don't fold my clothes up neatly every night then she will say in a negative tone "Why aren't your clothes tidy? You are so messy".
  2. If I miss a bit when washing the dishes, she will say that the whole dish needs rewashing.
  3. She will comment on my clothing and if it doesn't look 'trendy enough' for her then she'll say I am dressed like a little boy and know nothing about fashion.
  4. She will brainwash me into not using chemicals to wash my car just because she is 'environmentally friendly'.
  5. If I do housework then it is never good enough for her because in her mind I 'miss bits'.
  6. If I am on a day off from work and she is working that day, she will phone me from her work and in a disapproving tone she'll ask why I'm still in bed and not up!
  7. She say things like "You don't deserve me".
  8. Whenever we have an argument then she will make me feel like everything I say or do is wrong and that she is always right.
  9. I feel like I can't do anything right by her and she treats me like a child sometimes.
  10. She says things to me such as "I'll just do it myself because you'll not do it properly" or "If you are going to do a job for me, then at least do it properly".
     
    Here are some other things she won't let me do:
  11. She won't let me cook for her two kids (from a previous relationship)
  12. She won't let me do the laundry (when I offer to help her/do it whilst she is out)
  13. I have to make her meals in a certain way, otherwise she won't be happy and then she would go and make it herself
  14. She talks down to me and says a lot of put-downs etc. I never moan to her about things and feel like I have always got to be on 'my best behaviour' just incase it upsets her which is very draining.
  15. She doesn't show interest in my interests and won't support me as in attending say a sports game I play in because 'she doesn't want to sit I a field and be cold!!'
  16. She won't attend anything I am in because it doesn't suit her but always, always do I fully support her in her interests and affairs. It is very one sided.
     
    Important to note:
  17. She has never been physically abusive with me nor have I with her.
  18. She has also said that I will never be able to have/hold down a relationship if we split up.
  19. She's been rude and insulting to my family (calling my family thieves and liars) even when there is no basis for this.
  20. She has drained me of all my life savings to hep her pay her bills etc.
  21. I have tried to talk to her about the points I made that were bothering me, but she just shoots me down and gets all defensive whenever I bring up each point.
  22. Everything has to be done her way, to her routine and when she says. It's very much like being under dictatorship.
  23. I have suggested couples counselling to her before but she just says that she doesn't need to go because it's me who is the problem!!
  24. I am the one who apparently is the 'bad guy' and the one who needs to change. She says I am difficult to live with.

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There is a very simple solution . . . don't go through with the wedding.

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Hollywood-Tourist
There is a very simple solution . . . don't go through with the wedding.

 

That was my thinking. I don't want to live with a control freak who makes life difficult and miserable.

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Seriously, you've put a lot of thought into this and you have a very clear idea of what is happening in your relationship. The only thing left to ask is why you would stay with a woman who you feel is emotionally abusive?

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Hollywood-Tourist
Seriously, you've put a lot of thought into this and you have a very clear idea of what is happening in your relationship. The only thing left to ask is why you would stay with a woman who you feel is emotionally abusive?

 

I know in my mind I needed to leave but it was easier said than done.

 

 

It wasn't easy and took a lot of balls to leave.

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stillafool
That was my thinking. I don't want to live with a control freak who makes life difficult and miserable.

 

If you think she is making your life difficult and miserable now just wait until after you marry her then the real misery will come. This is simple: Break up and whatever you do don't marry her.

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Hollywood-Tourist
If you think she is making your life difficult and miserable now just wait until after you marry her then the real misery will come. This is simple: Break up and whatever you do don't marry her.

 

Great advice and I know it doesn't really take a genius to work it out!

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